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Perfectionistic? How to Get Rid of Anger, Even If You’ve Tried Before

Imagine you’re powering through another late night at work, pushing yourself harder because that project just isn’t “good enough” yet. Your mind races with thoughts like, “Why can’t you get this right? You’re falling behind—again.” The tension builds, maybe erupting into anger at yourself or snapping at a colleague. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a perfectionist or workaholic, you might be trapped in a cycle of self-criticism that feels relentless.

But what if that harsh inner voice isn’t really yours?

In this post, we’ll explore how this voice often stems from a psychological defense called introjection, why it persists, and practical steps to identify and quiet it. Healing starts with understanding—and it can lead to less frustration, reduced burnout, and a life where you don’t have to avoid your deeper emotions.

What Is Your Inner Critic?

For high-achievers like you, the inner critic isn’t just occasional doubt—it’s a constant companion driving perfectionism and workaholism. It shows up as that nagging voice demanding more, criticizing every misstep, and fueling tension that spills into irritability. You might beat yourself up for not meeting impossible standards or lash out at others when things don’t go perfectly.

There’s More Beneath the Anger

If perfectionism has kept you bottling things up, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you understand the roots of your anger—and finally start letting go. Reach out when you’re ready.

Common signs of self-criticism:

Constant self-doubt, even after successes (e.g., “That promotion? You just got lucky—don’t mess it up now.”).
Overworking to avoid “failure,” leading to exhaustion and short-tempered reactions.
Quick anger toward yourself or loved ones, masking deeper fatigue.
Physical symptoms like tension headaches or insomnia, all tied to the fear of not being enough.

What Self-Criticism Sounds Like

“Why can’t I ever get this right? I’m such a failure” (when facing a minor setback at work).
“Everyone else is handling this better than me—I’m just not good enough” (during social comparisons).
“I should have known better; how could I be so stupid?” (after making a simple mistake).
“If I don’t push harder, I’ll never succeed, and I’ll disappoint everyone” (fueling workaholism).
“Look at me, messing up again—no wonder no one takes me seriously” (in moments of self-doubt about personal relationships).

This critic keeps you in survival mode, but it’s often more than just habit—it’s a deeply ingrained defense mechanism known as introjection, and it’s keeping you stuck in anger.

Self-Criticism Keeps You Stuck in Anger

That relentless self-criticism isn’t just exhausting—it directly fuels the anger and stress boiling inside you, directed at yourself and spilling over onto others. Picture this: a deadline slips, and instead of grace, you lash out internally with “You’re useless—why can’t you handle this?” This self-directed fury builds resentment, making you snap at colleagues or loved ones over small things, all while the underlying stress festers.

It’s a vicious cycle where the critic amplifies every flaw, turning minor frustrations into explosive anger, leaving you isolated and burned out. The pain is real: it erodes your relationships, heightens anxiety, and keeps you trapped in a loop of self-sabotage, where rest feels impossible because vulnerability means admitting “weakness.”

But here’s why it persists—

This pattern often ties back to a psychological defense called introjection, where we internalize critical voices from our past, like those from parents or authority figures, and make them our own. Think of it as swallowing their judgments whole, turning them into your inner monologue.

Introjection acts like a shield: it distracts from deeper emotions like sadness or overwhelm by redirecting energy into self-blame or overachievement. You might notice this when a small setback spirals into self-attack, keeping true vulnerability at bay.

In essence, introjection functions like this:

It redirects energy into self-blame or overachievement, shielding you from the raw ache of sadness or exhaustion.
It offers a false sense of control— like thinking, “If I just push harder, I can outrun this discomfort.”
Over time, it sustains workaholism as a numbing strategy, but it heightens frustration when life doesn’t align with its rules.

These internalized rules keep you stuck. And yes, it can explain why managing stress and anger feels so elusive.

Why We Cling to the Critic: Staying Connected and Safe

It might sound counterintuitive, but holding onto this critical voice is often a way to maintain attachment to important figures from your past, like mom or dad. If they were demanding or critical—perhaps pushing you to excel at all costs—you might have internalized their voice as a form of loyalty or safety. Rejecting it could feel like losing that connection, even if it was painful.

For instance:

The voice echoes a parent’s high expectations, keeping their “presence” alive in your mind.
It provides a twisted sense of security: “If I criticize myself first, no one else can hurt me.”
This attachment sidesteps the grief of unmet needs, like the sadness of never feeling truly accepted.

As odd as it seems, this mechanism helped you survive back then. But now, it fuels the very burnout and irritability you’re trying to escape.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds like pop psychology nonsense—I’m just hard on myself because I care about doing well,” I get it. Perfectionists often dismiss interpretations like introjection as overly analytical or irrelevant. After all, you’ve built your success on self-discipline, and admitting a “defense mechanism” might feel like an excuse. You might even feel resistant, wondering if this is just another thing to “fix” perfectly.

That’s a normal reaction—your inner critic is probably already piping up, saying it’s all too touchy-feely. But here’s the thing: acknowledging this doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s a sign of strength to question the voice that’s been running the show. Many clients start out skeptical, only to discover how liberating it is to see the critic for what it is.

The Power of Identifying Your Inner Critic: The Key to Overcoming Anger and Stress

Here’s the game-changer: Simply identifying this voice as separate from your true self is incredibly powerful. It’s the first step to dismantling the cycle of self-criticism, workaholism, and bottled-up frustration. When you recognize introjection at work, you start to see how much of your burnout is an avoidance tactic—pushing away sadness because, in the past, it wasn’t safe to feel it. Maybe emotions were dismissed or punished, so you learned to armor up with achievement.

At Here Counseling, we’ve seen this realization transform lives. Clients who once raged at minor setbacks or buried themselves in work begin to release that tension. The frustration softens, burnout eases, and they reclaim space for genuine rest and joy. It’s not about erasing the voice overnight but understanding it’s not the whole truth about you.

Step-by-Step: Personifying Your Inner Critic to Set It Free

To make this tangible, one key exercise is to personify the voice—give it a form outside yourself. This helps externalize it, making it easier to challenge and link back to its origins. Here’s how to start:

Visualize It: Close your eyes and imagine the critic as a character. Is it a stern judge, a nagging parent figure, or something abstract like a dark cloud? Note its tone, appearance, and how it makes you feel. This separation shows it’s not “you”—it’s an echo. What is it saying?
Draw or Describe It: Sketch the critic or write a detailed description. Include linked memories—e.g., “This voice sounds like Dad when he said I wasn’t trying hard enough.” Sharing this in therapy amplifies the insight.
Confront It: Once personified, respond kindly: “I hear you over there. Now how do I feel about being spoken to this way? What would actually feel right to me?” Over time, grows our emotional awareness and flexibility, allowing burnout and frustration to fade as you process the underlying emotions.

FAQ on Self-Criticism

What is introjection in psychology?

Introjection is a defense mechanism where individuals internalize external critical voices, often from childhood, turning them into their own inner critic to avoid deeper emotions like sadness and maintain a sense of attachment or control.

How does self-criticism lead to anger and burnout?

Self-criticism amplifies flaws and redirects vulnerability into self-blame, creating a cycle of resentment that spills into anger toward oneself and others, leading to exhaustion, isolation, and burnout from constant overachievement.

What are signs of an overly critical inner voice?

Signs include constant self-doubt after successes, overworking to avoid failure, quick anger masking fatigue, and physical symptoms like headaches or insomnia tied to fears of inadequacy.

Can I overcome my inner critic on my own?

Yes, start by personifying the voice through visualization, journaling, or drawing to externalize it, then challenge it kindly; however, therapy can accelerate progress by addressing underlying traumas safely.

How does therapy help with self-criticism?

Therapy uncovers introjection’s roots, builds emotional awareness, and teaches tools like somatic practices to replace self-blame with compassion, reducing anger and burnout for more balanced living.

You’ll actually get more done… when you let go of self-criticism

You can finally address your anger, burnout, and frustration. At Here Counseling in Pasadena, we do this somatic and relational work to make vulnerability feel safe—leading to less workaholism and more balanced living.

And, to speak to your perfectionistic self: you’ll actually get more done. I promise. From helping many high-achievers like you, the self-critical voice is an albatross you carry with you, impeding what would otherwise be a much more energized, engaged experience of your work and relationships. You can actually do more and better work when you can stop white-knuckling your day and access a more playful emotional self.

Ready to quiet that critic and reclaim your peace? Explore therapy tailored for high-achievers like you. Contact Here Counseling today to schedule a session. Healing is possible, and you deserve it.

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Anxiety, Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

Why Conflict Feels Like Danger: How to Avoid the 4 Survival Modes in Your Relationships

Written by juliawilson

Conflict with someone you care about leaves you overwhelmed. You shut down and can’t find any words. Or you raise your voice louder than you wanted to. Whatever the reaction, you feel out of control—and afterward, you’re left wondering: what just happened?

It can feel inevitable—like you always hit a point in your relationships where something takes over and you disconnect. This is what happens when your body goes into survival mode.

But you don’t have to stay stuck there.

You can begin to understand what’s happening in your body—and take steps toward a new response. Let’s explore what survival mode looks like, how it impacts your relationships, and how you can begin to change these patterns with compassion and care.

What is Survival Mode?

Imagine this:

Your partner raises their voice, and you immediately shut down. Or a car cuts you off in traffic, and suddenly you’re yelling at your partner in the passenger seat. These are examples of your nervous system activating your survival response.

