Anxiety

Deep breathing isn’t helping? How to finally stop recurring anxiety

Deep breathing isn’t helping your anxiety

For many, anxiety is a recurring theme, showing up every day like an overstayed house guest. You try everything to avoid the Groundhog’s Day recurrence, only it doesn’t stop. For many, the anxiety shows up unwelcomed and unforeseen through a pain in your chest, tightness, migraines, fast heartbeat, or antsy behaviors like fidgeting, pacing, angry outbursts, sleeplessness… or all of the above. Anxiety can show up:

  • First thing in the morning
  • On the drive to work
  • When logging off work
  • Going to bed

It can impact your relationships, your productivity, and keep you in a heightened state of discomfort.

A common way many people cope is to try to calm themselves. They try everything:

  • Change their diet
  • Change their sleep patterns
  • exercise more
  • track their sleep
  • track their steps
  • track their heart rate
  • take deep breaths, or 
  • distract themselves. 

It’s incredibly frustrating when your efforts only keep the anxiety at bay for a moment before it reemerges, like a firefighter who puts out a fire, only for the house to burst into flames the moment you roll up the hose.

Deep breathing isn’t helping.

Deep breathing doesn’t stop your anxiety from resurfacing

There’s a reason your anxiety keeps reemerging. The more you tamp down your anxiety, the worse it will become. It will get louder and louder. The emotional energy pushing your heart rate up, messing up your sleep, causing you to pace is much stronger and more resilient than any breathwork you can do. For many, the anxiety peaks into a panic attack, IBS issues, back pain, addiction, or relationship problems. 

“Why is this? Why doesn’t the deep breathing or sleep tracking work?” People often ask. “I must not be diligent enough. I’ll double down on my tracking and be more strict about meditation.” 

I see this cycle all the time in my practice. Clients treat their anxiety like a tumor they must remove, or an invasive ivy they must uproot before it takes over. It’s an aggressive metaphor in which we battle against anxiety to try to achieve peace.

Using a battle metaphor profoundly shapes the way we see the problem. In this metaphor, anxiety acts as a villain we need to defeat.

There’s a historical reason some people use a battle metaphor to understand their anxiety.

Early experiences impact your perspective on anxiety

This isn’t your first time handling anxiety, not by a long shot. 

Your first time handling anxiety was when you were a baby. You’d cry, you’d get scared, and you learned a certain way to manage yourself in tandem with your caregivers. For some, they learned an aggressive way to handle anxiety – called avoidant attachment.

These children learned that when in distress, it was their crying that was the main problem to be fixed. “Stop crying or else something bad will happen” was the message reverberating in their minds. Instead of focusing on solving the larger reason for their tears, their parents focused on turning off the tears. 

This strategy teaches a child that their cries aren’t actually useful for solving a problem. They learn to see their cries as unhelpful and disgusting to others, not as signals that something is needing attention.

  • The kid with a splinter who cries out and is dismissed may end up with an infected toe.
  • The boy who bites their lip to keep from crying when they’ve been rejected at school may fail to elicit their parent’s support to make new friends.
  • The young adult who learns to silence their own cries after being unfairly treated by a partner will lock themselves into a hellish relationship.
  • The adult who silences their anxiety may be completely unaware of the ways their life is needing care and mending. 

Instead of deep breathing, reframe your perspective on anxiety

Anxiety is not the villain. It’s actually the signal that will point you toward healing.

I’m aware how that sounds: woo-woo, therapy speak, lofty. But consider it with me for a minute. The reason tamping down a fire alarm doesn’t work is because when there’s smoke, the fire alarm will sound – it’s doing its job to point you toward the fire. 

Anxiety is a signal. It’s fear. It’s telling you you’re feeling unsafe where you are. If we even make this small shift, what starts to come into focus? Why might you feel unsafe? What might feel threatened or fragile or lost in your life?

Take a moment to think on these questions.

Sometimes the answer is immediately apparent: a current relationship, or work stress, or direct worries about finances or job stability. Other times the worry is less apparent: There’s a sense of instability, but you can’t pin it on your current situation. Our minds are incredibly intuitive. Most of the time, our fear response precedes our rational mind. Anniversaries of difficult moments, reaching the age our parents were when a major crisis hit, our own kids reminding us of past trauma, our friends’ situations reminding us of our own pain that needs attention. 

Instead of deep breathing, cultivate curiosity about where your anxiety is leading you

Curiosity is the right stance. You want to be in an open, curious stance toward your anxiety, as this will lead you toward security and healing. 

In fact, you want more than to constantly combat and suppress your anxiety. You want more than constant vigilance about your anxiety. Not only does it not work – it’s overwhelming and frustrating. What you really want is security. Here’s what that looks like:

Secure People Identify Their Pain

Secure people are adept at recognizing when something isn’t right. They don’t see pain as an enemy but as information. They notice the signs of anxiety not as failures but as prompts to dive deeper into what might be causing distress.

Secure People Soothe Themselves

Instead of suppressing their feelings, secure individuals learn self-soothing techniques. This process is something natural to our nervous system. Secure people develop a calming internal presence that reassures them of their value and their safety.

Secure People Ask for Help

Understanding that no one can manage everything alone, secure people reach out for support when needed. This could mean talking to friends, consulting with therapists, or joining support groups where they can share and learn from others’ experiences. On a more immediate level, they express what they feel and get support then needed.

Secure People Create a Plan

Once they understand their anxiety, secure individuals take proactive steps. They don’t just name their feelings and move on. Instead, they listen to their anxiety as feedback about things that might need to change, they set expectations in relationships and work, they plan breaks and self-care activities, and they confront conflicts directly to get resolution. All in all, they listen to their feelings to help them  discern a plan for enhancing overall life satisfaction.

Secure People Help Others

Finally, secure people often extend their understanding and skills to help others. By sharing what they’ve learned, they contribute to a community of support, teaching others how to navigate their own anxieties. This not only helps others but reinforces their own sense of security and belonging.

Anxiety will lead you toward health

Instead of treating anxiety like it’s some intruder to be expelled, and suppressing it with deep breathing, let’s consider it more like that annoying alarm clock that never seems to let you snooze. It’s irritating, yes, but it’s also trying to wake you up to something important. It’s time we stop fighting the signal and start listening to what it’s got to say. 

So, when anxiety next comes knocking, don’t immediately reach for the bolt. Maybe sit with it for a bit, hear it out. You might just discover that what you thought was an enemy is actually your mind’s way of telling you where you need to look next for healing.

