somatic experiencing therapy
Managing emotions

The blame game: How to stop the cycle of anger and self criticism

Written by Kristi Wollbrink

I had this self critical moment the other day.  I had made a plan for all the things I needed to get done.  I was going to stop and get a few errands done before I headed into the office.  I was sure I could get things completed and into the office with plenty of time to spare.  But I found myself with a very unexpected change in my plan.  In an instant, I noticed myself in this space where it felt like everything else in me was in wild turmoil, as if the world had stopped for a moment and I was stuck in this frenzy of emotion and frustration.

Maybe you’ve faced one of these moments.  One moment you are sailing along perfectly, feeling calm, centered and ready to conquer the day.  The next moment, you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, your mind and emotions spinning.  It’s in these moments that you can feel like you’ve been completely derailed from the place of focus and connection with yourself.  Like your very sense of safety and happiness is gone.

Blaming Others vs. Blaming Myself

Often in these moments we can find ourselves moving toward two common responses.  The first is this feeling of anger at the people or situation around us.  We press our fear and frustrations outward onto those around us.  You may find yourself feeling your internal pressure rising and getting defensive and reactive.  This can lead to moments of responding with yelling or blaming others.  

On the other side of this is frustration toward yourself.  Your mind starts to race and you find yourself stuck in these self-defeating thoughts.  The feeling of fear and anger are aimed within us, with blame and self-criticism toward ourselves.   You may find yourself feeling foolish or embarrassed, and begin to blame yourself for all the things you should (or shouldn’t) have done.   

These responses are both natural coping mechanisms that we use to help us to try to move through difficult moments.  Whether is an unexpected change of plans or a critical comment from a co-worker or partner – these moments can cause us to begin to move toward these responses of blame and self-criticism.  This is linked with our survival instinct as a way that our nervous system is using to try to protect us from moments where we feel some kind of threat, which results in this fear response turning on.  

woman freed from self criticism

Begin to understand the pain behind the blame.

Whether the blame is internalized in blaming ourselves, or more external in our frustration and anger toward others, both of these are an emotional response to a deeper sense of pain that we are responding to.  

But the only way to help in moving past these, is to begin to understand what is going on that is behind these behaviors.

Using these three steps, you can begin to allow yourself to slow down the frustration and begin to calm these patterns of blame.

3 steps to slow down and stop self criticism.

1. Tune in to slow down.

Slowing to take a few breathes can be a huge help when you notice these feelings of anger or blame that you may be experiencing.  Often, when we are overwhelmed with fear or anger we are unable to access the place of being able to regain control and calm.  It can be helpful to just allow yourself to be present in the feeling and try to regain control of yourself in the moment.  In these moments our fear response often has us going into a place of heightening of physical tension – our heart rate rises, our breath gets short and shallow, our muscles can get tense.  It is important to disrupt this place of physical tension to be able to then allow yourself to feel safe enough to slow down and decrease the blame.  Breathing in as you count up to 5 and then counting back down from 5 as your breath out can be a great way to help slow yourself down.  Tuning into notice this intentional act of slowing your breath can remind you that you are able to regain control.

2. Begin to understand what you are feeling.

It can be helpful to ask yourself, what is it that is feeling attacked or threatened right now?  It can be hard in the moment to be able to understand what it is that is going on underneath the anger and blaming behaviors, but taking a moment to consider what it is that is the deeper feeling can help us to begin to allow a greater space for understanding that can help us to feel more calm and in control.  You may first start with stating that you are feeling angry or frustrated.  Then begin to ask yourself what am I feeling that is fueling the feeling of anger or self-criticism.  Anger is usually a response to a deeper internal feeling and it is important to be able to name that underlying feeling to help in reducing the blame and criticism that you are experiencing.  It could be that you feel helpless or unseen; maybe you feel alone or unsupported.  Whatever it is, taking a moment to understand and name this feeling is a powerful way to begin to regain control over the anger and blame.

3. Imagine yourself as you would a close friend.

As you begin to notice this underlying feeling, it can be helpful to imagine yourself as you would a close friend.  If for a moment, you can imagine your friend telling you about how they are feeling misunderstood and helpless, you might do something like slow down and take a moment to say that you are sorry they are feeling this way.  You might lean a little closer and ask how you can help them.  You might remind your friend of all the ways you see her as helpful and valuable.  These are likely the same things that you are needing to know to help you to slow down the blame and anger and begin to regain a feeling of internal control and support that you need to be able to move forward.  It could be helpful to use a word or phrase that you can say to yourself that can help to calm this feeling of anger and frustration.  Something like, “I am able to make decisions for myself” or “I am not alone and can ask for help” can be really helpful to slow down regain a sense of confidence and control. 

These overwhelming moments of blame and frustration don’t have to keep you from being able to stay in control and in tune with your truest self.  Learning these three simple steps can help to take you from a place of regret, anger and fear and into a place of connectedness with what you need most. 

Gaining the confidence you need to help you overcome these patterns of blaming yourself and others is possible.  It can be helpful to have someone to come alongside you in this process of change. 

I help people like you to begin to understand their own needs and to move toward a greater place of connection with themselves and those they are closest with. 

 Click below to schedule a free consultation.

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Anxiety

The ABC’s of Panic Attacks: How to Empower Yourself

Written by Here Counseling

By Arianne MacBean

Many clients come to therapy because they experience panic. Panic, or intense anxiety, can show up in the most random places and moments. You’re sitting there, doing your thing, and then suddenly you feel dizzy, your heart races, you feel nauseous, and a sense of doom overtakes you. This is panic, and it can feel overwhelming. However, there are three steps you can take to understand, manage, and re-ground yourself if you find yourself in the throes of an episode.

