Misattunement
Anxiety, Healthy Relationships

Misattunement: Understanding, Healing, and Restoring Connection

Written by Here Counseling

Misattunement occurs when a caregiver, partner, or important figure in someone’s life fails to recognize, respond to, or accurately interpret emotional needs. While occasional misattunement is normal and often repairable, repeated or unresolved misattunement in childhood or adult relationships can create lasting effects on emotional regulation, attachment, and self-worth.

At Here Counseling, we see misattunement as a central theme in therapy because it directly shapes how people experience safety, intimacy, and trust. This article explains what misattunement means, how it affects relationships and mental health, and how therapy can help repair its impact.

What Is Misattunement?

Attunement describes the ability to sense and respond to another person’s emotional state with accuracy and empathy. When attunement is present, people feel understood, validated, and safe. Misattunement happens when those signals are missed, dismissed, or inaccurately interpreted.

Examples of misattunement include:

  • A parent laughing when a child is distressed.
  • A partner minimizing feelings instead of listening.
  • A caregiver being physically present but emotionally unavailable.

Misattunement is not simply neglect or abuse. It can occur in subtle, everyday moments when someone’s emotional needs are not met or are misread. Over time, repeated misattunement—especially in early childhood—can create patterns of insecurity and disconnection.

Misattunement in Childhood Development

Infants and young children rely on caregivers to regulate emotions and provide a sense of safety. When caregivers respond consistently and accurately, children develop secure attachment. When misattunement happens repeatedly without repair, it can lead to:

  • Anxious attachment: The child becomes hypervigilant, constantly seeking reassurance.
  • Avoidant attachment: The child withdraws, learning not to rely on others.
  • Disorganized attachment: The child experiences confusion, fear, or ambivalence toward caregivers.

Research in developmental psychology shows that early misattunement can affect the brain’s stress response, making it harder to regulate emotions later in life. Adults who experienced frequent misattunement as children may struggle with intimacy, fear rejection, or feel chronically unseen.

Misattunement in Adult Relationships

Misattunement does not end in childhood. It shows up in romantic partnerships, friendships, and professional settings. Common signs include:

  • Feeling dismissed when expressing emotions.
  • Arguments escalating because partners misinterpret intent.
  • A sense of “never being on the same page.”
  • Loneliness despite being in a relationship.

While everyone experiences occasional misattunement, repeated patterns can erode trust. For example, a partner who consistently overlooks emotional cues may unintentionally reinforce feelings of abandonment that originated in childhood.

Repair is possible when both people recognize the pattern, communicate openly, and work toward new ways of responding.

The Psychological Impact of Misattunement

Unresolved misattunement can contribute to a range of difficulties, including:

  • Low self-esteem: Feeling “too much” or “not enough.”
  • Difficulty regulating emotions: Overreacting or shutting down.
  • Interpersonal struggles: Fear of closeness or dependency.
  • Symptoms of trauma: Anxiety, depression, or dissociation.

Clients often describe misattunement as a sense of being invisible or unheard. Over time, this can shape identity, leading individuals to doubt their needs or suppress emotions to maintain connection.

How Therapy Helps Repair Misattunement

Therapy provides a corrective emotional experience where attunement is prioritized. A skilled therapist tracks both verbal and nonverbal cues to respond in ways that foster safety and understanding. This process can gradually repair the impact of past misattunement.

Key therapeutic approaches include:

1. Attachment-Based Therapy

Therapists explore early attachment patterns and how they affect current relationships. Recognizing these patterns helps clients understand why certain triggers or relational dynamics feel so powerful.

2. Trauma-Informed Care

For those who experienced chronic misattunement or emotional neglect, therapy may address trauma responses such as hypervigilance or emotional numbing. Trauma-informed approaches prioritize safety, pacing, and empowerment.

3. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is particularly effective for couples experiencing misattunement. The therapist helps partners recognize negative cycles and practice responding with empathy and presence instead of defensiveness.

4. Mindfulness and Somatic Work

Since misattunement often disrupts the connection between mind and body, practices that integrate awareness of physical sensations, breathing, and emotions can restore regulation and resilience.

Repairing Misattunement in Relationships

Healing misattunement is not only an individual process but also a relational one. Steps toward repair include:

  • Noticing cues: Paying attention to tone, body language, and facial expressions.
  • Clarifying intentions: Asking instead of assuming.
  • Acknowledging misses: Saying, “I think I misunderstood you—can we try again?”
  • Practicing presence: Putting aside distractions to be emotionally available.

Repair does not mean achieving perfect attunement. Instead, it means recognizing moments of misattunement and working to reconnect. Relationships become stronger when repair is possible.

Misattunement, Trauma, and Complex PTSD

For individuals with complex trauma, misattunement is often part of a broader history of neglect, emotional unavailability, or inconsistent caregiving. In these cases, misattunement may feel less like occasional misunderstanding and more like a deep, pervasive wound.

Symptoms may include:

  • Persistent feelings of emptiness.
  • Fear of abandonment or rejection.
  • Difficulty trusting others.
  • Intense shame or self-criticism.

Therapy in these cases focuses on building safety, slowly re-establishing trust, and helping clients reconnect with their authentic emotions.

How Here Counseling Can Help You Heal Misattunement

At Here Counseling, we understand how painful and isolating misattunement can feel. Many of our clients come in saying, “I don’t think my needs matter” or “I’ve never really felt understood.”

Our therapists create a compassionate space where your feelings are welcomed—not dismissed. We use approaches like somatic experiencing, attachment-focused therapy, and trauma-informed care to help you:

  • Reconnect with your emotions safely
  • Recognize and unlearn old patterns of disconnection
  • Build healthier, more secure relationships
  • Experience what it feels like to be deeply attuned to

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with gentle guidance, you can move from feeling unseen to truly known and valued.