I help people with anxiety with psychoanalytic psychotherapy

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End People-Pleasing: How to Reclaim Your Voice and Relationships
Anxiety, Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

End People-Pleasing: How to Reclaim Your Voice and Relationships

People-Pleasing is exhausting

Wrestling with the urge to please others can lead you to say yes when you often want to say no. Whether it’s a boss who overlooks your limits or a partner whose disappointment feels unbearable, many people feel pressured to prioritize others’ happiness over their own. This tendency is rooted in a desire for approval, fear of rejection, and conflict avoidance. While it may seem minor, people-pleasing can heighten anxiety, lead to burnout, and foster resentment in relationships.

As a therapist, I’ve seen how chronic people-pleasing can erode self-esteem, create burnout, and lead to resentment. The good news? You can break free from this cycle. Here’s a guide to understanding and overcoming people-pleasing, so you can reclaim your voice and live authentically.

People-Pleasing is a survival strategy

At its core, people-pleasing is a survival strategy. It often stems from childhood experiences where approval and compliance were necessary for safety, love, or acceptance. You may have learned that in stressful situations, your family needed you to be the rescuer/caretaker of the family. Over time, this behavior can solidify into a belief that your worth is tied to how much you can give or how well you can meet others’ expectations.

You may have received recognition or continue to receive praise for your people-pleasing tendencies. You might be known in your community as “a selfless giver” or as the friend who is available “day and night.” While these qualities may appear admirable, they often come at the expense of your well-being, personal boundaries, and authentic self.

People-pleasing can cause a painful cycle of over-accommodating people you are in relationships with. This can lead to resentment toward your partner and an inability to state your needs in the relationship.

Signs of people-pleasing:

  1. Difficulty saying no – You feel guilty or anxious when setting boundaries.
  2. Constantly seeking approval – Your self-worth depends on others’ validation.
  3. Avoiding conflict at all costs – You prioritize peace over expressing your true feelings.
  4. Overcommitting – You stretch yourself too thin to meet others’ needs.
  5. Neglecting your needs – Your desires and well-being take a backseat.

The Cost of People-pleasing

While accommodating others may feel rewarding in the short term, the long-term impact can be detrimental. Chronic people-pleasing can lead to:

  • Emotional exhaustion and burnout
  • Suppressed anger or resentment
  • A weakened sense of self
  • Strained relationships due to unspoken needs and expectations

It is fascinating to me that the very thing we get external validation for is also the thing that leads to further hurt and strain in our relationships. In your need to accommodate other people’s needs and feelings, you end up missing one of the most powerful elements of relationships: reciprocity. Breaking free starts with recognizing these costs and making a conscious choice to prioritize your well-being.

Strategies to Overcome People-Pleasing

  1. Understand Your Triggers Reflect on situations that prompt people-pleasing. Is it fear of rejection? A need for control? Awareness is the first step toward change.
  2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs Replace thoughts like “I must make everyone happy” with affirmations such as “My needs are valid, too.”
  3. Practice Saying No Start small. Politely decline requests that overextend you. For example, “I can’t take that on right now, but thank you for thinking of me.”
  4. Set Clear Boundaries Identify your limits and communicate them assertively. Remember, boundaries are not about pushing others away but protecting your energy.
  5. Embrace Discomfort Saying no or setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable initially. Lean into this discomfort as a sign of growth.
  6. Reprioritize Yourself Regularly ask, “What do I need right now?” and honor the answer, even if it means disappointing others.
  7. Seek Support Share your journey with trusted friends, a support group, or a therapist. External validation can reinforce your progress.

For Every Giver there is a Taker

A lot of people-pleasers experience a relationship in their childhood where they were asked to give up their needs in pursuit of meeting another person’s needs. This relationship creates an imbalance, leading you to suppress your needs because you believe they are burdensome to others.

In many relationships, especially those involving a people-pleaser, there can be an unhealthy dynamic where one party takes more than they give. Individuals who have unmet attachment needs might rely on others to fulfill them without recognizing the emotional labor or contributions of those they rely on. This can lead to a one-sided relationship where the people-pleaser feels compelled to constantly accommodate the other person’s desires, often at the expense of their own well-being.

This cycle becomes detrimental over time. The people-pleaser may feel overwhelmed and depleted, while the other individual remains unaware or indifferent to the imbalance. The people-pleaser must take a step back and evaluate this dynamic. Having an open and honest conversation about the relationship’s dynamics is vital. They should express their feelings and concerns, emphasizing the need for mutual recognition and support.

A helpful experiment to gauge the relationship’s strength is to begin asserting personal needs more clearly—especially by saying “no” when it’s necessary. Observing the response to this shift can provide insights into how the other person values the relationship. If they react positively and start to accommodate your needs as well, it might indicate a healthy foundation. Conversely, if they respond negatively or attempt to manipulate you back into your previous accommodating role, it can signal that the relationship may not be as balanced or sustainable as desired. Prioritizing one’s own needs is essential in any relationship, as it fosters mutual respect and emotional health for both individuals involved.

Strive for Reciprocal Relationships

One of the most beautiful aspects of relationships is reciprocity, where both partners are acknowledged for their needs. In a reciprocal relationship, each values the other’s feelings, thoughts, and desires, creating a balanced dynamic that fosters understanding and support. This mutual recognition not only strengthens the bond between partners but also enhances their ability to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts. Ultimately, reciprocity ensures that both individuals feel seen and appreciated, allowing the relationship to flourish in a nurturing environment.

Setting boundaries is another key aspect. Establishing limits on what one is willing to give can create space for both individuals to communicate their needs more effectively. It also fosters a healthier exchange of support and care.

These sorts of changes take time. Systems, habits, and relational patterns are hard to recorrect. If efforts to address the dynamic in your relationships don’t lead to any improvement, it might be necessary to reassess the relationship’s viability. Ending a relationship is never easy, but if it consistently undermines one’s self-worth and happiness, it might be the best course of action.

Breaking free from people-pleasing is not about becoming selfish; it’s about becoming self-aware and self-compassionate. As you practice prioritizing your needs, you’ll find that your relationships deepen and your sense of self strengthens. Over time, you’ll discover the freedom and joy of living authentically.

Your Worth is Measured by Reciprocity

Your worth is not measured by how much you do for others, it’s measured by your ability to honor yourself while building relationships rooted in mutual respect and reciprocity. Take small, consistent steps toward reclaiming your voice—you deserve it.