Panic attacks are a way your body deals with fear.

Before we get to the ABC’s of how to deal with panic, it’s important to understand that panic is a way your body deals with fear, and it is a natural survival mechanism. In a way, panic is your body trying to help you. You’ve probably heard of the flight, flight, freeze responses that all animals have when they are faced with something that threatens them. These innate responses say that when the animal is frightened, they should either engage aggressively, run away, or hide. Fight, flight, and freeze are tools that keep animals alive.

You can ease out of panic attacks.

When a human animal experiences panic, it’s the same thing. Panic in a human is saying, “You’re scared, and you need to do something about it.” But why do we experience panic when we’re just sitting on the couch? Because life is complicated for human animals, and we have many kinds of micro and macro threats that we experience over a lifetime. Those threats become recorded into the body and, especially if we do not process them, they can show up unannounced to remind us that we do indeed need to deal with them. In this way, panic is a reminder that we have some fear that needs to be processed. This is why so many clients come to therapy – to deal with these unconscious fears. So, when you’re not in the therapy office processing emotions in a safe space with a caring advocate, how can you soothe yourself out of panic?

The ABC’s of Panic Attacks: 3 ways to recover

A. Acknowledge.

It’s vital that when you begin to experience panic that you acknowledge what is going on and that the panic is not YOU, but a feeling you have. Acknowledging panic can look like saying to yourself, “You’re feeling panic. Panic is just your body telling you to pay attention.” You can remind yourself that panic is an energy in your body that will pass soon. Our instinct when we feel panic is to distract ourselves from the discomfort and focus on something else, but like most emotions, being with the feeling will help you move through it more productively than ignoring it. Dealing with, and acknowledging panic, is the one of the best cures for it.

B. Breathe.

Focusing on your breath really is the trick to calming panic. A simple slow inhale through the nose and a long, controlled exhale through the mouth is always a great technique. If you watch any great baseball slugger at bat, you will see them use this method to calm themselves under pressure. If you want to try something a little more structured, you can inhale for a count of three, and exhale for a count of five. Lengthening the exhale will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which controls how the body relaxes.

C. Center.

Centering is a way to re-orient yourself back to the here and now. A great way to center is to look around and notice three things in the environment around you. When your eyes fall on, let’s say, a bookshelf, really look at it. Notice the spines of the books, the colors of covers, the sheen of the wooden shelf. Then, let your eyes wander to another thing in your field of vision. Focus on it, see the details, textures, as if you’re looking at it for the first time. This will help bring you to the safety of the moment. It will help you see that you are not under attack.

As much as panic can feel engulfing, it is not entirely out of your control. Understand that panic is your body’s way of letting you know you have feelings of fear that need to be addressed. Acknowledge that panic is an energy force moving through you. Breath to anchor yourself and calm the panicky energy. Center yourself by gently engaging with the environment around you. These ABC’s are steps you can take to befriend panic as a signal to slow down, check in with yourself, and be in the process of healing.

LEARN MORE ABOUT ARIANNE



Further Resources for Understanding Panic:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Panic

https://washingtoncenterforcognitivetherapy.com/problems-treated/panic-disorder/panic-disorder-organizations/

https://www.psychologytools.com/self-help/panic-attacks-and-panic-disorder/

https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/best-anxiety-books#A-quick-look-at-the-13-best-books-about-anxiety

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Anxiety, Managing emotions

What is somatic psychotherapy? How body awareness restores your mind

Written by Here Counseling

Somatic psychotherapy is the umbrella term for methods of therapy that are rooted in the body where trauma, stress, and memory are housed. Somatic psychotherapies are based on the theory that the body holds emotion and experience. When hard-to-handle feelings and traumas are not processed, they can manifest as anxiety, panic, depression, chronic pain or illness, relational issues, self-esteem problems, grief, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Somatic methods aid in draining the power of these feelings through attunement with the body – its positions, gestures, energies, and sensations. 

Somatic Psychotherapy Modalities

There are many somatic psychotherapeutic modalities. You may have heard of some of them such as, Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), Hakomi Method, Brainspotting, and plain old Mindfulness. Ultimately, the kind of somatic work that happens in the therapy room depends on the client and the therapist and can involve a wide variety of techniques, including breath work, visualizations, sensory awareness, posture tracking, guided imagery, gesture, and movement. 

Somatic Psychotherapy Exercises

Sometimes, somatic exercises are very straight forward, such as simply sending compassionate breath toward a particular part of the body that is experiencing activation. Other times, exercises are created on the spot to aid a client’s specific needs in the moment. For example, a client who struggles with low self-esteem feels they are unable to accept compliments. They might say, “Positivity just flows right through me – in one ear and out the other.” In this case, we might mindfully “build” a space in the body to hold compliments, positive feedback, and love. Then, when they hear a compliment, they can visualize the affirmation dropping into and being held compassionately in the space they created for it in their body.

Somatic psychotherapy is a way to help people feel safe in their bodies while exploring thoughts, feelings, and memories. Painful experiences live in us on a cellular level, but we can heal by restoring the body to live with vitality, ease, and joy.

Questions about Somatic Psychotherapy

  • One question I often get is, “Does somatic psychotherapy include talk therapy?” The answer is YES! Although somatic practices are body-based, talking through feelings and sensations is an essential component of the therapeutic work.
  • Another question I get is, “Do I have to dance?” And the answer is NO, not unless you want to. Like most productive therapy, somatic work is client-centered and client-lead. Together with your therapist, you decide when and how to integrate the body into the healing process.

