Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions

EMDR Tapping at Home: How to Do Self-Administered EMDR Tapping for Stress Relief and Relationships

Written by Here Counseling

Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions or the people in your life? EMDR tapping is a simple technique you can do at home to calm your nervous system and feel more emotionally grounded. Whether it’s a parent with different views, a frustrating coworker, or a partner’s quirky habits, EMDR tapping can help you create new connections in your brain for greater emotional peace.

It’s easy to get stressed out by the people around us. That’s where EMDR tapping comes in—a simple technique you can do at home to reduce stress and manage negative emotions. EMDR tapping, also known as self-administered EMDR or tapping EMDR, can be done easily at home to manage triggers from relationships. Whether it’s a parent with different views, a frustrating coworker, or a partner’s quirky habits, EMDR tapping helps you create new connections in your brain for better emotional peace.

  • You have a parent with a different political or religious perspective than you.
  • Your coworker consistently finds ways to push your buttons.
  • Your partner can’t seem to understand how to squeeze the toothpaste correctly.

Whatever it is, you’re a living, breathing unique individual in a world full of living, breathing unique individuals, and all of that interaction is hard. That’s where EMDR tapping comes in: a way to create new connections in your brain to help you navigate emotions well.

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What is EMDR Tapping? Understanding Bilateral Stimulation and Tapping EMDR Techniques

The negative experiences in your past create a code in your brain, coaxing you to feel stressed, depressed, or angry in response to certain triggers. EMDR tapping is a therapeutic process that helps you re-access these memories to change the code, helping you discover the peace you long for. This is achieved through stimulating the left and right sides of the brain rhythmically, something you can do with simple actions like tapping your knees in an alternating pattern.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) mimics REM sleep’s left-right eye movements through tapping, helping reprocess memories. Studies show it reduces PTSD symptoms effectively.

Memories are likely stored in the brain during left-right eye movements that occur while we sleep, and EMDR appears to mimic this process in order to heal the effects of negative memories, whether we are conscious of those memories or not.

Remember that situation that was stressing you out? You can practice the bilateral stimulation from EMDR at home to turn down the negative volume of this trigger in your life.

Benefits of EMDR Tapping at Home for Trauma and Relationships

EMDR tapping at home offers several advantages for managing everyday stress and deeper emotional issues:

  • Reduces anxiety quickly by reprocessing negative triggers.
  • Builds positive neural pathways for healthier responses to relationships.
  • Provides a self-empowering tool for mild trauma symptoms without needing immediate professional help.
  • Improves emotional regulation, helping you stay calm during conflicts.
  • Supports overall mental well-being, similar to how full EMDR therapy aids in trauma recovery.

How to Do EMDR Tapping at Home: Step-by-Step Guide for Self-Tapping

Step 1: Imagine your distress.

Who’s that person you want to get along with better? What’s the emotion you feel when you bring their face to mind? Try to really feel it. Make their face vivid in your mind until the pain becomes present. Now take a distress measurement, where 0 is no distress and 10 is the most distress you can possibly imagine. Write this down.

Step 2: Find your mental safe place.

Close your eyes and wander. Perhaps you’re walking along the ocean. Maybe you’ve found a hidden temple in the forest. As we distract your fight, flight, or freeze response with this safe place, choose a positive intention that combats the negative emotion in the previous step. Perhaps it’s “I’m worth it,” “I’m a hard worker,” or “I am loved.”

Step 3: Tap your knees.

Begin tapping your knees, alternating between left and right. Keep this slow, about 1 tap per second, keeping in mind both your safe place and your positive intention. Stay in this moment, relaxing if you can, for the next 5 minutes. Now take a deep breath, take another distress score from 0-10, and stand in power knowing you’ve taken a small step towards bettering the relationships in your life.

For EMDR self tapping, try the butterfly hug if knee tapping feels awkward—cross your arms and alternate taps on your shoulders.

Person demonstrating EMDR tapping points on knees

EMDR Tapping Points: Where and How to Tap for Effective Results

EMDR tapping points focus on bilateral alternation rather than specific meridians, unlike EFT. Common EMDR bilateral spots include knees or thighs for easy access, the butterfly hug (crossing arms and tapping shoulders), or hand taps on alternating sides. Tap at 1 per second for calming or faster for processing. Unlike EFT, which taps on acupoints like the forehead or under the eye, EMDR tapping points are chosen for their ability to create rhythmic stimulation across the body’s sides.