FAQs on Misattunement

What is misattunement and how is it different from neglect?
 Misattunement is when emotional needs are misunderstood or mismatched, while neglect is when needs are ignored altogether. Both hurt, but misattunement is often subtler and harder to recognize.

Can misattunement in childhood cause problems in adult relationships?
 Yes. It can lead to difficulty trusting, fear of rejection, or a tendency to hide emotions in order to “keep the peace.”

What does “repairing misattunement” look like in therapy?
 Repair means being accurately seen and understood, sometimes for the first time. A therapist helps rebuild trust in yourself and others through consistent attunement.

Can misattunement be healed without therapy?
 Some healing can happen through supportive relationships, self-reflection, and self-compassion practices—but therapy often accelerates the process by offering intentional repair.

Are somatic techniques helpful for misattunement?
 Yes. Since misattunement often impacts the nervous system, somatic approaches help release stored tension and increase feelings of safety.

How long does it take to feel safer after misattunement?
 Healing timelines vary. Many clients notice subtle shifts within weeks, but deeper repair often takes months to years of consistent support.

What should I expect in my first session about misattunement?
 You can expect a safe, nonjudgmental space to share your story. The therapist will listen closely, validate your experience, and help you begin understanding patterns.

Is misattunement the same as emotional neglect?
 Not exactly. Misattunement is often unintentional and subtle, while neglect involves a complete absence of care. But both can leave lasting emotional wounds.

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Dissociative Disorders
Anxiety

Dissociative Disorders: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Written by Here Counseling

Dissociative disorders are mental health conditions where a person’s thoughts, memories, identity, and sense of reality become disconnected. While occasional dissociation is common—for example, daydreaming or losing track of time—dissociative disorders are more severe, persistent, and disruptive to daily life. At Here Counseling, we help clients understand these conditions, recognize symptoms, and begin treatment that supports healing and stability.

What Are Dissociative Disorders?

Dissociative disorders fall under a group of psychiatric conditions characterized by disruptions in memory, identity, perception, or awareness. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the primary types include:

  • Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): Presence of two or more distinct identity states or “alters,” often accompanied by memory gaps.
  • Dissociative Amnesia: Inability to recall important autobiographical information, usually linked to trauma or stress.
  • Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder: Persistent feelings of detachment from oneself (depersonalization) or surroundings (derealization).

These conditions are usually linked to overwhelming stress, childhood trauma, or repeated exposure to abuse.

Common Symptoms of Dissociative Disorders

Symptoms vary depending on the specific type of dissociative disorder, but common experiences include:

  • Memory loss (amnesia): Gaps in recollecting events, personal history, or identity.
  • Identity confusion or alteration: Feeling like multiple identities exist within oneself or behaving as different “selves.”
  • Out-of-body experiences: Feeling detached from one’s body, voice, or actions.
  • Emotional detachment: Numbness, blunted affect, or feeling disconnected from emotions.
  • Unreal surroundings: Environments may feel dreamlike, foggy, or distorted.
  • Difficulty functioning: Impairments in relationships, work, or daily life tasks.

Because these symptoms overlap with anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociative disorders are often misdiagnosed or overlooked.

What are the Causes and Risk Factors of Dissociative Disorders?

Research indicates that dissociative disorders are strongly associated with trauma, particularly repeated or severe trauma in childhood. Other contributing factors include:

  • Chronic abuse or neglect: Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse during developmental years.
  • Exposure to war or natural disasters: Severe stressors that overwhelm coping mechanisms
  • Family instability: Growing up in an unsafe, chaotic, or emotionally invalidating environment.
  • Comorbid conditions: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, and major depression frequently co-occur.

Dissociation serves as a psychological defense mechanism, helping individuals distance themselves from overwhelming experiences. While protective in the short term, it becomes maladaptive when it persists into adulthood.

Diagnosis and Assessment

Diagnosis involves a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation. Clinicians use structured interviews, psychological testing, and diagnostic criteria outlined in the DSM-5. Tools often include:

  • SCID-D (Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders)
  • Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
  • Trauma history assessment

Because symptoms can mimic neurological disorders (like seizures or brain injury), medical evaluation may also be necessary to rule out physical causes.

Treatment Options

Treatment focuses on increasing stability, reducing dissociative episodes, and addressing underlying trauma. The most effective approaches include:

1. Psychotherapy

The foundation of treatment is trauma-focused psychotherapy, which helps clients process memories safely and integrate fragmented parts of the self. Approaches may include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Targets maladaptive thought patterns.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Improves emotional regulation and distress tolerance.
  • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Addresses traumatic memories.
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: Helps reconcile and integrate different parts of the self.

2. Medication

While there are no medications specifically for dissociative disorders, antidepressants, anxiolytics, or antipsychotics may help manage associated symptoms like depression, anxiety, or insomnia.

3. Grounding Techniques

Clients often benefit from grounding exercises that reconnect them to the present moment, such as focusing on physical sensations, breathing techniques, or sensory cues.

4. Supportive Care

Building strong therapeutic alliances, supportive relationships, and healthy coping strategies is critical for recovery.

Living with Dissociative Disorders

Recovery is a gradual process. Individuals often need long-term therapy and consistent support. Key strategies that help include:

  • Routine and structure: Predictable daily habits reduce stress and confusion.
  • Psychoeducation: Understanding how dissociation works empowers clients to recognize early signs.
  • Crisis planning: Developing coping strategies for episodes of amnesia or depersonalization.
  • Support networks: Family therapy and peer groups can provide stability and validation.