When we perceive danger—whether physical or emotional—our bodies automatically respond. This is called the acute stress response, or more commonly, survival mode. It’s a built-in, physiological reaction to help us survive a threat. Our sympathetic nervous system floods the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and epinephrine, leading to responses like a racing heart, hypervigilance, or shutting down completely. (Simply Psychology).

Research has shown that there are four common acute stress or ‘survival mode’ responses when our bodies perceive a threat: flight, fight, freeze, or fawn. These responses are the nervous system’s way of protecting you—designed to help you avoid danger and return to a sense of safety and calm.

Ready to Break the Cycle of Conflict?

Explore how therapy can help you move past survival mode and into connection. Work with a compassionate Los Angeles therapist who understands trauma and relationships.

4 Most Common Survival Mode Responses:

Let’s take a closer look at what each response can look like—both physically and emotionally.

Fight

This response pushes against the perceived threat. It can feel like:

Clenched jaw or tight muscles
Urge to yell, throw, or hit something
Sudden, intense anger
Feeling knots in your stomach
Mentally attacking the other person (or yourself)

In relationships, it might show up as criticism, yelling, or defensiveness.

Flight

This response tries to escape the danger, physically or emotionally. It can look like:

Restlessness or panic
Leaving the room (or relationship) mid-conflict
Avoiding conversations that feel tense
Feeling trapped, and needing space—now

Freeze

This is the body’s “shut down” mode. It can feel like:

Going blank or dissociating
Inability to speak or respond
Physically freezing in place
Numbness or disconnection from the moment

You might walk away from a conversation and not even remember what was said.

Fawn

This response tries to please the perceived threat in order to avoid danger. It can show up as:

People-pleasing or over-apologizing
Dismissing your own needs to keep the peace
Going along with something you don’t agree with
Feeling anxious to prevent conflict before it starts

Often, this pattern develops when relational conflict historically felt unsafe.

Why Do Conflict Patterns Repeat?

A ‘stressful’ situation for ourselves means that the environmental demands exceed our perceived ability to manage the demands. Our bodies are not great timekeepers. If something today feels like a past threat—even unconsciously—your body may respond as though it’s still in danger. This is part of what makes trauma and early relational wounds so impactful: our nervous system learns what feels dangerous and adapts accordingly.

For instance, if you were bullied on the playground in fourth grade, your body might associate certain tones of voice or group settings with danger. Fast forward to adulthood: your coworker raises their voice, and your body instantly activates the same response—maybe rage, shutdown, or people-pleasing—even though the present situation isn’t truly dangerous.

Our survival response is designed to protect us, automatically activating in the face of perceived danger. However, past experiences can cause this threat response to be triggered in situations that aren’t actually unsafe. When this happens, our bodies react as if we’re under threat—even when we’re not and create misunderstanding and disconnection.

Four ways survival mode impacts conflict in your relationships.

Here are four ways these patterns might play out in your relationships:

Fight: You feel like you can’t control your anger.

Conflict can trigger an intense urge to lash out—verbally or emotionally. Anger, in itself, isn’t bad. It’s often trying to protect a boundary. But when it feels disproportionate or automatic, it might be a survival response from your nervous system.

Flight: You leave.

You might physically leave the room—or emotionally check out. You may even leave relationships quickly at the first sign of tension. It’s not that you don’t care. Your body is trying to protect you from danger.

Freeze: You get stuck.

You can’t find the words. Your mind goes blank. Your body feels numb or disconnected. Later, you might wonder, Why didn’t I say anything? This is your nervous system hitting the pause button to keep you safe.

Fawn: You don’t express your own needs.

To keep the peace, you give in. You prioritize the other person’s comfort, even if it costs you your voice. Your body has learned that being agreeable is safer than being authentic.

When the stress response is activated too often, we experience negative physiological consequences. And as shown above, they can negatively impact our relationships. Because these responses are automatic, it’s easy to feel helpless. You might experience a sense that you just can’t control this! This feeling makes sense. And I want to offer hope – our bodies can relearn.

Three tips for what to do when you go into survival mode.

When our bodies are in long-term states of stress, anything not needed for immediate survival is placed on the back burner. Things like digestion, immune system, and tissue repair are temporarily paused. The goal is to develop awareness of response activation and then bring yourself back to baseline.

These responses are not your fault—and you are not stuck. Your body can relearn new ways of responding. Here are three starting points:

Understand your triggers.

Begin by getting curious. One way to start to understand your triggers is to recognize when your body is in a heightened state. This requires awareness of the physiological state of your body. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

When do I feel out of control of my reactions?
What patterns do I notice in my body during the day?
When did this feeling start? What happened just before?

This is just a list to begin noticing how your body feels throughout the ebbs and flows of each day. After you start noticing activation in your body, start to wonder – when did this start? What might have caused this? By becoming aware of your body’s cues, you can begin to gently trace them back to possible triggers—and offer yourself more understanding and choice.

Come up with a plan.

Now that you’ve started to notice when your body feels heightened and the trigger it might be connected to, we can start to come up with a plan.

It’s okay if your body reacts. What we can grow in is our ability to self-regulate. The goal isn’t to never get activated. It’s to build tools to regulate once you are. Try:

A few deep breaths or grounding exercises
A short walk outside
Calling someone who helps you feel safe
Gentle movement like yoga or stretching
Journaling or naming your emotions out loud

Find support.

Relearning your stress responses takes time. It is best done in connection, not isolation. Whether it’s a trusted friend, therapist, or your relationship with a Divine other, healing grows in safe relationships.

Ask yourself:

Who helps me feel grounded?
What would it be like to share what I’m learning?
Where could I get support in this process?

What works may change over time. That’s okay. The most important part is that as your awareness grows, so does your ability to offer your body more possibilities. More safety, more options, more home.

These stress responses tell a story—a story your body is still holding. And while they’ve served a purpose, they don’t have to define your future.

You want to better understanding how survival mode is impacting your relationships.

I’d love to walk with you. You can relearn safety. You can build new patterns. And you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out today.

Julia Wilson, MA

Trauma Therapy in Pasadena

Learn about therapy with Julia

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EMDR, Managing emotions, Somatic Exercises

How EMDR Helps: Healing Trauma Through the Body

Written by John Allan Whitacre

If you’ve been exploring different types of therapy—especially for healing trauma—you may have come across EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s often described as a technique that helps you “reprocess” difficult memories, especially from past trauma. EMDR isn’t just about changing your memories; it’s a somatic therapy that helps your body release stored tensions.

That’s what makes EMDR a type of somatic therapy—a therapy that works with the body, not just the mind. As a trained EMDR therapist, I have been able to see firsthand how EMDR helps people understand their trauma in a new way and then, through EMDR techniques, learn how to train their bodies to let go of the trauma locked in their mind and body.

What Is Somatic Therapy?

“Somatic” simply means “relating to the body.” Somatic therapy is based on the idea that we carry stress, anxiety, and trauma not just in our thoughts, but also in our bodies.

You might notice this as:

Muscle tension
A tight chest or upset stomach
Fluttering in your chest or trembling
Feeling constantly on edge
Chronic fatigue
Difficulty relaxing, even when things are “fine”

Somatic therapy focuses on bringing attention to these sensations so they can be understood, processed, and released—allowing your nervous system to reset and heal.

How Is EMDR a Somatic Therapy?

EMDR is widely recognized for its use of eye movements, tapping, or sounds. However, the true effectiveness of EMDR lies in its ability to work with your entire system—both mind and body. The primary goal of EMDR is to help desensitize your overly activated nervous system and reintegrate your memory network, leading to more balanced and cohesive responses.

Break Free from Trauma with EMDR

Work with expert EMDR therapists in Los Angeles and start your healing journey today—safe, effective, and personalized care.

Here’s how EMDR helps your body heal:

1. It Helps You Tune In to Your Body

In an EMDR session, your therapist might ask questions like: “Where do you feel that in your body?” or “What sensations are you noticing right now?” These check-ins aren’t just small talk—they’re invitations to notice how your body is reacting, which is often where trauma still lives.

2. It Uses Gentle, Rhythmic Stimulation

The back-and-forth movement in EMDR (called bilateral stimulation) doesn’t just help with memory processing—it can also calm your nervous system, similar to how rhythmic movement soothes a crying baby. Many people describe feeling more grounded, relaxed, or “unstuck” during or after EMDR.

3. It Works With How Trauma Is Stored

Trauma doesn’t just get “remembered”—it gets stored in your body. That’s why sometimes, even when you logically know you’re safe, your body might still feel panicked, frozen, or on edge. EMDR helps unlock and move through those stuck responses, so your body can finally exhale.

4. It Can Release Built-Up Physical Tension

As you process during EMDR, it’s common to experience physical shifts: a deep breath, a sudden yawn, a shiver, or tears. These are signs that your body is releasing stored energy and stress—a very good thing. It’s part of how healing happens.

Healing Isn’t Just in Your Head

If you’ve tried talk therapy before and felt like something was still missing—EMDR might be the missing piece. Because it doesn’t just help you understand your pain, it helps your body let go of it.

You don’t have to force anything. It’s gentle, structured, and honors your pace. Most importantly, it helps you heal not just in your thoughts, but in your nervous system, your body, and your sense of safety in the world.