[Image: Illustration of EMDR tapping points including butterfly hug with alt text “Step-by-step guide to EMDR tapping points at home”]

Quick Guide to EMDR Tapping at Home:

  • Tap your knees alternately for 5 minutes while focusing on your safe place and intention, then re-rate your distress.
  • Identify a stressful situation or person and rate your distress (0-10).
  • Visualize a safe, calming place and choose a positive intention (e.g., “I am loved”).

EMDR Therapy vs. At-Home Tapping: When to Seek Professional Help

Perhaps you wonder if you should take the next step into therapy. Are you stuck in the same thought patterns and nothing seems to help? Maybe you’ve spoken with a friend and don’t feel much better. Maybe you took a day to pamper yourself but find you’re still depressed. Or maybe you feel engulfed by the same relational patterns that seem to get you nowhere.

While EMDR tapping at home is great for mild stress, full EMDR therapy with a professional is recommended for deep trauma. It could be time to look into EMDR therapy. I help people make sense of their past to find hope for their future. Click on my information below for more information. For more on certified EMDR practices, visit emdria.org.

EMDR Therapy makes a difference where it matters most

You long for peace in your relationships. You hope to be less fazed when your parent doesn’t understand. You want to focus on yourself and your efficiency when your coworker says something ridiculous. Remember these three steps. Take them with you on your bathroom break. Use them in bed to help you sleep after a difficult argument. See how empowering changing the code of your brain can be.

When NOT to Use EMDR Tapping Alone 

While self-administered EMDR tapping can be helpful, there are times when it’s best avoided without the support of a professional:

  • You’re dealing with intense trauma or PTSD
  • You experience flashbacks or panic attacks
  • You feel emotionally “numb” or dissociated
  • Your emotional response becomes too intense to handle

In these cases, self-administered tapping could stir up unresolved pain without a way to fully process it. This is when the support of a licensed EMDR therapist is essential.

Recover from past trauma through EMDR Therapy

In therapy we partner together to help you achieve your goals. We start by identifying the core issue you’d like to work on. Then we approach the issue using EMDR techniques, helping to resolve the traumatic experience. I’m confident that the issue you’re facing can be overcome. Take the first step by clicking below and learning more about our therapists who practice EMDR:

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FAQ: Common Questions About EMDR Tapping

What is EMDR tapping?

EMDR tapping is a technique using bilateral stimulation to reprocess negative memories and reduce stress, mimicking REM sleep processes.

How to do EMDR tapping points?

Focus on alternating taps on knees, shoulders (via butterfly hug), or hands. Tap rhythmically at about 1 per second while holding a safe place in mind.

Can I do EMDR at home safely?

Yes, for mild issues like daily stress, but for severe trauma, consult a professional to avoid re-traumatization.

What’s the difference between tapping EMDR and EFT?

EFT involves tapping on specific meridian acupoints with affirmations, while EMDR uses bilateral taps to stimulate brain sides for memory reprocessing.

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Anxiety, COVID, Managing emotions

Therapy from Home: Practicing Serenity During Quarantine Chaos

Written by Here Counseling

When faced with what we cannot control, we can often feel stressed, aimless, and defeated. Sometimes we then try numbing ourselves with things like junk food, Netflix, or alcohol. A single chocolate bar won’t hurt, but relying on these to cope can end up leading to bigger problems long term in terms of dependency issues or not reaching our goals.

In these times of difficulty, I’ve found myself turning to an old saying: seeking to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Some of my material is adapted from Marsha Linehan’s work on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You can find more of her material on her website.

If you can solve it, solve it

When we feel defeated, we need some wins. So ask yourself – what are some small things I can change today to make my world a little better?

We can also do a lot to help in terms of our physical health – and being physically unwell can make us more vulnerable to intense emotion. Try:

• Balancing your eating, and limiting binge snacking
• Setting up a sleep routine
• Limiting or avoiding substance use
• Take any medications prescribed to you
• Go on a walk or exercise at home
• Reach out to a friend who you can confide in, or a friend who makes you laugh

It can be easy to get stuck

Sometimes when people face tough problems, they feel upset, but they don’t do anything to help themselves feel better, or they act impulsively and hurt themselves or others. This is also going to keep you stuck in even more pain and suffering than you were in before, and keep you from moving forward.

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

If we can’t make things better, and we don’t want to make things worse, we are left with accepting reality as it is. Sometimes we mix up acceptance and complacency, or giving up.

Acceptance does not mean:
• That you like it
• That you deserve it
• That you don’t try to change what you can

Acceptance means we open our hands and our hearts to whatever the day may bring: the good, the bad, and the ugly. We allow the world to be as it is, instead of numbing ourselves so we don’t see it.