Dissociative Disorders vs. Other Conditions

It is important to distinguish dissociative disorders from related conditions:

  • Schizophrenia: Unlike DID, schizophrenia involves hallucinations and delusions, not identity shifts.
  • Bipolar disorder: Mood swings differ from dissociative identity changes.
  • PTSD: While PTSD may include dissociation, dissociative disorders involve more persistent and pervasive disruptions.

Accurate diagnosis ensures that treatment addresses the right condition.

When to Seek Help

Persistent memory gaps, episodes of losing time, or a sense of living “outside your body” are signs to seek professional evaluation. Left untreated, dissociative disorders can interfere with work, relationships, and overall well-being. Early intervention improves outcomes significantly.

At Here Counseling, we provide evidence-based care tailored to each client. Our therapists are trained in trauma-informed approaches and work collaboratively to promote safety, trust, and healing.

FAQs About Dissociative Disorders

1. What’s the difference between dissociation and psychosis?
 Dissociation involves feeling detached from your identity, memory, or surroundings while usually knowing the experience is internal. Psychosis, by contrast, involves losing reality testing, such as experiencing delusions or persistent hallucinations. If you’re unsure which applies, a mental health clinician can help clarify.

2. Can dissociative disorders be caused by trauma?
 Yes. Severe, repeated, or early trauma—especially interpersonal trauma in childhood—is a common cause of dissociation. That said, trauma isn’t the only factor, and not everyone who experiences trauma develops a dissociative disorder.

3. Is dissociation the same as daydreaming?
 No. Daydreaming is typically voluntary and harmless, while dissociation tends to be automatic, distressing, or disruptive to daily life. Many people describe it as zoning out in a way that feels beyond their control.

4. Can children experience dissociative disorders?
 Yes. Children can show dissociative symptoms, though it’s important to distinguish between normal imaginative play and concerning dissociation. A trauma history and noticeable impairment in functioning are key factors professionals consider.

5. Will medication cure dissociation?
 There’s no single medication that cures dissociation. However, medication can help address related conditions like anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Psychotherapy is usually the central treatment approach.

6. What should I ask a therapist if I suspect dissociation?
Good questions include:

  • Do you have experience treating dissociation and trauma?
  • How do you pace therapy and focus on stabilization?
  • Do you collaborate with psychiatrists or other providers if needed?
  • How do you approach building safety and trust in sessions?

How long does treatment take?
 Treatment varies widely. Some people notice progress in a few months, while others—especially those with complex trauma or dissociative identity disorder (DID)—may engage in therapy for years. The pace should always align with your sense of safety and readiness.

Where can I find peer support?
 Online communities such as Reddit’s r/DID and similar lived-experience forums can provide peer support and validation. These spaces are best used as complements to professional treatment, not as replacements.

Final Thoughts

Dissociative disorders are complex but treatable conditions rooted in trauma. Understanding their symptoms, causes, and treatment options can help individuals and families seek the right support. At Here Counseling, we focus on trauma-informed care that fosters integration, resilience, and lasting recovery.

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5 Somatic Therapy Exercises to Calm Your Body and Mind Now
Anxiety, Somatic Exercises

Somatic Therapy Exercises at Home: 5 Simple Somatic Exercises for Trauma, Anxiety, and Stress Relief

Written by Here Counseling

Somatic therapy is a practice that connects the mind and body for healing. It offers exercises that address trauma, stress, and enhance overall well-being. The exercises are simple and many of them you can do at home. You may even already be doing them without knowing! Somatic exercises are simple practices that connect the mind and body to promote healing and relaxation. Somatic therapy exercises, also known as somatic experiencing exercises or somatic exercises for anxiety, can be performed easily at home to manage physical sensations related to stress and trauma. Here are five exercises you can try at home to calm your body and mind today.

Quick List of Somatic Exercises

  • Body Spotlight: Shine an imaginary spotlight on your body to notice sensations without judgment.
  • Centering: Ground yourself by focusing on the floor or chair beneath you.
  • Breath as Anchor: Use deep, abdominal breathing to calm your nervous system.
  • Body Directed Movement: Move gently to release tension and connect with your body.
  • Dialogue with Body: Tune into your body’s sensations and ask what it needs.

What is Somatic Therapy? Understanding Mind-Body Techniques

Somatic therapy, often referred to as somatic experiencing, focuses on the body’s role in healing from trauma and stress. Developed by Dr. Peter Levine, it emphasizes bodily sensations (interoceptive, proprioceptive, and kinesthetic) to release trapped energy without directly revisiting traumatic memories. Unlike traditional talk therapy, somatic therapy works bottom-up, starting with the body to influence the mind. Studies show it effectively reduces PTSD symptoms and anxiety by mimicking natural stress release processes in the body.

Benefits of Somatic Therapy Exercises at Home for Trauma and Anxiety

Somatic exercises at home provide numerous advantages for mental and physical health:

  • Releases stored trauma by addressing physical sensations like tightness or discomfort.
  • Reduces anxiety quickly through nervous system regulation, lowering fight-or-flight responses.
  • Improves emotional regulation and self-awareness for better daily stress management.
  • Enhances mind-body connection, similar to how full somatic therapy supports trauma recovery.
  • Promotes relaxation and well-being without needing professional help for mild issues.

Why Practice Somatic Therapy Exercises?

Somatic exercises address the physical signs of stress and trauma that talk therapy might miss. By focusing on bodily sensations, they help release stored trauma, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. They foster self-awareness and provide tools for daily stress management, promoting a harmonious mind-body connection.

5 Somatic Therapy Exercises: Step-by-Step Guide

1. Body Spotlight

The body spotlight is a practice aimed at increasing awareness of where you hold emotional distress and emotional resource. By focusing on our body with attunement, we note where there is work to be done and what resources we can draw from. Begin by finding a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down. Close your eyes, or drop your focus inward. Notice your regular breathing pattern, and then slow it down just a tad, nothing fancy, just slow and easy. Imagine there is an interior spotlight that you can shine around your body.

