herecounseling, Author at Here Counseling

How Does Trauma Change my Brain? Discover How Your Brain is Built to Heal

Trauma can leave a lasting mark on your life—maybe you’re on edge all the time, or it’s hard to feel like yourself. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Trauma changes how your brain works, but here’s the good news: your brain can heal. This blog is for anyone thinking about starting trauma therapy. We’ll answer common questions you might have about what trauma does to your brain, why it feels so overwhelming, and how therapy can help you take back control.

Questions about how trauma impacts your brain:

Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?
Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?
Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?
How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?
Can my brain really heal from trauma?
How can therapy help my brain process trauma?
How does trauma affect my focus, relationships, or health?

Trauma Reshapes the Brain—But So Can Healing

Explore how your brain is wired for recovery and how therapy can help you reclaim peace and balance.

Q1: Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?

Our brains are shaped by our experiences, especially emotional and social ones. The prefrontal cortex, a key part of your brain, helps you feel safe and navigate relationships. It prioritizes learning how relationships work and what can go wrong. When you’ve experienced significant emotional or relational trauma, your brain shows some general changes. You might notice reduced activity in the prefrontal areas, which help with reasoning and emotional control, and hyper-arousal in limbic areas, like the amygdala, which signal danger.

This hyper-arousal means your brain is constantly anticipating a catastrophe, much like someone with a past back injury who stays tense to protect themselves. You might feel hyper-vigilant, always watching for the next “attack.” This makes it hard to regulate emotions, which involves both sides of your frontal lobe—areas responsible for narration, language, reason, morality, comfort, and inhibition. These areas need a lot of energy, and when you’re in a fight-or-flight state, it’s tough to access them without help from caring people.

Memory is affected too. Forming memories often requires your frontal lobe to focus attention, but trauma can make this difficult. Your hippocampus, which helps store memories, shows reduced activity, and old fear patterns take over. Here’s what this might look like:

What You Might Feel	What’s Happening in Your Brain	Brain Area Involved
Constantly on edge or jumpy	Your brain’s alarm system is overly active	Amygdala
Struggling to control emotions	The “calm down” part is overwhelmed	Prefrontal Cortex
Memory gaps or feeling disconnected	Stress disrupts your memory storage	Hippocampus

These changes vary depending on the trauma and your support system, both then and now.

What this looks like day-to-day

If you feel panicked in crowded places, it might be your amygdala overreacting, like a car alarm going off at a leaf falling.

What the research says

Shin et al. (2005) found increased amygdala activity and decreased prefrontal cortex activation in PTSD, explaining hyper-vigilance and emotional struggles. A functional magnetic resonance imaging study of amygdala and medial prefrontal cortex responses to overtly presented fearful faces in posttraumatic stress disorder

Quick tips on trauma, emotions, and memory:

Trauma reduces activity in your prefrontal cortex, making emotional control harder.
Hyper-active limbic areas keep you on edge, anticipating danger.
Memory formation suffers due to stress on the hippocampus.
Support from others can help your brain recover.

Q2: Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?

There’s a big difference between one-time trauma and ongoing trauma in how your brain learns to develop, manage information, and respond. A single event, like a car accident or a betrayal, creates specific issues that don’t usually spread to every part of your life. For example, if you had a secure childhood with supportive mentors but experienced a car crash, you might get anxious about driving but not feel generally unsafe.

Chronic trauma, like ongoing childhood maltreatment, tends to generalize, affecting how your brain organizes and responds to all information. Daniel Stern, a developmental psychologist, called these “Representations of Interactions that have been Generalized” (RIGs). The earlier and more pervasive the trauma, the more it shapes your mental activity. For instance, if you faced abandonment before age two, it’s more likely to develop into a personality disorder. Later one-time events might lead to something like depression or specific fears instead.

What experts say about early trauma

“The infant’s experience is organized by repeated interactions with caregivers, forming generalized representations that shape future expectations.” – Daniel Stern, The Interpersonal World of the Infant (1985) [https://www.basicbooks.com/titles/daniel-n-stern/the-interpersonal-world-of-the-infant/9780465095897/]

Chronic trauma in early life can make you expect danger everywhere, but even specific traumas can feel heavy—both can be worked through in therapy.

