Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how hard you try to make a change, you are just not able to “get it right” in the relationships and with the people that matter to you the most? You might find yourself worried all the time, holding back in your interactions, second-guessing yourself, or even finding that you want to give up because you feel so uncertain about if things will get better.

You might be having a depressive experience.

Feeling depressed in a relationship may look like this:

  • you internalize responsibility for all of your mistakes
  • you find yourself ruminating on your words and actions
  • you feel exhausted after being with your partner
  • you avoid conflict

One of the first steps toward change is naming the myths that often contribute to feeling depressed in your relationships.  

Could one of these common myths be keeping you stressed or depressed in your most important relationships?

Myths that may be Keeping you Depressed in your Relationship

  1. “I have to get it right all the time.” It’s impossible for us to do things perfectly every time, especially when talking about relationships. Instead, it is crucial to recognize that we will have ups and downs and let those be ok and normal.  
  2. “I always mess things up.” When we make a mistake, it can be easy to go back to a headspace of feeling like all we do is mess up. However, this mindset overlooks everything that has gone well in our relationships and the value we add to those relationships.
  3. “My relationship doesn’t look like “their” relationship.” Comparing ourselves and our relationships with what we see around us is typical.  But sometimes, comparison can cause us to begin to believe that somehow we aren’t measuring up or that we are the only one for whom things are difficult.  Everyone has difficulties, and sometimes we may need to remind ourselves that there isn’t one way to be in a relationship. 

Once we recognize the myths we may believe, we can change these thoughts and decrease the stress that keeps us feeling depressed in our relationships.  

As you begin to shift some of these thinking patterns, you can move away from your hesitations and worries. From here, you can continue taking steps toward a greater sense of ease and connection in your relationships.

Identifying the myths that may be keeping you feeling depressed is an essential first step in the journey toward feeling less depressed and moving toward more profound, more intimate connections. 

When Therapy may be Helpful for your Relationship

Therapy may be a helpful step for individuals or couples struggling with finding deep intimacy in their relationships. A therapist can provide a safe space and support to help you identify the myths that have you feeling depressed and help you move forward toward finding the sense of connection you have long desired.  

Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT
Kristi Wollbrink, AMFT

I help individuals and couples decrease anxiety in order to find meaning and connection.