Start at one end of your body and shine your spotlight around, taking in the feelings, sensations, images, and memories that pop up. Progressively move your attention through your body to the other end. As you light up each part of the interior landscape of your body, notice any sensations – tightness, warmth, tingling, pain, or comfort. Don’t judge, just acknowledge and note. This exercise can reveal areas where you might be holding stress or trauma, and where you gather strength and love, teaching you to tune into your body’s signals which often go unnoticed in daily life.

Demonstrating body spotlight somatic exercise for awareness

2. Centering

Centering is essential if you feel disconnected from your body or overwhelmed by emotions. It helps remind your body that you are safe, even if your emotions feel too strong. To practice, sit or stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Keep your eyes open and concentrate on the sensation of the ground beneath your feet – the firmness, the temperature, the texture through your shoes or socks.

If you’re sitting, feel the chair beneath you and sense where your body ends and the chair begins. Pay attention to the way the floor or chair hold and press into your body. Feel your edges. Look around the room and name the things you see. Tell yourself, “I am here. My body is OK.” Centering techniques help anchor you in the present moment, reducing anxiety and the feeling of being “out of body.” They are particularly useful for managing symptoms of PTSD or dissociation, providing a sense of safety and control over your physical environment.

For variations in somatic exercises for anxiety, try adding gentle foot movements like wiggling toes to enhance grounding.

3. Breath as Anchor

Breath work in somatic therapy isn’t just about deep breathing; it’s about reconnecting with your life force. Your breath is ALWAYS there for you as a tool for regulation. It is the quickest way to calm your nervous system. To practice, find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Place one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise while keeping your chest relatively still. Exhale slowly through your mouth.

Focus on the sensation of the air entering and leaving your body, the rise and fall of your abdomen. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. This exercise can be done anywhere and helps to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress levels. It’s a fundamental tool in somatic therapy for managing anxiety and panic attacks.

Breath as anchor somatic therapy exercise technique

4. Body Directed Movement

Body directed movement encourages you to let your body lead the way, moving in ways that feel natural and releasing. This can help discharge pent-up energy and emotions stored in the body. Start in a standing position with feet shoulder-width apart. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Begin to move your body slowly, allowing it to guide the movement – sway, stretch, shake, or twist as feels right.

Pay attention to areas of tension and allow movement to flow through them. Continue for 5-10 minutes, then gradually slow down and come to a still position. Reflect on how your body feels after the exercise. This practice helps release physical tension and emotional blockages, improving flexibility both physically and emotionally. It’s particularly beneficial for those who feel stuck or repressed in their emotional expression.

5. Dialogue with Body

Dialoguing with your body involves listening to and communicating with your physical sensations as if they were messages from a wise friend. This exercise fosters a deeper understanding and compassion for your physical self. Sit or lie in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and scan your body for any sensations – pain, tightness, warmth, etc.

Once you identify a sensation, focus on it and ask, “What do you need right now?” or “What are you trying to tell me?” Listen for any intuitive responses – they might come as thoughts, images, or feelings. Respond with compassion, perhaps by adjusting your position or offering kind words internally. This dialogue can uncover underlying emotional needs and promote self-healing. It’s useful for developing self-compassion and addressing chronic pain or illness from a holistic perspective.

How to Build a Daily Somatic Routine at Home

Starting a somatic routine doesn’t need to be complicated. The most effective changes often begin with small, consistent steps. If you’ve already tried the exercises above, choose one or two that felt most natural and build from there. Set aside 5 to 10 minutes each morning or evening—somewhere quiet, where you can be alone with your body.

A daily routine might look like this:

  • Start with a few grounding breaths.
  • Do one somatic movement or scan.
  • Reflect for a minute on how you feel afterward.

Over time, this practice becomes less about “fixing” something and more about reconnecting with yourself.

Common Mistakes to Avoid With Somatic Exercises

Somatic exercises are gentle, but they can bring up strong emotions or sensations if done too quickly or without mindfulness. Here are a few common missteps to look out for:

  • Doing too much, too soon – These practices work best slowly and with intention.
  • Expecting instant relief – Somatic work often works beneath the surface first.
  • Forcing movements – If your body resists, it’s a signal to pause, not push.
  • Not checking in afterward – Reflection helps track subtle shifts and keeps you connected.

It’s okay if your practice doesn’t feel “perfect.” What matters is staying present.

Signs Your Body Is Responding to Somatic Work

How do you know if the exercises are helping? The signs may be subtle at first, but they’re meaningful. People often report:

  • A greater sense of calm or spaciousness after sessions
  • Decreased tension in the jaw, neck, or shoulders
  • Feeling more emotionally grounded during the day
  • Improved sleep quality
  • Being able to notice and name emotions more easily

Even if changes feel small, they often indicate deeper nervous system shifts.

Combining Somatic Exercises With Other Healing Practices

Somatic work is powerful on its own, but it also blends beautifully with other forms of healing. You might:

  • Pair breathwork with a body scan
  • Do gentle stretching or yoga before a somatic movement
  • Journal after exercises to explore what surfaced emotionally
  • Practice mindfulness to deepen body awareness throughout the day

Just make sure not to overwhelm yourself. The goal is regulation—not perfection.

Can Somatic Exercises Make Things Worse Before They Get Better?

It’s not uncommon to feel more sensitive, tired, or emotional after starting somatic work. This doesn’t mean it’s not working—it often means your body is finally softening and processing what’s been held for too long.

