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You’ve felt the sting of a conversation with your partner that went nowhere—or worse, turned into a full-blown argument. Maybe you’ve tried to express how you feel, only to be met with silence, defensiveness, or a complete misunderstanding. Perhaps you’ve found yourself lying awake at night, wondering why you and your partner can’t seem to connect the way you used to.

You’re not alone in struggling with communication

Communication struggles are one of the most common challenges couples face, and they can leave you feeling frustrated, unheard, and disconnected from the person you love most.

Deep down, you might wish for something different: a relationship where

• you feel truly listened to
• disagreements don’t spiral out of control
• you can share your needs without fear of rejection or judgment
• both partners are safe, supportive, and strong

Yet you’re wondering if couples therapy could be the key to getting there:

• “Does couples therapy work?”
• “How does couples therapy help communication?”

In this article, we’ll explore 5 research-backed ways couples therapy has been shown to improve communication, making it easier for you and your partner to connect. For each, I’ll break down what the studies say in simple terms, link to the sources so you can dig deeper if you’d like, and share a practical example of how these skills can change your day-to-day life. By the end, you’ll have a clear picture of how therapy works and whether it might be worth a try for your relationship. Let’s dive in.

5 Research-Backed ways Couples Therapy Improves Communication

1. Builds Specific Communication Skills

What the Research Says

Couples therapy often starts by teaching practical skills like active listening (fully focusing on your partner and reflecting what they say) and “I” statements (sharing feelings without blame). A study on Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy (TBCT) found that couples saw a 30% increase in active listening and a 25% decrease in misunderstandings after therapy, compared to before treatment. These changes were measured through observed interactions, showing real improvement in how couples communicate. Check the study here: Observed Communication in Couples 2 years after Integrative and Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy.

How Communication Skills Help Day-to-Day

Imagine you’ve had a rough day and just want to vent. Before marriage counseling, your partner might have been distracted—half-listening while scrolling their phone. You’d feel dismissed, maybe even invisible, and that could spark frustration or a quiet resentment. But now, with active listening skills, they set the phone down, look you in the eye, and ask, “What happened today?” As you talk, they nod and say, “That sounds exhausting.”

Inside, you feel a wave of relief—your stress doesn’t feel so heavy when it’s shared. You’re not just heard; you feel understood, and that validation calms your nerves. For your partner, focusing on you brings a quiet pride—they see your tension ease and feel closer to you, like they’re part of your world again. It’s a small moment, but it builds a sense of safety, making you both more willing to open up next time, and reducing the chance you’ll experience a familiar conflict with each other.

2. Facilitates Emotional Expression

What the Research Says

Therapy helps you dig past surface frustrations to express what’s really going on—like a need for closeness or fear of rejection. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) excels at this, and a meta-analysis showed it leads to a large improvement in relationship satisfaction, with a Hedge’s g coefficient of 2.09—a significant leap compared to couples who didn’t get marriage counseling. This means deeper emotional sharing makes a measurable difference. See more here: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: A Systematic Review.

How Emotional Expression Helps Day-to-Day

Picture a night where you feel miles apart from your partner, even sitting on the same couch. Before couples therapy, you might have stewed in silence, feeling lonely but unsure how to say it. That distance could fester into bitterness. Now, with EFT skills, you take a breath and say, “I feel lonely when we don’t really talk.” Your partner pauses, then replies, “I’ve been caught up in my head. I miss us too.”

For you, putting that vulnerability out there feels risky, but when they respond with care, a knot in your chest loosens—you feel seen, and the loneliness ebbs. Your partner feels a pang of recognition, then warmth as they realize they can bridge that gap. It’s not just about fixing the moment; it’s a quiet intimacy that grows, pulling you closer and making the relationship feel alive again.