JOHN ALLAN WHITACRE, AMFT

EMDR Therapy in Pasadena

Learn about therapy with John Allan

EMDR, Somatic Exercises

What is EMDR Therapy? How to Find an EMDR Therapist in Los Angeles

Written by herecounseling

Life can feel overwhelming at times. The constant noise, the pressure to keep up, the endless distractions. Yet beneath it you carry something heavier, too: memories that won’t let go, a tightness in your chest that creeps up uninvited, or a sense that you’re just not fully present. Many people look to EMDR for relief, a way to untangle the past and breathe a little easier. At Here Counseling, we understand how challenging it can be to find the right therapist, and we’re here to help you navigate that journey.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is more than a buzzword—it’s a powerful, somatic approach to processing trauma and experiencing peace. In this article, (1) I’ll walk you through what EMDR is, how it works, and why it’s so effective. (2) I’ll also share the practical side of finding an EMDR therapist, especially if you’re in a big city like Los Angeles, where the search can feel daunting. Most importantly, (3) I’ll show you how the real magic of EMDR happens—not just in the technique, but in the connection you build with your therapist.

Break Free from Trauma with EMDR

Work with expert EMDR therapists in Los Angeles and start your healing journey today—safe, effective, and personalized care.

What is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR therapy is an evidence-based treatment designed to help you process trauma and distressing memories. Developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s, it’s widely used for PTSD, anxiety, and more. You might have heard about the bilateral stimulation—guided eye movements, tapping, or tones—used while recalling tough moments. That’s part of it, but here’s the core: EMDR isn’t just about the mechanics. It’s about the safety and trust you feel with your therapist, which lets your brain and body release what’s been stuck.

EMDR Frequently Asked Questions: "What is EMDR? Is it Evidence-based?"

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Think of it like this: trauma can trap pieces of your past in a loop, replaying in your mind or showing up as tension you can’t explain. EMDR, paired with the right therapeutic relationship, helps unlock those pieces so they can settle into a quieter place.

How Does EMDR Therapy Work?

EMDR follows an eight-phase process that’s carefully structured to keep you grounded every step of the way:

History-Taking: We start by getting to know you—your story, your struggles, and what you want to work on.
Preparation: Your therapist helps you feel safe with tools like breathing exercises, building a foundation of trust.
Assessment: You identify the memories or beliefs that hurt—and the ones you’d like to feel instead.
Desensitization: This is where bilateral stimulation comes in, guided by your therapist, to help your brain reprocess the memory.
Installation: We reinforce positive beliefs, like “I am enough,” to take root.
Body Scan: You check in with yourself—any lingering tension?—to ensure it feels resolved.
Closure: Every session ends with calm, so you leave feeling steady.
Reevaluation: We check in later to see how you’re doing and adjust the plan if needed.

The bilateral stimulation often gets the spotlight, but the real shift happens through attunement. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a leader in developmental neurobiology, talks about co-regulation—how two people’s nervous systems sync up to create calm. In EMDR, that connection with your therapist allows your brain to rewire those old, painful pathways.

The Science Behind EMDR: It’s All About Connection

You might ask, “Do the eye movements really do all that?” They help, but the deeper healing comes from something more fundamental. Our early relationships shape the structure and function of our brains and bodies. When early relationships are unsafe, our minds respond by shutting down the emotional processes it needs to recover from harm. EMDR, done with a therapist who’s truly present, repairs that by creating a new experience of safety, which reactivates the structures the mind needs to recover from harm.

Daniel Siegel’s research supports this: when you are “attuned” to another person, your nervous system relaxes enough to process what’s been stuck. It’s like the “bilateral” movement isn’t just in your eyes or hands—it’s in you and your therapist’s brain’s activity, shifting how trauma can be experienced. That’s why the therapeutic relationship in EMDR is so vital.

View our EMDR Therapists

Common Misconceptions About EMDR Therapy

Let’s clear up some myths about EMDR:

“It’s all about the eye movements.”
Not quite. They’re a tool, but the safety with your therapist drives the change.
“It’s only for big trauma.”
False. EMDR works for everything from PTSD to everyday stress or self-doubt.
“Healing with EMDR is instant, or can be fixed in 1-2 sessions”
It’s not a quick fix. Healing unfolds over time, guided by your needs.

Finding EMDR Therapy in Los Angeles: What You Need to Know

If you’re in a big city like Los Angeles, finding the right EMDR therapist can feel like a challenge all its own. Here’s why—and how Here Counseling makes it easier.

Why it’s Hard to Find EMDR Therapists in Los Angeles

So Many Providers: LA is home to countless therapists, which sounds great until you’re overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. Sifting through them to find someone trained in EMDR can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack.
Location Matters: In a sprawling city like LA, getting to therapy can be a trek. A convenient location can make or break your ability to commit to regular sessions.
In-Person Office Space: Many therapists offer only virtual sessions these days, but EMDR often shines brightest in person. Finding someone with a dedicated office space isn’t as common as you’d think.
Parking Woes: Parking in LA can be a nightmare. Circling the block before a session isn’t exactly the calm start you want for healing.

Here Counseling is a Great Place to Start EMDR Therapy

At Here Counseling, we’ve built our practice to tackle these hurdles head-on:

Convenient Downtown Location: Our office is in the historic Biltmore Court Offices in downtown LA, putting us right in the heart of the city. It’s easy to reach, no matter where you’re coming from. We also have an office space in Pasadena if you’re closer to San Gabriel Valley.
In-Person Office Space: We believe in the power of face-to-face connection. Our welcoming, private office provides a safe space to fully engage in the EMDR process.
Accessible Parking: We’ve made sure there are nearby parking options, so you can arrive at your session relaxed, not frazzled from a parking hunt.
Expert EMDR Therapists: Our team is trained in the latest EMDR techniques and committed to creating a trusting, attuned relationship with you.

In a city as vast as Los Angeles, finding the right therapist shouldn’t add to your stress. We’re here to simplify the process, so you can focus on your healing.

Real-Life Benefits of EMDR Therapy

Imagine this:

Moving through your day without that familiar dread.
Feeling lighter in your own skin, free from “what ifs.”
Connecting with others without old pain creeping in.

These aren’t just hopes—clients tell us this is what EMDR can unlock. It’s not about erasing the past; it’s about making it something you can live with, not fight against.

Is EMDR Therapy Right for You?

Ask yourself:

Do you feel trapped by worry, sadness, or memories?
Does something from your past still pull you back?
Are you ready to feel supported as you heal?

If that rings true, EMDR could be your next step. We offer a free consultation to explore it together—no pressure, just clarity.

Find EMDR Support That Works

Discover how EMDR therapy can help you heal deep emotional wounds. Book a consultation with a certified therapist near you.

Ready to Start Healing?

You don’t have to carry this alone. EMDR therapy can help you process what’s been holding you back and step into a freer version of yourself. At Here Counseling, we’re here to walk with you.

View our EMDR Therapists

Quick Answers about EMDR in Los Angeles

What is EMDR therapy?
EMDR is a trauma therapy that uses a structured process, including bilateral stimulation, to help you process painful memories with a therapist’s support.
How does EMDR therapy work?
It works by creating safety with your therapist, using bilateral stimulation to reprocess trauma and calm your nervous system.
What are the benefits of EMDR?
EMDR can reduce anxiety, lighten emotional burdens, and help you feel more present and connected.
Who can benefit from EMDR therapy?
Anyone with trauma, stress, or lingering emotional pain—big or small—can find relief with EMDR.
How do I find an EMDR therapist in Los Angeles?
Look for a therapist with a convenient location, in-person office space, and accessible parking. Here Counseling offers all this in downtown LA at the Biltmore Court Offices, and in Pasadena.

Anxiety, Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

People Pleasing? How to Make Your Own Decisions When It Causes Conflict

Written by juliawilson

Sometimes, you can’t seem to make a decision for yourself. It’s easy, instead, to wonder about the rippling effects your choice will have on others. You lie awake at night with racing thoughts, you do a bunch of research, you might even ask ChatGPT, but you wish you could make decisions painlessly. This can leave us wondering what to do when others express an opinion about our lives. You feel out of control, and like whatever you decide is a lose-lose. This feeling is normal, and it’s telling us something.

The real problem is not that you can’t decide; it’s that obstacles are getting in the way. Making a decision is about listening to yourself and trusting your communication with others. When done well, it doesn’t involve exorbitant effort. Decision-making can look painless. Let us explore obstacles to decision-making and then ideas for making your own decisions so that you can find peace today.

Break Free from People-Pleasing

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Three obstacles to making your own decisions

We all make hundreds of decisions every day. But sometimes we find ourselves stuck with a certain decision. Something is interfering with your intuition. Here are 3 categories for the obstacles that are blocking you from making the decision:

1. You fear disappointment from people you are close to.

It’s a terrible feeling to disappoint someone you care about. Behind this feeling is a fear that people will leave. You feel that you cannot make this decision without losing people you care about. When we are scared, people will abandon us, decisions become paralyzing.

2. You fear disappointing yourself.

What if you make a decision and it turns out horribly? You’ve probably thought of this, of course. Your mind might run on all the terrible ways this thing could turn out. It feels as if you make the ‘wrong’ decision, you will not only have failed at this specific thing, but you will prove to yourself that you are a failure. This feeling is shame. When we feel the pressure of shame rise, it interferes with our ability to make a decision.

3. You’re checked out.

You’re worried you’ll make a decision, and things won’t work out again. You’ll put yourself out there, and you’ll be disappointed, so you don’t decide. Instead, you tell yourself you don’t care. You’re left feeling disconnected from yourself and what you really want. When we are unable to name and claim our desires, making a decision is difficult.