If you choose to work with me, you can expect:

  • I will naturally return to the body in the here and now as a way to ground and understand authentic self.
  • I utilize body scanning techniques to gain awareness of where pain or emotion is located in the body.
  • I track and bring awareness to repetitive gestures or postures that align with certain memories or feelings to aid in self-knowledge.
  • I share tools for calming, centering, and releasing emotions in productive ways.
  • I gently guide clients through painful experiences while noting the accompanying physical sensations and addressing them in the moment.
  • I emphasize the body as a base to locate natural resources, strengths, and self-empowerment.

If you have interest in somatic psychotherapy and healing your body, I would love to talk with you.

Learn about Somatic Psychotherapy with Arianne

Further reading on somatic psychotherapy:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Hardcover) by Bessel van der Kolk 

Hakomi Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy: A Comprehensive Guide to Theory and Practice (Paperback) by Halko Weiss 

Somatic Psychology: Body, Mind and Meaning (Paperback) by Linda Hartley 

Awakened Heart, Embodied Mind: A Modern Yoga Philosophy Infused with Somatic Psychology & Neuroscience (Kindle Edition) by Julian Walker

Here Counseling

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Parents who have undergone their Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation with their adopted child: a happy family.
Testing and Assessment

Unlock the Power of the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation

Written by Here Counseling

Transitioning into parenthood through adoption is a journey filled with anticipation, love, and the promise of new beginnings. Yet, as you embark on this life-altering adventure, there are essential steps to consider. One of these steps is the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation. In my previous blog, I detailed exactly what this process is and how to navigate it. You can read that by clicking here. Adoption agencies require a psych eval as part of the adoption process to help ensure a good placement of child and parent(s) (which you can read more about by clicking here). Today, let’s delve into the invaluable insights this evaluation can offer you, as you prepare to embrace parenthood through adoptio

The Significance of the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation

As mentioned, in my previous blog, I provided a comprehensive explanation of what a Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation entails. Furthermore, I highlighted how it serves as a vital tool for prospective parents. It offers them a deeper understanding of themselves, their parenting styles, and their readiness for adoption. If you haven’t had a chance to read that blog, I encourage you to do so, as it lays the foundation for the discussion here. Now, let’s shift our focus to the significance of the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation beyond its procedural aspects. Here, we explore why this evaluation is more than just a checklist item—it’s a transformative experience that can enrich your adoption journey in numerous ways.

1. Self-Discovery and Reflection

The evaluation process encourages introspection. It prompts you to reflect on your motivations, values, and experiences, allowing you to gain a deeper understanding of your own identity and how it aligns with your parenting aspirations.

2. Navigating Challenges

Parenthood, whether through adoption or biological means, comes with its share of challenges. The Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation equips you with insights into your coping strategies, emotional resilience, and stress management techniques, ensuring you are better prepared to handle the demands of parenting.

3. Building Secure Attachments

Understanding your attachment style and history is pivotal in forming strong bonds with your future child. This knowledge enables you to create a secure and loving environment for them from day one. Understanding your attachment style and history is crucial for building strong bonds with your future adopted child. Your attachment style, whether secure or otherwise, shapes how you approach relationships and parenting. A secure attachment style can foster a safe and emotionally connected environment, while recognizing less secure styles empowers you to address potential challenges. By delving into your attachment history, you gain insights into your tendencies and can proactively create a loving, secure, and emotionally nurturing atmosphere for your adopted child, ensuring they feel valued and cherished from day one in their new family.

4. Setting Realistic Expectations

It’s common for individuals to have expectations about parenthood and adoption. The evaluation helps you align these expectations with the realities of the adoption process, fostering a more informed and adaptive mindset.

5. Strengthening Support Networks

A strong support system is crucial on your adoption journey. The evaluation process encourages you to assess your existing support network and explore ways to enhance it, ensuring you have the backing you need.

6. Personal Growth

Embracing the evaluation as an opportunity for personal growth can be immensely rewarding. It’s not about judgment but about growth, self-awareness, and empowerment.

7. Informed Decision-Making

Post-evaluation, you’ll have a clear picture of your strengths and areas for development. Armed with this knowledge, you can make informed decisions about your adoption journey, from choosing the right agency to preparing for your child’s arrival.

Utilize the Power of the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation

Remember, the Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation is not a standalone event. Rather, it is an integral part of your preparation for parenthood. By recognizing the importance of self-discovery, personal growth, and readiness, you can navigate the adoption journey with greater confidence and insight.

In my role as a clinical psychologist with extensive experience in Pre-Adoption Psychological Assessments, I am here to support you on this transformative path. The evaluation process is a collaborative and nurturing experience, designed to empower you to become the best possible parent for your future child.

Book your Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation Today

Let’s begin this adventure together, where every step is a meaningful one toward becoming the loving and nurturing parent you aspire to be. Your journey to parenthood through adoption continues, and I am here to walk beside you every step of the way.

Ready to embark on this incredible journey? Click below to book your Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation with us today.

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Managing emotions

Constantly worrying? How to soothe rumination using somatic psychotherapy

Written by Here Counseling

Have you ever been driving somewhere, and a memory from the past suddenly overwhelms you and you forget where you are going? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and began to worry about all the things you need to do, until the thoughts take over and you cannot fall back to sleep? Or have you ever had a perfectly normal day, when all of a sudden, a negative thought creeps into your head and snowballs into a sadness that you can’t shake off? This is rumination, persistent negative thoughts that hijack our minds, interfering with normal activity.