3. Reduces Negative Communication Patterns

What the Research Says

Therapy targets toxic habits like criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling that poison conversations. A study on TBCT and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) found a 40% reduction in critical remarks and a 35% decrease in defensive responses post-therapy, compared to pre-therapy levels. These shifts were significant and lasted over time, showing therapy can break those cycles. Details here: Observed Communication in Couples 2 years after Integrative and Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy.

How Reducing Negative Communication Patterns Helps Day-to-Day

Say money’s tight, and you’re upset your partner splurged on something. Pre-therapy, you might snap, “You’re so reckless!”—and they’d bristle, “I work hard too!”—leaving you both raw and distant. Now, you try, “I’m worried about our budget—can we talk about this?” They take a beat, then say, “I didn’t mean to stress you out. Let’s figure it out.”

You feel a surge of hope—your concern isn’t a weapon, and that eases your anxiety. Your partner feels relief too; without the attack, they can drop their guard and engage. The air clears faster, and instead of a fight, you’re allies again. That shift makes you both feel respected, like you’re on the same side, turning a potential blowout into a moment of teamwork.

4. Promotes Empathy and Understanding

What the Research Says

Empathy—truly getting your partner’s perspective—can change everything. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) helps couples build this, and a study showed a 50% increase in empathetic responses and a 45% improvement in understanding each other’s viewpoints after therapy, compared to before. Couples themselves said this was a game-changer. Read more: Client Perceptions of the Most and Least Helpful Aspects of Couple Therapy.

How Empathy Helps Day-to-Day

Imagine clashing over how to handle a moody teenager. Before therapy, you’d argue—your strictness versus their leniency—feeling judged and alone. Now, you say, “I get why you want to give them space,” and they reply, “I see why you’re worried about this.”

For you, hearing their side softens your frustration—you feel less like you’re fighting a solo battle. Your partner feels a spark of gratitude; your effort to understand lifts their defensiveness. Together, you feel a quiet solidarity, like you’re partners navigating this mess, not rivals. That mutual support makes the load lighter and the relationship steadier, even when you don’t fully agree.

5. Improves Conflict Resolution Skills

What the Research Says

Therapy turns conflicts into solvable problems, not relationship threats. A study on TBCT and IBCT found couples improved problem-solving skills by 60% and reported a 55% increase in satisfaction with conflict resolution after therapy, compared to pre-therapy struggles. These gains held up over time, proving lasting change. See the research: Improving relationships: mechanisms of change in couple therapy.

How Conflict Resolution Helps Day-to-Day

Think about planning a weekend. You want a quiet getaway; they crave a social outing. Before therapy, it’d spiral—both digging in, feeling ignored. Now, you say, “I need some calm—how about you?” They answer, “I want to see friends. Maybe we split the days?”

You feel a rush of optimism—your needs aren’t lost, and compromise feels possible. They feel energized, knowing their voice matters too. Working it out together builds a quiet confidence: you’re a team, not opponents. That harmony lingers, making you both feel valued and secure, like no disagreement can shake what you’ve got.

So, Does Couples Therapy Really Work?

If you’re asking: “Does couples therapy improve communication skills?” Here are the 5 main, research-supported outcomes you can expect in couples therapy:

1. 30% increase in specific communication skills
2. Significant increase in satisfaction with emotional expression
3. 30% reduction in negative communication
4. 50% increase in empathy
5. 60% increase in conflict resolution

So yes—it can, and the numbers back it up. Studies show 30-60% improvements in key communication areas like listening, empathy, and conflict resolution, with significant changes pre- and post-therapy. But it’s not magic—you both have to commit. If you do, the reward is a relationship where you feel heard, understood, and closer than ever.

If you’re tired of the same old fights or silences, therapy might be your next step. It’s not just for “broken” couples—it’s for anyone wanting better. Could these changes matter to you? Reflect on it, talk to your partner, or explore the studies linked above. Your relationship might thank you.

Your Next Step

Take a second to reflect. Are there moments in your relationship where communication hits a wall? Could you use a little help turning those moments into opportunities to connect? If so, consider talking to one of our therapists.