Don’t do this alone

Now is the time to come together with loved ones. Reach out to a trusted friend, check in on your family members, and get in contact with a therapist, especially if you’re finding yourself using impulsive actions or numbing to get through quarantine. We’re all in this together – reach out today.

Ashley Holcomb, PsyD
Ashley Holcomb, PsyD

I help individuals and couples overcome the patterns that keep them from experiencing closeness in relationships.

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Anxiety, COVID

Therapy from Home: Managing a Panic Attack

Written by Connor McClenahan

Panic attacks can be scary. People experiencing panic attacks can often mistake it for a heart attack: pain or tightness in your chest, shortness of breath, and racing thoughts.

In this video, I’ll walk you step-by-step through a panic attack.

  1. Set a timer. Panic attacks often last between 15-60 minutes.
  2. Practice box breathing. I’ll walk you through how to breathe when you’re having a panic attack.
  3. Practice mindful sensory exercises. I’ll take you through sensory exercises which help put you back “in your body” and regulate anxiety.
  4. Reflect and learn from your experience. I’ll walk you through how to learn from the panic attack so you are less likely to have a panic attack in the future

Help during social distancing and quarantine

This video is part of a series – Therapy from Home – a resource we hope you use to help you get access to mental health during the quarantine. In this time of isolation and fear, we want to make sure you can get the help you need, even without scheduling an appointment. Please check back in to our COVID-19 resource page for more videos like this to help you address emotional and relational difficulties from your home.

Connor McClenahan, PsyD
Connor McClenahan, PsyD

I help lawyers and other professionals overcome difficult emotions and experience meaning and purpose in their lives.

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Anxiety, COVID

Dealing with Anxiety in the Age of the Coronavirus

Written by Here Counseling

With the coronavirus on everyone’s minds, social media pages, and news channels, it’s a scary world out there.

“Should I buy more toilet paper?”

“Is this runny nose a symptom?”

“What if my kids’ school closes?”

“How will I pay my bills if I can’t work or run out of sick days?”

Many of us are feeling anxious and unclear about what the coronavirus may mean for our health, our loved ones, and our finances.  Some are taking to stocking up on paper goods, while others post silly memes to mock them in an attempt to bring some balance.  Plenty are avoiding the news all-together.

Though having anxiety about the coronavirus does not necessarily mean having an anxiety disorder, we can use some of the same lessons we learn from managing anxiety to manage our corona-stress.

Neither panic nor avoidance will make your stress go away.

When we avoid something stressful, it never really goes away, it simply gets pushed down.  Then, when we are most tired, irritable, or even hungry, it pops back up as anger, panic, stomach pain, sleep problems, etc.  Panic and avoidance are actually two sides of the same coin.

Your anxiety is there for a reason

Your body and brain were made to help you avoid bad things happening!  If you see a wild bear coming toward you, and your brain and body do not become afraid or anxious, you don’t run away in time!  Anxiety is meant to help you see possible threats in order to do something about them.

So what should I do about it?

As difficult as it may be, we all have to stay aware of what is going on in our communities.  That doesn’t mean reading every story about it online or following how they handle it in Italy – this means knowing what is happening in your community now, and any CDC recommendations or governmental regulations for your area.  Get educated about how the virus works, from reputable specialists.  Start with the CDC Website and start one article at a time, making sure to take breaks in between if you start to feel overwhelmed.  It can be tempting when we start to read every article and go down every rabbit hole, but try to limit yourself to just what you need to know to be safe.

Ok, I’m educated and prepared – what now?

It is in times when we do not know the outcome, and in which the things we care about feel at risk, that we must turn toward our values and our loved ones.  Pick one of these things you can do today:

  • Spend time with your family
  • Call an elderly family member
  • Play a game with your kids
  • Pray, meditate, or engage in another spiritual
    practice, if that is comfortable for you
  • Be a little kinder to your neighbor
  • Do the things that make you feel like your best
    self

If you find that your stress is overwhelming you, reach out for support to a loved one or consider talking to a therapist.  We’re all in this together – let this be a time where we lean into what matters.

Ashley Holcomb, PsyD
Ashley Holcomb, PsyD

I help individuals and couples overcome the patterns that keep them from experiencing closeness in relationships.

