Author Archives: herecounseling

How to Find the Right Therapist for You

I know it might sound a little wild but finding a therapist is a lot like dating. Think about it: you go through the classic online searches and scrolls, you ask your peers if they have anyone in mind, and you spend a considerable amount of time and money getting to know potential prospects in the hopes that something clicks.

“Therapy can be an important investment in your mental health. Finding the right therapist will benefit you immeasurably for life.”

If you have felt like the journey to find “the one” has been overwhelming and seemingly impossible, you are not alone. There are plenty of things that do not work when finding a therapist. However there are some great things that do! Below are three tips to help you find that match for you:

Knowing what to look for in a therapist can feel never ending. Let’s narrow it down!

1.) Get clear about what you are hoping to find in therapy.

There are many different types of therapy to choose from and some may not work for your needs. Even if your friend swears by their therapist, your needs may be different. It’s important to ask yourself questions before getting out there to search.

These questions can sound like:

What trauma am I needing to heal? Whats my reasoning for seeking therapy?

What kinds of therapy are helpful to that healing?

Am I in a place where I can accept hard truths about myself?

Bottom line here is that we know ourselves well enough to know when something feels off. It’s important to take time to process these feelings and experiences as you start your search. Use this time for self reflection and make a list of needs!

Your needs are important to your healing

2.) Search for a therapist based on your area of need.

Now that you have answered those harder personal questions, it’s time to start your search. Begin by researching clinicians in your area and narrow down a few that look promising and call to set up a few consultations.

Here are some helpful links to reference in your search:

Helpful Hint: Remember the dating rule

It’s okay to date around here! Make a few appointments with different people, schedule a second if you feel comfortable. At the end of the day, it’s more about how you feel about them than how you think they are viewing you. Ask about their practices, their training and be clear with them about what you’re expecting from your experience.

Look for a therapist, not just therapy

3.) Understanding that therapy is not a one size fits all

Hard to believe, but not every therapist will work for you. Like dating, you may think they are nice to talk to but if they are not able to provide what you are needing in order to grow, it’s okay to move on. It can be a timely process so remember to be patient and understanding with yourself and others as you navigate this journey.

Once you find a therapist that clicks with you, it’s time for the harder work to begin. Therapy is not the end of a healing journey but the very beginning. It won’t always feel good and it can be hard to hear what your therapist has to say.

Maybe framing it this way will be helpful:

“You don’t go to therapy, you go to a therapist. Ultimately, it is not the manual used treatment that will be helpful and meaningful to you, it will be a specific person who has walked through this journey with you.”

The goal of therapy is to walk away knowing you have taken the proper steps to care for your mental health. Finding a therapist that aims to guide you in that journey, makes all the difference.

Anxiety, Managing emotions

Feel like you’re never enough? Here’s 5 ways to combat imposter syndrome

Written by herecounseling

Are you good enough?

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you’ve worked, someone will discover that you’re a phony? You don’t really know what you’re doing, but somehow you’ve convinced everyone that you deserve to be in the room. You don’t feel like you belong and, eventually, someone will realize that you don’t.

For someone who really appreciates authenticity and prides herself on her integrity, it was difficult to come to terms with my fear of getting discovered as a “fraud” or a “phony.” For every area of life that I was qualified in, there were recurring feelings of inadequacy, which ultimately lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and frustration. There was a period of my life where I couldn’t be confident in my hard work, experience, and skill, but rather only felt shame and fear with all of my accomplishments.

I found myself striving to prove to myself and others that I was competent and capable. I was frustrated when I felt like I didn’t do enough in the roles I played in my life. But the string of thoughts convincing me that I wasn’t enough were never true. The lies I believed about myself crippled me from being fully myself in every aspect in my life. It wasn’t that I acted like someone I wasn’t, but rather, I held myself back from being who I fully was.

What is imposter syndrome?

In 1978, Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes defined the imposter phenomenon as an individual’s belief that they aren’t really intelligent, but are “convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.” According to Clance and Imes, who studied a sample of 150 successful women, the reported clinical symptoms of imposter syndrome were “generalized anxiety, lack of self-confidence, depression, and frustration related to inability to meet self-imposed standards of achievement.”

Clance and Imes discovered that this belief was mainly attributed to early family roles and societal gender stereotyping. They explained that when a woman in their study experienced success, she would often filter that through either “societal expectations” or her own “internalized self-evaluations.” In other words, the women in the study’s sample needed to find explanations for their accomplishments rather than their own intelligence, which includes managing to fool others. This study took place in 1978, but it’s still just as, if not more, prominent today and needs to be talked about.

Stop feeling like an imposter in your own life.

I realized that the first step to defeating my imposter syndrome was to name it and the main weapon I recently came into possession of is this ability to be vulnerable about it so that we as a society can acknowledge that imposter syndrome is a real thing and there is no need for shame. Valerie Young, Ed.D., an internationally-recognized expert on imposter syndrome gave a Ted Talk with steps to overcome imposter syndrome:

Break the silence. Shame keeps a lot of people from “fessing up” about their fraudulent feelings. Knowing there’s a name for these feelings and that you are not alone can be tremendously freeing.
Separate feelings from fact. There are times you’ll feel stupid. It happens to everyone from time to time. Realize that just because you may feel incapable, doesn’t mean you are.
Recognize when you should feel fraudulent. If you’re one of the first or the few women or a minority in your field or work place, it’s only natural you’d sometimes feel like you don’t totally fit in. Instead of taking your self-doubt as a sign of your ineptness, recognize that it might be a normal response to being an outsider.
Develop a new script. Your script is that automatic mental tape that starts playing in situations that trigger your Impostor feelings. When you start a new job or project instead of thinking for example, “Wait till they find out I have no idea what I’m doing,” try thinking, “Everyone who starts something new feels off-base in the beginning. I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.”
Fake it ‘til you make it. Now and then we all have to fly by the seat of our pants. Instead of considering “winging it” as proof of your ineptness, learn to do what many high achievers do and view it as a skill. The point of the worn out phrase, fake it til you make it, still stands: Don’t wait until you feel confident to start putting yourself out there. Courage comes from taking risks. Change your behavior first and allow your confidence to build.

Let me help you.

You deserve to be in the spaces that you take up, and whether you are accepted by everybody, you have the power and ability to stay true to your authentic self. Let me help you acknowledge your strengths and identify any lies that you or others have been telling yourself. You are enough.

Victoria Ing, ACSW

I empower young adults to live authentically as they journey towards wholeness.

LEARN MORE ABOUT VICTORIA