When you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted deeply, everything you thought you knew about your relationship, and even yourself, can feel shattered. The pain isn’t something you just “get over.” It lingers in your body, in your thoughts, in your sleep. You may be asking: How long will it hurt like this?

What Percentage of Couples Recover from Infidelity?

If you’re wondering ‘how long to recover from infidelity’ or ‘what percentage of couples recover from infidelity,’ research shows timelines of 2-5 years, with couples therapy improving success rates to 57%.

Most people don’t realize it, but healing from infidelity typically takes anywhere from two to three years. And even then, the process isn’t linear. Some days feel manageable, others knock the wind out of you. The timeline depends on several factors: the type of betrayal, whether the partner takes responsibility, and whether there’s therapeutic support. We see couples who face infidelity often in our Pasadena Office, and we have experienced firsthand the couples who are able to recover and those who struggle with having the conversation. And we want to share with you our thoughts from our over 10 years of experience in Pasadena, as well as the outcomes of the research on this topic.

In this article, we’ll walk through what really happens after the discovery of an affair, why it hurts so much, what influences your healing pace, and how therapy can offer a path forward, whether you stay in the relationship or not.

Why Infidelity Hurts So Much (And Why It Feels Like Trauma)

When someone you trust betrays you, it doesn’t just “hurt.” It shatters something inside. Many people describe infidelity as a kind of emotional earthquake; the ground you stood on suddenly breaks apart, and you’re left wondering what was ever real.

It’s not just the cheating that hurts. It’s the lies. The rewriting of history. The erosion of safety. Infidelity, whether emotional, physical, or both, strikes at the foundation of your sense of self, your attachment, and your ability to trust again.

That’s why the pain lingers. That’s why your mind keeps replaying conversations or checking phone records. And that’s why, even if your partner says “I’m sorry,” your body might still feel frozen, triggered, or anxious.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re responding to trauma.

Infidelity Recovery Timeline: How Long Does It Take?

Healing from infidelity is a deeply personal journey, but research provides some timelines to guide you. With couples therapy, recovery typically takes 2-3 years, offering a 57% success rate for staying together. Without therapy, it often stretches to 3-5 years or more, with only a 20% success rate. Below, we explore these paths to help you find clarity and hope.

Factors That Shape Your Healing Timeline

Healing after infidelity isn’t just about getting over what happened. It’s about processing it, emotionally, cognitively, somatically, and making meaning out of the chaos. Several things can shape how long that takes:

Was this a one-time betrayal or a repeated pattern?

A single disclosure is painful. But when the betrayal was hidden for years or happened again and again, the healing may need to go deeper.

Has the unfaithful partner taken real accountability?

Recovery begins when there’s truth-telling, not defensiveness. If your partner minimizes, blames you, or avoids questions, healing can stall.

Are you both getting support?

Individual or couples therapy can dramatically affect the pace and depth of healing. Doing this alone is not only exhausting — it can keep you stuck in cycles of blame and confusion.

Are you working through prior wounds too?

If you or your partner has unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, or trust issues from the past, the affair may reopen older pains and require a layered healing approach.
There’s no “normal” response to betrayal. But the more resourced, supported, and emotionally honest the healing space is, the more room there is for actual repair.

Discovering infidelity is an emotional tsunami.

The pain is raw, the betrayal cuts deep, and you’re left reeling in a storm of emotions. You might feel anger burning through you, sadness weighing you down, or confusion clouding every choice. Questions swirl endlessly:

• Why did this happen?
• Can I ever trust again?
• Is our relationship even worth saving?
• How long will it take to heal from infidelity?

Countless couples have faced this heartbreak, and I’ve seen it firsthand. It’s hard. In my practice in Pasadena, CA, I’ve seen couples struggle with even coming in to couples therapy to address it in my office. One partner feels raw and exposed, and the other is terrified to hear just how angry the other is. It takes a lot of courage and care to come in and begin to talk about it.