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Anxiety, COVID, Managing emotions

Protecting Your Mental Health During the Coronavirus Era with the Help of Telehealth

Written by Here Counseling

Experiencing feelings of isolation, panicking about the scarcity of resources, and fearing for one’s health can be overwhelming during this time of uncertainty. Due to the threat of Coronavirus, we are being forced to alter the way we interact with colleagues, friends, and family, shifting our work and social schedules. Meetings and gatherings have been postponed or outright canceled. Many people are spending much more time in their own homes. This leaves a gap. We are, at our core, inherently social, and loneliness can be as overwhelming as any other trauma.

We need connection, and we can feel when it’s missing.

Working from home is fast becoming a best practice for minimizing the potential spread of COVID-19 within the workplace. However, such a drastic change to your daily routine, coupled with the constant news cycle updates, can put a strain on your mental health.

Rather than waiting to see a therapist “until things calm down,” it is worth exploring an emerging alternative to coming into a therapist’s office – Telehealth.

Teletherapy helps you maintain mental health

For years, telehealth (or teletherapy) has improved access to care for clients with mobility challenges and for those who live too far to travel to their preferred therapist. Now, teletherapy is becoming increasingly relevant as the number of remote workers, or people working from home, is surging.

Teletherapy reduces travel time to and from your therapist’s office, which makes it more convenient for the working professional. It also offers the benefit of being in a comfortable and familiar environment, which can often be helpful for self-expression and reflection. 

HIPAA Compliant Teletherapy Offers Security

Some are reluctant to try teletherapy because they feel that something would be missing from a face to face interaction. With a clear camera and high quality internet connection, we find that, in practice, clients get just as much out of remote therapy as in-person. Others may be concerned about privacy. If this is a concern, make sure your therapist is using a HIPAA Compliant service, like Spruce Health or SimplePractice, that offers a secure connection. This way your data is protected. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed by COVID-19, give me a call. I am a psychologist, and I can help you learn coping skills that will give you peace of mind during this challenging time. I also offer teletherapy sessions using a HIPAA compliant system.

Crystal Clements, PhD
Crystal Clements, PhD

I help people overcome depression and anxiety and experience empowerment in their daily lives.

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Anxiety, Testing and Assessment

Should I worry about my anxiety? How to know when stress is more than just stress, and what to do about it

Written by Here Counseling

Anxiety can be overwhelming.  Though we all feel stress, anxiety disorders can cause a person to become agitated, restless, or excessively worried over something others may see as small.  Anxiety can come in many forms, whether it’s

  • Feeling your heart pound and palms sweat
  • Negative self-talk
  • Avoiding social situations
  • Difficulty sleeping and calming down
  • Racing thoughts and difficulty concentrating

You may not know whether what you are feeling is typical stress, or signs of an anxiety disorder, and that feeling of not knowing brings its own discomfort and additional stress.  

When we don’t know, we google. 

And when we google, we can find that there are many types of anxiety, as well as other disorders in which anxiety plays a part.  If you weren’t feeling anxious before, you may feel even more anxious as you flip through online pages of diagnosis after diagnosis.  There are some online anxiety tests, and they can be helpful as a starting place to help learn more about anxiety, and to see whether it may be helpful for you to seek professional help.  However, online tests have limits.

You’re probably feeling more anxious than normal when you read through a list of symptoms or diagnoses, and that may impact how you answer the questions.  Secondly, sometimes the way things are written is not clear. For example, these quiz questions often ask about how often a symptom occurs without providing context – how often is “often” or “sometimes”? Lastly, even if an online quiz can tell you with 100% certainty that you have an anxiety disorder, it may not be able to link you to treatment with a quality mental health professional, nor provide treatment recommendations that are tailored to best fit you.

Pros of Taking an Online Anxiety Test

  1. Learn basic information about anxiety.
  2. Get a starting point to understand your own emotions
  3. First easy step toward deeper self understanding
  4. Free, or low cost.

Cons of Taking an Online Anxiety Test

  1. Possible misdiagnosis
  2. General, often not validated (accurate) questions
  3. Not able to recommend appropriate treatment
  4. Difficulty understanding results
  5. Incomplete, limited results or insights

Knowing yourself is a key part of understanding how to take care of yourself, but figuring yourself out can be a complicated and uncomfortable process.  I’ll explain a few ways to get started on your own, as well as ways we can help.