If this happens, try not to panic or shut down the practice entirely. Instead:

  • Go slower
  • Shorten sessions
  • Focus on grounding (feet on floor, deep breath, eye contact with something familiar)

If overwhelm persists, it might be a sign that support from a trained therapist could help you process things safely.

Creating a Grounding Space for Somatic Practice

You don’t need a fancy studio. A small, quiet space in your home—corner of a room, a mat on the floor, even a cushion by a window—can be enough. What matters most is how the space feels. Consider:

  • Dimming lights or using soft lighting
  • Playing calming background music or white noise
  • Keeping grounding objects nearby (a soft blanket, weighted item, or calming scent)

Your body is more likely to settle when your environment feels stable and predictable.

Somatic Exercises for Specific Situations (Anxiety, Sleep, Grief)

Somatic practices can be adapted based on what you’re moving through:

For anxiety:
 Focus on grounding movements that bring your awareness to your feet or lower body. Try pressing your feet into the ground slowly, or clenching and releasing fists.

For sleep:
 Gentle body scans or slow rhythmic rocking can calm the nervous system before bed. Try lying down and placing a hand on your belly to feel each breath.

For grief or emotional release:
 Allow for spontaneous movement—swaying, curling, or even tears. Somatic work doesn’t always look neat, but it can open space for deep emotional shifts.

Somatic Therapy vs. At-Home Exercises: When to Seek Professional Help

While somatic exercises at home are excellent for mild stress and anxiety, full somatic therapy with a professional is recommended for deep trauma or chronic issues. For more on certified somatic practices, visit somaticexperiencing.com.

Somatic Therapy at Here Counseling

At Here Counseling, our therapists specialize in somatic therapy techniques to help you connect mind and body for lasting healing. Whether you’re dealing with trauma, stress, or seeking greater self-awareness, our experts guide you through personalized exercises and sessions. Discover how somatic therapy can transform your well-being – schedule a consultation today!

Learn more about Somatic Therapy
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Frequently Asked Questions

What are somatic exercises?

Somatic exercises are mind-body practices that focus on bodily sensations to promote healing and relaxation. By tuning into physical feelings like tension or warmth, they help release stress and trauma, fostering a deeper connection between mind and body. These simple techniques can be done at home to enhance emotional and physical well-being.

How often should I practice somatic exercises?

You can practice somatic exercises daily or as needed to manage stress and improve well-being. Start with 5-10 minutes a day, adjusting based on your comfort and goals. Regular practice strengthens mind-body awareness, helping you stay grounded. For trauma or intense stress, combine with professional guidance for best results.

Can somatic exercises help with trauma?

Yes, somatic exercises help release trauma stored in the body by addressing physical sensations like tightness or discomfort. They promote nervous system regulation, reducing fight-or-flight responses. While effective for mild trauma, they work best alongside therapy for deeper healing, helping you process and integrate traumatic experiences safely and effectively.

What are somatic exercises for anxiety?

Somatic exercises for anxiety include grounding techniques like centering, breathwork, and body scans to calm the nervous system. These help reduce physical symptoms of anxiety by focusing on present-moment sensations rather than worrisome thoughts.

What’s the difference between somatic therapy and yoga?

Somatic therapy focuses on releasing trauma through body awareness and sensations, while yoga combines physical postures, breath, and meditation for overall well-being. Both enhance mind-body connection, but somatic therapy is more targeted for emotional healing.

WE PROVIDE SOMATIC THERAPY IN PASADENA.

We offer somatic therapy to help individuals move from disconnection to embodiment. Stored tension and trauma can be released, and you can learn new ways to feel safe and present in your body. We have somatic therapists who can guide you toward that transformation.

The somatic approach understands that our emotions are expressed not first with words, but with our bodily state. Somatic therapy emphasizes movement and feeling over talking and thinking. We listen to the body to create safety, greater awareness, and regulation of emotions like anxiety, depression, and panic, and traumatic stress.

We are certified in somatic interventions and can help you create lasting change in your body and mind.

Julia Wilson, Trauma Therapy in Pasadena
Julia Wilson, Trauma Therapy in Pasadena
Certified Somatic Therapy in Pasadena
Addy Sonneland, Somatic Therapy
Couples therapy with John Allan Whitacre, AMFT
EMDR therapist John Allan Whitacre in Pasadena with EMDR
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Anxiety, Somatic Exercises

How does Somatic Therapy help? Healing your body and mind

Written by Here Counseling

You don’t have to be a guru to do somatic work. At its core, somatic work is simply being aware of your body, and you don’t need to do anything fancy to experience its benefits. It only takes a few seconds to drop into your body, feel whatever your body is feeling, note the sensations, and then carry on with your day. Simply spending a few moments with your body’s felt experience brings you closer to your embodied self.

Somatic therapy exercise

What does somatic mean?

The term somatic itself can be distancing because it is used mostly in academic settings and not in everyday life. The word somatic essentially means relating to the body. So, you’re doing somatic work any time you notice your body’s sensations. It’s that simple.

What is an embodied self?

Somatic therapy

An embodied self is the experience of being fundamentally connected to your physical body. The experience of an embodied self encompasses awareness of sensations, movements, and perceptions. In other words, and embodied self is a way of understanding yourself as never being separate from your physical form but rather integrated within it. The embodied YOU holds a deep sense of being present in your body and actively interacts with the world through these sensations.

Why are somatics helpful?

Somatic exercises are tools to bridge mind and body. By linking mind and body, somatics are the means toward emotional regulation, stress reduction, pain management, and general well-being. When we feel that our mind and body are working together, not fighting each other, we feel better! Somatics help us integrate our physicality and cognition, our feeling and our thinking. We can feel more dynamically whole and embodied by practicing somatics.