Three ideas for how to make your own decisions

You want to be more confident in your decision-making process because the process you’re using right now just isn’t working. Here are a few ideas to help you think through your own process for making difficult decisions when they cause you conflict:

1. Connect to yourself

We make decisions from the people that we are. This means that our decisions are deeply connected to our values and desires. Sometimes we are consciously aware of our values and desires, but other times they operate unconsciously. This means that we need to ground ourselves in order to be more connected to those values and desires. It might feel silly, but I believe some of these practices, practices that help you connect with yourself, can play a helpful role in making a decision.

What are the ways that you connect with yourself? Here is a list of a few ideas for you to try:

Mindfulness
Journaling
Making art
Listening to or playing music
Gathering around a meal with loved ones
Walking or other forms of exercise
Planting a garden

As you engage with practices that connect you to yourself, notice how you are feeling and what you want. If you experience barriers to connecting with yourself, what are they? How might you acknowledge them without judgment and remove them?

2. Accept the ambivalence and work through it

Often, decisions come with a flood of emotions:

Panic
Fear
Self-doubt
Anxiety
Excitement
Dread

These emotions might impact our sleep. You might feel like you have a shorter fuse. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common. In fact, they are very normal. What’s important is that you learn to practice an acceptance of these feelings.

Often, when this flood of emotions comes, we feel a push and pull of excitement and dread. Ambivalence is like you are at a crossroads, and both paths have wildflowers and weeds. Ambivalence is often heightened when a decision you are making causes conflict.

If you are conflict-avoidant, the mere possibility of conflict may sway you towards a certain side of the decision. If the type of conflict the outcome of this decision might cause seems particularly stressful, the anticipation of these feelings is likely impacting your experience of making the decision.

What you can do:

In all of our decision-making processes, whether or not we acknowledge them, we experience certain feelings throughout. One way to ensure that we both honor our feelings and help them guide us healthily is through the acknowledgement and acceptance of these feelings. As you reflect honestly on what ambivalent emotions you may be feeling, pretend that each feeling is a signal. What might it be signaling you towards? For example, if one of the feelings that comes up is fear, specifically fear of a loved one’s response, the signal might be to create a plan for how to communicate either the fear or the decision outcome to that person.

You might dread telling people your decision, and creating conflict feels like the last thing you want to do. But here’s why it’s important and how you can do it.

Plan out how you are going to boundary your conversation. These boundaries involve time – how much time are you willing to have a conversation for? These boundaries also involve what you are going to communicate. How much information are you going to share? Do you want to let them into your decision-making process or simply tell them the outcome? You get to choose the medium of communication. In a professional relationship, does this require an email or a phone call? What about a more personal relationship? Do you want to communicate this in person or over FaceTime?

Reclaim Your Voice & Choices

Struggling with conflict from saying “no”? Our therapists help you prioritize your needs without guilt.

Quick Conversation Tips to Consider:

Before the conversation, check in with your emotional readiness—are you regulated enough to hold your ground without engaging in old patterns?
Remind yourself how you arrived at this decision and the hard work you put into it. Tell yourself that you worked hard and can trust yourself.
Think about what you might need after the conversation. Do you need time to decompress? A walk? Support from someone else? Planning for post-conversation care can help you recover and reset.

It’s okay to feel anxious and overwhelmed by the decision-making process. If you’re feeling scared to share your decision with people you care about, you’re not alone. I help people just like you. We can help you learn how to navigate the intense emotions that come with decisions that cause conflict. Click below and schedule a free consultation today.

Learn about Therapy with Julia

Sources: Psychology Today Staff. (2025). Decision-making. Decision-Making. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/decision-making.

Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

Addiction Impacting your Relationship? How to Talk with Your Partner about Couples Therapy

Written by herecounseling

Addiction—to pornography, gambling, or alcohol—casts a long shadow over relationships, often fracturing trust, draining finances, and eroding emotional intimacy. We’ll address pressing questions partners often ask:

Why does my partner behave this way?
How is the addiction affecting our relationship?
Am I to blame for their addiction?
How can I broach the topic of couples therapy?

How Addiction Impacts Couples

The following stories, pulled from Reddit posts, offer a glimpse into the pain and complexity of loving someone with an addiction. These anonymous quotes reflect the emotional, financial, and relational toll of pornography, gambling, and alcohol addiction.

Don’t Let Addiction Break Your Bond

Couples therapy can help you rebuild trust, improve communication, and heal together—take the first step today.

Pornography Addiction

Partners of those addicted to pornography often describe feelings of betrayal, inadequacy, and a crumbling sense of intimacy. The addiction can feel like an invisible rival, sapping the relationship of closeness.

“I found out he’s been watching porn for hours every night. I feel like I’m not enough, like I’m competing with something I can’t match. We barely touch anymore, and when we do, it feels empty.”
“He promised he’d stop, but I keep finding new tabs, new excuses. It’s like he’s choosing those videos over me, and I don’t know how to make him see how much it hurts.”

These stories highlight the emotional exhaustion and self-doubt partners face, often questioning their worth while grappling with broken promises.

Gambling Addiction

Gambling addiction frequently brings financial devastation and a web of lies, leaving partners to pick up the pieces while trust erodes.

“We’re drowning in debt because of his gambling. He sold my old laptop to bet more, and I didn’t even know until the buyer contacted me. How do you trust someone after that?”
“He keeps saying it’s just one more bet to win it all back, but we’ve lost everything—savings, our car, my peace of mind. I’m so tired of his lies.”

These accounts reveal the chaos of financial ruin and the sting of deception, with partners often discovering the addiction’s extent only after significant damage.

Alcohol Addiction

Alcohol addiction transforms partners into strangers, introducing unpredictability, manipulation, and sometimes fear into the relationship.

“When he drinks, he’s someone else—angry, cruel, gone. I’m walking on eggshells, never knowing if he’ll be sober or a mess when I get home.”
“He lies about where he’s been, how much he’s had. I’m so drained from pretending everything’s fine when I know he’s hiding bottles again.”

These quotes capture the emotional toll of living with an alcoholic partner, where love is tested against constant uncertainty and manipulation.

Addiction and Accommodation

In our therapy practice in Pasadena, we often see couples for whom addiction has become a central feature of their relationship. Sometimes the addiction starts before the relationship, other times, it develops over time within the relationship. Either way, addiction isn’t simply an individual behavior; it quickly becomes part of the harmful pattern the couple experiences.

For the addict, the addiction can sometimes be a cry for help. It’s often an act of withdrawal from emotional pain that serves to both mask and express the person’s inner world. It can be a way of expressing to the partner “I’m going to tell you, through my actions, just how much I feel like life is too much to handle.” This places an unfair and difficult to resolve tension on the relationship.

For the partner of the addict, the addictive behavior can cause many understandable emotions. Some partners unwittingly enable the addictive behavior by either outright accommodating the behavior, or even simply by suppressing the impact the behavior is having on them. These partners will remain quiet, even when emotionally they feel angry, overwhelmed, and anxious about the addictive behaviors.

For this reason, it’s helpful to think about something called pathological accommodation whenever we think about addiction and couples. Pathological accommodation describes a pattern where one partner excessively adjusts their behavior to meet the other’s needs, often sacrificing their own well-being. In relationships with addiction, Both partners can suffer from pathological accommodation.

How does pathological accommodation impact couples with addiction?

According to intersubjective systems theory (Jones, 2009, Addiction and Pathological Accommodation), pathological accommodation often stems from early experiences where differentiation—the ability to maintain a distinct sense of self—was stifled.

In such dynamics, the accommodating partner may take on excessive responsibility for the relationship’s stability, enabling the addict by shielding them from consequences. For example, covering up lies or managing finances alone can reduce the addict’s incentive to change.

For the addict, pathological accommodation is sometimes a driving force for addictive behavior. When a person experiences live as a series of unavoidable demands, addictive behaviors function like an escape hatch. They may feel that they’re only able to escape accommodation by drinking.

Answering Key Questions

For partners navigating the turmoil of addiction, here are answers to common questions, informed by Reddit stories and the lens of pathological accommodation:

1. Why does my partner have addictive behaviors?

Addiction often serves as an escape from deeper issues like stress, trauma, or emotional disconnection. Your partner’s behavior—whether compulsively watching pornography, gambling, or drinking—may be their attempt to cope with these struggles. They may tend to avoid accountability, retreating further into addiction. As seen in Reddit posts, partners describe addicts as “someone else” when under the influence, highlighting how addiction hijacks their behavior, not your worth or actions.

2. How is the addictive behavior impacting our relationship?

The Reddit stories paint a vivid picture of addiction’s toll:

Broken Trust: Lies about pornography use or gambling debts, as in “He keeps saying it’s just one more bet,” shatter trust.
Emotional Disconnect: Partners feel neglected, as seen in “We barely touch anymore,” with addiction consuming the addict’s attention.
Financial Ruin: Gambling or alcohol can drain resources, with one user noting, “We’ve lost everything—savings, our car.”
Instability: Alcohol’s unpredictability, like “walking on eggshells,” creates a volatile home life.
Self-Esteem Damage: Partners of porn addicts, for example, feel inadequate, as in “I’m competing with something I can’t match.”

3. Is it my fault my partner is addicted to a substance?

No, you are not to blame for your partner’s addiction. Addiction stems from a web of factors, including your partner’s own psychological and biological predispositions. Your partner’s addiction behaviors are their own responsibility. Emotional boundaries are incredibly important for a couple who is struggling with addictive behaviors. It’s important for each partner to own and express their own feelings and needs.