Are you feeling burnt out in your relationships, struggling with anger or resentment, or finding it hard to navigate strained connections due to people pleasing? Your needs are worth the time and space in therapy. Reach out now to schedule a call with me and start your journey toward healing.

Couples therapy in Pasadena with John Allan Whitacre, AMFT

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Anxiety, Somatic Exercises

How to Teach Your Body to Best Calm Your Anxiety

body somatic therapy anxiety

All of us have behaviors that we unconsciously act out when we are worried. For example, if you are concerned about the state of affairs in the world, you might reach for a snack, which results in a distraction from your anxiety. Sometimes, our unconscious behaviors actually double our worry, like when we are concerned about getting a task completed so we fidget with our hands and ruminate over it, going over all the possible things that could go wrong, which results in us feeling more scared and stressed. But your body can actually help alleviate anxiety!

The behaviors attached to anxiety start out as comforting because they give us the sense that we are DOING SOMETHING with our worry, rather than just wallowing in it. These behaviors are also easier to recognize than underlying stressors because they show up in our body. We can use behaviors as signals for our deeper feelings, and work backwards from them to understand and lessen anxiety.

Noticing and changing the behaviors associated with anxiety is a somatic intervention that can unwind the coping methods that we have developed, which no loner serve us. Here are three steps you can take to understand how anxiety shows up in your body, unhook from old habits, and create new patterns that lessen your activation.

1. Notice your body’s actions

If you’re anxious, make a mental note of your body’s actions. Observe your heart racing, the tightness in your throat, your impulse to clean, or play with your hair. Name the action.

2. Notice the emotion attached to the somatic action

Look underneath the action for the hidden emotion. For example, while you tap your pen repeatedly on the desk, see if you can locate the feeling connected with that movement, like fear, overwhelm, or self doubt. Hold that feeling with compassion. Name the emotion.

3. Do something else with your body

Without judgement, get present with the action and emotion. Drop into the moment and breathe. Then, put your body into a different position. You can yawn, stretch, clasp your hands together, walk, jump, dance. Simply doing a different action can reorganize the anxious energy and direct you to a more secure place. Visualize the anxiety shifting as your body shifts.

Remember, your body is yours! If you want to move it, you can. Sometimes, emotions feel like they have taken over but your body is capable of redirecting emotions to feel less powerful. Your body is an amazing organic machine. Let it do what it is meant to do, move!

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woman managing her schedule to become less exhausted
Anxiety

Never Ending To-Do List? How to End Exhaustion and Be More Energized

We all like things to be full.  There is something that comes alive in me when I have a full plate of food, or see that my movie popcorn is overflowing with buttery goodness.  It’s also certain that most people love the feeling of a full bank account after payday.  

The same feeling of satisfaction can happen with scheduling. We think we’ll feel excited when we fill weeks full of meetings and tasks and the plethora of calendar to-dos.  This satisfaction that happens when we see our popcorn bucket overflowing may very well also come alive when we have a day filled with activity.  Yet in the midst of this sense of purpose and satisfaction that comes with a week full of to-dos, there is often moments when we find ourselves exhausted and desperate for a way to escape or shut down rather than enjoying all the things that our schedules may hold.

Why we exhaust ourselves with scheduling.

This delight may be just the thing that keeps us filling our daily schedules and calendars.  Yet, there is this reality that while we keep finding our agenda full to the brim we may simultaneously be noticing just how exhausting this is.  This often creates a space that is desperate to slow down. 

If we ignore this deep need to slow down it lead to seeking relief in any way we can.  

Having a full calendar and what feels like an endless list of things to accomplish may very well be the thing that has kept you moving forward and able to be the successful student or employee that you are.  There are many benefits of having a healthy level of commitments and the impact of this on feelings of satisfaction and happiness.  It is often our weekly routines and commitments that give a sense of security and accomplishment which connect into feelings of purpose and value.

But there is a limit to how much of this continual pressure we are able to sustain and still maintain our own well-being.  

When we find ourselves feeling like the hamster wheel of life has no way out, these are the moments when our natural instinct will lead us to seek out relief in any way that it can. 

How to notice when you are overwhelmed by demands.

Some signs that you may be facing an overwhelming sense of commitments and pressure in your daily life may be:

  1. You notice yourself fantasizing about ways to escape from the stress.  
  2. You notice an increase in unwanted patterns of things like substance use, spending, or binge media consumption. 
  3. You are more prone to isolating and withdraw from your normal daily activities.
  4. You are experiencing feelings of hopelessness and worry that things will never change.

These may be signs that you may need to lower the load of these demands and begin to take time to notice your own needs. It can sometimes feel selfish to let yourselves move away from the feverish pace of commitments and tasks toward creating space to simply care for your own needs. 

The drive to continually show up and care for others can deter us from allowing space we need to care for ourselves .

Taking steps to notice your needs and to let yourselves receive support and care, can help to relieve these patterns of uncontrolled fantasy and escape that keep creeping in.  

3 Scheduling Tips to Reduce Exhaustion and Regain Energy

1. Plan regular ways to escape

It is so important to allow space to indulge.  This is a way to allow our inner self to feel a sense of being held and cared for.  If we don’t plan for this we will find ourselves suddenly out of control in these spaces of self indulgence and instead find these in really unhealthy ways.  It is important to plan in regular times of enjoyment for yourself.  These don’t have to be huge.  Something like, “tonight I am going to take time to slow down to enjoy my glass of wine”  or “I’m going to take 10 extra minutes to read my novel, just for fun” may be absolutely enough to help you feel less overwhelmed with the regular stresses.  

2. Be adaptable

Being able to consider what you are able to accomplish can be a really valuable tool to help yourself learn how to manage your daily responsibilities.  It can be really hard to allow ourselves the space to consider that our capacity for certain tasks may change.  How we respond to these feelings and changes is a really caring way to increase a more compassionate way to care for yourself each day.  Things like, “I normally feel great about going out with co-workers for Friday happy hour, but today feels a little more scattered for me.  I think I’m going to go home and enjoy a quieter night instead.”  Noticing what we are experiencing and choosing how to respond can take us to a place of feeling a greater sense of hopefulness and care.  