What somatic work can I do on my own?

grounding and somatic exercises

Just by noticing your feet on the ground when you sit or stand is somatic work. Taking a moment to notice the rise and fall of your chest when you breath is somatic work. Feeling tightness in your neck and then rolling your shoulders around is somatic work. It really doesn’t need to be anything too complicated.

Try this somatic therapy practice

Take a minute to close your eyes or turn your focus inward. Scan the internal and external landscapes of your body. Feel the air on your skin, the clothes on you back, the way your body is in contact with the couch you’re sitting on or the floor your standing on. Send attention to any part of your body that seeks your attention. Scan your body for sensations (aches, pangs, tickles; pain, pleasure, emotion, warmth, fatigue, anything!) Notice what comes up. Acknowledge your sensations and thank them.

How can I use somatics to better know myself?

Somatics are a wonderful way to connect deeply with stored tension, pain, or destabilization that is stored in your body from past traumatic experiences or dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Working with a somatic psychotherapist can help relieve physical pain and stress, improve emotional awareness and release of trauma. In somatic psychotherapy you become more attuned to your body’s signals, develop a deeper understanding of your needs and how to respond to them with compassion.

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Anxiety, Somatic Exercises

How to Teach Your Body to Best Calm Your Anxiety

Written by Here Counseling
body somatic therapy anxiety

All of us have behaviors that we unconsciously act out when we are worried. For example, if you are concerned about the state of affairs in the world, you might reach for a snack, which results in a distraction from your anxiety. Sometimes, our unconscious behaviors actually double our worry, like when we are concerned about getting a task completed so we fidget with our hands and ruminate over it, going over all the possible things that could go wrong, which results in us feeling more scared and stressed. But your body can actually help alleviate anxiety!

The behaviors attached to anxiety start out as comforting because they give us the sense that we are DOING SOMETHING with our worry, rather than just wallowing in it. These behaviors are also easier to recognize than underlying stressors because they show up in our body. We can use behaviors as signals for our deeper feelings, and work backwards from them to understand and lessen anxiety.

Noticing and changing the behaviors associated with anxiety is a somatic intervention that can unwind the coping methods that we have developed, which no loner serve us. Here are three steps you can take to understand how anxiety shows up in your body, unhook from old habits, and create new patterns that lessen your activation.

1. Notice your body’s actions

If you’re anxious, make a mental note of your body’s actions. Observe your heart racing, the tightness in your throat, your impulse to clean, or play with your hair. Name the action.

2. Notice the emotion attached to the somatic action

Look underneath the action for the hidden emotion. For example, while you tap your pen repeatedly on the desk, see if you can locate the feeling connected with that movement, like fear, overwhelm, or self doubt. Hold that feeling with compassion. Name the emotion.

3. Do something else with your body

Without judgement, get present with the action and emotion. Drop into the moment and breathe. Then, put your body into a different position. You can yawn, stretch, clasp your hands together, walk, jump, dance. Simply doing a different action can reorganize the anxious energy and direct you to a more secure place. Visualize the anxiety shifting as your body shifts.

Remember, your body is yours! If you want to move it, you can. Sometimes, emotions feel like they have taken over but your body is capable of redirecting emotions to feel less powerful. Your body is an amazing organic machine. Let it do what it is meant to do, move!

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Managing emotions

How to survive family conflict post-election holiday season

Written by Here Counseling

It’s post-election holiday season which means family gatherings have a special glow this year. Possibly the glow of rage and disappointment, or the glow of triumph and excitement. Either way, family members intermingling with contrasting glows can feel like potential for a major clash. Here are some pointers based on psychological theories about how to navigate spending time with family members with differing points of view, without giving up your agency.

Engagement vs Cutting Off

There has been a lot of talk about this year’s holiday season being, if any, the one where it’s OK to disconnect from family who did not vote to your liking. Family Systems Theory states that establishing clear and consistent boundaries are important in any healthy family. However, it also says that a emotionally strong boundary enables a person to maintain engagement in a way that feels safe. But how do we do that when strong emotions are at play so soon after a divisive presidential election? Here are some tips.

It’s okay to not like what loved ones do & say

We all have friends and loved ones that make choices we find questionable. Even people we feel politically aligned with can act in ways that hurt or offend us. You can love someone even if you don’t like their behaviors and choices. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the theory that we can separate negative behavior from a person’s core identity and still maintain positive feelings towards them. With this in mind during the post-election holidays, remind yourself that it is not one or two choices that make up a whole person. There are aspects of almost every human we can find something to appreciate, at the very least our common humanity.

Showing up during the holidays means something

Never underestimate the power of being in the room. There are times to talk and there are times to be present, and being present says a lot! The Psychoanalytic Theory of Object Relations posits that it is possible for people to experience conflicting emotions towards a situation without dismissing or denying the experience that does not match their own. If you are having a hard time post-election, show up with your vulnerability. If you are hopeful post-election, show up with your eagerness. Don’t wield you truth, rather hold it with compassion and honesty. If two people in the same family come together with their real sadness and hope, comfort can be found by holding that both experiences are possible without cancelling each other out.

Focus on the long view

While it may feel difficult right now to imagine being comfortable sitting with family members who have differing political points of view, Narrative Therapy asks you to consider taking a broad perspective, or counter-narrative, that emphasizes strength in shared experiences. The discomfort you feel may be more tolerable when you imagine re-writing the story of this year’s holiday dinner as a testament to your strength and resistance to dominant narratives. Remind yourself of your collective history as a family and your ability to create change.

Let’s talk more about preparing emotionally for the holidays. Contact Arianne for a counseling session.