Many clients turn to therapy because they cannot get out of their heads or worry too much. Rumination is common, normal, and most of the time, temporary. In some severe cases, it can become continuous and negatively impact daily functions. More common temporary rumination is the mind’s way of letting us know we are anxious, and we can do something to help soothe ourselves out of this state.

Do thoughts have you, or do you have thoughts?

The way I like to describe rumination is that it feels like thoughts have you, rather than you having thoughts. It’s as though your thoughts are dragging you away from your centered self. Thoughts are in control, not you. Here are a few techniques that can get you back to feeling that you are in control of where you mind goes.

1. Move your body to reduce worry

A great way to unlock ourselves from rumination is to move our awareness into our body. If you find yourself ruminating in bed while trying to fall asleep, hug your knees tightly to your chest and then alternate that position with a long, big, full-bodied stretch. You will find that you naturally inhale deeply on the stretch and exhale slowly when you crunch you knees to your chest. Do this a few times. You might even want to exhale with aahhh, shhhhhh, or hhmmm sound, which stimulates the vagus nerve system, helping to promote inner balance and relaxation. 

If you’re driving, shoulder rolls can help bring your focus to your body and you can keep both hands on the wheel! Try inhaling as you roll the shoulder forward and up, and exhaling as you roll them back and down. Try to trace the widest circle your shoulders can make. Again, you can add a sound on the exhale – and the best thing about doing this when you’re driving alone is that no one can hear you. So, make the sounds as loud and weird as you want. A sense of playfulness can also help ease our way out of obsessive thinking.

2. Touch your body to reduce worry.

If you find yourself ruminating, you can give yourself a gentle face massage, or lightly tap the tips of your fingers on your face, head, neck, chest, and shoulders. This body stimulation will aid in notifying your brain that you are safe and not in harms way. It will signal to your brain that it’s OK to relax. You can also alternating tapping your right and then left thigh, which activates your right and left brain, aiding in re-orienting and unhooking from repetitive thinking.

3. Focus on your breath to reduce worry

A tried-and-true method that has helped many of my clients fall back to sleep or bring them swiftly out of a rumination episode is a ten-count visualization. This works best with eyes closed or soft inward focus, so do not do this on the road! Tune into your natural breathing rhythm. When you’re ready, visualize the number one in your mind’s eye as you exhale. Conjure the number so that you see it in front of you, almost like the number appears in your mind floating. Do this for each number all the way to ten, and then begin again with number one. This is the key – always return to one after you reach ten. Some nights, it might take three rounds before you fall sleep and others, ten or twenty. Keep at it! If you find your mind returning to intrusive thoughts let them glide by and return to your ten count visualization.

If you can’t close your eyes, but you need a breathing technique to re-center yourself after you have moved or touched your body out of rumination, a simple box breathe can help. Visualize your inhale moving up the left side of a square, extend or hold the inhale as you visualize tracing the top line of the square, exhale as you visualize tracing down the right line of the square, and extend or hold the exhale as you visualize tracing the bottom line, completing the square.

Freedom to be.

Repetitive thoughts do not have to drag us away from ourselves. They are signals that we need some reassurance, re-calibrating, and re-centering. Activating the body is a powerful way to exit the hamster wheel of obsessive thinking and anchor ourselves in the life force of breath, and just be.

-Arianne MacBean

Somatic therapy in Pasadena with Arianne MacBean, AMFT
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Anxiety

Why do I get panic attacks? How to soothe yourself and restore calm inside, for lawyers and other professionals

Written by Connor McClenahan

The familiar pounding in your chest, the tightness in your lungs – it can feel like you’re having a heart attack. What’s worse is you are afraid it could happen again at any moment. You feel hesitant going out, being social, even driving, for fear that you’ll have another attack.

As someone who takes pride in your work, who is used to pushing hard and getting a result, it’s common to feel shame about the anxiety attacks. You can wonder

  • Why is this panic attack happening?
  • Why won’t it go away?
  • What do I do when I have panic attacks?
  • Do other professionals experience this?

There are many people who experience panic just like you. It’s a common way our bodies react when anxiety flares up. Let’s talk about why panic attacks happen and how to shift your approach to help you grow.

Why you’re experiencing panic attacks: suppressing anxiety

Panic attacks happen when anxiety is “disregulated”. This means that the anxiety isn’t consciously seen or paid attention to. When this happens, the anxiety doesn’t have a backboard. It becomes louder and louder until it shows up in a strong physiological way: heavy breathing, tight chest, and the feeling like something is seriously wrong in our bodies.

Why is the anxiety not consciously paid attention to? For some of us, we don’t like to pay attention when we’re anxious. We might avoid feelings like disappointment, worry, and concern because they make us feel out of control. Sometimes our way of getting through those feelings is to “change the channel”. This is called affect suppression. When the feeling of anxiety comes up we don’t pay attention to it or wonder about it – we try to get it out of our heads. This can look like

  • Addictive behaviors
  • Fidgeting
  • Workaholism
  • Excessive phone use
  • Substance use
  • Sleeplessness
  • Avoiding silence

But the trick is, the less we pay attention to the anxiety, the louder it tends to get.

How to make panic attacks stop: seeing anxiety as a signal

For panic attacks to stop, we need to see anxiety as a signal, not a disease. Our anxiety is usually a signal that something doesn’t feel safe. It’s a sign that something needs attention, just like when a fire alarm goes off.