De Bellis (2002) showed that early maltreatment has lasting effects on brain development, supporting the idea of generalized impacts. Developmental traumatology: The psychobiological development of maltreated children and its implications for research, treatment, and policy

Quick tips on chronic trauma vs episodic trauma

One-time trauma creates specific triggers, like fear of driving after an accident.
Chronic trauma affects how your brain handles all information.
Early trauma, especially before age two, can lead to deeper issues like personality disorders.
Your unique experience shapes how trauma affects you.

Q3: Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?

Genetics are complex, and we’re just starting to understand them. Years ago, we thought genes directly controlled how our brains and bodies respond, but it’s more nuanced. Your lived experiences can influence how your genes are expressed and even affect what you pass on to your kids through epigenetics. Roughly, about 50% of how you respond to trauma is genetic, and 50% is your life experiences. But we might be overestimating the role of genetics—your environment, like the support you have, matters a lot.

For example, if you have a supportive friend or family member, it can make trauma feel less overwhelming. Without that, your brain might struggle more to process the stress.

True et al. (1993) estimated 30-40% heritability for PTSD, showing genetics play a role but not the whole story. A twin study of genetic and environmental contributions to liability for posttraumatic stress symptoms

For example, if you grew up with a loving caregiver, your brain might lean on that strength to cope with a later trauma, like a job loss, compared to someone without that support.

Quick tips on genetics and trauma

Genetics influence about half of how trauma affects you, but experiences are just as important.
Supportive relationships can lessen trauma’s impact.
Your unique background shapes your brain’s response.

Q4: How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?

Your brain’s chemical systems, like the HPA axis and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine), play a big role in how trauma affects you. Serotonin, which we can think of as your “social belonging” system, helps you feel safe and resilient. When it’s low, you might feel disconnected or lonely. Dopamine is about agency and motivation—when it’s off, you might struggle to focus on goals or feel hopeful. Norepinephrine fuels your energy to respond to situations, but chronic stress can exhaust this system, leading to what’s sometimes called adrenal fatigue, where you feel drained and overwhelmed.

For example, in a fight-or-flight state, your HPA axis might be overworked, leaving you feeling wired but tired. Therapy can help by restoring safety, which lets these systems recover.

Yehuda (2002) noted HPA axis changes in PTSD, linking chronic stress to exhaustion. Post-traumatic stress disorder

Feeling tired or disconnected isn’t just “in your head”—it’s your brain’s chemistry reacting to stress, and therapy can help balance it.

Quick tips on trauma and brain chemistry

Low serotonin can make you feel disconnected from others.
Low dopamine reduces motivation and focus.
Overworked norepinephrine and HPA axis lead to adrenal fatigue.
Safety through therapy helps these systems recover.

Q5: Can my brain really heal from trauma?

Yes, your brain can heal through neuroplasticity, its ability to adapt and reorganize. When you’re younger, your brain is more flexible, quickly adapting to your environment. But even as an adult, this capacity fluctuates. When you feel fearful and alone, your brain becomes less open to new information—it’s like it’s locked in survival mode. But when you feel safe and secure, your brain can afford the energy to reorganize and heal. Social relationships, like those with a therapist or loved ones, are key to making this happen.

Davidson & McEwen (2012) found that social support promotes neuroplasticity, aiding recovery. Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being

For example, imagine your brain like a garden path—trauma might have worn it down, but therapy is like planting new seeds with someone guiding you.

Quick tips on healing from trauma and neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity lets your brain adapt and heal.
Feeling safe with others makes your brain more flexible.
Therapy creates the conditions for healing.

Q6: How can therapy help my brain process trauma?

Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) help your brain heal. EMDR promotes safety through its structured approach, oscillating between facing painful memories and returning to a calm state. This helps your brain process trauma through bilateral stimulation, though some studies suggest the real benefit comes from the therapist’s ability to co-regulate with you—helping you feel safe enough to process overwhelming emotions. The therapist’s presence is like borrowing their calm to handle what feels too big alone.

Stickgold (2002) suggested EMDR’s bilateral stimulation mimics REM sleep, aiding memory processing. EMDR: A putative neurobiological mechanism of action

Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about helping your brain feel safe to engage in a natural healing mode.

Your Brain Can Heal—Let’s Begin That Journey

Understand the science of trauma and discover how compassionate therapy supports lasting transformation.

Quick tips on trauma therapy

EMDR helps by alternating between pain and safety, with the therapist’s support.
The therapeutic relationship is key to processing overwhelming emotions.
Safety helps you heal

Q7: How does trauma impact my brain’s structure?