Somatic therapy in Pasadena with Arianne MacBean, AMFT
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parenting
Parenting

When Kids Exhaust You, You Deserve the Best Care: How to be Supported, Empowered, and Less Alone as a Parent

Written by Here Counseling

“Parents who feel pushed to the brink deserve more than platitudes. They need tangible support.”

-Dr. Vivek Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General

parenting

The basic activities required of parenting, such as keeping your kids safe and healthy, can feel like a heavy burden. But, add to that feelings of exhaustion, financial strain, relationship friction, and unrealistic expectations, you can find yourself burning out and closing in. When parents are pushed to the edge, there is a tendency to isolate – but actually they should be doing the opposite. Here are some do’s and dont’s for when parenting gets tough.

parenting is exhausting, but you don't have to be alone

The United States Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, recently announced that he was issuing an advisory to “call attention to the stress and mental health concerns facing parents and caregivers.” In his Op Ed in the New York Times, he cited a recent study by the American Psychological Association, which states that 48% of parents indicate that their stress levels are regularly overwhelming.

Reach out, don’t close up

A great way to relieve yourself of doubt, get an understanding ear, and share concerns is to talk with other parents! All parents, at one time or another, question their parenting skills, instincts, and choices. It’s normal and healthy to wonder if there are other ways to address sticky situations within the family. In Los Angeles, there are a myriad of parent groups with topics as specific as post-partum support circles, foster/adopt process groups, parenting teens groups, grieving fathers groups, or movement healing circles. If you have a concern around parenting, there’s a group out there for it!

Ask for help, don’t be a superhero

Reaching out to friends and family is hard when you know that everyone is stressed. But your support system will not know you need help unless you ask. Simple requests to come over for an hour while you take a shower or to drop off a meal can mean the difference of feeling human again! Seek out specific support services for your needs. For example, Postpartum doulas help mothers in the first twelve months after birth. They can prepare nutritious meals, offer relaxing massage, and talk about whatever is on your mind. As Dr. Murthy wrote, “We must learn to view asking for help and accepting help as acts of strength, not weakness.”

Offer to help, don’t retreat

Another way to feel less isolated is to reach out and offer support to a parent you know. You can text them when you go to the store and ask them if they need anything, or drop by and tell them, “I wanted to say Hi, and check in on you!” It may sound counterintuitive to add something like this to your already full schedule, but the reward of helping another helps you feel connected and less alone. Give to receive!

Seek out therapy – you are not alone

Parenting is hard! It is one of the most important things we do, and yet no one teaches us how to do it except our parents, and sometimes those models are not ones we want to follow. Therapy is a safe place to reflect on the hardships of building and sustaining a family, get personalized support, and receive attuned and supportive care. With a good therapist, you are not alone in you parenting journey. Your mental health is the best place to start being the best parent you can be.

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Managing emotions

First time in therapy? How to Talk About The Scary Stuff

Written by Here Counseling

So it’s your first time in therapy. You know that talking about difficult aspects of your life with your therapist is normal, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy! There is a part of you that wants to share and get support from your therapist, but there is also a part of you that fears being judged and worries about having to face deep hurt. Being able to speak freely and safely in therapy is crucial for your healing journey, but it can also be nerve-wracking. Here are a few ways to address challenging topics with your therapist.

Won’t talking about bad things make me feel bad?

You worry that talking about depression, anxiety, trauma will make it worse. But the reverse is true. There are surprising benefits to talking about what’s uncomfortable.

  • You can finally live more authentically
  • It becomes less scary when you talk about it
  • You’ll become more courageous and brave

1. Start with how you feel NOW

You get to be exactly where you are in your own therapeutic journey. If you feel scared about discussing a certain topic, start there. Tell your therapist that you feel uncomfortable or scared talking about a specific issue. This gets you over the hurdle of broaching a difficult subject. You can say, “I want you to know there is something important I need to bring, and I’m feeling scared to talk about it. I might need your support in how to talk about it.” A good therapist will always honor the time you need to address scary stuff and provide support in helping you get there.

2. Communicate what you need

Let your therapist know what would be helpful for you in discussing a tough topic. You can ask for no interruptions, or no immediate responses. You can also ask your therapist to allow silences, or alternately, to encourage you when silences occur. Let your therapist know how they can create a safe space for you to speak without restrictions.

3. Ask anything

You can ask your therapist any questions that arise during session. If you have concerns or confusion about how things work in therapy or in the client/therapist relationship, ask! You may ask your therapist to review confidentiality or to explain something that doesn’t sit right or feels unclear. A good therapist will accept your questions as an opportunity to build trust and mutual respect.

Remember your therapist is a trained professional

Therapists go through years of education and clinical practice to hold their clients’ complex emotions. Just as you must disclose painful things to your doctor to stay healthy, you need to talk with your therapist about unpleasant or embarrassing feelings. Therapists are prepared to discuss all experiences and feelings you have. This is their job. If you still feel uncomfortable talking with your therapist, it’s OK. Go slow and trust that the important things affecting your lie and experience will come up eventually. A good therapist will guide you toward what needs to be discussed.

Disclosing essential information will help you

If you want to get the most out of your therapeutic experience, it is helpful to share the significant issues. For example, it’s important to tell your therapist if you have suicidal thoughts or are in danger of hurting yourself. This will help your therapist get you the immediate resources you need to stabilize and feel safe. It is good to disclose chronic illnesses or diseases, upcoming surgeries, as well as current or past in/outpatient psychiatric treatment. Your therapist can tailor your sessions to complement other treatment and create the continuity of care you deserve.

You’ll feel better

Finally, remember that speaking with your therapist about shameful or uncomfortable issues can be awkward at first. However, processing those feelings with a caring professional will move you into acceptance and ease where you are happier, lighter, and more yourself.