If your building’s fire alarm went off, you wouldn’t put in headphones right away. You’d turn, look, not for the alarm sound, but for the look and smell of smoke. In the same way, our panic attacks are not themselves the thing we need to “fix” or make go away. They are a signal that something is off in our lives. It may be a relationship, a re-emerging trauma, a life-transition, or work-related stressor that is no longer tolerable. Your mind is telling you that you’re unsafe and you need to pay attention.

What happens if we don’t pay attention to the anxiety signal?

If we don’t pay attention to the signal of anxiety, our panic will get worse. The more common panic attacks become, the more they lead to agoraphobia – the fear of leaving the house. You may feel this presently in your life. It’s the feeling of fearfulness and avoidance of any trips or engagements that take you away from home. The fear that you’ll have another panic attack keeps you close to home. People who have agoraphobia struggle to accomplish daily tasks and the world feels unsafe to them.

Additionally, if we don’t pay attention to anxiety, we continue to avoid and suppress it through addictive behaviors. It becomes hard to sleep, hard to rest, hard to concentrate. We depend more and more on substances like caffeine, alcohol, and other addictive substances. We avoid anything that will trigger an attack.

Most of all, when we don’t pay attention to anxiety, we diminish some of the most vibrant parts of ourselves.

There’s a different way to handle anxiety and panic attacks

We need to learn a new way to engage our anxiety if we want panic attacks to subside. For lawyers and other professionals, it can be hard to slow down and trust that doing so will actually move them forward faster than “changing the channel”.

It’s incredibly difficult.

Because listening to your anxiety requires a new voice inside: one that can be understanding and empathetic toward your experience. One that is soothing rather than critical. It can be difficult to trust that this small act is actually a fulcrum that will change the course of your life. Yet this is the work I engage in all the time with people just like you. One of the most powerful things you can do with your panic attack is give yourself a chance to listen to yourself. I can help you do that. Contact me today for a consultation.

Learn About Connor

Connor McClenahan

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Childhood ADHD screener. Pre-Adoption Evaluation for parents trying to adopt child as psychologist helps individual or couple with adoption process
Testing and Assessment

Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations: Everything You Need to Know

Written by Here Counseling

The journey towards adoption can be a roller-coaster of emotions, hopes, and uncertainties. If you are a prospective adoptive parent, you may feel wholly overwhelmed by the process. This can be frustrating and confusing. You may find yourself wondering why the worthy goal to provide a loving and stable home for a child in need is so challenging. Perhaps you are thinking that a Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation is just one more box to tick in a series of required steps towards your goal. Additionally, you may be wondering why it is even necessary.

I am here to simplify this process. Psychologists play a crucial role in the adoption process. We offer support and conduct Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations to ensure the best possible match for both child and family. My goal is to make this part of the process comfortable, streamlined, and straightforward for you. Firstly, let me explain what we will be doing and why Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations have become a mandatory step in the adoption process.

Understanding Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations

A pre-adoption psychological evaluation is a comprehensive assessment conducted by a psychologist to determine the psychological readiness of prospective adoptive parents. This evaluation aims to provide insights into the individual’s emotional well-being, parenting abilities, and capacity to meet the needs of an adopted child. Here are some key aspects of the evaluation:

1. Psychosocial History

Firstly, I will conduct a clinical interview to assess your psychosocial history. This includes an exploration of your own family of origin and your mental health history, including any previous diagnoses or treatments. By understanding your mental health journey, I can assess its impact on your current well-being and coping strategies. That’s because this helps me identify potential challenges and develop strategies to support you in providing a loving and stable environment for your future child.

2. Parenting Attitudes and Skills

Secondly, I will ask you about your parenting attitudes, beliefs, and strategies. My aim here is to learn more about your ability to provide a nurturing and supportive environment. We will explore elements such as your parenting approach, discipline methods, and communication style. This part of the assessment helps ensure that your parenting style aligns with the needs of the child you adopt.

3. Relationships and Support Systems

Thirdly, I will evaluate your current support systems, including your relationships with family, friends, and community, which contribute to a strong support network. I recognize the importance of a robust support system in the adoption journey. By assessing the quality of your relationships and the availability of social support, I can gauge the resources you currently have in place and recommend additional resources, if relevant, to help you navigate the joys and challenges of adoptive parenting.

Common Questions about Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations

1. I’ve already done so much. Why is a psychological evaluation necessary for adoption?

A pre-adoption psychological evaluation is necessary to ensure the well-being and compatibility of the prospective parents and the child, promoting a successful adoption outcome and long-term family stability. By assessing various psychological factors, I can identify any potential challenges or areas of strength, which allows me to provide targeted support and guidance throughout the adoption process.

2. I have faced mental health challenges in the past. Sometimes I still do. Will this affect my chances of adopting?

Firstly, having a history of mental health challenges does not automatically disqualify someone from adopting. Psychologists focus on assessing your current emotional well-being and coping strategies. I understand that individuals grow and evolve over time. Thus, your present state matters most in determining your readiness to provide a loving and stable home. I work collaboratively with you to address any concerns and to provide resources and strategies to support your emotional well-being throughout the adoption journey.

3. What can I do to prepare for a pre-adoption psychological evaluation?

Prior to the evaluation, it is helpful to reflect on your motivations for adoption, review your parenting strategies, and be open and honest about your experiences and challenges. Initially, consider what you envision for your future family. Next, think about any concerns or questions you may have. Remember, the evaluation is designed to support you in the adoption process, so approach it with an open mind and a willingness to share your thoughts and feelings. Understandably, it can be uncomfortable to talk about such personal topics. That’s why I create a warm, empathetic, and comfortable space for your evaluation, be it virtual or in-person.

