Client working with best fit mental health professional: a therapist who fits her needs to develop coping skills for anxiety and depression and ADHD symptoms
Managing emotions

What kind of therapist do I need? How to choose the right mental health professional

Written by Here Counseling

It’s a huge relief to finally find the mental health professional who is your “right fit.” Not only will you be able to receive the help and support you need, but you may also find that your overall sense of well-being improves as you work through your unique issues with the guidance of a compassionate and understanding professional. Certainly, when beginning the process of finding the right mental health professional, it can be difficult to know where to start. However, it is well worth the effort.

Sometimes, the decision is simple. If your goal is solely to seek information or a psychiatric medication prescription, then a psychiatrist is likely the best fit. Additionally, if you seek assessment to determine your diagnoses or if you qualify for accommodations, then you likely need a psychologist. However, if you are looking for therapy, then you have numerous options.

Why does it matter which type of mental health professional I choose?

Mental health is an important aspect of overall well-being. Thus, seeking out the right type of mental health professional for your needs can make a significant difference in your journey towards healing and self-improvement. Finding the right fit is crucial. It can impact the effectiveness of treatment and how comfortable you feel opening up and discussing sensitive topics. Presently, in this blog we’ll explore factors to consider when choosing a mental health professional so that you can choose the right type of therapist to best match your needs.

Mental health professionals are trained professionals who provide support, treatment, and care to people experiencing mental health challenges. There are many different types of mental health professionals, each with their own specific training and areas of expertise. Understanding the role of each type of mental health professional can help you find the right support for your needs.

How to Find the Right Mental Health Professional

I hope this chart helps you decide which type of mental health professional best meets your needs. To make an informed decision, I broke this chart down into detailed information about each type of therapist who can help you accomplish your treatment goals for therapy, assessment, or medication.

Mental Health Professional Graph

Types of Mental Health Professionals:

  1. Psychiatrists

    A lot of patients call me and are unsure of whether they need a psychiatrist vs psychologist. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in the treatment of mental health conditions. They can prescribe medication, provide therapy, and order laboratory tests or other diagnostic procedures to help diagnose and treat mental health conditions.
    • Training: They went to medical school, as opposed to graduate school for psychology/therapy. In California they are the only professionals on this list who can prescribe medication. Their training includes 4 years of medical school and another 4 years of residency in psychiatry.

  1. Psychologists

    Psychologists (like myself) are trained in the science of the mind and behavior. They can provide therapy to help individuals understand and cope with their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. They may do this by helping clients process their experience, identify patterns, and develop coping and problem-solving skills to better cope with or eradicate their symptoms.
    • Therapeutic Approach: They may use a variety of therapeutic approaches to help people change negative patterns of thought and behavior. This can include a wide variety of psychodynamic, humanistic, or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). This could include ACT, solution-focused therapy, relational, DBT, and so many other potential modalities. If you are looking for depth-oriented short or long-term psychotherapy with a specialist trained to work with your specific symptoms, a psychologist may be your best fit.
    • Training: Psychologists’ training includes 4-6 years of post-undergraduate additional schooling and specialization that incorporate clinical work throughout. This is followed by 2-3 years of pre- and post-doctoral clinical training. 
    • Assessments: Psychologists are also trained to administer psychological assessments. This involves administering and interpreting tests to help understand an individual’s cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning. If you aim to learn whether you qualify for diagnoses (and associated work or school accommodations), psychologists can conduct a wide variety of assessments.
      • For instance, do you think you might have ADHD? Do you feel you may qualify for many different diagnoses and aim to learn which actually apply to you? If so, then assessment can help you gain these answers as well as receive personalized recommendations about how to more effectively manage or eradicate your symptoms
      Degree Types: It is important to note that there are two different types of psychologist degrees: PhD and PsyD. PhD’s are doctors of Philosophy, whereas PsyD’s are doctors of Psychology. PsyD graduate programs prepare graduates to apply scientific knowledge to working with clients therapeutically. PhD programs emphasize research by preparing graduates to study the theories behind psychological principles and practices. Many PhD programs also require applied clinical training. However, the major difference frequently lies in PhD programs requiring double the research as PsyD’s, and PsyD programs requiring double the clinical work (conducting patient therapy and assessment) as PhD programs.

  1. Marriage and Family Therapists

    Another common question I receive is about the differences between a psychologist vs MFT. Marriage and family therapists are trained to work with individuals, couples, and families to address relationship issues, communication, and problem-solving. They may work with people who are dealing with a wide range of issues. This may include mental health conditions, relationship problems, and parenting challenges.
    • Training: MFT’s are typically the second most trained type of therapist (excluding psychiatrists) after psychologists on this list. Their training includes a two-year graduate program followed by approximately two years of working with clients pre-licensure.
    • MFT vs Psychologist: Ultimately, the decision between a psychologist and an MFT will depend on your specific needs and preferences. If you are seeking support for a specific mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression, a psychologist may be a good choice. If you seek support for relationship issues or to improve communication and problem-solving skills within your family, an MFT may be a better fit.

  1. Clinical Social Workers

    Clinical social workers train to provide therapy, support, and advocacy to individuals, families, and groups. They may work with people who are dealing with a wide range of issues, including mental health conditions, relationship problems, and substance abuse. Social workers often work for organizations that provide community services, such as in government agencies or non-profit organizations.
    • Training: Similar to MFT’s, social workers’ training includes a two year graduate program. MFT’s typically follow this with approximately two years of training in the field.