3. Practice letting go of your schedule, even for a short while.

It can be really hard to step away from the things that feel so pressing – work, kids, family, health.  The simple practice of choosing to step away from the daily pressures can provide just what you need to begin to learn how to lessen the effects of pending burnout.  This could look as simple as:

  • choosing to turn off your phone as you spend time with a friend
  • sitting in stillness at a park during your lunch break
  • allowing yourself one day of the week that is a non-work day where you choose to do only things that are non-work related

Whatever it is, let yourself notice what it is like to pause, even for a few moments.  This can help us later while we are in these moments of high stress and to be able to do things with a little more ease.  Small pauses can help connect us to the reality that we can take a pause and things will still go on.  This can increase a feeling of freedom to notice the continual pressure and to feel less overwhelmed.

Taking a few simple steps to shift how you arrange your day or week will allows you the space to regain a sense of balance that you so deeply need.

Sometimes it can be hard to know where to even begin the process of noticing what we need and taking the steps to get there.  If you are experiencing a sense of stress and overload that feels unbearable, it may be helpful to have support in the journey toward finding what you need.  I would love to help you in your journey.  Let’s set up a time for a consultation call to help you begin toward finding what you need most!

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IBS and anxiety create a firestorm that needs to be calmed down, soothed
Anxiety, Managing emotions, Neurology

IBS and Anxiety: How to soothe your gut using your mind

IBS and anxiety can negatively impact some of the most meaningful and connecting moments in life. It can turn a casual get-together or date sour. People who experience IBS can constantly worry about having another attack. Agoraphobia is common too – the fear of leaving home. It’s understandable why people who experience IBS issues experience heightened anxiety around everyday situations. 

People with IBS can sometimes feel powerless, like the best they can do is avoid food triggers.

Yet one of the main causes of the inflammation of the gut is your brain.

We’re going to look at the link between anxiety and the gut so you can understand your body better. You’ll learn how anxiety impacts your gut and how to listen to your gut’s activity as a signal. My hope is that by learning to pay attention to yourself in a new way, you’ll be able to not only avoid difficult IBS symptoms, but to learn how to soothe anxiety and feel more like yourself.

The gut is connected to the brain? How? Why??

First of all, all parts of the body have a bi-directional connection with the brain. In fact, the purpose of the brain is to receive input from the entire body, make sense of it contextually, then relay a response that changes the body. The reason the gut-brain connection often needs special explanation is because it’s hard for us to think of the gut as a part of the body that would need connection with the brain. Isn’t the purpose of the gut kind of passive? Don’t we just digest food there? Why would it need to be connected with the brain?

There are 2 reasons worth exploring.

First, what we eat tells us a lot about our environment.

When we’re full, for example, it’s a signal that our bodies are safe, we have what we need. When we’re hungry, that’s contextual information too. We can extend this to how our bodies feel when we eat certain foods. All of this is good information that should impact our intuition about our environment, something the brain is always trying to grasp. 

But there’s a second reason for the connection as well:

The gut needs context to do its job well.

Imagine, for example, you have a 16oz steak you’re trying to digest (something that requires significant blood flow and energy), and suddenly you need to run from a threat. If the gut didn’t know there was a threat, it would continue to try to digest the steak and you would be unable to run. But since your brain is connected to your gut, your gut receives a signal to stop digesting (and in some cases to vomit or defecate) so you could use that blood and energy for your heart, lungs, and muscles. In contrast, when you feel safe, you’re surrounded by loved ones, and you eat a satiating meal, your brain tells your gut it’s time to dig in.

In this way your mental state – ideally a result of your intuition of your current environment – impacts the permeability, blood flow, gut microbiome composition, and digestive enzyme composition… and vice versa.

There are 2 main pathways by which your brain and gut interact: a hormonal pathway and a neural pathway. Both pathways are bi-directional, meaning that the activity of the gut impacts your brain, and also that the activity of the brain impacts the gut.

The cortisol pathway: stoking the fire

The hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA axis) is the hormonal highway between your brain and your gut. The hypothalamus’ job is to keep your body in homeostasis – to keep things in rhythm. When you wake up in the morning, like clockwork your hypothalamus signals to your pituitary to produce adrenaline to get your body moving. Your adrenal glands in turn release cortisol. Your gut has cortisol receptors that signal to the gut that it’s time to move around. This signal changes the composition of your gut biome, your gut biome’s permeability, and blood flow. 

Cortisol, over time, creates a leaky gut that is vulnerable to IBS episodes.

The vagal pathway: dousing the fire

Your body also needs a way to soothe itself and return to normal. This is the job of your vagus nerve, which signals for your body to slow back down. If cortisol is like gasoline on the fire, then your vagus nerve is like cooling water that helps the gut return to normal. The vagus nerve is part of your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the way your body returns to safety and calm. 

The vagus nerve runs down past your heart, lungs, and gut. When you see something sweet or comforting, you might feel an opening sensation in your chest and put a hand over your heart. You might take a deep breath and say “awww”.  This wonderful sensation is your vagus nerve signaling for your heart, lungs, and gut to open up and slow down. 

When your gut receives the vagus nerve signal, lots of things change. The vagus nerve signal:

  1. Starts an anti-inflammatory process in your gut
  2. Slows the cortisol signal
  3. Enforces a stronger gut barrier (decreases gut permeability)

The vagus nerve signal builds a strong gut environment that protects you from IBS episodes.

What an IBS episode looks like inside: Anxiety as a firestorm

When your body is in extreme and prolonged states of stress, high cortisol levels keep the gut in an inflamed state, leading to chronic changes in the gut microbiome and difficulty processing food. This puts the gut – and brain – in a fragile position, or a high “allostatic load”: the cumulative burden of multiple stressors. In this fragile state, any additional stressor can set off a spiral much like a spark will ignite a dry pile of hay. 

An additional stressor could be anything: an inflammatory food, or a psychological or environmental stressor, or a combination of all three. While the trigger may be like a spark that starts the fire, the real issue is not the spark itself. The real issue is the spiral – the firestorm – left unmitigated.

When your body gets anxious, it usually has methods to calm back down.

We call this self-regulation. It’s like a fire hose that stops the emotional mind from getting overwhelmed. We might think of a person who is able to take a deep breath when they feel stressed, or to reassure themselves of a positive outcome when they are auditioning. This calming ability happens in our frontal lobes. The orbital frontal cortex and our anterior cingulate helps us soothe ourselves by bringing to mind soothing experiences from our past. We quite literally pull into mind a comforting memory, perhaps a parent rubbing our backs when we’re scared. For someone with a panic disorder or IBS, this frontal lobe circuitry isn’t strong enough to combat the flames of anxiety. 