Take an anxiety quiz or read an article online

Though they have their limits, those online anxiety tests can help us start to learn the lingo around anxiety and start to get some ideas about ourselves.  There’s a lot of them out there, so I would begin with any that come from any reputable clinics or universities. For example, here’s a page from Mayo Clinic on common signs of anxiety, or an article from Harvard on the difference between stress and anxiety.  In terms of quizzes, this quiz from Mindspot gets around the “how often” problem by providing more concrete terms, which may help you be more exact about your symptoms.  I also like this one from ADDitude, which provides more detail about what each of these symptoms means.

Start a Journal

Often our thoughts and feelings happen so fast that we have a hard time organizing them.  Journaling is a great way to slow down our minds and put our complex thoughts, feelings, and patterns out on to paper.  It doesn’t have to follow a standard format. For some people, just simple bullet points with their thoughts and feelings about a situation can be helpful to start to see patterns.  Find a format that works for you and work to integrate it into your regular routine. This can also help you see if your anxiety tends to happen in any kind of pattern, as well as help you answer those pesky “often” and “sometimes” questions with more accuracy. When you write, reflect by asking yourself:

  • When did I start feeling this way?
  • What events today contributed to how I’m feeling now?
  • What feelings do these words communicate?
  • How much do these feelings affect my well-being, on a scale from 1-10?

Consider psychological testing

At Here Counseling, we provide quality psychological testing that can help you better understand what makes you tick.  Psychological testing is a professional service that uses empirically validated measures to draw conclusions about your emotions and behaviors.

Our professionals will explore with you your concerns about anxiety, design a set of tests tailored to your needs, and provide personalized and concrete recommendations to help you with your anxiety.  These tests can provide so much more than a quick online quiz, as we conduct a thorough interview to see patterns in your anxiety or in your history, look at other personality traits that may contribute to anxiety or be sources of strength to help you combat anxiety, and check for any other concerns that could be linked to anxiety.  Let’s understand how psychological testing works.

  1. Initial interview. A psychologist will ask you about the questions you want answered about yourself. These can range from questions about a specific diagnosis, such as ADHD or Bipolar II, to questions about your personality and relationship patterns.
  2. Testing. You’ll come back in for a few hours of testing in which the psychologist will help you complete hand-picked, curated measures that together create a cohesive picture of your functioning.
  3. Report writing. The psychologist writes a report with significant findings from the measures and draws conclusions in order to clearly shed light on the testing question.
  4. Feedback session. The psychologist will sit down and explain the results of the test, and also recommend next steps for accommodation or treatment.

Having a professional working with you to give you accurate and helpful information has the potential to transform your life and move you closer toward your goals. It takes the pressure off of you to figure out the problem, so that you can take the right steps forward toward healing, health, and wholeness. Reach out today, we’re here to help.

Ashley Holcomb

Ashley provides psychotherapy and testing in our downtown Los Angeles office.

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Anxiety, Managing emotions

Panic Attacks: Manage anxiety and return to calm

Written by Connor McClenahan

Panic attacks can be frightening and overwhelming. Many people worry about what’s happening to them, and they don’t know what to do to make it stop. We’re going to take you step by step through everything you need to know about anxiety, panic attacks, and some simple steps you can take (even today) to start resolving a panic attack.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is a sudden, painful collection of anxiety symptoms. Panic attacks often involve extreme tightness in your chest, a fast heartbeat, rapid breathing, and intense fear. Many people mistake panic attacks for heart attacks. Most panic attacks last for 15-60 minutes. After the intense period of anxiety, the pain decreases, and people usually feel exhausted from the heightened state of arousal. 

Panic attacks can be debilitating. Many people who experience panic attacks often worry about going out with friends, to work, social situations, or the grocery store. They worry they’ll have a panic attack in public and won’t be able to control their anxiety.

What Do Panic Attacks Feel Like?  

Panic attacks come on quite quickly and can be extremely overwhelming. Here’s how people often describe their panic attacks:

  • I’m afraid. During a panic attack, you will likely experience debilitating fear or sheer terror. 
  • I feel physically shaken. Panic attacks cause a variety of physical symptoms, including chest pain or discomfort, lightheadedness, or nausea. 
  • I feel like I’m dying. Many people who have panic attacks describe feeling as though they are dying. 
  • I can’t think straight. In the grip of a panic attack, you might have trouble making decisions or remembering simple things. 
  • I’m afraid I’m going to have a panic attack in public. Many people who experience panic attacks often will avoid public spaces for fear that they’ll have an attack in public.

How Anxiety works in your body

panic attacks

Before we can understand panic attacks, we need to understand how your body is built to handle anxiety. Anxiety is not a bad or destructive feeling. In fact, anxiety is the body’s natural and helpful response to a threat in the environment. Anxiety is like a fire alarm that signals your body is feeling unsafe. The anxiety response follows a normal rising and falling path, like a river. Let’s take a look at what happens in your body when you feel anxiety, and how your body calms itself and returns to normal.