  1. Counselors

    Many people wonder about the difference between a counselor vs clinical social worker. Counselors can provide therapy and support to people facing a variety of challenges. This includes mental health conditions, relationship issues, and career problems. They may use a variety of therapeutic approaches, such as CBT or mindfulness-based therapy, to help people overcome their challenges.
    • Training: MFT training tends to be more variable. Depending on their qualifications, it often includes a 1-3 year training course followed by clinical work pre-qualification.

So which Mental Health Professional is right for you?

In summary, each type of mental health professional has different training and qualifications. Therefore, it’s important to find the right fit for your needs. It’s important to choose a mental health professional with whom you feel comfortable and safe. Trust and rapport are key to the therapeutic relationship. Therefore, it’s important to find someone whom you feel comfortable talking to about personal issues. Most mental health professionals offer a free consultation call to discern goodness of fit. Remember, if a therapist feels you are looking for something beyond their scope of practice, they should discuss your options. They may refer you to the type of mental health professional that is most likely to best meet your needs. Keep in mind, may take some trial and error to find the right fit. However, the effort is worth it for the benefits of effective treatment.

Understanding the Letters Behind the Name (PhD, LMFT, etc)

Understanding the letters behind a therapist’s name can help you decipher which type of professional you are reading about when you see someone’s title:

Psychiatrists:

  • Doctor of Medicine (MD)
  • Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (DO)

Psychologists:

  • Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) in the field of psychology
  • Doctor of Psychology (PsyD)

Counselors and Therapists:

  • LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
  • LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor
  • LCADAC, Licensed Clinical Alcohol & Drug Abuse Counselor

Social Workers:

  • LICSW, Licensed Independent Social Workers
  • LCSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
  • ACSW, Academy of Certified Social Worker

Finally, remember that it’s okay to take your time and be selective in your search for a mental health professional. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Finding the right person to work with can make all the difference in your journey towards healing and growth. So, when you’re ready to take the next step and begin therapy or seek assessment, fill this out to schedule a free consultation call. Begin your journey today: contact a therapist

 

Shannon N. Thomas, Psy.D.
Shannon N. Thomas, Psy.D.

I work with individuals and couples struggling with ADHD, anxiety, vocational, or relational issues who seek to thrive emotionally, individually, and relationally.

LEARN ABOUT SHANNON
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Managing emotions

How to have Holiday Conversations with Family

Written by herecounseling

Times around the Holidays can be a mixed bag of emotions. With the joy and excitement around this time of year, there may also be anxiety and the anticipation of hard conversations with family members and loved ones. We have all felt that pressure, regardless of dynamics, connecting with loved ones can be difficult. 

However, maybe it’s about reframing your mindset around these talks. Instead of assuming it will be hard or uncomfortable, why not go into these environments with a few topic ideas? Let’s give a few tips and tricks for navigating your holiday conversations. 

Choose your Holiday audience wisely. 

It may not be beneficial to talk to your conservative uncle about the political climate as it always results in tension or resentment. Go into conversation knowing that the other is a safe person for you, even if that circle is small. 

How do you choose who is safe? Ask yourself these questions before the gathering: 

  • Who here makes me feel heard? 
  • Where do I feel cared for? 
  • Am I accepted by this person? 

Pick topics that add connection than isolation around the table. 

There’s not an issue talking about what you do for a living or if you’re in a relationship, but these kinds of questions can feel singular and dry and somewhat uncomfortable to answer. Adding in some vulnerability offers an open space for warmth and connection, without feeling too pointed. 

Asking questions with intention can sound like this: 

  • Who in your life are you enjoying time with? 
  • What are you finding fulfillment in these days? 
  • What activities have you been excited about lately? 

Small talk topics don’t have to be so forced. 

Personally, small talk bores me and I can’t bring myself to tune into what the other person is saying. Questions about the weather or latest news only get you so far. But small talk can be intriguing and fun if you take a different take on questions. 

Taking an interest in the lives of others with small talk questions like these: 

Ask about their routines! 

  • Their morning or evening routines create a layer of connection and you may find some inspiration to try something new in your own routines. 

Low stake debates. 

  • Do you think the Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie or a Halloween? What fashion trends should never come back in style? Asking fun, engaging questions lightens tension and feels inclusive with others.

Heres the bottom line. 

Holidays can feel hard when we let our anxiety, past interactions, or history outweigh what’s in front of us. Remember, it is not your responsibility to keep the energy in a room flowing but it is your responsibility to manage your own. 

If all of this feels overwhelming, if the holidays are painful for you, please reach out to our offices to set up a consultation. After all, the Holidays are meant to be spent in community and we hope to be here for you. 

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Man with ADHD procrastinating distracted from remote work.
ADHD, Managing emotions

5 ADHD Myths Debunked

Written by Here Counseling

When you’re diagnosed with ADHD, it can be difficult to discern facts from reality. The same is true if you are in the contemplation phase; wondering if you qualify for an ADHD diagnosis can be difficult while sifting through all the misinformation on social media that is perpetuated across the internet and pop-culture. Here I explain the reality behind the five main ADHD myths I encounter the most when working with new clients who struggle with symptoms of ADHD.

ADHD Myth #1: “You’re just lazy”

One of the biggest misconceptions about undiagnosed people with ADHD is that they just aren’t trying hard enough. Over half of the patients with ADHD I work with have been blamed for their untreated symptoms. Do any of these statements sound familiar?