Thus, in an IBS episode, anxiety creates inflammation in the gut either directly or via the HPA axis. In turn, the gut sends a stress signal back to the brain that there’s a problem. If not soothed, this signal triggers the HPA axis, and we release more cortisol into the gut. The changes in our levels of cortisol change our brains as well. When in a panicked state, our frontal lobes shut down in order to get to immediate safety. When this happens, our ability to soothe ourselves is inaccessible.  It’s as if the raging fire destroys the few available fire hoses. 

IBS and anxiety create a firestorm that needs to be calmed down, soothed

When our level of stress passes a certain point, we are unable to stop the spiral: the fire will simply exhaust itself. For those who experience IBS, this is a familiar emotional place: the depressing surrender to an uncontrollable experience. 

So what can you do? How to stop the firestrom of anxiety and heal IBS

It’s common for people with IBS to simply avoid triggers. This often means making a list of foods that trigger an attack and avoiding the list as much as possible. Yet, if we think about IBS as a complex neurological pattern that doesn’t simply originate in the gut, but in the relationship between the brain and the gut, then we can start to think about healing in a different way.

1. Create a calmer baseline

Part of the reason certain foods are triggering is the fragility of your gut – the baseline level of functioning that exists. Earlier we referred to this as the “dry bed of hay” that is ready for a match to send it up in flames. What would it mean to have less fragile intestine? Part of what creates fragility in the gut is chronic stressors, or high allostatic load. Elevated cortisol changes our entire physiology. In a real way, anxiety is not simply a “feeling” that impacts IBS – it’s a bodily state.

As such, our blood flow, immune response, inflammation of gut lining, and even our gut microbiome change dramatically when cortisol is present. When our bodies are in chronic stress, our gut cannot heal. The gut stays in this permeable, inflamed, stressed state. Healing our gut doesn’t simply mean avoiding triggers, it means increasing the times when we are completely relaxed and safe. The “safe feeling” we get when we sit down to talk with a trusted friend, when we meditate or pray, or when we receive a long hug, is an indication of our physiology returning to a soothing baseline. That state is what your gut needs to reduce baseline inflammation and restore your microbiome.

2. Grow your Self-Awareness

While some triggers may be food-related, other triggers may be contextual. When looking back at recent attacks, we can wonder about larger contexts that might have created a higher cortisol response. It’s highly possible that attacks are due as much to your emotional state as the foods you eat. 

If you are unaware of the cause of your anxiety, you are also unable to self-soothe. To use our fire analogy, a lack of self-awareness is akin to having a fire department that has headphones in. It can’t hear the bells going off until they reach a deafening level; until it’s too late. However, when we’re aware of our anxiety, we’re able to self-soothe before the fire starts raging. We can calm ourselves down, helping the vagus nerve to send signals to our gut that we’re safe. 

Self-awareness isn’t an intellectual, but an empathetic effort.

Sometimes we can think of self-awareness as a cold process similar to cartography. For example, if we could just chart out our anxieties we could keep them in control. The real process is much more emotional. Heinz Kohut describes the process of self-awareness as “empathic inquiry”. This means visualizing, leaning in, and coming close enough to the emotions for us to feel their pain. This is a difficult and sometimes scary process to encounter alone. Often we don’t have the perspective to see ourselves. Sometimes we are simply too defended against our own pain to really feel it. 

Yet our brains are meant to heal with empathy. Remember those self-soothing frontal-lobe areas we mentioned earlier? (Orbital-frontal cortex and the anterior cingulate) Those pathways aren’t just there by default. When we’re very young, the empathy and soothing we receive by our caregivers become etched in our brains. These early interactions are the pathways that we rely on throughout life to self-soothe. 

Your self-soothing ability can grow. When we increase our self-awareness, our empathy for our the anxious and unsafe feelings grow. That empathy is like a fire department that can respond to a fire with soothing water before it begins to rage. 

3. Reduce Chronic Anxiety

It’s been demonstrated that even momentary times of calm and peace can be overshadowed and outweighed by stressors. When we’re exposed to a stress, or multiple stressors, the injection of cortisol into your system takes a while to subside. This is called allostatic load. The moments of deep breathing or mindfulness you practice throughout the day are important, but they sadly don’t outweigh the internal stress that can keep you in a high-cortisol state. 

What’s the solution? Often the biggest stressors we carry are internal beliefs that impact our entire outlook on life. There is a relationship between early traumatic experiences and later IBS symptoms. This is because like a tea bag in hot water, our childhood experiences color and impact everything we experience. Resolving IBS means experiencing the relief of working through your anxiety. Anxiety is a signal that needs attention and understanding in order to resolve. 

IBS and Anxiety: You can heal your gut

We have therapists who can help you reduce chronic anxiety. Identifying triggering foods is important, but can only get you so far. The stressor that most aggravates IBS is often not specific foods, but the chronic stress and anxiety that creates a fragile gut lining. Resolving and reducing anxiety physiologically allows your gut to repair the gut lining so you can be resilient.

Reducing anxiety impacts your everyday life. Not only does it help your gut, but helps your relationships, your job performance, your sleep, and your enjoyment of life. What would it be like for you to experience freedom from anxiety? How different would your day be today if you had more peace? We want to help you get there. Contact one of our therapists who specializes in anxiety. Schedule a free consultation and see how we can help you.

This client addressed anxiety to heal IBS issues:

My gut wrenched as I lifted myself from the bathroom floor. I looked in the mirror at my face. It was covered in hives. The hives went down my neck. I lifted my shirt to find my entire torso was covered in hot, red, itching hives. Internally, my stomach was tied in knots. What was happening to me? I had no history of allergies. I didn’t eat anything out of the ordinary. And yet I had just spent to last hour on the toilet.

I had traveled to the desert to facilitate a leadership retreat. I pulled up to the AirBnB where we would all be staying, set out the chips and guacamole, and people began arriving. That’s when my scalp started itching. I ignored that until I began to feel a stabbing pain in my stomach and ran to the bathroom. The people I was there to lead filled the time. Finally I mustered the strength to come out of the bathroom and ask for help. They ended up driving me to the emergency room.

When I returned home, my doctors were perplexed. The allergy tests, MRI’s, scopes, bloodwork and exams showed nothing.

Two months later, I traveled to visit family for Christmas. The night after our Christmas family dinner, I woke at 2am with hives and pain in my stomach so intense I lost consciousness. My family called an ambulance and I spent three days recovering in the hospital. 

Over two years, this happened six times, all of them during a flight or visit with family. Finally, after numerous visits to doctors, I saw a therapist. Over the course of several months, we were able to explore each of these events. We began to pay attention to what my gut was signaling to me. It became clear that my body was dealing with anxiety that I had been repressing for years, anxiety I had become numb to.