Choosing the Right Psychologist for Your Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluation

It is important to consider what you are looking for from your assessment. I pride myself in offering competitive prices to lower the financial stressor. I also offer both virtual and in-person assessments. Therefore, as long as you are a resident of California, you don’t have to physically be in Los Angeles. If you’re interested in virtual assessment, check in with your adoption agent. Specifically, ask if the country you are adopting from (e.g. India) requires you to be at least partially assessed in-person. If you would like to learn more about Pre-Adoption Psychological Evaluations, peruse common Q&A’s answered by Raising Everlasting Hope by clicking here.

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Person utilizing EMDR to address trauma
EMDR, Managing emotions

Is EMDR the best way to treat trauma? Proven therapy options to help you recover

Written by Here Counseling

Emotional trauma can be a daily struggle. It can be upsetting to have feelings like fear, panic, anger, or sadness pop-up uninvited. Maybe you have wondered about how to get help, but have felt overwhelmed at the options. Which therapist is going to help me? Is there a “right” kind of therapy that will make my daily life better? And what is EMDR?

I understand how hard it can be to settle on the right kind of therapy for you. In this blog, I’m going to help you make sense of a few of the most common approaches to treating emotional trauma, including EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, CBT, and DBT.

Is there a “go-to” way to treat trauma?

In short, no. Trauma affects people in very different ways. It can be caused by a single highly traumatic event or by repeated experiences to what therapists refer to as “little ‘t’ traumas.” Regardless of the form it takes, trauma can cause long-lasting psychological distress that affects every aspect of one’s life.

Let’s talk options, EMDR and otherwise

The most common form of therapy for trauma is talk therapy. Talk therapy can utilize numerous modalities, from psychodynamic to CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Both integrate evidence-based practices. They have been tried and tested and demonstrated effectiveness across various populations and symptoms. EMDR is a new method that many people find highly effective to alleviate their symptoms of trauma. However, it is just one of many therapeutic techniques that can help you more effectively cope with and overcome your trauma. Depending on your needs and preferences, you may select for a therapist who specializes in one/multiple of the following forms of treatment.

1. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

In recent years, EMDR was developed. It quickly became a popular form of treatment for trauma. EMDR was developed in the late-1980s by psychologist Francine Shapiro to treat PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). EMDR targets trauma’s underlying emotional and cognitive processes. Therapists who practice EMDR believe that traumatic experiences can become “stuck” in the brain. Memories of trauma can thus cause negative beliefs and emotions that affect one’s ability to cope. EMDR can help reprocess these experiences and help develop more adaptive beliefs and coping mechanisms.

In summary, EMDR involves bilateral stimulation. This may be achieved through eye movements, tapping, or auditory cues. While focusing on these cues, the client focuses on a traumatic memory. This bilateral stimulation is believed to aid the client as they reprocess their traumatic memory, thereby facilitating the client to process the memory in a new manner. In my next blog, I’ll interview a therapist who integrates EMDR into treatment for trauma to further explore the goals, practice, and effectiveness of EMDR therapy.

2. Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Of the other treatment methods included in this blog, Somatic Experiencing (SE) has the most in common with EMDR. If you have ever heard of “tapping,” you are already familiar with SE! SE focuses on the physical sensations associated with trauma. It is based on the belief that traumatic experiences can become “trapped” in the body. SE theorizes that by releasing these physical sensations, you can release the trauma and heal. In SE, the therapist will help you become more aware of the physical sensations associated with trauma. This may include tightness in the chest, tension in the muscles, or a racing heart. You will then learn to tune into these sensations and to develop strategies for releasing them. SE often involves gentle physical touch, such as tapping or holding, to help the person release the physical tension that is associated with the trauma. The therapist might also guide you through movements or exercises to help release the trauma from your body.

3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on the triad relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It is often used to treat anxiety and depression, but can also be effective in treating trauma. CBT will teach you how to identify negative thought patterns associated with your trauma. Then you will learn to challenge them, and then replace them with more realistic, positive, and adaptive ones. This can help you develop coping strategies and improve your overall well-being.

4. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder. However, it has been found to be effective in treating other mental health disorders as well, including trauma. DBT focuses on helping you learn to regulate your emotions and develop more effective coping strategies. In DBT, your therapist will teach you how to identify the triggers that lead to emotional dysregulation. You will then learn and practice skills to help you manage your emotions. These skills may include mindfulness, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness.

So how do I determine which method is right for me?

Actually, you don’t need to choose just one! EMDR is not a standalone treatment for trauma. That means that it is often used in combination with other therapies. EMDR’s goal is to reduce traumatic memories’ intensity and associated negative beliefs. Thus, EMDR can make it easier for you to engage in other forms of therapy. Overall, there are many different therapeutic approaches to treating trauma, and no one approach is right for everyone. The best approach will depend on your individual needs, preferences, and experiences.

What are my next steps?

Whether you choose EMDR, CBT, DBT, SE, or another approach to treating trauma, the most important thing is to take that first step and seek help. If you are struggling with trauma or a trauma-related disorder, it’s important to seek help from a qualified mental health professional who can help you find the right treatment approach for you. As a psychologist, I appreciate when potential clients ask me about my qualifications to help them achieve their treatment goals! I hope this empowers you to ask the therapist you are considering working with about their level of experience and expertise in treating trauma in general and/or in a specific form of treatment.