  • “You’re just not trying hard enough!” 
  • “Everyone else can get it done in time!” 
  • “You just need to be more determined.”

These are fallacies! Not to mention incredibly damaging and demoralizing. The reality is that there is NO psychological correlation between ADHD and laziness.  Lack of effort is NOT a symptom of ADHD. In fact, most people with ADHD work harder than their neuro-typical counterparts because of the symptoms they’re knowingly or, too often, unknowingly combating.

ADHD Myth #2: Symptoms include…”

If you have TikTok or Instagram then you probably haven’t managed to avoid the endless cycle of videos explaining what ADHD looks like.

Social media would have us believe that everyone qualifies for an ADHD diagnosis. Now, social media has done a great job of raising awareness about disorders that people may otherwise not have thought to explore, get tested for, and treat. 

However, they also contain a lot of myths about ADHD. I’ve lost track of how many completely incorrect symptoms I’ve heard on social media, from symptoms that actually indicate other disorders altogether to “frequent tripping.” 

The truth is, whenever you want to learn the specifics of psychological disorders, social media is such a mixed bag of fact and fiction that you’re likely to encounter too many of they myths we’ve discussed so far. 

Instead, consult with a psychologist or the DSM. The DSM is our Diagnostic Statistical Manual, which we use for differential diagnosis. It describes the symptoms of every psychological disorder and how many of them you need to experience in a certain time frame to qualify for various disorders and specifiers. 

In short, there are three subtypes for ADHD:

  • Predominantly Inattention Presentation
  • Predominantly Hyperactivity Presentation
  • And ADHD, Combined Presentation

Depending on how many of each type of symptom you meet, you can be diagnosed with one of these specifiers. In a future blog, I’ll break down each of these specifiers in greater detail. In the meantime, you can check the DSM (our current version is the DSM-5-TR) to learn more.

ADHD Myth #3: “Adderall is always dangerous and addictive”

A lot of people have concerns about taking medication for ADHD. This isn’t incorrect, but there are also a lot of myths about the statistics of how medication can impact you. In short, there are numerous types of medications that can be used to treat ADHD. Some of these are stimulants, such as Adderall and Ritalin, and some are non-stimulants, such as Wellbutrin and Stratera which can also be used to treat depression. 

  1. Just as psychologists are the experts on therapy, psychiatrists are the experts on medication. Your psychiatrist can provide education about the different types of medications and which may be the best suited to your specific needs and concerns. 

Adderall is a class-A stimulant, which is why it needs to be carefully monitored by your psychiatrist. It certainly has the potential to be addictive, and can be dangerous due to its side effects such as appetite suppression which can lead to dangerous weight levels. 

However, if used correctly and monitored responsibly, many people find Adderall to be highly effective to help mitigate their symptoms. But, then there’s the other side of the coin…

ADHD Myth #4: “Adderall is a magic pill; it fixes ADHD”

Adderall is not a one-stop-shop magic pill that will get rid of your symptoms. It won’t suddenly make you stop procrastinating or maintain focus on what you feel that you should be focusing on. However, many people find that it can give you a choice. In other words, it can help you feel capable of, for instance, maintaining attention, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t still capable of procrastinating just like a person without ADHD can.

    Some people do find that Adderall feels like this “night and day” experience that drastically helps them manage their symptoms. If you try it and find that is not your experience, remember that there are plenty of medication options and that plenty of people try various medications or dosages before finding the right fit.

    I like to recall the mantra that a psychiatrist I used to work with utilized when advising patients beginning ADHD medication: start low, go slow. 

    ADHD Myth #5: You grow out of ADHD, it’s “a childhood thing”

    This popular myth may have stemmed from the fact that, in order for a psychologist to diagnose you with ADHD, your symptoms must have manifested prior to age 12. So yes, ADHD must be present in childhood, but it isn’t confined to childhood. 

    Some people do find that their symptoms lessen with age. Some people needed medication while in school, for instance, but find it less necessary to take medication in later life. 

    Remember, however, that many people do not find that their symptoms decrease as they age. Many people report that they discovered coping mechanisms to aid their ADHD symptoms, which may contribute to them feeling that their symptoms lessened as they got older. These strategies may include the following, which I’ll expand upon in a future blog:

    • Breaking larger projects down into its minor components
    • Setting reminders for daily or important tasks 
    • Taking regular breaks when studying or working, such as employing the Pomodoro technique
    • Making their work/study environment as distraction free as possible
    • Using rewards to motivate themselves
    • Identifying and utilizing an “acountabili-buddy.”

    Next Steps

    Separating the myth from reality is key when learning about your new or suspected ADHD diagnosis. ADHD is a diagnosis with a high percentage of comorbidity, which means that people with ADHD sometimes also have another diagnosis, such as Anxiety, Depression, or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

    When the line between myth and reality becomes murky, it can be difficult to discern which diagnosis (if any) is currently impacting you. That can make it hard to figure out the best “next steps.” These next steps likely include working with a psychologist to be assessed for ADHD and learn if you qualify for a diagnosis. A psychologist will help you develop behavioral strategies to alleviate your symptoms or differentiate the impact of multiple diagnoses. Your psychologist may also help you meet with a psychiatrist to learn if medication could help you manage your symptoms more effectively. My hope is that this blog will help dispel some myths, arm you with truths, and help you begin to discern the next step that will be most beneficial for you. 