  1. When your body senses a threat in the environment, your amygdala —the fear center of your brain—sends a signal down your spinal cord to your heart to increase its speed and tension. Your body then prepares to fight or run away, as if your life depended on it.
  2. Your mind scans your body and notices there’s tension in your heart and muscles. It recognizes your tension as a response to something scary, and —if it’s not a life-threatening threat—begins to soothe itself.
  3. Like a river, your mind flows down a familiar track for how to soothe anxiety. Depending on how you deal with anxiety, you might take a deep breath, remind yourself of your value, cry, tell yourself that it’s going to be okay, or ask for help. These skills are acquired by having care-givers who consistently respond with empathy and soothing to our anxiety. Essentially, those experiences created the river, the way we know how to sooth ourselves when we’re anxious.
  4. While you soothe yourself, your vagus nerve stimulates your heart, slowing it down, releasing tension, and helping you feel open and collected again. 
  5. Part of the soothing process is that you’re able to recognize why you were anxious. Because you feel calm, you’re able sense of your life and learn about what you’re needing.

How Panic Attacks Work in your Body

With a panic attack, the above anxiety “river” gets short-circuited.  Let’s take a look at what happens during a panic attack.

  1. Similar to the anxiety response, the first signal of a panic attack is from your amygdala. Your body senses a threatin the environment and sends a signal down your spinal cord to increase your heart rate and prepare to fight or run away. 
  2. Your body then senses your tension in your heart. In a panic attack, you don’t recognize this tension as normal or helpful.  Instead of soothing anxiety, the signal is ignored. The fire alarm is dismissed, not paid attention to. We often ignore the signal by working harder, by scrolling social media, by busying ourselves.
  3. Because the anxiety isn’t soothed, it continues to build inside until a breaking moment: the threat overwhelms the coping strategies. If our normal anxiety response is a river, then a panic attack is like a dam that, after holding back too much water, breaks. 
  4. It’s hard for the body to remain in a panic state for long. After the period of intense breathing, heart racing, and fear, the body will naturally calm itself down usually after 15-30 minutes, though occasionally it can take an hour or more. 
  5. Often the original cause of anxiety is forgotten, due to the overwhelming experience of panic.

Where Do Panic Attacks Come From? 

We’ve explored how panic attacks happen in the body, and it can also be helpful to know why you experience them. First of all, I recognize the limitations of a blog article to tell you – a specific and unique person – why you experience panic attacks. However, after treating many people in Downtown Los Angeles with panic attacks, here are some common themes I see in my practice. Panic attacks are often the result of: 

  • Ignoring stress. This is a common theme for people who suffer from recurring panic attacks. When they experience anxiety, they don’t pay attention to the feeling. Instead, they feel they’re being “weak” or “complaining”, or they feel guilty for needing to slow down at work. Instead of soothing their stress, they ignore it. They’re afraid to slow down or to take time for themselves to listen to the anxious feeling. Often when a person experiences a full panic attack, it’s after days, if not weeks, of suppressing (pushing down or avoiding) clear signs of being overwhelmed. While this strategy can work short term, your body needs a way to actually calm down and soothe itself.
  • Not getting help. Self-care is sometimes a dirty word. We can feel selfish or guilty: “Other people don’t need to slow down! Other people don’t take a day off when they’re overwhelmed! I don’t think I deserve to have a day off or to have time to myself.” It can be hard – especially in a culture that expects a lot of us. It’s sometimes difficult to see how well your body and mind can function when you have permission and space to take a breath in, to soothe yourself.

How To Conquer Panic Attacks 

The first step in conquering panic attacks: you can’t stop the panic attack. Now I know that doesn’t sound great. However, there’s a different and better way to help. Returning to that “river” versus “dam” analogy, when the dam breaks, all we can do is allow the feelings to be there. Here’s what you can do, step-by-step:

Set a timer

Most panic attacks last 15-60 minutes. While this experience is painful and sometimes scary, it can help to know that there is an end to the pain. Your body takes a while to calm back down from this experience. 

Accept the experience and allow it to pass naturally

Take a deep breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth, slowly. Allow your belly to fill with air when you breath in. Picture a place you feel safe. Allow the bodily feelings to pass naturally, knowing it’ll be over soon.