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Healthy Relationships

How to Make Couples Therapy a Success for your Relationship

Written by Here Counseling

Couples therapy is a lot like growing a garden. Isn’t it funny when you plant a garden with daisy seeds and along with daisies, a few daffodils pop up? This kind of surprise happens all the time in couples counseling. You come in with a specific relational issue, and then along the way, other issues arise that impact the big picture. Like producing a flourishing garden, it takes thoughtful steps to ensure productive growth in couples counseling. You may find unexpected blooms in the process!

Couples therapy can grow your relationship like a garden

Step 1: Building honesty in couples therapy

A relationship is like a garden, and it needs to have the right conditions in place so that both partners can thrive. Just as you would measure out a garden bed that maximizes exposure to sunlight and water, in couples counseling you must set the stage for safety and honest communication. It’s important to talk about the conditions that foster productive communication and the conditions that trigger conflict. In this stage, we work on setting the parameters for healthy discussion and we build a functional system where couples work is fruitful.

Step 2: Use what’s working in your relationship

When you grow a garden, you choose to plant seeds that will flourish in the setting you have created. Similarly, when you work in couples counseling you draw on what is working in the relationship to help you through the tougher moments. The strengths of each partner are highlighted and utilized to ground the relationship in respect and compassion.

Step 3: Couples therapy is a success when you build your understanding and empathy, not “bashing”

In couples counseling, we talk about our partners to understand ourselves. It is not the place where we just complain about each other. In couples therapy, we talk about how we struggle with aspects of ourselves that bump up against qualities of our partner. We shine light on our own pain points while we nourish our partner’s hurt as well. In the garden of partnership, we become the sun and rain that help the seeds of discomfort grow into beautiful buds.

Consider the seasons in couples therapy

As the garden changes when spring turns to summer, so does the partnership as each partner grows over a lifetime. Couples therapy is always there for partners to return to the landscape of their relationship. You can re-enrich the soil of your love or weed out the things that no longer serve or support growth. It’s never to late to implement new nurturing techniques to bring vitality and joy to togetherness.

If you would like to find out more about working in couples therapy with me, please reach out.

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Managing emotions

How Long Does Therapy Take? 3 Ways You Can Expect Growth Over Time

Written by Here Counseling
how long does therapy take?

Many clients come to therapy because they have a pressing life issue that is causing stress. They seek a therapist to guide them through a turbulent time that has brought confusion into their life. These stressors can be a loss, a break-up, financial strain, professional challenges, or a specific interpersonal conflict causing depression, anxiety or body discomfort. Depending on the issue, therapy can help these types of problems in a defined period of time. However, localized pain is very often connected to powerful experiences that need time to fully process and heal.

The Time it Takes to Heal

The answer, as you can guess, is: it depends. The American Psychological Association reports that on average, 15 to 20 sessions are required for 50% of patients to feel their symptoms have improved. In my experience as a therapist, 3.5 months of weekly 1-hour therapy sessions will help alleviate symptoms as the report suggests. But fully heal the root issue? No. Dealing with one bump in the road of life is one thing, but dealing with the road that got you to that bump is another. And setting yourself up for a clear path into your future is yet another. So, let’s lay out the map.

Short Term Therapy

People tend to think short term therapy means 3-8, 1-hour sessions, but this time frame is more like mini therapy. In 8 sessions, you will just be getting to know your therapist. You will likely be able to understand and name one core personal issue and have 1-2 techniques to help cope with it.

Mini therapy can be helpful in times of crisis or to deal with a pressing issue. You can expect short-term therapy to last 3-5 months. This amount of time allows you to process a specific aspect of your life and face any avoidant tendencies. It offers a basic groundwork for future therapy, if you were to pick it up again, and can provide understanding of how and why you react and feel the way you do. The most important aspect to therapy of this length is that it gives you a chance to establish a trusting relationship with your therapist. According to research, “the quality of the client–therapist alliance is a reliable predictor of positive clinical outcome.”

Long Term Therapy

Historically, long term therapy meant patients coming in for several sessions per week over many years for psychoanalysis. In psychoanalysis, clients are guided to bring unconscious material to consciousness. Even so, psychoanalysis can be flexible in frequency and involve many orientations including talk therapy, somatic psychotherapy, or internal family systems, among others.

Long term therapy essentially means that treatment lasts until the client feels secure enough to take what they have learned from therapy into their life without regular sessions. The client can return at any point to continue therapy, if they feel the need. During long term therapy, sessions explore family of origin, trauma, and core personality traits. This helps you become aware of behavioral patterns, belief systems, and reactivity that may no longer serve you. Additionally, it helps you build alternative frameworks to view yourself and others with compassion.

Life-Long Therapy

Lifelong therapy can be helpful as you age, grow, and change. At each developmental stage of life, our values, and perspectives shift. Returning to therapy over the course of your lifetime supports self-knowledge each step of the way. If you work in therapy over a lifetime, you can process trauma, relieve adverse symptoms, and develop self love. Whatever time you have, whatever time it takes, therapy gets you closer to yourself, closer to well-being, and closer to inner peace. Contact me to talk more about the right time to start therapy.

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References
Ardito Rita B., Rabellino Daniela, Therapeutic Alliance and Outcome of Psychotherapy: Historical Excursus, Measurements, and Prospects for Research, Frontiers in Psychology VOLUME 2, 2011; DOI=10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00270

de Maat, Saskia3; de Jonghe, Frans3; Schoevers, Robert3; Dekker, Jack1,2. The Effectiveness of Long-Term Psychoanalytic Therapy: A Systematic Review of Empirical Studies. Harvard Review of Psychiatry 17(1):p 1-23, January 2009; DOI: 10.1080/10673220902742476

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