    Don’t know if you have ADHD?

    I can help you answer that question.

    A clear assessment can make all the difference in your life. Find out how we can help you

    ADHD Testing Options

     

    Shannon Thomas, PsyD
    Shannon Thomas, PsyD

    I work with individuals and couples struggling with ADHD, anxiety, vocational, or relational issues who seek to thrive emotionally, individually, and relationally.

    LEARN ABOUT SHANNON
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    Managing emotions

    Am I Too Stressed? 3 Indicators Men Don’t Notice!

    Written by Here Counseling
    Stressed man worried about his relationships

    Stress hits every individual differently, regardless of gender orientation or expression. But men struggling with too much stress often adopt negative coping skills that may not always be obvious. These negative coping skills, such as irritation, escape, unhealthy eating, and maladaptive digestion to name only a few, can effect way more than just your mental health. 

    Stress is sometimes good. It can keep you motivated to get your work done, stay social, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But chronic stress results in health complications that can limit your quality of life.

    Here are the physical, mental, and emotional signs that indicate you’re at risk of developing chronic stress.

    What are Physical Indicators of Stress in Men?

    We often think of stress as worry or fear of that upcoming deadline or of checking off enough items on the to-do list. But often we fail to realize that stress comes with many physical symptoms as well.

    Chronic stress is evidence of an overactive fight or flight response which, by nature, draws your body’s attention away from important functions like digestion and immunity, and instead increases your heart rate, muscle energy, and breathing. Chronic stress can therefore increase infection risk and slow healing, and cause problems in your gut and nutrition absorption. 

    Physical indicators of stress:

    • Chest pain
    • Irregular heartbeats
    • Elevated blood pressure
    • Body weakness or fatigue
    • Shortness of breath
    • Muscle spasms
    • Neck or lower back pain
    • Vertigo or Dizziness
    • Tension Headaches

    In addition, you may also experience:

    • Tightness in the throat
    • Increased thirst or mouth dryness
    • Teeth grinding or locked jaw
    • Frequent sweating
    • Abdominal cramps
    • Digestive issues such as constipation, diarrhea, or indigestion
    • Skin problems such as acne or blemishes
    • Weight gain or loss

    If you’re experiencing any physical signs of stress, do not ignore them. Find the right therapist and visit your doctor to make sure you’re not suffering from any underlying medical issues.

    What are the Psychological Indicators of Stress in Men?

    When your body is under the influence of stress, it produces hormones like cortisol, affecting your thinking pattern.

    Stress also blocks the release of happy hormones from your brain, such as serotonin and dopamine.

    Psychological indicators of stress include:

    • Lack of sleep or insomnia
    • Social withdrawal
    • Inconsistent sex drive or libido
    • Constant mood swings
    • Fidgeting or irritability
    • Frequent hunger pangs or starvation
    • Escape to alcohol or other substances
    • Diminished productivity or creativity

    If you find yourself checking off items from these lists, check out Kristi’s recent post on 3 tried-tested ways to clear your mind. It’s pure gold! And if you find yourself craving extra guidance, reach out to us for a free consult. 

    What are the Emotional Indicators of Stress in Men?

    Whenever stressed, your brain tends to entertain irrational beliefs. These unhelpful thoughts can cause incredibly painful emotions, and sometimes harmful choices that can lead you down a direction contrary to what you imagined for yourself. 

    Emotional indicators of stress:

    • Regular crying spells
    • Staying at home more than usual
    • Avoiding friends or family
    • Saying “no” to activities you usually enjoy
    • Frequent nightmares
    • Obsessive or compulsive behaviors 
    • Escape to alcohol or substance use

    Find ways to bring oxygen to your difficult emotions by opening up with safe individuals. By releasing tough feelings from your body, you free your body to return to its baseline, peaceful functioning. 

    Does Stress Make You Sick?

    With your fight or flight system calling the shots, your body’s ability to maintain your physical health is hijacked. This can put you at risk of cardiac disorders, gastrointestinal disorders, increased virus risk, sexual dysfunction, or other physical difficulties. 

    Here’s the bottom line:

    Stress disrupts every phase of your life and snatches your independence by putting you at a higher risk of developing multiple mental and physical disorders. If you’re experiencing a majority of the above-mentioned physical, mental, or emotional factors, you might be at risk of chronic stress. 

    You owe it to yourself to seek help. Visit your doctor to insure you aren’t suffering from a medical condition. Feel free to reach out to me or the other therapists at Here Counseling if you’d like an experienced guide on your side as you navigate your way out of chronic stress. 

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    Anxiety, Managing emotions

    Navigating stress as a college student

    Written by Here Counseling

    This week, a 12am deadline came on the same day a super cute someone invited you to the event with the film club after class. And last week, hours of YouTube searches didn’t help you narrow down between your 3 top potential majors. You know you need to navigate between sleep and deadlines and family and dating and maintaining friends, but it all seems too much. 

    Being a college student comes with a fair amount of stress. Trying to balance these never ending elements can make us feel like we aren’t measuring up. What’s worse is that during such periods of stress, our brains are primed to adopt a negative self-monologue. 

    Turn down the stress voice

    Underneath these negative monologues is an unhelpful belief about the self. See if any of these messages fit with your experience, or if perhaps you can come up with one not listed:

    “I’m alone.” 