Once the panic attack is done, relax

You’ll feel exhausted after the panic attack. Don’t feel any pressure to get up and go. Let your body recover – act as if you’ve just completed a marathon. Drink some tea, put on white noise, eat something healthy.

Take stock of the last week or two

Ask your self what was different this past week. What things in your life have added to your level of stress or responsibility? What other, smaller signals was your body giving you about your level of stress before the panic attack?

Learn to soothe anxiety

Conquering panic means learning to listen to the smaller anxiety signals your body gives you early on. It means practicing soothing, finding that easy flowing river that helps you move through anxiety, rather than dam it up. That’s what we do. We help anxious professionals in Downtown Los Angeles overcome anxiety and live their best lives.

Managing a Panic Attack Worksheet

Want these questions in an easy to use free downloadable worksheet? This worksheet will help you take steps forward in dealing with anxiety. You’ll also get access to all our worksheets in Here Counseling’s Resource Library!

Download Free Worksheet
Connor McClenahan, PsyD
Connor McClenahan, PsyD

I help lawyers and other professionals work through difficult emotional and relational patterns through psychotherapy.

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Anxiety, Managing emotions

Reduce stress at work: Tips from a Psychologist in Downtown Los Angeles

Written by Connor McClenahan

Reducing stress at work is both simpler and harder than it seems at first glance. As a psychologist who specializes in anxiety and works in Downtown Los Angeles, I want to give you a few tips to reduce your stress at work… and be more productive.

Meet Ian. Ian just accepted a new job at a law firm in Downtown Los Angeles. Ian’s excited, and willing to put in whatever work is required to prove his value as a lawyer. The first 2 weeks go well, and while he’s tired, he also gets a bit excited when he gets an email from a client on a weekend – he doesn’t mind replying, after all, it seems to be expected of people at his firm.

But 2 months into his new job, Ian is exhausted. The things that he loves are less exciting. He used to go on hikes on the weekends, but now he needs to be around his phone in case a client calls. He wishes he could couch in at the end of the day and not check email, but he feels an implicit pressure to answer emails immediately, even late at night. Now he isn’t sleeping well, he’s not enjoying things he used to, and he is having trouble calming down.

How do you know if you’re stressed?

Have you ever felt like Ian? Each of us comes up against tasks, whether in our professional or personal lives, that feel too overwhelming. Our anxiety or overwhelm is often a signal that we’re “red-lining”, that our brains are taking in too much information to regulate effectively. While stress is a normal experience, it becomes problematic when the body can’t calm back down. This inability to regulate anxiety is what constitutes workplace stress and overwhelm. As a way to manage the stress, often we work harder. Here’s a list of common behaviors people engage in when they experience chronic stress at work:

  • Taking on more projects, despite busy schedule
  • Checking work email during personal times or breaks
  • Working or responding to email during weekends
  • Social expectation to match work load or habits of others
  • Giving unrealistic deadlines for finishing projects

How many of these behaviors do you struggle with? Often they co-occur – people stressed at work do all of these to a varying degree as a way to reduce their anxiety. The trouble is, working harder to avoid stress doesn’t work – it seems to entrench the person in the same exhausting and stressful pattern. The more you respond to your anxiety by working harder, the faster the train goes, and the more difficult it is to get off. There’s a different way to manage stress: caring for yourself and setting boundaries.

Caring for yourself increases, not limits, your productivity

It’s true. The only way to escape stress is to slow down. And when we escape stress, we actually free ourselves up to work in a more productive way… a way that’s actually backed by neuroscience.

How can this be? We usually think of “self care” or “setting boundaries” as something warm and fuzzy. Something that’s for “me” at the expense of work or other obligations. Yet there’s more going on here. Think about it this way: You wouldn’t drive your car without changing the oil, or getting regular maintenance, especially when the warning lights come on. Caring for your car isn’t simply about making the car feel good, it’s about the reality that a car has a very finite ability to push itself without receiving the care it needs to continue functioning.

Just like a car’s warning lights, when we don’t listen to our overwhelm, we increase our chances of getting sick, suffer from lack of focus and lower energy. You know the feeling, don’t you? I’m sure you’re familiar with how well your body performs on a task when you’ve had good, peaceful rest. The opposite is true when we don’t listen. We start to break down, effecting our mind and body’s performance in all areas.