Under the care of my therapist, I’ve been able to go on trips again without attacks. I am actually able to feel my anxiety now, rather than becoming crippled by it.

Today, I see my gut pain as one way that I can tell that I’m getting anxious. When my stomach begins to tighten up, I pay attention to what could be causing anxiety. In the past, my gut had to “shout” to get my attention that something was wrong. After therapy, my gut only has to tighten a little and I respond by caring for myself and asking for help.

– Anonymous Client
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Anxiety

How to stop a Panic Attack: Video Explanation

A panic attack can be really scary and overwhelming.

A lot of people can get frustrated with themselves when they experience a panic attack.

It can be something that happens constantly and as a “regular” thing in your life. Because of that, you don’t feel comfortable going out in social settings or to work or other places where you fear you’ll have another panic attack. So you stay close to home and isolate yourself.

Panic attacks are a difficult experience that can cause disruption to your daily life. Let’s talk more specifically about what they are and what you can do the next time you find yourself experiencing one.

What is a Panic Attack?

A panic attack is a heightened state of anxiety. It can feel like a heart attack; you might experience heart palpitations (your heart beats really fast), chest tightness, headaches, and the inability to think clearly.

Sometimes the only thing you can do when you’re experiencing a panic attack is lay down in bed or some other safe space and wait for the pain to pass.

Why do we Have Panic Attacks?

Panic attacks can be a sign of dysregulated anxiety that’s become extremely physiological. Whenever we get anxious, our bodies sometimes give out smaller signals at first. We might feel fluttering in our chest, or we feel tension and anxiety around certain situations. Then it can build without our knowing it, until it gets to the point where it feels like something is physiologically wrong. Many people even go into the ER because they think they’re having a heart attack.

Woman overcoming panic attacks with self-care

There’s actually a lot you can learn about yourself if you are experiencing panic attacks. When you experience panic attacks, it’s a sign that something is off in your life. Something is hard to deal with, something is putting pressure on you, you’re experiencing some sort of big stressor in your life. However, sometimes you don’t know what that is on the surface, which is frustrating and difficult.

How to Reduce Panic Attacks

1. Journal Panic Attack History


Set aside some time to journal and ask yourself a few questions. When did the panic attacks start? How bad are they? What’s the normal course of a panic attack for you? When does the pain start? What symptoms do you experience? How intense do those symptoms get? When does the panic attack finally pass? Usually panic attacks last under an hour, typically around 30 minutes. Have you always experienced panic attacks or when did they start to become a thing in your life? Was there a moment in which they became worse?


The reason these things are important to know is because when you go into a panic attack, you want to know what triggered it and how long the course of the panic attack might last.

2. Make a plan for the panic attack


A lot of people get frustrated when they experience panic attacks; they just want them to go away. But once you get to that heightened state, there’s not much you can do aside from waiting it out. As difficult as it may be, waiting it out requires you to release, relax, and let it all pass. So find a comfortable, safe space where you’re not around other people. It might be helpful to have something to hold, somewhere to lay down, something to drink – whatever will help you feel safest. Let yourself ride it out, knowing that it will eventually pass. You don’t have to talk about your anxiety during those 30-ish minutes or try to figure things out ways to make the panic go away. You just need to ride the wave. At the end of those 30-some minutes (or however long it takes for the panic to pass) is when you can do some assessing.

3. Assess Causes for the Panic Attack


Get out the same journal you originally wrote in (or a piece of paper or even a Notes app) and ask yourself: When did I first start experiencing this panic attack? When did it first start to come on? What was the earliest point that I can recognize I started to feel anxious? For some, the anxiety builds for a week before they experience a panic attack. For others, the anxiety builds for a day before they experience a panic attack. What was that moment for you, in which you started to feel anxious and tense? See if you can do a bit of exploration to understand the earliest moment at which you remember yourself feeling anxious.

4. Work with a Therapist who can treat a Panic Attack


In addition to these things, working with a professional will be important in order to understand your panic attack history and to learn ways to manage and regulate your anxiety before it escalates to a panic attack. Through therapy, you get the opportunity to learn how to pay attention to the cues your body gives you when you are feeling anxious, and know how to take care of yourself in the moments when you are feeling increasingly stressed. You learn to listen to yourself, to take care of yourself, and to resolve the anxiety before you find yourself in a full blown panic attack. We have therapists who can help with anxiety and panic attacks.

A panic attack can be treated, and you can experience relief

Those who deal with anxiety and panic attacks often feel very alone, but you are not alone. Please reach out to a professional if these are things you are struggling with. It might be nerve-wracking to do so but doing so is also a significant step towards better understanding yourself and prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.

I help professionals who experience panic attacks to learn new ways of coping with difficult emotions.

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Anxiety

The ABC’s of Panic Attacks: How to Empower Yourself

By Arianne MacBean

Many clients come to therapy because they experience panic. Panic, or intense anxiety, can show up in the most random places and moments. You’re sitting there, doing your thing, and then suddenly you feel dizzy, your heart races, you feel nauseous, and a sense of doom overtakes you. This is panic, and it can feel overwhelming. However, there are three steps you can take to understand, manage, and re-ground yourself if you find yourself in the throes of an episode.

Panic attacks are a way your body deals with fear.

Before we get to the ABC’s of how to deal with panic, it’s important to understand that panic is a way your body deals with fear, and it is a natural survival mechanism. In a way, panic is your body trying to help you. You’ve probably heard of the flight, flight, freeze responses that all animals have when they are faced with something that threatens them. These innate responses say that when the animal is frightened, they should either engage aggressively, run away, or hide. Fight, flight, and freeze are tools that keep animals alive.

You can ease out of panic attacks.

When a human animal experiences panic, it’s the same thing. Panic in a human is saying, “You’re scared, and you need to do something about it.” But why do we experience panic when we’re just sitting on the couch? Because life is complicated for human animals, and we have many kinds of micro and macro threats that we experience over a lifetime. Those threats become recorded into the body and, especially if we do not process them, they can show up unannounced to remind us that we do indeed need to deal with them. In this way, panic is a reminder that we have some fear that needs to be processed. This is why so many clients come to therapy – to deal with these unconscious fears. So, when you’re not in the therapy office processing emotions in a safe space with a caring advocate, how can you soothe yourself out of panic?