    “I’m not good enough.” 

    “I’m not safe.” 

    “I’m not loved.” 

    Take a moment to reflect and analyze what your recent train of thought has been. Asking yourself these questions, could help you narrow it all down: 

    • How has it made you feel? 
    • Do you have that constant trepidation that everything is going to get worse? 
    • Are you replaying all the ways certain people or events have made you feel like you’re not good enough? 
    • Do your dreams feel far from reach? 

    Raise the volume on your empowerment voice

    Slow down for a moment. Take a look at how far you’ve come. It’s easy to focus on how much you’ve not done or the mistakes you’ve made. 

    You cooked dinner for yourself? That’s amazing. 

    Came to class even though you were emotionally exhausted? You’re doing your best. 

    Have you fought the onslaught of negative words? That’s bravery.

    In taking the chance to celebrate your wins, you adopt a more empowering self belief. See if any of these empowering identity messages fit for you, or if perhaps you can come up with one not listed:

    “I have plenty of support around me.”

    “I’m good at many things.”

    “I can be safe with healthy boundaries.”

    “I know people who love me.”

    Try spending the first 2-5 minutes of your day celebrating what’s right in your life and what that means about your empowering identity message. You can go on preparing for your day. Celebrate all the wins you can in this time. Clap for yourself; applaud your endeavors, high five your mirror reflection! 

    Live in your newfound empowerment. 

    Think of these identity volumes as operating frameworks. When you step into the day from the framework of “I’m not good enough”, you second guess decisions, taking a long time to make any choice. Perhaps you’ll avoid talking to someone you find attractive. And sitting to write that term paper feels like running a marathon. 

    When you increase the volume on your positive identity beliefs such as “I’m good at many things”, you experience the confidence to step out of your comfort zone. You discover an empowerment to make good choices quickly. You find that the term paper doesn’t bring as much stress as before. 

    Knowing when you need therapy

    Choosing to alter your operating framework to a more empowering self belief is not so simple all the time. Very often, we need to pick apart our life stories and our present stresses in order to understand and even believe what is truly positive and strong about who we are. This journey of exploration can easily be facilitated in a therapy setting. In therapy, we’ll peer underneath the messages and events holding you back from the goals you’ve set for yourself, uncovering and dismantling their negative power on your progress. 

    Fill out a contact form or call our office to set up a free 15-minute consultation if you’d like to discuss how therapy could help you navigate through the stresses of college life. 

    Gavin Cross, LMFT
    Gavin Cross, LMFT

    Counseling for men and couples
    I empower men and couples to embrace an authentic sense of self.

    Website Link Here!
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    Managing emotions

    How to Find the Right Therapist for You

    Written by herecounseling

    I know it might sound a little wild but finding a therapist is a lot like dating. Think about it: you go through the classic online searches and scrolls, you ask your peers if they have anyone in mind, and you spend a considerable amount of time and money getting to know potential prospects in the hopes that something clicks. 

    “Therapy can be an important investment in your mental health. Finding the right therapist will benefit you immeasurably for life.”

    If you have felt like the journey to find “the one” has been overwhelming and seemingly impossible, you are not alone. There are plenty of things that do not work when finding a therapist. However there are some great things that do! Below are three tips to help you find that match for you: 

    Knowing what to look for in a therapist can feel never ending. Let’s narrow it down!

    1.) Get clear about what you are hoping to find in therapy. 

    There are many different types of therapy to choose from and some may not work for your needs. Even if your friend swears by their therapist, your needs may be different. It’s important to ask yourself questions before getting out there to search. 

    These questions can sound like: 

    • What trauma am I needing to heal? Whats my reasoning for seeking therapy?
    • What kinds of therapy are helpful to that healing? 
    • Am I in a place where I can accept hard truths about myself? 

    Bottom line here is that we know ourselves well enough to know when something feels off. It’s important to take time to process these feelings and experiences as you start your search. Use this time for self reflection and make a list of needs!

    Your needs are important to your healing

    2.) Search for a therapist based on your area of need. 

    Now that you have answered those harder personal questions, it’s time to start your search. Begin by researching clinicians in your area and narrow down a few that look promising and call to set up a few consultations. 

    Here are some helpful links to reference in your search:

    Helpful Hint: Remember the dating rule 

    It’s okay to date around here! Make a few appointments with different people, schedule a second if you feel comfortable. At the end of the day, it’s more about how you feel about them than how you think they are viewing you. Ask about their practices, their training and be clear with them about what you’re expecting from your experience. 

    Look for a therapist, not just therapy

    3.) Understanding that therapy is not a one size fits all 

    Hard to believe, but not every therapist will work for you. Like dating, you may think they are nice to talk to but if they are not able to provide what you are needing in order to grow, it’s okay to move on. It can be a timely process so remember to be patient and understanding with yourself and others as you navigate this journey. 

    Once you find a therapist that clicks with you, it’s time for the harder work to begin. Therapy is not the end of a healing journey but the very beginning. It won’t always feel good and it can be hard to hear what your therapist has to say.

    Maybe framing it this way will be helpful: 

    “You don’t go to therapy, you go to a therapist. Ultimately, it is not the manual used treatment that will be helpful and meaningful to you, it will be a specific person who has walked through this journey with you.”

    The goal of therapy is to walk away knowing you have taken the proper steps to care for your mental health. Finding a therapist that aims to guide you in that journey, makes all the difference.