There’s a few common things our bodies feel when they’re trying to get us to slow down and take care:

  • Lack of energy
  • Lack of focus
  • Irritability at work
  • Inability to be present in personal life and relationships
  • Overeating
  • Undereating
  • Lack of restful sleep

When we don’t listen to these signs, it’s impossible to avoid the cost of overwhelm. The only way to move past these things isn’t more caffeine, or a fresher cold-pressed juice. There’s 2 ways to reduce your stress at work, the short way and the long way. I think you’ll find both apply to most situations of stress at work.

How to reduce stress at work: The Short Way

Your brain is made to swing like a pendulum between two primary modes: active and passive processing. Active processing is when your mind is actively working on a task. Your brain receives, processes, and acts on information it receives from its environment. Passive processing is what your brain does when it doesn’t have a task to do. Rather than turning “off”, your mind actively sorts through all the connections made during active processing, pruning them back and retaining the important details.

If we don’t ever give ourselves room to pull back from a stimulus, our minds struggle to find new ways of approaching a problem and to stay focused on what’s important. When we never pull back from our task, we slowly lose energy, and approach tasks repetitively. Doesn’t sound like the smartest way to work, does it? Here’s some quick things you can do to allow that pendulum to swing back toward passive processing, so you can regain energy.

TURN OFF EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS. 

This is a quick win. You want to protect the time you spend away from your desk, so you can allow your mind to enter passive processing. Turn off email notifications on your phone. In fact, you can experiment with taking email off your phone, that way you’re only checking it when YOU decide to. Take Gmail off your phone, see what it feels like for 24 hours.

WALK.

Put down your phone, and take a walk in the middle of your work day. Maybe that means going out to lunch without your phone, or parking farther away from work so you need to walk. This is an easy way to give your mind space to passively process. Notice the energy you have when you return to your desk.

NEGOTIATE REALISTIC DEADLINES.

You might consider, just as an easy rule to start with, to extend your deadlines for projects by 25%. Most of us have a future bias concerning time, meaning we overestimate the free time we’ll have in the future. Account for this extending your expected time to complete a project. If you finish it early, you’ll have another win. Plus, you’ll be setting a different expectation for others about how available you are.

SET APPOINTMENTS.

Instead of jumping on the phone immediately with a client or colleague, give them appointment slots they can apply for.

“BUT! I can’t do those things!” Let’s think about this. There are some very real things that seem to inhibit you from following this list. You operate within a powerful culture of ceaseless work, constant availability, instant access. I’m very aware that I’m directly pushing back against that.

But let’s think about what happens if you don’t make these changes. There is an unavoidable cost to being constantly available. You’ll likely spend at least 50% of your waking hours at your job during your adult life. And these costs add up. It will be difficult to actually get off on weekends and holidays to enjoy your life. Maybe you can already feel the costs. You feel the exhaustion, the burnout, the “why did I get into this job?” feeling. So what is it worth to you to slow down? Is it worth possibly disappointing your co-workers? Or losing a client? Or having to find a different job?

Slowing down won’t just make you happier, it’ll help you work better too.

How to reduce stress at work: The Long Way

One very common voice that pops up, even as we consider letting go of being constantly available, is “I don’t want to”. The truth is, many of us, for many reasons, don’t want to make these changes. It’s not that we can’t, it’s that we won’t. The mind is like that – sometimes very divided and at-war with itself. We don’t just have a foot on the break pedal, there’s another foot on the accelerator that likes the speed.

Let’s take a look at some of the common reasons people like the speed of the Stress Train:

I enjoy feeling overwhelmed

“People pay attention to me when I’m busy”

“I’m only valuable when I’m busy, I feel good about myself when I accomplish a lot”

“I feel powerful when I’m busy and stressed”

“I’ve always had to do everything for myself, at least I have control over my life”

If I slow down I’m afraid worse things will happen

“People won’t understand my need to slow down, they’ll look down on me”

“People will be angry with me if I don’t meet expectations”

“I’m afraid I’ll be discarded if I don’t produce the value I feel is expected of me”

Now I realize often there are real expectations we’re up against. Our job may require a certain amount of hours or deadlines. Yet if we’re not careful, the employer can unknowingly collude with the parts of us that WANT to pick up speed, pressing two feet down on the accelerator. Only when we’re self-aware can we notice this happening and slow down. Slowing down means being willing to negotiate, to encounter conflict, and even disappoint someone.

So I challenge you today to slow down and care for yourself, no matter how difficult that might seem. Set a realistic boundary, even knowing it might invite a difficult conversation. A more productive and happier life is on the other side.

Connor McClenahan, PsyD
Connor McClenahan, PsyD

I help lawyers and other professionals overcome difficult emotional and relational patterns through psychotherapy.

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