The ABC’s of Panic Attacks: 3 ways to recover

A. Acknowledge.

It’s vital that when you begin to experience panic that you acknowledge what is going on and that the panic is not YOU, but a feeling you have. Acknowledging panic can look like saying to yourself, “You’re feeling panic. Panic is just your body telling you to pay attention.” You can remind yourself that panic is an energy in your body that will pass soon. Our instinct when we feel panic is to distract ourselves from the discomfort and focus on something else, but like most emotions, being with the feeling will help you move through it more productively than ignoring it. Dealing with, and acknowledging panic, is the one of the best cures for it.

B. Breathe.

Focusing on your breath really is the trick to calming panic. A simple slow inhale through the nose and a long, controlled exhale through the mouth is always a great technique. If you watch any great baseball slugger at bat, you will see them use this method to calm themselves under pressure. If you want to try something a little more structured, you can inhale for a count of three, and exhale for a count of five. Lengthening the exhale will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which controls how the body relaxes.

C. Center.

Centering is a way to re-orient yourself back to the here and now. A great way to center is to look around and notice three things in the environment around you. When your eyes fall on, let’s say, a bookshelf, really look at it. Notice the spines of the books, the colors of covers, the sheen of the wooden shelf. Then, let your eyes wander to another thing in your field of vision. Focus on it, see the details, textures, as if you’re looking at it for the first time. This will help bring you to the safety of the moment. It will help you see that you are not under attack.

As much as panic can feel engulfing, it is not entirely out of your control. Understand that panic is your body’s way of letting you know you have feelings of fear that need to be addressed. Acknowledge that panic is an energy force moving through you. Breath to anchor yourself and calm the panicky energy. Center yourself by gently engaging with the environment around you. These ABC’s are steps you can take to befriend panic as a signal to slow down, check in with yourself, and be in the process of healing.



Further Resources for Understanding Panic:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Panic

https://washingtoncenterforcognitivetherapy.com/problems-treated/panic-disorder/panic-disorder-organizations/

https://www.psychologytools.com/self-help/panic-attacks-and-panic-disorder/

https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/best-anxiety-books#A-quick-look-at-the-13-best-books-about-anxiety

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Anxiety, Managing emotions

What is somatic psychotherapy? How body awareness restores your mind

Somatic psychotherapy is the umbrella term for methods of therapy that are rooted in the body where trauma, stress, and memory are housed. Somatic psychotherapies are based on the theory that the body holds emotion and experience. When hard-to-handle feelings and traumas are not processed, they can manifest as anxiety, panic, depression, chronic pain or illness, relational issues, self-esteem problems, grief, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Somatic methods aid in draining the power of these feelings through attunement with the body – its positions, gestures, energies, and sensations. 

Somatic Psychotherapy Modalities

There are many somatic psychotherapeutic modalities. You may have heard of some of them such as, Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), Hakomi Method, Brainspotting, and plain old Mindfulness. Ultimately, the kind of somatic work that happens in the therapy room depends on the client and the therapist and can involve a wide variety of techniques, including breath work, visualizations, sensory awareness, posture tracking, guided imagery, gesture, and movement. 

Somatic Psychotherapy Exercises

Sometimes, somatic exercises are very straight forward, such as simply sending compassionate breath toward a particular part of the body that is experiencing activation. Other times, exercises are created on the spot to aid a client’s specific needs in the moment. For example, a client who struggles with low self-esteem feels they are unable to accept compliments. They might say, “Positivity just flows right through me – in one ear and out the other.” In this case, we might mindfully “build” a space in the body to hold compliments, positive feedback, and love. Then, when they hear a compliment, they can visualize the affirmation dropping into and being held compassionately in the space they created for it in their body.

Somatic psychotherapy is a way to help people feel safe in their bodies while exploring thoughts, feelings, and memories. Painful experiences live in us on a cellular level, but we can heal by restoring the body to live with vitality, ease, and joy.

Questions about Somatic Psychotherapy

  • One question I often get is, “Does somatic psychotherapy include talk therapy?” The answer is YES! Although somatic practices are body-based, talking through feelings and sensations is an essential component of the therapeutic work.
  • Another question I get is, “Do I have to dance?” And the answer is NO, not unless you want to. Like most productive therapy, somatic work is client-centered and client-lead. Together with your therapist, you decide when and how to integrate the body into the healing process.

If you choose to work with me, you can expect:

  • I will naturally return to the body in the here and now as a way to ground and understand authentic self.
  • I utilize body scanning techniques to gain awareness of where pain or emotion is located in the body.
  • I track and bring awareness to repetitive gestures or postures that align with certain memories or feelings to aid in self-knowledge.
  • I share tools for calming, centering, and releasing emotions in productive ways.
  • I gently guide clients through painful experiences while noting the accompanying physical sensations and addressing them in the moment.
  • I emphasize the body as a base to locate natural resources, strengths, and self-empowerment.

If you have interest in somatic psychotherapy and healing your body, I would love to talk with you.


Further reading on somatic psychotherapy:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Hardcover) by Bessel van der Kolk 

Hakomi Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy: A Comprehensive Guide to Theory and Practice (Paperback) by Halko Weiss 

Somatic Psychology: Body, Mind and Meaning (Paperback) by Linda Hartley 

Awakened Heart, Embodied Mind: A Modern Yoga Philosophy Infused with Somatic Psychology & Neuroscience (Kindle Edition) by Julian Walker

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Anxiety

Why do I get panic attacks? How to soothe yourself and restore calm inside, for lawyers and other professionals

The familiar pounding in your chest, the tightness in your lungs – it can feel like you’re having a heart attack. What’s worse is you are afraid it could happen again at any moment. You feel hesitant going out, being social, even driving, for fear that you’ll have another attack.

As someone who takes pride in your work, who is used to pushing hard and getting a result, it’s common to feel shame about the anxiety attacks. You can wonder

  • Why is this panic attack happening?
  • Why won’t it go away?
  • What do I do when I have panic attacks?
  • Do other professionals experience this?

There are many people who experience panic just like you. It’s a common way our bodies react when anxiety flares up. Let’s talk about why panic attacks happen and how to shift your approach to help you grow.

Why you’re experiencing panic attacks: suppressing anxiety

Panic attacks happen when anxiety is “disregulated”. This means that the anxiety isn’t consciously seen or paid attention to. When this happens, the anxiety doesn’t have a backboard. It becomes louder and louder until it shows up in a strong physiological way: heavy breathing, tight chest, and the feeling like something is seriously wrong in our bodies.