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    Managing emotions

    Is this normal teenage moodiness or depression?

    Written by Kristi Wollbrink

    Am I overthinking my teen’s moodiness? 

    Teen years are some of the most essential years for development and also bring a great range of experiences. Sometimes, in the midst of these many changes, teens may display an increase in expressions of emotional highs and lows. The teenage years are a time of self exploration and development which can feel exhilarating! On the other side of this, there can be a deepening of experiences that feel uncertain and can involve feelings of lowered self worth and depression. While it is normal for teens to experience a variety of emotions, it is important to be aware of what may be a sign that your teenager could be experiencing a depressive episode. 

    Before you assume depression, look deeper 

    You may be asking yourself whether or not your teen is experiencing what would be considered normal changes in temperament and mood within these teenage years – or if this could be an indicator of depression?  Often parents of teenagers find themselves worried that they may be brushing things off, when in fact the things they are seeing are something that needs greater attention and concern.  Other times, parents find themselves feeling anxious that they aren’t doing enough and fear that they may miss some important sign that could signal greater danger for their teenagers personal well being. Having some clearer guidelines for knowing when things fall outside of the normal range can help you to know if your concerns for your teenagers behaviors are signs of depression.

    It could be helpful to use these three simple indicators to help in understanding if your teenager is experiencing a depressive episode.


    How long is too long for my teen’s mood?

    Change in mood can happen for a variety of reasons, especially in the years of adolescence. However, the difference here is a matter of consistency. It is important to note that just because a teen may seem a little more reserved or withdrawn it does not necessarily indicate the presence of a depressive episode. Teens often have times when they will be more withdrawn or tend to pull back in their normal interactions at home. This can often be a natural shift toward the importance of peers or other relationships in their lives. A good indicator of a change in mood that may be of greater concern for your teen is that of

    • experiencing a low or diminished mood for two weeks or longer
    • continued sadness
    • feelings of hopelessness
    • tearful spells
    • displaying a lack of desire or engagement in activities that they find pleasurable

    Is my teen’s mood effecting their daily life?

    It is important to consider the effects regarding changes in mood and behavior, including any of the following changes:

    •  significant change in weight or a change in appetite
    •  change in sleep patterns: either a decrease in sleep patterns (difficulty falling or staying asleep) or increase in sleep (greater than the normal range of 8-10 hours of sleep)
    •  consistency in feelings of fatigue or lack of energy
    •  lowered ability to concentrate or difficulty in making decisions on a consistent daily basis
    •  the feeling of lowered motor physical ability or feelings of physical sluggishness happening nearly every day

      These may be things you hear your teenager complaining about or may be things that you or others are noticing for your teenager. If at least two or more of these are present and happening nearly every day, then this may be an indicator that your teen is experiencing something greater than just a normal change in mood.

    How is their mood impacting their academic and social performance?

    The change in functioning is one that is also very important to consider for your teen.  A question you may want to consider is how the change in your teens mood is affecting their ability to perform normal daily activities. Some things to consider for this include:

    • if the change in their mood has had an impact on their school attendance or punctuality, the ability to maintain part time work of any kind
    • their ability to maintain their social or peer engagements such as normal activities at school, church or other social activities.
    • change in mood is having any effect on their level and engagement in usual self care such as hygiene and personal care, or ability to make a keep a schedule (ie eating regular meals or completing required homework).

    Understanding the changes that your teenager may be going through can prove difficult. Ensuring that your teen has the support they need to help them to understand what they are experiencing can be essential.  I would love to set up a time to be able to schedule an initial consultation to help your teen find what they need to navigate their teenage years.

    Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT 
    Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT 

    I help teens and couples decrease anxiety to find meaningful connection.

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    Fighting with your partner? How to restore connection today

    Written by Kristi Wollbrink

    Are you having that feeling that somehow your partner just doesn’t seem to really understand, no matter how many times you try to tell them what you’re feeling? You ask them to be sure to let you know if they are going to be home late, yet they continue to do this. It infuriates you and it becomes another fight. Couldn’t they just take the time to send a text?

    Why is this always the fight?

    It’s in these moments that one can begin thinking something like “this is just how things will be” – and we find ourselves giving up hope that connection will be restored.

    Often times our attempts to solve the problem feel like they keep causing further frustration and the feeling that things didn’t really change. This may be because we are not addressing the issue that is truly the source of our frustration.

    Learning to fight the issue, not your partner

    For each of us, there is a desire to know that we have secure attachments. Finding where we can feel safe and can be loved, even at our worst. At times something interrupts our feeling of security and safety with the people we are closest with, and we find ourselves feeling a sense of threat to our well-being. This can cause us to react in an effort to thwart the threat that is detected.

    • If our spouse doesn’t respond to our request for communication, it may be triggering an internal feeling of lack of safety. We may not feel that we are in any physical danger, but there is a feeling that we are not valuable in the relationship. This becomes the primary source of concern, and we begin to find ourselves trying to protect our need to feel safe and secure.

    As you are able to slow down and understand what it is that is really going on, you can then utilize these steps to help communicate your needs more directly.

    • Take time to slow down and ask yourself what it is that the other person’s words or actions brought up for you.
    • Name the emotion or feeling. It can help to utilize assertive expression to help in explaining what it is you want to communicate (which can help to limit blaming) and instead express your feelings clearly. An example of this might be: “When you didn’t give me a heads up about coming home late, it made me feel not valued and not important.”
    • Allow time for your partner to respond and really listen to them. If needed, repeat back the feelings you had in the situation without placing blame on them or dismissing your own experience.