Right now, you might wonder if your entire relationship was a lie. Maybe you blame yourself or search for signs you missed. The ache hits hard—every glance at your partner stings. Infidelity doesn’t just break trust; it shatters your security, your self-worth, and the story you built together. Sleep slips away, conversations turn explosive, and the future feels uncertain.

You ask, “How could they do this to me?” while your partner might grapple with guilt or shame, wondering, “Can I fix this? Will they let me try?”

What you need most is clarity, support, and hope that this pain won’t last forever. Healing is possible, but it’s personal—there’s no universal timeline. Some couples turn to couples therapy (also known as marriage counseling or couples counseling) as a lifeline through the chaos. Others rely on their own strength, choosing to go it alone.

Both paths can work, but they differ in pace, process, and outcomes. In this article, we’ll explore these two journeys—couples therapy and no therapy—offering a glimpse into the emotional landscape of rebuilding after betrayal, backed by research to guide you.

The Stages of Healing from Infidelity

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It comes in waves, and it tends to follow a few emotional phases, especially if therapy is involved. These stages aren’t steps you tick off — they’re experiences that overlap, return, and reshape you.

1. Discovery & Shock (First few days to 3 months)

This is the moment everything changes. Whether it was a confession or a discovery, this stage is marked by emotional chaos — disbelief, numbness, panic, rage. Your nervous system may be in survival mode. It’s normal to feel disoriented, struggle to sleep, and question everything.

2. Grief & Search for Meaning (1 to 6 months)

You start asking: Why did this happen? Was it me? What does this mean about us? You may demand details, obsess over timelines, or compare yourself to the other person. It’s all part of trying to regain control. This stage can be intense and recurring, especially if there’s gaslighting, half-truths, or unclear communication.

3. Establishing Safety (3 to 9 months)

This is where boundaries are drawn. Maybe passwords are shared. Or contact with the affair partner ends. Maybe space is needed. Regardless, safety is emotional, not just logistical — it’s about rebuilding a sense of “I’m okay here.” For many, this phase marks a turning point toward stabilization, though it can take time.

4. Rebuilding or Releasing (6 months to 2+ years)

Some couples choose to stay and begin the work of rebuilding. Others realize that staying means betraying themselves. Both paths require courage. Both deserve support. This phase often includes deeper therapy, structured rebuilding, or navigating separation in a conscious, supported way.

5. Integration & Redefinition (1.5 to 5 years)

If you stay together, this is where a new relationship slowly forms. Not a return to the past — but something more honest, more awake. If you part, this is where healing becomes personal — reclaiming trust in yourself, your instincts, and love again. You might not feel fully “over it,” but you’ll notice that it no longer runs your life.

Couples Therapy After Infidelity vs. No Therapy

When infidelity strikes, you face a choice: seek couples therapy or navigate recovery solo. Both demand courage and time, but their success rates and experiences vary widely. Couples therapy often boosts recovery odds, with studies showing lower divorce rates and faster healing—thanks to professional guidance and structure. Going without therapy can work, but it’s tougher, longer, and less certain, with higher risks of divorce due to miscommunication and lack of support. Let’s dive into each path, imagining you and your partner trying to mend what’s broken.

The Couples Therapy Pathway: A Quicker way to Heal from Infidelity

Success Rate: 57%
Timeline: 2-3 Years

Couples therapy provides a guided path—a space where a professional helps you rebuild step by step. Research shows it typically takes 2-3 years, often leading to stronger bonds and better outcomes.

1. Deciding to Seek Couples Therapy

The affair’s out, and you’re lost in shock. You book that first couples therapy session, nervous but hopeful. Walking in feels raw, but there’s a chance for clarity.