Beyond the well-known brain areas, trauma affects other regions like the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is shaped by secure mentorship and parenting. The ACC helps you lean into challenges, knowing you can bounce back. When trauma leaves you feeling alone, this area can become deficient, making you feel like all pain must be avoided or that there’s no way out. This can show up as trouble focusing (like in ADHD), difficulty trusting others, or even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue from stress.

For example, you might avoid social events because they feel overwhelming, or you might get sick more often because stress weakens your body. Therapy can help by rebuilding these brain areas, improving your focus, connections, and health.

Thomaes et al. (2013) found altered ACC function in complex PTSD, affecting emotion regulation and focus. Increased anterior cingulate cortex and hippocampus activation in Complex PTSD during encoding of negative words

For example, if you struggle to finish tasks because your mind feels scattered, it might be your ACC reacting to past trauma—but therapy can help you regain clarity.

Quick tips on trauma and brain structures

Trauma affects the ACC, making it hard to focus or face challenges.
This can lead to struggles with relationships or physical health.
Therapy helps rebuild these brain areas for better functioning.

Take the First Step with Trauma Therapy

Trauma may have changed your brain, but it doesn’t define you. With therapy, you can feel calmer, more connected, and in control again. If you’re thinking about starting trauma therapy, you’re already taking a brave step. Reach out to us (#) to learn how we can support your healing journey. You don’t have to do this alone—your brain is ready to heal, and we’re here to help.

Our Trauma Therapists

Healthy Relationships

Top 5 Reasons Couples Go to Therapy in Pasadena

Written by herecounseling

Is couples therapy in Pasadena right for your relationship? We crawled though forums and reviews to give you the common issues that cause people to start couples therapy in Pasadena.

If you’re reading this, chances are your relationship feels like it’s hit a wall. Maybe you’re caught in a cycle of arguments that never resolve, or perhaps there’s a quiet distance growing between you and your partner that you can’t quite explain. You might feel overwhelmed, confused, or even a little ashamed for wondering if therapy could help. First, let me say this: you’re not alone in feeling this way. Relationships are messy, and right now, you’re probably wrestling with some big questions about what’s normal and whether seeking help is the right move.

Here’s what might be running through your mind:

Is my relationship really in trouble, or is this just a rough patch?
Are we the only couple struggling like this?
Will therapy actually fix anything, or is it just a waste of time?
What if my partner thinks therapy is ridiculous and won’t go?
How do I even find someone in Pasadena who can help us?

These doubts are totally valid. And they often come up because something in your relationship feels off—enough to make you wonder if couples therapy might be the answer.

Signs that point couples toward starting couples therapy

Endless arguments over little stuff, like who’s supposed to do the dishes.
A disconnect that’s left you feeling more like roommates than lovers.
Trust issues—maybe from infidelity or just a nagging sense of doubt.
Conversations that always end in frustration because you can’t get through to each other.
A drop-off in intimacy, leaving you lonely even when you’re together.
Big fights about money, kids, or the future that keep coming up unresolved.

If any of this hits home, take a deep breath. These struggles don’t mean your relationship is doomed—they mean you’re human. And here’s the thing: plenty of couples in Pasadena are dealing with the exact same stuff. You might look around at the happy faces at Old Town cafes or the Rose Bowl and think everyone else has it together, but that’s not the full story. Behind closed doors, many are quietly wondering, “Is it normal to need help?” Spoiler: yes, it absolutely is. Seeking therapy isn’t a red flag—it’s a sign you’re ready to fight for what matters. In a bustling place like Pasadena, where life’s pressures can amplify relationship stress, turning to a professional isn’t just common; it’s smart.

Strengthen Your Relationship with Expert Couples Therapy

Whether you’re facing communication issues or feeling disconnected, compassionate support is available. Start couples therapy in Pasadena and rebuild your bond—together.

We did the research: Here’s what Pasadena Couples are Saying

We searched forums and reviews that featured Pasadena couples looking for therapy. These are real reviews and comments on real experiences—not polished therapist websites. Then we grouped comments into categories so you can see the kinds of issues Pasadena couples are facing.

Here’s what each reason looks like, complete with a quote from a real person, an overview of the core issue, a daily example, and the core EFT skill that can help.

#1: Heated Arguments

Pasadena Couples on Heated Arguments:

“We can’t even discuss dinner plans without yelling. It’s exhausting.”