    Bottom line, restoring connection should remain the focus

    It’s important that we are able to notice and express our own experience, rather than pointing fingers or trying to defend ourselves. In doing so, you can move into a place of understanding your emotional experience. By helping your partner better understand the impact of these interactions, your connection will increase and further establish safety and security.

    At times, it can be helpful to have a therapist or other professional who can help you to identify these deeper emotional experiences as a way to help increase your feeling of connection within your relationships.

    Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT
    Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT

    I help individuals and couples decrease anxiety in order to find meaningful connection.

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    Managing emotions

    LGBTQ Emotion Regulation: 4 Powerful and Simple Tips to Survive any Reaction to your Queerness

    Written by Here Counseling

    Being Queer is something that you’ve worked hard to embrace. You’ve accepted your identity as a fact that you can’t and don’t want to change, and this level of self-acceptance has come with some major benefits.

    • Your anxiety and depression have decreased. 
    • Your understanding of yourself, your dreams, and your likes and dislikes have all increased.
    • Your friendships are rich and complex because you are living as your authentic self.

    But while you’ve bulleted forward on your path of understanding and self-acceptance, you’ve left others behind- family members and former friends that you wish would understand and accept you more than they do. When you’re confronted with the vast difference between how far you’ve come and where your loved one is, it can make you feel like the gains you’ve made don’t matter. However, this cannot be further from the truth! Emotion regulation can help when you’re in these situations.

    Queer Empathy

    You likely have a high sense of empathy due to the ways you now understand yourself. As an LGBTQ individual, you have likely spent upwards of hundreds or thousands of hours contemplating your identity, what it means, and how to exist in a world of heteronormativity and cisnormativity. 

    Your family (unless they also identify as LGBTQ) has likely not spent nearly this many hours on the topic. This may mean that some of them are stuck in ways of thinking that have been dictated to them by broader heteronormative culture, and others may be deeply entrenched in an anti-queer bias that seems relentless. 

    Emotion regulation to survive reactions to your Queerness.  

    Whether a loved one makes an innocent but uneducated comment, or a hateful comment meant to degrade, your emotions can easily get hijacked. It’s important to take a step back and have a quick conversation with your thoughts and emotions to remain centered. 

    4 CRUCIAL QUESTIONS TO REGAIN EMOTIONAL CENTEREDNESS

    1. WHAT DOES THIS INTERACTION MAKE ME BELIEVE ABOUT MYSELF?

    Behind our anger, our sadness, our disappointment, is a negative self-belief in response to our loved one’s actions or words. The crucial first step in emotion regulation is to ask yourself- what is the negative self-belief message that you are getting from this interaction. Some of the messages that you might be receiving are:

    • Something’s wrong with me.
    • I’m not loved.
    • I don’t matter.
    • I’m not wanted.
    • I’m not safe.

    There are many other potential negative self-belief messages that could be attacking you. Listen to your heart and mind, and name which one(s) plague you the most often. 

    1. WHEN I BELIEVE THIS WAY, HOW DO I NORMALLY RESPOND?

    Negative self-beliefs are brutal. These messages really want you to self-sabotage. It’s important to know the behaviors and emotions these negative beliefs try to get you to adopt. Typically, a person tends to respond to these messages similarly each time these beliefs come up. The more you ask yourself these emotion regulation questions, the more solid your skills will become. Here are a few examples of unhelpful responses you may experience in response to negative self-beliefs:

    • Anger, retaliation
    • Self-medication (drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, video games, etc.)
    • Running away, escape
    • Self-hate, self-blame
    • Fatigue
    • Depression
    • Body symptoms  
    • Stress
    1. WHAT’S TRUE ABOUT ME?

    Now it’s time to fight the negative self-belief. In this step, you want to search for evidence that the negative self-belief is untrue. As an LGBTQ individual, it’s also important in this step to ask yourself if the loved one is truly a safe person for you. Many heteronormative individuals have never had to confront their own thoughts, beliefs, and values about Queer identities. Because of this, they may need some time and education in order to change beliefs and decrease problematic comments or responses. For others, their anti-LGBTQ bias may be so entrenched that they may never be safe to be in a relationship with. You might find that this step of searching for truth looks different for the two following categories of truth statements.

    With individuals who want to understand but aren’t there yet:

    • This person seems curious, and that curiosity makes me feel seen. 
    • This person is communicating that they love me and I feel loved. 
    • I have this person’s attention. I am important.
    • This person seems shocked, but maybe they just need time. They’ve shown me in the past that I really matter to them.

    With individuals who show no interest in understanding or accepting me:

    • I’m loved. The people who love me are not in this room, and that’s okay.
    • This sucks but this will end and I can leave. I can choose to walk away at any point.
    • My journey matters. I won’t abandon it.
    • This is not a safe topic with this person, but I have others I can speak with openly.
    1. IN LIGHT OF THIS TRUTH, HOW DO I WANT TO RESPOND?

    Having fought the negative self-belief with evidence of what is true about you, you are now empowered to take control from the negative self-belief and step into the confidence and peace you long for. Some affirmations to move forward are:

    • I will exercise patience and understanding with those putting in an effort to understand and love me. 
    • I will walk away from dehumanizing interactions when I need to, knowing that at the end of the day I still matter. 
    • I will spend extra time thinking of and appreciating those who truly care about me. 
    • I recognize that I know my body, soul, and experience better than someone who has never lived my story. 