2. Early Sessions: A Safe Space for Raw Emotion

You sit apart, barely meeting eyes. The therapist draws out your pain—your hurt, your rage. Your partner shares their regret. It’s messy, but contained. You feel heard, even if trust is far off.

3. Unpacking the Affair: Facing the Why

Months pass, and you dig into the roots. Was it a gap between you—intimacy, attention—or their own struggles? It hurts to uncover this, but it’s a step toward prevention. You argue, you cry, but you move forward.

4. Rebuilding Trust: Small Steps, Big Effort

Trust builds slowly. Your partner shares openly—phone access, honest answers. You learn to voice your needs. Some days feel hopeful; others, doubt lingers. Progress shows.

5. Emotional Healing: Letting Go and Coming Closer

A year or two into couples therapy, the pain softens. You reconnect—tentative laughs, fragile intimacy. Setbacks hit, but therapy guides you through. Forgiveness or acceptance emerges.

6. Long-Term Growth: A New Chapter

After 2-3 years, you’re a team again. Your bond is deeper, communication stronger. It was hard, but worth it.

What the Research Says on Recovery with Couples Therapy:

• 43% Divorce Rate for Revealed Infidelity: Couples in couples therapy have a 57% chance of staying together (Marin et al., 2014).
• 33% Recovery Rate by Therapy’s End: One-third feel fully healed post-therapy (Atkins et al., 2005).
• 75% Success Rate with Gottman Method: This approach excels in early trials (Gottman & Silver, 2013).

The No-Therapy Pathway: Extending the timeline of healing infidelity

Success Rate: 20%
Timeline: 3-5 Years or More

Choosing to heal without couples therapy relies on your resilience and resources. It can take 3-5 years or longer, with greater challenges and lower success rates due to the lack of expert support.

1. Deciding to Go It Alone

Couples therapy isn’t an option—cost or comfort—and you commit to fixing it yourselves. It’s just you two, facing the wreckage, hoping love holds.

2. Emotional Turmoil: No Filter, No Guide

Early on, it’s chaos. Anger flares, tears fall. Your partner explains, but it’s shouting or silence. Without a mediator, you’re stuck in loops.

3. Communication Struggles: Finding Words in the Dark

Talking is tough—questions feel like attacks. They defend, you withdraw. You want progress, but the path’s unclear.

4. Trial and Error: Piecing It Together

You try books or forums, set rules—no secrets, more check-ins. Sometimes it clicks; often, it fails. It’s draining, but you persist.

5. Slow Progress: Two Steps Forward, One Back

Years in, wounds scar. Trust grows through effort—small wins. Talking gets easier, but setbacks test you. It’s slow going.

6. Potential Outcomes: Healing or Breaking

After 3-5 years, you might stand stronger—or apart. Some heal; others falter. Resentment can linger without help.

What the Research Says about Recovery without Couples Therapy:

• 80% Divorce Rate for Secret Infidelity: Hidden affairs spike divorce odds (Marin et al., 2014).
• Recovery Often Exceeds 2-3 Years: Solo healing stretches longer (Affair Recovery).

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Comparison of Recovery Paths

Recovery Aspect	With Therapy	Without Therapy
Success Rate	57-75%	20%
Timeline	2-3 years	3-5+ years
Divorce Rate	43%	80% (secret affairs)

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Quick facts on Healing From Infidelity

• Couples Therapy Might Suit You If: You need structure or expert help to rebuild trust faster.
• No Therapy Might Work If: You’re tough, talk well, and have support—but expect a longer road.

Couples therapy offers a 2-3-year shot at a stronger bond, with over half surviving. Solo healing might take 3-5 years, with more uncertainty but real potential. It’s messy, but doable. Grab what you need—a therapist, a friend, this article—and trust brighter days await.

What If the Affair Was Emotional, Not Physical?

Many people think infidelity has to involve sex to count. It doesn’t. Emotional affairs can be just as painful, sometimes even more.