Trauma can have a profound impact on a person’s life, but it doesn’t have to control it. With the help of a qualified mental health professional, you can develop the skills and strategies you need to heal from the effects of trauma and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Don’t let trauma hold you back any longer – book an appointment with a psychologist today and start your journey towards healing and recovery. Your mental health and well-being are worth investing in, and there is no better time than now to take that first step towards a brighter future.

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ADHD, Testing and Assessment

ADHD Testing in Los Angeles: How to Choose the Right Psychologist and Get Accommodations You Need

Written by Here Counseling

ADHD Testing in Los Angeles: Finding the Right Psychologist

When it comes to ADHD testing in Los Angeles, it is essential to find the right psychologist who specializes in ADHD. However, finding this “ideal provider” can feel impossible. This can be a strenuous, challenging, and lengthy process. You may have already looked through dozens of psychologists’ profiles and feel like the process is never ending. You may be unsure of what to look for, feel overwhelmed, and be ready to give up. 

It is completely understandable if you feel this way. You are not alone. In fact, many of the patients who call me to book a testing session began the process of seeking an assessment provider weeks or even months ago, but found that they didn’t know where to look or what to ask for. The method to demystifying and streamlining this process is to know three key questions to ask each provider you speak with. When you get the right answers (which will be identified below), then you’ll be able to rest easy knowing that you’ve booked your assessment with the right provider. I’ll walk you through the questions you ought to ask, as well as clarifying the process by explaining how I approach testing for ADHD.

What Questions should I Ask?

There are a few key questions to ask any psychologist you are consulting with to consider booking for an assessment. These questions are based on a few key concept. First and foremost, it is most important to find a psychologist who has experience evaluating and treating ADHD. So is finding someone you feel you have strong rapport with who offers the methodology of testing you need. For instance, I specialize in ADHD testing and therapy and offer ADHD testing in Los Angeles in-person as well as anywhere across California virtually. The psychologist you work with should be able to explain their methods to you in a relatable, understandable manner so you feel confident about getting the testing you need.


Most psychologists offer a free, 15-minute consultation phone call. This gives you the opportunity to ask any questions you may have about the ADHD testing process. Here are some helpful questions you may with to ask to ensure you are working with the right psychologist.

Question #1: What is this Psychologist’s experience in ADHD Assessment; is ADHD their Area of Expertise?

You have a right to receive treatment from a provider who is well trained and highly experienced in ADHD. It can feel awkward to ask, but these sort of questions are so normal for us to hear as psychologists! Just as you likely wouldn’t want to fly on a pilot’s first flight with the airline, you don’t want to select a psychologist who is brand new to testing. Remember, assessment is a highly intricate skill that takes years of training (and a doctorate!) to gain experience in, let alone expertise. There are also countless diagnoses psychologists can be trained to assess for, so you want to make sure that the provider you select is specifically trained and experienced in ADHD.

Additionally, in case you build strong rapport with your psychologist and wish to obtain therapy for ADHD from them post-assessment, you’ll likely wish to ask about their methodology for providing therapy for patients with ADHD. Thus, consider some of the following questions when you consult with a provider:

  1. What is their experience assessing for ADHD?
  2. What is included in your report? Recommendations in a variety of contexts?
  3. Do they use evidence-based assessment tools and treatment methods?
  4. If your results show you do indeed have ADHD, what are the next steps they provide?
    • Do they help match you with a psychiatrist if you are interested in medication?
    • Do they offer therapy so you can continue working together? If so, what is their experience working with clients with ADHD? What is their typical treatment model?

Question #2: In-person versus Virtual ADHD Testing: Which is Right for me?

In-person and virtual ADHD testing are both effective options for identifying and treating ADHD. While some individuals may prefer the traditional in-person approach, virtual testing has become increasingly popular due to its convenience, accessibility, and flexibility. Virtual testing allows individuals to receive the same quality of care from the comfort of their own homes. Additionally, it helps avoid the hassle of transportation and scheduling conflicts.

Benefits and Drawbacks of Virtual ADHD Testing in Los Angeles

Virtual ADHD testing offers a variety of benefits. This includes the ability to meet with a qualified provider from anywhere, reduced wait times, no commute, and increased privacy. It is important to work with a provider who is highly experienced in conducting ADHD assessments virtually to ensure accurate results.

If you are seeking ADHD testing because you feel you would benefit from accommodations, check with your employer or school to ensure that virtual testing qualifies you. While I have never had a client’s assessment not qualify them for all necessary accommodations, it is no problem to administer some or all of the assessment in-person.

Question #3: What Accommodations do I Need and can this Psychologist Provide them if I am Diagnosed?

As a psychologist who specializes in therapy and testing for ADHD, I understand the challenges that individuals with ADHD face in various aspects of their lives. The good news is that there are accommodations available to help individuals with ADHD achieve success in numerous contexts, including work, school, and standardized testing. If you meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, you will qualify for numerous of these accommodations.

Brief Assessments do not qualify you for accommodations

When it comes to standardized testing, accommodations may include extra time, breaks, separate testing rooms, and the use of a calculator or other assistive technology. Notably, to qualify for testing accommodations, individuals with ADHD must provide documentation from a psychologist that confirms their diagnosis. This documentation must demonstrate the extensive nature of the assessment they underwent to ascertain that they meet diagnostic criteria. Thus, brief assessments do not qualify.

In the workplace, individuals with ADHD may benefit from numerous specific accommodations. This can include flexible work hours, the ability to take frequent breaks, and the use of noise-canceling headphones to minimize distractions. Employers may also allow for written instructions, provide regular feedback, and use visual aids to help individuals with ADHD stay on task.