Heal Together, Not Alone

Facing addiction in your relationship? Get expert support to navigate the pain and reconnect with your partner.

4. How can I talk with my partner about their addiction to start couples therapy?

Broaching this conversation requires care, especially to avoid reinforcing accommodating patterns. Here’s how, inspired by Reddit advice and therapeutic principles:

Pick a Calm Moment: Choose a time when your partner is sober and you’re both relaxed to ensure a productive dialogue.
Use “I” Statements: Say, “I feel hurt and worried about how your [addiction] is affecting us,” to express your pain without blame, echoing Reddit users’ calls for honest communication.
Propose Therapy as a Team Effort: Suggest, “I think couples therapy could help us understand each other and rebuild. I want us to face this together,” framing it as a shared goal.
Set Clear Boundaries: State what you won’t tolerate, like, “I can’t keep covering for you, but I’ll support you if you seek help,” breaking the cycle of accommodation.
Expect Pushback: As Reddit users note, addicts may deny or deflect. Stay firm yet empathetic, reiterating your commitment to the relationship’s health.

Couples therapy can help unravel the addiction and accommodation patterns, fostering communication and accountability for both partners.

Addiction to pornography, gambling, or alcohol ravages relationships. Many couples can attest to the heartbreak of broken trust, financial ruin, and emotional distance. Partners are not to blame for the addiction, but understanding the emotional pattern empowers them to set boundaries and seek change. By initiating honest conversations and pursuing couples therapy, couples can begin to heal, reclaiming their relationship from the grip of addiction.

View Available Couples Therapists

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Anxiety, Neurology, Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] Understanding Your Body’s Signals: A Neurologic Physical Therapist’s Insights on Pain, Healing, and Hope

Written by herecounseling

Living with unexplained dizziness, tremors, or weakness can feel like a daily battle. You might wake up dreading the moment you turn your head, fearing that spinning sensation will return. Or perhaps your hands shake when you reach for a cup, and you wonder if it’s all in your head—or if something’s seriously wrong. These symptoms can make you feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for answers.

At Casa Colina Hospital in Pomona, neurologic physical therapist Dan Humphrey works with people just like you, helping them navigate neurologic and somatic symptoms to reclaim their lives. In a recent podcast, Dan shared profound insights about how our bodies process pain, the power of neuroplasticity, and the surprising connection between mind and body. Here are the key lessons to help you understand your symptoms and find a path forward.

Your Body Is Speaking—Are You Listening?

Discover how neurologic physical therapy can decode your pain, promote healing, and restore hope to your journey.

Lesson 1: Your Brain Can Rewire Itself to Heal

If you’re struggling with symptoms like dizziness or weakness after a stroke, brain injury, or even stress, it’s easy to feel like your body is broken. But Dan emphasizes the incredible power of neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to adapt and rewire itself. “We’re really relying on the neuroplasticity of the brain, the ability of the brain to change,” Dan explains. This means that even if part of your brain is damaged, nearby areas can step in to help, like borrowing strength from a neighboring bridge strut when one is weakened.

What This Means for You: Your symptoms don’t have to define you forever. Through targeted exercises and strategies, a neurologic physical therapist can guide your brain to form new pathways. For example, if you’ve lost strength in one hand after a stroke, practicing tasks like writing with that hand—even when it feels exhausting—can retrain your brain. Ask yourself: What small, meaningful task (like holding a pen or walking to the mailbox) could you practice to start this rewiring process?

Lesson 2: Pain and Symptoms Often Have Emotional Roots

You might feel your symptoms physically—shaking, dizziness, or numbness—but Dan’s work reveals that these can stem from emotional or psychological stress, especially in conditions like functional neurologic disorder (FND). He describes a patient who felt unsteady months after an ear infection cleared, driven by fear that moving her head would trigger vertigo again. “This was fear avoidant behavior,” Dan notes, treated through gradual exposure to movement, like picking up objects from the floor. This isn’t “all in your head” in a dismissive way—your brain’s fear response is amplifying real physical sensations.

What This Means for You: If you avoid activities like bending over or going outside because you’re scared of triggering symptoms, your brain might be stuck in a protective mode. This doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real; it means your nervous system is on high alert. Working with a therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or habituation techniques can help you safely face these triggers. Try this: Next time you feel a symptom flare, pause and ask, “Am I feeling anxious or unsafe?” Naming the emotion can be a first step to calming your body’s response.

Lesson 3: Meaningful Goals Make Healing Possible

Rehabilitation can feel grueling, especially when symptoms make everyday tasks daunting. Dan stresses that healing happens when you have a reason to push through. He worked with a patient with a spinal cord injury who loved fishing, so therapy focused on getting him back on a boat—not fixing his injury entirely, but enabling what mattered most. “How can we still get you doing the things that you care about?” Dan asks. This salience, or personal importance, drives your brain to adapt.

What This Means for You: Think about what you miss most—writing a note to a loved one, playing with your kids, or even gardening. These goals give your brain a “why” to rewire itself. Share these with your therapist so they can tailor exercises to what lights you up. For instance, if you want to write birthday cards again, practicing hand movements with that goal in mind can feel less like a chore and more like a step toward joy. What’s one activity you’d love to reclaim, and how could you start practicing it today?

Lesson 4: Your Mind and Body Are Inseparable

You might feel frustrated when doctors can’t find a clear cause for your symptoms on a scan, or worse, suggest it’s “psychological.” Dan challenges this outdated separation of mind and body, rooted in historical ideas from philosophers like Plato. Modern science shows “very real interactions between the mind and body that require treatment in both senses,” he says. For example, a woman with tremors had no physical cause on tests, but her symptoms eased when Dan helped her face feared movements in a safe space, reducing her brain’s stress response.

What This Means for You: Your symptoms might feel purely physical, but stress, trauma, or anxiety can amplify them. This isn’t your fault—it’s how your brain prioritizes threats. A holistic approach, combining physical therapy with mental health support, can address both sides. If you’re told “it’s all in your head,” seek providers who validate your experience and offer tools like graded exposure or mindfulness. Reflect: Could talking to a counselor about stress or past trauma complement your physical therapy?

Lesson 5: You Have the Power to Take Charge

It’s easy to feel helpless when symptoms persist, especially if you’ve tried treatments that didn’t work. Dan believes in self-efficacy—empowering you to drive your own recovery. He tells patients, “I didn’t do anything. I just bossed you around!” to emphasize their role in their success. For one patient, suggesting she find her own path outside his care sparked a shift toward ownership. “The work’s been done… This for the rest is up to you,” Dan says.

What This Means for You: You’re not just a passenger in your healing journey. Small choices—like doing prescribed exercises, asking questions about your treatment, or exploring new therapies—build confidence. If a provider’s approach isn’t clicking, it’s okay to seek someone who resonates with you. A strong therapeutic alliance, where you feel heard and supported, can make all the difference. Try this: Write down one question to ask your doctor or therapist at your next visit to feel more in control.

Healing Starts With Understanding

Learn how personalized care from a neurologic physical therapist can help you reconnect with your body and regain your life.

A Path Forward for Your Healing

Your symptoms—whether dizziness, tremors, or unexplained pain—are real, and they’re your body’s way of signaling that it needs help. As Dan Humphrey’s work shows, healing isn’t just about fixing a broken part; it’s about teaching your brain new ways to move, calming its fear responses, and reconnecting with what makes life meaningful. Your brain is adaptable, your emotions are valid, and you have the strength to take charge.

If you’re ready to explore these ideas, consider reaching out to a neurologic physical therapist or a mental health professional who understands the mind-body connection. At Casa Colina, experts like Dan are dedicated to helping you rebuild independence, one meaningful step at a time. What’s the first step you’ll take today to listen to your body and start healing?

Our Pasadena Therapists

Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions

How Does Trauma Change my Brain? Discover How Your Brain is Built to Heal

Written by herecounseling

Trauma can leave a lasting mark on your life—maybe you’re on edge all the time, or it’s hard to feel like yourself. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Trauma changes how your brain works, but here’s the good news: your brain can heal. This blog is for anyone thinking about starting trauma therapy. We’ll answer common questions you might have about what trauma does to your brain, why it feels so overwhelming, and how therapy can help you take back control.

Questions about how trauma impacts your brain:

Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?
Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?
Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?
How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?
Can my brain really heal from trauma?
How can therapy help my brain process trauma?
How does trauma affect my focus, relationships, or health?

Trauma Reshapes the Brain—But So Can Healing

Explore how your brain is wired for recovery and how therapy can help you reclaim peace and balance.

Q1: Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?

Our brains are shaped by our experiences, especially emotional and social ones. The prefrontal cortex, a key part of your brain, helps you feel safe and navigate relationships. It prioritizes learning how relationships work and what can go wrong. When you’ve experienced significant emotional or relational trauma, your brain shows some general changes. You might notice reduced activity in the prefrontal areas, which help with reasoning and emotional control, and hyper-arousal in limbic areas, like the amygdala, which signal danger.

This hyper-arousal means your brain is constantly anticipating a catastrophe, much like someone with a past back injury who stays tense to protect themselves. You might feel hyper-vigilant, always watching for the next “attack.” This makes it hard to regulate emotions, which involves both sides of your frontal lobe—areas responsible for narration, language, reason, morality, comfort, and inhibition. These areas need a lot of energy, and when you’re in a fight-or-flight state, it’s tough to access them without help from caring people.