How do heated arguments impact couples?

When communication breaks down, small misunderstandings can snowball into major conflicts and heated arguments. Couples might feel like they’re speaking different languages, leaving them frustrated and disconnected. They might yell or have difficulty resolving an argument. For some couples, the same heated argument comes up over and over with no real resolution.

For example, one partner tries to plan a weekend getaway, suggesting a beach trip. The other, feeling ignored, snaps, “You never consider what I want!” Instead of resolving it, the discussion spirals into a shouting match about unrelated past issues.

What skill helps with heated arguments?

Couples with heated arguments need the safety to slow down and express the emotions beneath the surface—like feeling unappreciated or afraid of being dismissed. This shift is what EFT calls moving from “secondary affect” to “primary affect”. This shift helps them respond to each other’s deeper needs instead of just the words being thrown around, increasing connection and affection.

#2: Infidelity

Pasadena Couples on Infidelity:

“After they cheated, I want to move on, but I can’t stop doubting them.”

How does infidelity impact couples?

Trust is the bedrock of a relationship, and when it’s shattered—whether by infidelity or smaller betrayals—the emotional fallout can feel like an open wound. Couples in this situation on average spend up to 5 years (if without therapy) resolving the issue, if it doesn’t end the relationship.

One partner might compulsively check the other’s phone, haunted by the fear of being hurt again. Even a simple “I’ll be late from work” text can spark tension, suspicion, and a cold silence that lasts all night.

What skill helps couples repair from infidelity?

Therapy will help both partners learn to face the pain head-on. The one who broke trust learns to own the damage and offer consistent reassurance, while the hurt partner voices their need for safety. Together, they rebuild a secure attachment step by step. It involves the difficult but important work of expressing emotionally without suppressing, and taking responsibility without being overwhelmed by shame.

#3: Intimacy and Sex issues

Pasadena Couples on Intimacy and Sex:

“We haven’t touched each other in weeks. I don’t know how to bring it up.”

How do problems with intimacy and sex impact couples?

Intimacy goes beyond the physical—it’s about feeling truly connected. When that fades, couples can end up feeling like strangers, even when they’re side by side. This disconnection cascades into other areas of the couple’s lives, often spurring on heated arguments, resentment, and distance.

Couples who have problems with intimacy and sex can feel distant all the time. Evenings once spent cuddling now involve scrolling phones in silence or watching separate shows. Attempts at deeper talks fizzle out, leaving a quiet ache of loneliness.

What skill helps couples with intimacy and sex issues?

Within an EFT framework, couples work on naming and sharing their vulnerable feelings—like the longing to feel wanted or close again. By opening up, they start to mend the emotional distance and rediscover their bond. The issue isn’t usually with sex itself, but with obstacles to emotional closeness or safety that have built up over time, even from before the start of the relationship. Couples can learn the skill of making room to talk about their fears, insecurities, and even resentments. This can help couples move through these issues and create intimacy again.

#4: Life Transitions

Pasadena Couples on Life Transitions:

“Since we moved here for work, it’s like we’re strangers arguing all the time.”

How do life transitions impact couples in Pasadena?

Major life changes—whether it’s a new baby, a move, or a career shift—can throw a relationship off balance. Couples might struggle to adapt, feeling out of sync with each other.

For example, after having a baby, one partner feels swamped by diaper duty while the other feels pushed aside. What starts as a discussion about chores turns into a heated argument about who’s sacrificing more. The new change puts stress on the relationship, exposing cracks that usually remain suppressed.

What skill helps couples through life transitions?

In therapy couples learn to express how these changes stir up attachment fears—like feeling abandoned or overwhelmed. They learn to ask for support and offer comfort, keeping their connection strong through the storm. This skill makes the difference between being overwhelmed and disconnected, and being close and safe together.

#5: Addiction

Pasadena Couples on Addiction:

“I never thought my partner’s drinking would affect us this much. It’s like we’re constantly walking on eggshells, and I don’t know how to help anymore.”

How Addiction impacts Couples in Pasadena

Addiction—whether to substances, gambling, or behaviors—can devastate a relationship, creating a web of codependency, mistrust, and emotional pain. It’s a common reason couples seek help, as it erodes the foundation of their bond.

For example, one partner comes home late, again, smelling of alcohol. The other, exhausted and hurt, tries to confont them, but it ends in defensiveness and withdrawal. The cycle repeats, leaving both feeling trapped and helpless. Sometimes one partner will feel like it’s all up to them to help the other stop the addiction or get help, creating resentment and further issues.