    How do I know when I need more than emotion regulation- do I need therapy?

    Look, I get it. You’re a queer individual in a heteronormative and cisnormative world. You want to love yourself well and be free to love others authentically. Sometimes, we need a little help getting there. You can always ask a therapist for a free consultation to see if therapy could be a good fit for you. 

    Stand in your strength!

    Incorporate the 4 questions of emotion regulation into your routine when dealing with difficult conversations. 

    1. What does this interaction make me believe about myself? 
    2. When I believe this way, how do I normally respond?
    3. What’s true about me?
    4. In light of this truth, how do I want to respond?

    Remember that you have so much value. Negative self-beliefs want you to ignore your value, but it’s always there. Tap into that truth and stand in the confidence and strength that you deserve.

    Reference:
    Hargrave, T. D., & Pfitzer, F. (2011). Restoration therapy: Understanding and guiding healing in marriage and family therapy. Routledge.

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    How to Break Up with Your Therapist: End Therapy if it’s Not the Best Fit

    Written by Here Counseling

    Want to break up with your therapist? To break up with your therapist, reflect on your reasons, choose your method (session, email, or call), prepare what to say, and communicate clearly. You don’t need a termination session if you feel unsafe. This article will answer your questions about how to approach terminating therapy.

    There are many reasons why therapy or a specific therapist may no longer be a good fit for you. You have the right to end therapy and your therapeutic relationship at any time, but it might be difficult to identify the reasons for ending the relationship or how to end the relationship. This article will empower you in your decision to continue or end therapy. 

    First, I want to go over some of the reasons that you may choose to end therapy or end your relationship with a therapist. This is not an exhaustive list, so there may be other reasons that influence your decisions, but I hope it helps illustrate some of the reasons.


    Why do people break up with their therapist?

    • Your therapist has done harm to you or the therapeutic relationship. This could be something like your therapist not taking feedback well, or something like making a sexual advance. Further below, I’ll discuss the process of filing a complaint against your provider if they have done something unprofessional, unethical, or illegal.
    • You don’t feel like your therapist is a good fit for you. Maybe they don’t have a lot of experience in the issue that you want to work on, or maybe a new issue has come up that your current therapist isn’t as familiar with. Perhaps you began therapy to talk about conflict in a relationship, but now you want to focus on the trauma that you’ve experienced and that is not your therapist’s area of expertise.
    • Maybe your therapist has brought up that they are not the right person to provide the support that you need. Your therapist may recommend that you see another therapist for expertise in an issue, utilizing a specific modality, or for a better fit.
    • Your financial circumstances have changed. The session fee is no longer in your budget.
    • You’ve outgrown therapy. When you started therapy, you had goals of things you wanted to change or process. Part of therapy is assessing your progress and goals. If you’ve reached your goals and don’t have others to work on, you might have outgrown therapy for right now.
    how to break up with your therapist

    How to Break Up with Your Therapist

    When you decide to end therapy, you do not owe anything to your therapist. If your experience in therapy has been negative, or you feel unsafe with your therapist, you do not need to have a termination session with them. You can end therapy with a phone call or email. 

    If you feel safe having a termination session with your therapist, it can be a good time to process the course of therapy with them- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    You get to decide if you want to be done with therapy (like if you’ve outgrown therapy), or if you are interested in finding a therapist who is a better fit for you and your needs.

    Sample Scripts for Ending Therapy

    • My needs are no longer being met in this therapeutic relationship.
    • My goals for therapy have changed, and I’d like to work with a therapist who can focus on {this specific issue}
    • I was hurt in this situation between us, and I’m not happy with the way it was/was not resolved. I’m not comfortable continuing to work together.
    • My financial situation has changed, and I can no longer afford your fee. Do you have any sliding scale spots available, or could you provide me with referrals to therapists with lower fees?
    • I’ve reached my therapy goals, and I’d like to take a break from therapy or be done with therapy.

    Steps to Break Up with Your Therapist

    1. Reflect on Your Reasons

    Take time to identify why you want to end therapy (e.g., unmet needs, discomfort, or financial changes).

    2. Decide on the Method:

    Choose whether to have a termination session, send an email, or make a phone call based on your comfort and safety.

    3. Prepare Your Message

    If having a session, plan what to say. If writing or calling, draft a clear, respectful message.

    4. Communicate Your Decision

    Inform your therapist firmly and politely, whether in person, by email, or over the phone.

    5. Discuss Next Steps

    If needed, ask for referrals to other therapists or instructions for transferring records.

    6. Follow Up

    Tie up loose ends, such as final payments or confirming referrals.

    File a Complaint

    If you chose to break up with your therapist because they have done something unprofessional, unethical, or illegal, you can choose to file a complaint to the Board of Psychology against your therapist or psychologist. In California, you can file a complaint through this website. If you aren’t in California, you can search for “file a board of psychology complaint in {insert your state}.” The Board of Psychology regulates the licenses and ethics of mental health clinicians. If you want to know more about the process of filing a complaint, Open Counseling wrote a helpful article.

    You Deserve Support

    We hope that this article is empowering to you as you think about what is best for you and your mental health. If you are looking for a therapist, consider our therapists! Learn more about them at this link.

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