Memory is affected too. Forming memories often requires your frontal lobe to focus attention, but trauma can make this difficult. Your hippocampus, which helps store memories, shows reduced activity, and old fear patterns take over. Here’s what this might look like:

What You Might Feel	What’s Happening in Your Brain	Brain Area Involved
Constantly on edge or jumpy	Your brain’s alarm system is overly active	Amygdala
Struggling to control emotions	The “calm down” part is overwhelmed	Prefrontal Cortex
Memory gaps or feeling disconnected	Stress disrupts your memory storage	Hippocampus

These changes vary depending on the trauma and your support system, both then and now.

What this looks like day-to-day

If you feel panicked in crowded places, it might be your amygdala overreacting, like a car alarm going off at a leaf falling.

What the research says

Shin et al. (2005) found increased amygdala activity and decreased prefrontal cortex activation in PTSD, explaining hyper-vigilance and emotional struggles. A functional magnetic resonance imaging study of amygdala and medial prefrontal cortex responses to overtly presented fearful faces in posttraumatic stress disorder

Quick tips on trauma, emotions, and memory:

Trauma reduces activity in your prefrontal cortex, making emotional control harder.
Hyper-active limbic areas keep you on edge, anticipating danger.
Memory formation suffers due to stress on the hippocampus.
Support from others can help your brain recover.

Q2: Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?

There’s a big difference between one-time trauma and ongoing trauma in how your brain learns to develop, manage information, and respond. A single event, like a car accident or a betrayal, creates specific issues that don’t usually spread to every part of your life. For example, if you had a secure childhood with supportive mentors but experienced a car crash, you might get anxious about driving but not feel generally unsafe.

Chronic trauma, like ongoing childhood maltreatment, tends to generalize, affecting how your brain organizes and responds to all information. Daniel Stern, a developmental psychologist, called these “Representations of Interactions that have been Generalized” (RIGs). The earlier and more pervasive the trauma, the more it shapes your mental activity. For instance, if you faced abandonment before age two, it’s more likely to develop into a personality disorder. Later one-time events might lead to something like depression or specific fears instead.

What experts say about early trauma

“The infant’s experience is organized by repeated interactions with caregivers, forming generalized representations that shape future expectations.” – Daniel Stern, The Interpersonal World of the Infant (1985) [https://www.basicbooks.com/titles/daniel-n-stern/the-interpersonal-world-of-the-infant/9780465095897/]

Chronic trauma in early life can make you expect danger everywhere, but even specific traumas can feel heavy—both can be worked through in therapy.

De Bellis (2002) showed that early maltreatment has lasting effects on brain development, supporting the idea of generalized impacts. Developmental traumatology: The psychobiological development of maltreated children and its implications for research, treatment, and policy

Quick tips on chronic trauma vs episodic trauma

One-time trauma creates specific triggers, like fear of driving after an accident.
Chronic trauma affects how your brain handles all information.
Early trauma, especially before age two, can lead to deeper issues like personality disorders.
Your unique experience shapes how trauma affects you.

Q3: Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?

Genetics are complex, and we’re just starting to understand them. Years ago, we thought genes directly controlled how our brains and bodies respond, but it’s more nuanced. Your lived experiences can influence how your genes are expressed and even affect what you pass on to your kids through epigenetics. Roughly, about 50% of how you respond to trauma is genetic, and 50% is your life experiences. But we might be overestimating the role of genetics—your environment, like the support you have, matters a lot.

For example, if you have a supportive friend or family member, it can make trauma feel less overwhelming. Without that, your brain might struggle more to process the stress.

True et al. (1993) estimated 30-40% heritability for PTSD, showing genetics play a role but not the whole story. A twin study of genetic and environmental contributions to liability for posttraumatic stress symptoms

For example, if you grew up with a loving caregiver, your brain might lean on that strength to cope with a later trauma, like a job loss, compared to someone without that support.

Quick tips on genetics and trauma

Genetics influence about half of how trauma affects you, but experiences are just as important.
Supportive relationships can lessen trauma’s impact.
Your unique background shapes your brain’s response.

Q4: How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?

Your brain’s chemical systems, like the HPA axis and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine), play a big role in how trauma affects you. Serotonin, which we can think of as your “social belonging” system, helps you feel safe and resilient. When it’s low, you might feel disconnected or lonely. Dopamine is about agency and motivation—when it’s off, you might struggle to focus on goals or feel hopeful. Norepinephrine fuels your energy to respond to situations, but chronic stress can exhaust this system, leading to what’s sometimes called adrenal fatigue, where you feel drained and overwhelmed.

For example, in a fight-or-flight state, your HPA axis might be overworked, leaving you feeling wired but tired. Therapy can help by restoring safety, which lets these systems recover.

Yehuda (2002) noted HPA axis changes in PTSD, linking chronic stress to exhaustion. Post-traumatic stress disorder

Feeling tired or disconnected isn’t just “in your head”—it’s your brain’s chemistry reacting to stress, and therapy can help balance it.

Quick tips on trauma and brain chemistry

Low serotonin can make you feel disconnected from others.
Low dopamine reduces motivation and focus.
Overworked norepinephrine and HPA axis lead to adrenal fatigue.
Safety through therapy helps these systems recover.

Q5: Can my brain really heal from trauma?

Yes, your brain can heal through neuroplasticity, its ability to adapt and reorganize. When you’re younger, your brain is more flexible, quickly adapting to your environment. But even as an adult, this capacity fluctuates. When you feel fearful and alone, your brain becomes less open to new information—it’s like it’s locked in survival mode. But when you feel safe and secure, your brain can afford the energy to reorganize and heal. Social relationships, like those with a therapist or loved ones, are key to making this happen.

Davidson & McEwen (2012) found that social support promotes neuroplasticity, aiding recovery. Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being

For example, imagine your brain like a garden path—trauma might have worn it down, but therapy is like planting new seeds with someone guiding you.

Quick tips on healing from trauma and neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity lets your brain adapt and heal.
Feeling safe with others makes your brain more flexible.
Therapy creates the conditions for healing.

Q6: How can therapy help my brain process trauma?

Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) help your brain heal. EMDR promotes safety through its structured approach, oscillating between facing painful memories and returning to a calm state. This helps your brain process trauma through bilateral stimulation, though some studies suggest the real benefit comes from the therapist’s ability to co-regulate with you—helping you feel safe enough to process overwhelming emotions. The therapist’s presence is like borrowing their calm to handle what feels too big alone.

Stickgold (2002) suggested EMDR’s bilateral stimulation mimics REM sleep, aiding memory processing. EMDR: A putative neurobiological mechanism of action

Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about helping your brain feel safe to engage in a natural healing mode.

Your Brain Can Heal—Let’s Begin That Journey

Understand the science of trauma and discover how compassionate therapy supports lasting transformation.

Quick tips on trauma therapy

EMDR helps by alternating between pain and safety, with the therapist’s support.
The therapeutic relationship is key to processing overwhelming emotions.
Safety helps you heal

Q7: How does trauma impact my brain’s structure?

Beyond the well-known brain areas, trauma affects other regions like the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is shaped by secure mentorship and parenting. The ACC helps you lean into challenges, knowing you can bounce back. When trauma leaves you feeling alone, this area can become deficient, making you feel like all pain must be avoided or that there’s no way out. This can show up as trouble focusing (like in ADHD), difficulty trusting others, or even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue from stress.

For example, you might avoid social events because they feel overwhelming, or you might get sick more often because stress weakens your body. Therapy can help by rebuilding these brain areas, improving your focus, connections, and health.

Thomaes et al. (2013) found altered ACC function in complex PTSD, affecting emotion regulation and focus. Increased anterior cingulate cortex and hippocampus activation in Complex PTSD during encoding of negative words

For example, if you struggle to finish tasks because your mind feels scattered, it might be your ACC reacting to past trauma—but therapy can help you regain clarity.

Quick tips on trauma and brain structures

Trauma affects the ACC, making it hard to focus or face challenges.
This can lead to struggles with relationships or physical health.
Therapy helps rebuild these brain areas for better functioning.

Take the First Step with Trauma Therapy

Trauma may have changed your brain, but it doesn’t define you. With therapy, you can feel calmer, more connected, and in control again. If you’re thinking about starting trauma therapy, you’re already taking a brave step. Reach out to us (#) to learn how we can support your healing journey. You don’t have to do this alone—your brain is ready to heal, and we’re here to help.

Our Trauma Therapists

Healthy Relationships

Top 5 Reasons Couples Go to Therapy in Pasadena

Written by herecounseling

Is couples therapy in Pasadena right for your relationship? We crawled though forums and reviews to give you the common issues that cause people to start couples therapy in Pasadena.

If you’re reading this, chances are your relationship feels like it’s hit a wall. Maybe you’re caught in a cycle of arguments that never resolve, or perhaps there’s a quiet distance growing between you and your partner that you can’t quite explain. You might feel overwhelmed, confused, or even a little ashamed for wondering if therapy could help. First, let me say this: you’re not alone in feeling this way. Relationships are messy, and right now, you’re probably wrestling with some big questions about what’s normal and whether seeking help is the right move.

Here’s what might be running through your mind:

Is my relationship really in trouble, or is this just a rough patch?
Are we the only couple struggling like this?
Will therapy actually fix anything, or is it just a waste of time?
What if my partner thinks therapy is ridiculous and won’t go?
How do I even find someone in Pasadena who can help us?

These doubts are totally valid. And they often come up because something in your relationship feels off—enough to make you wonder if couples therapy might be the answer.