What skill helps couples overcome addiction wounds?

In couples therapy, couples learn to explore the emotional triggers and unmet attachment needs driving the addiction. Therapy creates a safe space for both to express their pain and fears, helping them rebuild trust and address the root causes together. This core skill is the domino that helps couples create further change and address the addiction pattern long term. Our therapist, McKenzie Laird, works often with couples in this situation.

Quick Guide to Pasadena Couples Therapy Issues

Here’s a quick snapshot of these challenges in a table, summarizing the reasons couples in Pasadena are seeking therapy. These insights are generated from forums and reviews from couples in Pasadena:

Couples Issue	What it Looks Like	Quotes from Pasadena Couples
Heated Arguments	Arguments that spiral, feeling unheard, or talking past each other.	“We can’t even discuss dinner plans without yelling. It’s exhausting.”
Infidelity	Suspicion, betrayal, or a trust gap that won’t close.	“After they cheated, I want to move on, but I can’t stop doubting them.”
Intimacy and Sex Issues	Emotional or physical distance that leaves you disconnected.	“We haven’t touched each other in weeks. I don’t know how to bring it up.”
Life Transitions	Stress from kids, moves, or jobs throwing everything off balance.	“Since we moved here for work, it’s like we’re strangers arguing all the time.”
Addiction	Cycles of substance use or behaviors that erode trust and connection.	“I never thought my partner’s drinking would affect us this much. It’s like we’re constantly walking on eggshells.”

The Eaton Fire Has Stressed Relationships in Pasadena

Beyond these everyday struggles, external stressors can push relationships to their breaking point—or their turning point. The Eaton fire, a devastating wildfire that struck Pasadena in January 2025, is a prime example. With evacuations, destroyed homes, and a shaken community, this disaster added a layer of stress that many couples weren’t prepared for. While specific stories from the Eaton fire are still emerging, the general impact of such catastrophes on relationships is clear: they can put unwanted stress on a relationship.

The stress of fleeing your home, losing property, or simply living with the uncertainty of recovery can bring underlying issues to the surface. Couples might argue more over money as they face financial strain, feel disconnected while processing their own trauma, or struggle to support each other when they’re both barely holding on. It’s a pressure cooker that can amplify communication breakdowns, trust issues, or emotional distance.

Yet, catastrophes can also be transformative. When couples open themselves up to the moment—acknowledging the pain and leaning into each other—they can find a new perspective. The Eaton fire might have challenged your relationship, but it can also be a chance to change and build something stronger. In therapy, EFT helps couples turn toward each other, express their fears and needs, and find comfort in their partnership amid the chaos. It’s not about pretending the stress doesn’t exist—it’s about facing it together and letting it reshape your bond for the better.

How to Start Couples Therapy in Pasadena

Still on the fence? Let’s bust some myths. Therapy isn’t just for “failing” couples—it’s for anyone who wants to grow. Studies show it works: couples therapy can boost satisfaction and connection, often with lasting results (Lebow et al., 2020). It’s not a magic fix, but it’s a space to figure things out together. And in a city like Pasadena, where therapists are plenty and options range from affordable to specialized, help is closer than you think.

We have in-person sessions available for couples therapy in Pasadena. Click the links below to find a therapist and schedule a free consultation:

View Our Pasadena Therapists

View Our Couples Therapists

Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] How to Heal Anger with Somatic Therapy

Written by herecounseling

For many, emotions like anger or anxiety feel like storms to be avoided, suppressed, or controlled. Yet, in somatic therapy, these waves are not threats but messengers, carrying vital signals from the body.

This article, inspired by a conversation with somatic therapist Arianne MacBean, LMFT, explores how somatic therapy can help those who fear facing emotions like anger or anxiety. We’ll debunk common misconceptions, offer a framework for approaching these feelings through somatic awareness, and provide practical insights for navigating this transformative process.

The Fear of Feeling: Why Emotions Feel Dangerous

For many, emotions like anger or anxiety are not just uncomfortable—they feel like wildfires threatening to consume. Arianne, a somatic therapist with a background in dance, describes clients who enter therapy desperate to “make the feeling go away.” They seek a quick fix, an exercise to extinguish the panic attack or silence the rage. This urgency stems from a deep-seated belief that these emotions are dangerous, chaotic forces that must be controlled to maintain safety or social acceptance.