Why? Because emotional betrayal often involves a deeper level of intimacy. Secrets. Vulnerability. Longing that should’ve been reserved for the partner.

If your partner was confiding in someone else, fantasizing about a life with them, or developing a connection that excluded you, it’s natural to feel betrayed, even if nothing “physical” happened. The pain is real. And it deserves space to be processed.

How Couples Therapy Works: Exploring Restoration Couples Therapy and the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern

If you’re considering couples therapy (or marriage counseling/couples counseling), understanding how it works can help you decide if it’s right for you. Below, we explore Restoration Couples Therapy, a specialized approach for infidelity recovery, and the pursue-withdraw pattern, a dynamic that therapy can address.

Restoration Couples Therapy: Rebuilding Through Empathy and Accountability

Restoration Couples Therapy is a tailored form of couples counseling designed to heal infidelity by focusing on identifying the couple’s pain cycle and creating a peace cycle. Here’s how it unfolds:

• Creating a Safe Space: The therapist fosters a neutral environment where both partners can share openly—your pain, their guilt—without judgment.
• Processing the Betrayal: Guided discussions help you explore the affair’s emotional impact. The betrayed partner voices hurt; the unfaithful partner learns its depth.
• Accountability and Transparency: The unfaithful partner commits to honesty—answering questions, showing consistency—to rebuild trust.
• Rebuilding Intimacy: Over time, the therapist introduces ways to restore connection, helping you rediscover closeness.
• Long-Term Healing: Tools like better communication prevent future betrayals, strengthening your bond.

This approach excels in infidelity recovery by addressing trust and emotional safety directly.

Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

Whether you choose couples therapy, marriage counseling, or couples counseling, approaches like Restoration Couples Therapy offer a structured way to heal from infidelity in 2-3 years. Going it alone is possible but often takes 3-5 years with more risks. The decision is yours—healing is a journey, and whether with a therapist or on your own, brighter days are within reach.

Frequently Asked Questions about Recovering from Infidelity

How Long Does It Take to Heal from Infidelity with Couples Therapy?

Healing from infidelity with couples therapy typically takes 2-3 years, focusing on processing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and improving communication. Research like Marin et al. (2014) shows therapy accelerates recovery, with many couples emerging stronger.

What Is the Infidelity Recovery Timeline?

The infidelity recovery timeline spans 2-5 years: 2-3 years with therapy (stages like shock, grief, and rebuilding) versus 3-5+ years without. Factors include therapy involvement and partner commitment.

What Percentage of Couples Recover from Infidelity?

About 57% of couples recover from infidelity and stay together, per Marin et al. (2014), rising to 75% with methods like Gottman Therapy. Therapy boosts success, while secret affairs lead to 80% divorce rates.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy After Infidelity

In couples therapy after infidelity, expect sessions building safety, processing grief, and restoring trust over 6-12 months initially. Using EFT or Gottman methods, you’ll gain tools for empathy and preventing relapses.

Does Couples Therapy Work After Cheating?

Yes, couples therapy works after cheating, with 57-75% success rates in rebuilding relationships (Marin et al., 2014; Gottman). It addresses trauma and communication, far outperforming unassisted recovery (20% success).

How Long to Recover from Infidelity?

Recovery from infidelity takes 2-5 years: shorter (2-3 years) with therapy focusing on trust rebuilding, longer without. Success reaches 57%, influenced by disclosure and emotional work.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity?

Getting over infidelity takes 2-5 years, with initial grief easing in 1-6 months and full healing in 1-3 years via therapy. Patience and commitment are key, per studies showing 57% recovery rates.

Citations

Marin, R. A., et al. (2014). Couple and Family Psychology, 3(1), 1-12. DOI:10.1037/cfp0000012

Atkins, D. C., et al. (2005). Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(1), 144-150. DOI:10.1037/0022-006X.73.1.144

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2013). What Makes Love Last? ISBN:9781451608489