Why is the anxiety not consciously paid attention to? For some of us, we don’t like to pay attention when we’re anxious. We might avoid feelings like disappointment, worry, and concern because they make us feel out of control. Sometimes our way of getting through those feelings is to “change the channel”. This is called affect suppression. When the feeling of anxiety comes up we don’t pay attention to it or wonder about it – we try to get it out of our heads. This can look like

  • Addictive behaviors
  • Fidgeting
  • Workaholism
  • Excessive phone use
  • Substance use
  • Sleeplessness
  • Avoiding silence

But the trick is, the less we pay attention to the anxiety, the louder it tends to get.

How to make panic attacks stop: seeing anxiety as a signal

For panic attacks to stop, we need to see anxiety as a signal, not a disease. Our anxiety is usually a signal that something doesn’t feel safe. It’s a sign that something needs attention, just like when a fire alarm goes off.

If your building’s fire alarm went off, you wouldn’t put in headphones right away. You’d turn, look, not for the alarm sound, but for the look and smell of smoke. In the same way, our panic attacks are not themselves the thing we need to “fix” or make go away. They are a signal that something is off in our lives. It may be a relationship, a re-emerging trauma, a life-transition, or work-related stressor that is no longer tolerable. Your mind is telling you that you’re unsafe and you need to pay attention.

What happens if we don’t pay attention to the anxiety signal?

If we don’t pay attention to the signal of anxiety, our panic will get worse. The more common panic attacks become, the more they lead to agoraphobia – the fear of leaving the house. You may feel this presently in your life. It’s the feeling of fearfulness and avoidance of any trips or engagements that take you away from home. The fear that you’ll have another panic attack keeps you close to home. People who have agoraphobia struggle to accomplish daily tasks and the world feels unsafe to them.

Additionally, if we don’t pay attention to anxiety, we continue to avoid and suppress it through addictive behaviors. It becomes hard to sleep, hard to rest, hard to concentrate. We depend more and more on substances like caffeine, alcohol, and other addictive substances. We avoid anything that will trigger an attack.

Most of all, when we don’t pay attention to anxiety, we diminish some of the most vibrant parts of ourselves.

There’s a different way to handle anxiety and panic attacks

We need to learn a new way to engage our anxiety if we want panic attacks to subside. For lawyers and other professionals, it can be hard to slow down and trust that doing so will actually move them forward faster than “changing the channel”.

It’s incredibly difficult.

Because listening to your anxiety requires a new voice inside: one that can be understanding and empathetic toward your experience. One that is soothing rather than critical. It can be difficult to trust that this small act is actually a fulcrum that will change the course of your life. Yet this is the work I engage in all the time with people just like you. One of the most powerful things you can do with your panic attack is give yourself a chance to listen to yourself. I can help you do that. Contact me today for a consultation.

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Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions, Neurology

Maximize EMDR Therapy: How to Find a Good Therapist

Maybe you’re wondering about how EMDR therapy can treat trauma. Trauma can negatively impact an individual’s life and well-being for years, even decades, after the traumatic event has passed. Trauma is a natural survival response to any life-threatening situation. If you’ve experienced trauma, you may notice how it seems to intrude into everyday situations.

Trauma can impact:

  • Sleep: the quality and restfulness of your sleep
  • Relationships: increase feelings of insecurity and fear
  • Anxiety: increase blood pressure, heart rate, jumpiness
  • Addiction: increased dependence on external substances to reduce symptoms
  • Focus: increased scattered, intrusive thoughts

Our brains heal from trauma.

In fact, like a wound that simply needs rest and clean bandages, there’s a natural reparative process that takes place – all on its own – when our minds feel safe enough. We find ourselves sharing more, feeling more, telling the story of what happened with a trusted other. EMDR therapy taps into this natural healing process.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a powerful tool in helping individuals overcome trauma and regain control of their lives. In this article, you’ll learn how EMDR works for you, and why the relationship between the therapist and client is key in producing long-term change.

How EMDR works

EMDR therapy is based on the idea that traumatic memories are stored in a person’s brain in an unintegrated form. Normally, in non-traumatic experiences, memories of the experience can be retrieved and shelved easily with language (think of checking out a video at a library), giving us control and mastery. When someone experiences a traumatic event, however, their brain shields itself from the painful memory, leading to the memory becoming “stuck” in the right prefrontal cortex and limbic system. This can result in persistent symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EMDR therapy works by accessing these stored memories and integrating them through a shared experience with the therapist.  

EMDR Therapy and Tapping

The key component of EMDR therapy is the rapid back-and-forth movement of the eyes, also known as “tapping.” This tapping is believed to stimulate the brain’s information processing system, allowing it to process and integrate the traumatic memories. As a result, the negative emotions and physical sensations associated with the trauma are reduced. The individual is then able to move beyond the event and regain control of their life.

EMDR Therapy and the hidden ingredient: Your therapist

While the tapping component of EMDR therapy is crucial, it is not the only factor that leads to successful outcomes. In fact, research has shown that the therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist is even more important in producing long-term change in trauma. A strong therapeutic relationship provides a safe and supportive environment for the individual to explore their traumatic experiences and work through them in a controlled and guided manner.

Your brain wants – and even needs – to process trauma. Biologically, your brain is looking for safety. While safety can come from trusting a specific intervention or technique, such as EMDR, it will primarily come from your relationship with your therapist. Your ability to feel comfortable and safe with your therapist is exactly the environment your brain is looking for to integrate a painful emotional experience.

EMDR Therapy Girl wanting to process trauma with an EMDR therapist

A good EMDR therapist will help you

  • Gingerly approach the trauma, listening to your comfort level
  • Will appropriately challenge you to trust yourself to share
  • Give you space to stop when you’re feeling overwhelmed
  • Review and help you understand what you’re feeling
  • Check in about your symptoms

In conclusion, EMDR therapy is a powerful tool in helping individuals overcome trauma and regain control of their lives. The rapid back-and-forth movement of the eyes (tapping) stimulates the brain’s information processing system, allowing it to process and integrate traumatic memories. However, it is the therapeutic relationship between the client and therapist that is the most important factor in producing long-term change. A strong therapeutic relationship provides a safe and supportive environment for the individual to work through their traumatic experiences, leading to a more successful outcome.

EMDR Therapy can help you

Consider reaching out to a qualified EMDR therapist. With the right support and guidance, it is possible to overcome trauma and reclaim your life.

You want a therapist who fits you, who you feel safe talking with. I promise, it’s worth it to work through trauma. We can help you find the right fit so you can regain health and peace.

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