This fear often has roots in early experiences. Arianne explains that many clients learned as children that expressing strong emotions crossed invisible boundaries, leading to punishment or disconnection from caregivers. Over time, they internalized the idea that to be “good” means to flatline emotionally, suppressing anger or anxiety to avoid conflict or rejection. Society reinforces this, rewarding emotional restraint as a hallmark of success or maturity. Yet, this suppression comes at a cost: the emotions don’t vanish; they fester, manifesting as numbness, addiction, or explosive outbursts that reinforce the belief that feelings are bad.

Release Anger from the Inside Out

Somatic therapy can help you reconnect with your body, understand your anger, and process it safely. Start working with a Pasadena therapist trained in somatic approaches today.

Common Misconceptions About Emotions in Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy, which emphasizes the body’s role in processing emotions, often challenges these ingrained beliefs. However, misconceptions can make clients hesitant to engage. Here are three common myths Arianne encounters:

Emotions Must Be Controlled or Erased:

Many clients believe therapy should provide a switch to turn off unwanted feelings. They view anger or anxiety as external invaders, not internal signals. Arianne counters this by suggesting that these emotions are not problems to solve but messages to listen to, offering clues about unmet needs or unresolved pain.

Feeling Emotions Means Getting Stuck in Pain:

Clients fear that exploring anger or anxiety will trap them in a cycle of suffering. Arianne acknowledges this concern but emphasizes that somatic therapy is about being with the emotion, not drowning in it. By observing sensations neutrally, clients can move through the wave rather than being overwhelmed by it.

Emotional Health Means Being Calm All the Time:

Some clients equate mental health with a flat, unbothered state, mistaking emotional suppression for stability. Arianne debunks this, noting that emotional health involves dynamic waves of feeling—cortisol spikes, relief, frustration, joy—that give life rhythm and purpose.

A Somatic Framework: Riding the Wave of Emotion

Somatic therapy invites clients to shift their relationship with emotions, viewing them as bodily sensations rather than enemies. Arianne’s approach, informed by her dance background, likens this process to a dance with the body’s signals. Here’s a framework for approaching anger or anxiety through somatic awareness:

1. Observe, Don’t Oppose

When anxiety surges or anger flares, the instinct is to fight or flee. Arianne encourages clients to adopt a neutral, observational stance instead. Imagine standing on the shore, watching the wave approach without trying to push it back. In therapy, this might mean noticing where anger lives in the body—perhaps a clenched jaw or tight chest—and simply naming the sensation. This act of observing reduces the tug-of-war between chaos and control, allowing the emotion to exist without overwhelming.

2. Trust the Body’s Wisdom

The body, Arianne explains, is always communicating, even when we numb its signals. Anger might erupt to demand attention, while anxiety might signal a need for safety. Somatic therapy trusts that these sensations are not random but purposeful, rooted in the “pure self” present from birth. By tuning into subtle cues—heat in the hands, a hollow stomach—clients reconnect with this innate wisdom, uncovering insights about their needs or unresolved experiences.

3. Move Through, Not Away

Suppression is like holding a beach ball underwater; it takes immense energy and eventually bursts free. Arianne advocates moving through emotions by embodying them safely. For example, her interactive journal prompts clients to throw the book against a wall to express anger physically, honoring its purpose without letting it fester. This movement—whether through breath, gesture, or writing—helps emotions flow, preventing the numbness or explosions that come from suppression.

4. Grow the Container

Arianne references Daniel Siegel’s metaphor of a cup to explain how somatic therapy builds emotional capacity. If two tablespoons of salt (pain) are in a small espresso cup of water (your capacity), the taste is overwhelming. Somatic therapy grows the container—your ability to hold pain—into a bathtub, where the same salt is diluted and manageable. By mindfully engaging with sensations, clients expand their resilience, finding that anger or anxiety no longer consumes them.

Confronting the Fear: What to Expect in Somatic Therapy

For those fearful of facing emotions, somatic therapy can feel like stepping into a storm. Arianne acknowledges this courage, noting that clients often arrive feeling stuck or numb, unaware of the suppressed waves beneath. The process begins gently, with the therapist building trust by listening to the client’s story—about their day, their family—while subtly noting bodily cues. A clenched fist or shallow breath becomes an entry point, sparking curiosity: “What’s happening in your shoulder right now?”