In schools, accommodations may include extra time for tests, preferential seating, and access to assistive technology such as laptops or tablets. Students with ADHD may also benefit from receiving notes and outlines to help them stay organized and focused, as well as the option to take tests in a distraction-free environment.

Question #4: What about Cheaper Options Mass-Advertised Online, like Cerebral for ADHD Testing in Los Angeles?

I am adding this fourth question because, while it is not one you need to ask providers you consult with, it is a question I hear a lot and feel could be beneficial to cover here. Cheaper online options that offer “ADHD testing with therapists” such as Cerebral often do not qualify you for these accommodations. They may qualify you for non-stimulant medications, such as anti-depressants, but not for ADHD stimulants such as Adderall. Many such sites do not offer optional follow-up therapeutic appointments either.

Such online options do not qualify you for accommodations

Most organizations, including workplaces, schools, and standardized testing, do not accept assessments from these sites due to how brief/non-thorough the assessments can be, their lack of empirical evidence (e.g.: using screeners that have not been proven to be valid and reliable in empirical trials) and, at times, under-qualified assessors. Remember to ask the psychologist you are considering booking an assessment with about their qualifications, training, experience, and which accommodations your assessment results will qualify you for if they reveal that you meed diagnostic criteria for ADHD.

We offer ADHD testing that qualifies you for accommodations

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ADHD, Parenting, Testing and Assessment

Planning for Success with ADHD at Home: ADHD Strategies for Children

Written by Connor McClenahan

It is possible to have more fun with your child and experience less frustration, even if your child has ADHD. You may feel like all you do right now is remind or nag your child to brush their teeth, complete homework, get ready in the morning, and not fight with siblings. You have tried the strategies that worked with your other kids or have worked for your friends, but with no success. If your child has traits of ADHD or has been diagnosed with ADHD, this probably sounds very familiar. This blog can help you learn ADHD strategies for children that you can utilize to help your child successfully complete tasks such as school assignments, chores, and self-care.

ADHD Strategies for Children at Home

Many parents of kids with ADHD struggle to get their children to complete tasks at home. Your child may need more support than other children their age to be able to be successful at homework, chores or even maintaining hygiene.

Thankfully, there are a few strategies that will help you and your child navigate the challenges. These strategies can be used by all parents, but are especially important for parents of a child with ADHD. You may have to provide more consistency and structure in your parenting to support the different ways your child’s brain works.

1) Prioritize

When tackling challenges at home, it is important to start small. You have a thousand things you want your child to do and they all are important. Focus on the most important task first. Select 1-3 things and become highly consistent in prioritizing them until they become a habit for your child. Then, you will know it is time to move on to the next thing on your list.

While this can be challenging, it is key for success.

Remember, you will have to ignore some important things as you focus on your goals. However, doing so will be more effective. It will help your child make progress with one task before moving on to the next.

Prioritizing is especially important for children with ADHD, because they already experience difficulty remembering what needs to be done. Fewer things to remember equals more success.

So, what is the one task you want to focus on right now?

2) Create a Plan

Now that you have prioritized, create a plan with your child. If your child has ADHD, then you may need to be more explicit when creating a plan to enhance their ability to remember the plan.

Your plan should include a very clear description of your expectations for your child. It also needs to include description of what you are going to do to help them. Create a plan in collaboration with your child. This will grant the opportunity for them to express what is difficult for them and what they need from you in order to succeed. Keep in mind, you may have to adjust your expectations so that the plan works for both of you.

3) Rewards

Rewards can be far more powerful for changing behavior over time than punishments. However, they can be difficult to implement.

Identify what your child can earn if they complete the task you expect this week. Maybe it is a later bedtime, additional screen time, or the selection of your family dinner or the Friday night movie. Think of things that can be repeated, are doable, and do not break the bank. Create a menu so that your child can choose which reward they want: whatever best incentivizes them from your pre-approved list.

Rewards are effective for all children, but may be more necessary for children with ADHD. They tend to be more bored by routine tasks less likely to feel naturally rewarded by completing a task they need to do. Attaching an external reward can make the task seem feel interesting or worthwhile.

4) Praise

Praise more than you think you need to. This is so important for children with ADHD because they may often feel like a failure. Praise serves as an incentive for them to repeat appropriate behavior. It also helps boost their self-esteem.

Even if something is not perfect, praise them for the little progress you observe every week.

5) Reminders

Get creative with these! Because the ADHD brain works differently, reminders are crucial. Keep in mind, they need to be consistent with your child’s interests or strengths. You can try charts, phone alarms, visual reminders, and scheduling a check in with you, so that you can remind them about the plan and praise any progress. Choose a reminder system that works best for your child based on their age and preferences.

6) Consistency is Key

It takes times to form healthy habits and may be harder for your child with ADHD. If they are forgetful or uninterested, it can take a while to figure out what they need and create a habit.

7) Get Help with ADHD Testing in Los Angeles

Even the best parents need help! These ADHD strategies for children may sound easy. However, they can be challenging for children with ADHD to accomplish consistently. That’s why identifying and developing a strategy that works best for your child’s unique needs is so important. Every child with ADHD has different needs, strengths, and interests. It may be helpful to work with a psychologist to identify the strategies that will work best for your child. ADHD testing can also help clarify how your child’s brain works, as well as identifying their strengths and weakness.

If you are wondering if your child has ADHD and would like more information about therapy or testing, you can set up a free consultation to discuss your assessment and/or therapeutic needs.

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