Signs that point couples toward starting couples therapy

Endless arguments over little stuff, like who’s supposed to do the dishes.
A disconnect that’s left you feeling more like roommates than lovers.
Trust issues—maybe from infidelity or just a nagging sense of doubt.
Conversations that always end in frustration because you can’t get through to each other.
A drop-off in intimacy, leaving you lonely even when you’re together.
Big fights about money, kids, or the future that keep coming up unresolved.

If any of this hits home, take a deep breath. These struggles don’t mean your relationship is doomed—they mean you’re human. And here’s the thing: plenty of couples in Pasadena are dealing with the exact same stuff. You might look around at the happy faces at Old Town cafes or the Rose Bowl and think everyone else has it together, but that’s not the full story. Behind closed doors, many are quietly wondering, “Is it normal to need help?” Spoiler: yes, it absolutely is. Seeking therapy isn’t a red flag—it’s a sign you’re ready to fight for what matters. In a bustling place like Pasadena, where life’s pressures can amplify relationship stress, turning to a professional isn’t just common; it’s smart.

Strengthen Your Relationship with Expert Couples Therapy

Whether you’re facing communication issues or feeling disconnected, compassionate support is available. Start couples therapy in Pasadena and rebuild your bond—together.

We did the research: Here’s what Pasadena Couples are Saying

We searched forums and reviews that featured Pasadena couples looking for therapy. These are real reviews and comments on real experiences—not polished therapist websites. Then we grouped comments into categories so you can see the kinds of issues Pasadena couples are facing.

Here’s what each reason looks like, complete with a quote from a real person, an overview of the core issue, a daily example, and the core EFT skill that can help.

#1: Heated Arguments

Pasadena Couples on Heated Arguments:

“We can’t even discuss dinner plans without yelling. It’s exhausting.”

How do heated arguments impact couples?

When communication breaks down, small misunderstandings can snowball into major conflicts and heated arguments. Couples might feel like they’re speaking different languages, leaving them frustrated and disconnected. They might yell or have difficulty resolving an argument. For some couples, the same heated argument comes up over and over with no real resolution.

For example, one partner tries to plan a weekend getaway, suggesting a beach trip. The other, feeling ignored, snaps, “You never consider what I want!” Instead of resolving it, the discussion spirals into a shouting match about unrelated past issues.

What skill helps with heated arguments?

Couples with heated arguments need the safety to slow down and express the emotions beneath the surface—like feeling unappreciated or afraid of being dismissed. This shift is what EFT calls moving from “secondary affect” to “primary affect”. This shift helps them respond to each other’s deeper needs instead of just the words being thrown around, increasing connection and affection.

#2: Infidelity

Pasadena Couples on Infidelity:

“After they cheated, I want to move on, but I can’t stop doubting them.”

How does infidelity impact couples?

Trust is the bedrock of a relationship, and when it’s shattered—whether by infidelity or smaller betrayals—the emotional fallout can feel like an open wound. Couples in this situation on average spend up to 5 years (if without therapy) resolving the issue, if it doesn’t end the relationship.

One partner might compulsively check the other’s phone, haunted by the fear of being hurt again. Even a simple “I’ll be late from work” text can spark tension, suspicion, and a cold silence that lasts all night.

What skill helps couples repair from infidelity?

Therapy will help both partners learn to face the pain head-on. The one who broke trust learns to own the damage and offer consistent reassurance, while the hurt partner voices their need for safety. Together, they rebuild a secure attachment step by step. It involves the difficult but important work of expressing emotionally without suppressing, and taking responsibility without being overwhelmed by shame.

#3: Intimacy and Sex issues

Pasadena Couples on Intimacy and Sex:

“We haven’t touched each other in weeks. I don’t know how to bring it up.”

How do problems with intimacy and sex impact couples?

Intimacy goes beyond the physical—it’s about feeling truly connected. When that fades, couples can end up feeling like strangers, even when they’re side by side. This disconnection cascades into other areas of the couple’s lives, often spurring on heated arguments, resentment, and distance.

Couples who have problems with intimacy and sex can feel distant all the time. Evenings once spent cuddling now involve scrolling phones in silence or watching separate shows. Attempts at deeper talks fizzle out, leaving a quiet ache of loneliness.

What skill helps couples with intimacy and sex issues?

Within an EFT framework, couples work on naming and sharing their vulnerable feelings—like the longing to feel wanted or close again. By opening up, they start to mend the emotional distance and rediscover their bond. The issue isn’t usually with sex itself, but with obstacles to emotional closeness or safety that have built up over time, even from before the start of the relationship. Couples can learn the skill of making room to talk about their fears, insecurities, and even resentments. This can help couples move through these issues and create intimacy again.

#4: Life Transitions

Pasadena Couples on Life Transitions:

“Since we moved here for work, it’s like we’re strangers arguing all the time.”

How do life transitions impact couples in Pasadena?

Major life changes—whether it’s a new baby, a move, or a career shift—can throw a relationship off balance. Couples might struggle to adapt, feeling out of sync with each other.

For example, after having a baby, one partner feels swamped by diaper duty while the other feels pushed aside. What starts as a discussion about chores turns into a heated argument about who’s sacrificing more. The new change puts stress on the relationship, exposing cracks that usually remain suppressed.

What skill helps couples through life transitions?

In therapy couples learn to express how these changes stir up attachment fears—like feeling abandoned or overwhelmed. They learn to ask for support and offer comfort, keeping their connection strong through the storm. This skill makes the difference between being overwhelmed and disconnected, and being close and safe together.

#5: Addiction

Pasadena Couples on Addiction:

“I never thought my partner’s drinking would affect us this much. It’s like we’re constantly walking on eggshells, and I don’t know how to help anymore.”

How Addiction impacts Couples in Pasadena

Addiction—whether to substances, gambling, or behaviors—can devastate a relationship, creating a web of codependency, mistrust, and emotional pain. It’s a common reason couples seek help, as it erodes the foundation of their bond.

For example, one partner comes home late, again, smelling of alcohol. The other, exhausted and hurt, tries to confont them, but it ends in defensiveness and withdrawal. The cycle repeats, leaving both feeling trapped and helpless. Sometimes one partner will feel like it’s all up to them to help the other stop the addiction or get help, creating resentment and further issues.

What skill helps couples overcome addiction wounds?

In couples therapy, couples learn to explore the emotional triggers and unmet attachment needs driving the addiction. Therapy creates a safe space for both to express their pain and fears, helping them rebuild trust and address the root causes together. This core skill is the domino that helps couples create further change and address the addiction pattern long term. Our therapist, McKenzie Laird, works often with couples in this situation.

Quick Guide to Pasadena Couples Therapy Issues

Here’s a quick snapshot of these challenges in a table, summarizing the reasons couples in Pasadena are seeking therapy. These insights are generated from forums and reviews from couples in Pasadena:

Couples Issue	What it Looks Like	Quotes from Pasadena Couples
Heated Arguments	Arguments that spiral, feeling unheard, or talking past each other.	“We can’t even discuss dinner plans without yelling. It’s exhausting.”
Infidelity	Suspicion, betrayal, or a trust gap that won’t close.	“After they cheated, I want to move on, but I can’t stop doubting them.”
Intimacy and Sex Issues	Emotional or physical distance that leaves you disconnected.	“We haven’t touched each other in weeks. I don’t know how to bring it up.”
Life Transitions	Stress from kids, moves, or jobs throwing everything off balance.	“Since we moved here for work, it’s like we’re strangers arguing all the time.”
Addiction	Cycles of substance use or behaviors that erode trust and connection.	“I never thought my partner’s drinking would affect us this much. It’s like we’re constantly walking on eggshells.”

The Eaton Fire Has Stressed Relationships in Pasadena

Beyond these everyday struggles, external stressors can push relationships to their breaking point—or their turning point. The Eaton fire, a devastating wildfire that struck Pasadena in January 2025, is a prime example. With evacuations, destroyed homes, and a shaken community, this disaster added a layer of stress that many couples weren’t prepared for. While specific stories from the Eaton fire are still emerging, the general impact of such catastrophes on relationships is clear: they can put unwanted stress on a relationship.

The stress of fleeing your home, losing property, or simply living with the uncertainty of recovery can bring underlying issues to the surface. Couples might argue more over money as they face financial strain, feel disconnected while processing their own trauma, or struggle to support each other when they’re both barely holding on. It’s a pressure cooker that can amplify communication breakdowns, trust issues, or emotional distance.

Yet, catastrophes can also be transformative. When couples open themselves up to the moment—acknowledging the pain and leaning into each other—they can find a new perspective. The Eaton fire might have challenged your relationship, but it can also be a chance to change and build something stronger. In therapy, EFT helps couples turn toward each other, express their fears and needs, and find comfort in their partnership amid the chaos. It’s not about pretending the stress doesn’t exist—it’s about facing it together and letting it reshape your bond for the better.

How to Start Couples Therapy in Pasadena

Still on the fence? Let’s bust some myths. Therapy isn’t just for “failing” couples—it’s for anyone who wants to grow. Studies show it works: couples therapy can boost satisfaction and connection, often with lasting results (Lebow et al., 2020). It’s not a magic fix, but it’s a space to figure things out together. And in a city like Pasadena, where therapists are plenty and options range from affordable to specialized, help is closer than you think.

We have in-person sessions available for couples therapy in Pasadena. Click the links below to find a therapist and schedule a free consultation:

View Our Pasadena Therapists

View Our Couples Therapists

Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] How to Heal Anger with Somatic Therapy

Written by herecounseling

For many, emotions like anger or anxiety feel like storms to be avoided, suppressed, or controlled. Yet, in somatic therapy, these waves are not threats but messengers, carrying vital signals from the body.

This article, inspired by a conversation with somatic therapist Arianne MacBean, LMFT, explores how somatic therapy can help those who fear facing emotions like anger or anxiety. We’ll debunk common misconceptions, offer a framework for approaching these feelings through somatic awareness, and provide practical insights for navigating this transformative process.

The Fear of Feeling: Why Emotions Feel Dangerous

For many, emotions like anger or anxiety are not just uncomfortable—they feel like wildfires threatening to consume. Arianne, a somatic therapist with a background in dance, describes clients who enter therapy desperate to “make the feeling go away.” They seek a quick fix, an exercise to extinguish the panic attack or silence the rage. This urgency stems from a deep-seated belief that these emotions are dangerous, chaotic forces that must be controlled to maintain safety or social acceptance.

This fear often has roots in early experiences. Arianne explains that many clients learned as children that expressing strong emotions crossed invisible boundaries, leading to punishment or disconnection from caregivers. Over time, they internalized the idea that to be “good” means to flatline emotionally, suppressing anger or anxiety to avoid conflict or rejection. Society reinforces this, rewarding emotional restraint as a hallmark of success or maturity. Yet, this suppression comes at a cost: the emotions don’t vanish; they fester, manifesting as numbness, addiction, or explosive outbursts that reinforce the belief that feelings are bad.

Release Anger from the Inside Out

Somatic therapy can help you reconnect with your body, understand your anger, and process it safely. Start working with a Pasadena therapist trained in somatic approaches today.

Common Misconceptions About Emotions in Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy, which emphasizes the body’s role in processing emotions, often challenges these ingrained beliefs. However, misconceptions can make clients hesitant to engage. Here are three common myths Arianne encounters:

Emotions Must Be Controlled or Erased:

Many clients believe therapy should provide a switch to turn off unwanted feelings. They view anger or anxiety as external invaders, not internal signals. Arianne counters this by suggesting that these emotions are not problems to solve but messages to listen to, offering clues about unmet needs or unresolved pain.

Feeling Emotions Means Getting Stuck in Pain:

Clients fear that exploring anger or anxiety will trap them in a cycle of suffering. Arianne acknowledges this concern but emphasizes that somatic therapy is about being with the emotion, not drowning in it. By observing sensations neutrally, clients can move through the wave rather than being overwhelmed by it.

Emotional Health Means Being Calm All the Time:

Some clients equate mental health with a flat, unbothered state, mistaking emotional suppression for stability. Arianne debunks this, noting that emotional health involves dynamic waves of feeling—cortisol spikes, relief, frustration, joy—that give life rhythm and purpose.

A Somatic Framework: Riding the Wave of Emotion

Somatic therapy invites clients to shift their relationship with emotions, viewing them as bodily sensations rather than enemies. Arianne’s approach, informed by her dance background, likens this process to a dance with the body’s signals. Here’s a framework for approaching anger or anxiety through somatic awareness:

1. Observe, Don’t Oppose

When anxiety surges or anger flares, the instinct is to fight or flee. Arianne encourages clients to adopt a neutral, observational stance instead. Imagine standing on the shore, watching the wave approach without trying to push it back. In therapy, this might mean noticing where anger lives in the body—perhaps a clenched jaw or tight chest—and simply naming the sensation. This act of observing reduces the tug-of-war between chaos and control, allowing the emotion to exist without overwhelming.

2. Trust the Body’s Wisdom

The body, Arianne explains, is always communicating, even when we numb its signals. Anger might erupt to demand attention, while anxiety might signal a need for safety. Somatic therapy trusts that these sensations are not random but purposeful, rooted in the “pure self” present from birth. By tuning into subtle cues—heat in the hands, a hollow stomach—clients reconnect with this innate wisdom, uncovering insights about their needs or unresolved experiences.

3. Move Through, Not Away

Suppression is like holding a beach ball underwater; it takes immense energy and eventually bursts free. Arianne advocates moving through emotions by embodying them safely. For example, her interactive journal prompts clients to throw the book against a wall to express anger physically, honoring its purpose without letting it fester. This movement—whether through breath, gesture, or writing—helps emotions flow, preventing the numbness or explosions that come from suppression.

4. Grow the Container

Arianne references Daniel Siegel’s metaphor of a cup to explain how somatic therapy builds emotional capacity. If two tablespoons of salt (pain) are in a small espresso cup of water (your capacity), the taste is overwhelming. Somatic therapy grows the container—your ability to hold pain—into a bathtub, where the same salt is diluted and manageable. By mindfully engaging with sensations, clients expand their resilience, finding that anger or anxiety no longer consumes them.

Confronting the Fear: What to Expect in Somatic Therapy

For those fearful of facing emotions, somatic therapy can feel like stepping into a storm. Arianne acknowledges this courage, noting that clients often arrive feeling stuck or numb, unaware of the suppressed waves beneath. The process begins gently, with the therapist building trust by listening to the client’s story—about their day, their family—while subtly noting bodily cues. A clenched fist or shallow breath becomes an entry point, sparking curiosity: “What’s happening in your shoulder right now?”

As clients explore these sensations, they may encounter resistance, fearing that anger will make them “bad” or anxiety will spiral out of control. Arianne reassures them that these feelings are already present, part of the body’s natural rhythm. The goal is not to amplify pain but to acknowledge it, allowing it to shift. Over time, clients discover that anger points to unmet desires for connection, while anxiety signals a need for safety, guiding them toward change.

Somatic Therapy’s Promise: Rewilding the Self

Arianne describes somatic therapy as a return to the “wild,” a reclaiming of the vibrant, intuitive self suppressed by societal norms. This rewilding doesn’t mean unleashing chaos but rediscovering the body’s capacity to feel, adapt, and heal. Like a dancer finding the rhythm of a new piece, clients learn to move with their emotions, trusting that each wave carries them closer to their true self.

FAQ About Anger and Somatic Therapy

Q: Will somatic therapy make my anger worse?

A: While exploring anger can feel intense, somatic therapy is designed to help you move through feelings safely, not amplify them. A skilled therapist paces the process to prevent overwhelm.

Q: How long does it take to feel better?

A: Progress varies, but somatic therapy often creates shifts in the moment of observation. Consistent practice can lead to lasting changes over weeks or months.

Q: Do I need to be physically active for somatic therapy?

A: No, somatic therapy focuses on bodily awareness, which can involve subtle movements, breath, or simply noticing sensations, adaptable to all physical abilities.

Quick-Guide Summary: Facing Emotions with Somatic Therapy

Observe Neutrally: Notice bodily sensations like tightness or heat without trying to change them.
Trust Your Body: View emotions as signals guiding you toward needs or insights.
Move Through Feelings: Use safe expressions like writing or gentle movement to let emotions flow.
Build Capacity: Grow your ability to hold emotions without being overwhelmed, like expanding a container.
Embrace the Wild: Reconnect with your intuitive self, trusting that emotions are part of your vitality.

By approaching anger or anxiety as waves to ride rather than storms to flee, somatic therapy offers a path to emotional freedom, one sensation at a time.

View Somatic Therapists in Pasadena

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FAQ on Self-Criticism

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How does therapy help with self-criticism?

You’ll actually get more done… when you let go of self-criticism

What is Survival Mode?

Ready to Break the Cycle of Conflict?

4 Most Common Survival Mode Responses:

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn

Why Do Conflict Patterns Repeat?

Four ways survival mode impacts conflict in your relationships.

Fight: You feel like you can’t control your anger.

Flight: You leave.

Freeze: You get stuck.

Fawn: You don’t express your own needs.

Three tips for what to do when you go into survival mode.

Understand your triggers.

Come up with a plan.

Find support.

You want to better understanding how survival mode is impacting your relationships.

Julia Wilson, MA

Trauma Therapy in Pasadena

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How Is EMDR a Somatic Therapy?

Break Free from Trauma with EMDR

Here’s how EMDR helps your body heal:

1. It Helps You Tune In to Your Body

2. It Uses Gentle, Rhythmic Stimulation

3. It Works With How Trauma Is Stored

4. It Can Release Built-Up Physical Tension

Healing Isn’t Just in Your Head

JOHN ALLAN WHITACRE, AMFT

EMDR Therapy in Pasadena

Break Free from Trauma with EMDR

What is EMDR Therapy?

How Does EMDR Therapy Work?

The Science Behind EMDR: It’s All About Connection

Common Misconceptions About EMDR Therapy

Finding EMDR Therapy in Los Angeles: What You Need to Know

Why it’s Hard to Find EMDR Therapists in Los Angeles

Here Counseling is a Great Place to Start EMDR Therapy

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Find EMDR Support That Works

Ready to Start Healing?

Quick Answers about EMDR in Los Angeles

Break Free from People-Pleasing

Three obstacles to making your own decisions

1. You fear disappointment from people you are close to.

2. You fear disappointing yourself.

3. You’re checked out.

Three ideas for how to make your own decisions

1. Connect to yourself

What are the ways that you connect with yourself? Here is a list of a few ideas for you to try:

2. Accept the ambivalence and work through it

Often, decisions come with a flood of emotions:

What you can do:

3. Plan how you will share your decision within difficult relationships

Reclaim Your Voice & Choices

Quick Conversation Tips to Consider:

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Don’t Let Addiction Break Your Bond

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Gambling Addiction

Alcohol Addiction

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