As clients explore these sensations, they may encounter resistance, fearing that anger will make them “bad” or anxiety will spiral out of control. Arianne reassures them that these feelings are already present, part of the body’s natural rhythm. The goal is not to amplify pain but to acknowledge it, allowing it to shift. Over time, clients discover that anger points to unmet desires for connection, while anxiety signals a need for safety, guiding them toward change.

Somatic Therapy’s Promise: Rewilding the Self

Arianne describes somatic therapy as a return to the “wild,” a reclaiming of the vibrant, intuitive self suppressed by societal norms. This rewilding doesn’t mean unleashing chaos but rediscovering the body’s capacity to feel, adapt, and heal. Like a dancer finding the rhythm of a new piece, clients learn to move with their emotions, trusting that each wave carries them closer to their true self.

FAQ About Anger and Somatic Therapy

Q: Will somatic therapy make my anger worse?

A: While exploring anger can feel intense, somatic therapy is designed to help you move through feelings safely, not amplify them. A skilled therapist paces the process to prevent overwhelm.

Q: How long does it take to feel better?

A: Progress varies, but somatic therapy often creates shifts in the moment of observation. Consistent practice can lead to lasting changes over weeks or months.

Q: Do I need to be physically active for somatic therapy?

A: No, somatic therapy focuses on bodily awareness, which can involve subtle movements, breath, or simply noticing sensations, adaptable to all physical abilities.

Quick-Guide Summary: Facing Emotions with Somatic Therapy

Observe Neutrally: Notice bodily sensations like tightness or heat without trying to change them.
Trust Your Body: View emotions as signals guiding you toward needs or insights.
Move Through Feelings: Use safe expressions like writing or gentle movement to let emotions flow.
Build Capacity: Grow your ability to hold emotions without being overwhelmed, like expanding a container.
Embrace the Wild: Reconnect with your intuitive self, trusting that emotions are part of your vitality.

By approaching anger or anxiety as waves to ride rather than storms to flee, somatic therapy offers a path to emotional freedom, one sensation at a time.

View Somatic Therapists in Pasadena

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Trauma therapy in Pasadena exposure is essential

Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions, Somatic Exercises

Trauma Thrives in the Dark: Why You Need Exposure Therapy

Written by herecounseling

Trauma hurts. You know the ache of wanting to escape the pain, to silence the memories, or to build walls around the parts of your life that feel too overwhelming to face. It’s only natural to wish for a way to heal without having to relive the hurt—to somehow remove the trauma without ever looking at it again. But here’s the hard truth: healing from trauma requires confronting the pain. It’s not about avoiding or suppressing it; it’s about facing it head-on in a safe, supported way. This process, known as exposure, is the key to reclaiming your life from trauma’s grip.

In this article, we’ll explore why exposure is essential in trauma therapy, backed by the latest research and real-world examples. We’ll also look at why avoidance—though understandable—keeps trauma alive and how therapy can guide you through the process of healing.

“But why should I have to feel worse to feel better?”

When trauma strikes, the instinct to protect yourself is powerful. You might find yourself doing everything possible to avoid the pain—setting rigid boundaries around “toxic” triggers, numbing with substances or distractions, or even approaching therapy with the hope of silencing the hurt without ever truly facing it. These are common defenses, and they make sense. After all, who wouldn’t want to bypass the agony of reliving a traumatic experience? We wish we could “lobotomize” the trauma, excise it like a tumor, or create an impenetrable fortress around it so it never touches us again.

But avoidance, while offering temporary relief, keeps the trauma alive, festering beneath the surface. Let’s dive into some of the most common ways people try to sidestep their pain—and why these strategies, though well-intentioned, often backfire.

Face Trauma with Support—Not Fear

Exposure therapy helps you gently confront what you’ve been avoiding, in a safe and supportive space. Begin healing with an experienced therapist in Los Angeles or Pasadena.

Common Ways People Avoid Confronting Trauma

1. Boundaries as Avoidance

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, but when used to avoid trauma, they can become rigid barriers that limit your life more than they protect it. For example, someone who experienced abuse in a childhood home might refuse to visit their hometown, even if it means missing family gatherings or reconnecting with loved ones.

This avoidance extends beyond physical spaces—someone who survived a workplace assault might quit their job or avoid professional networking events, labeling them “unsafe.” While setting boundaries can feel empowering, overusing them to dodge trauma-related triggers shrinks your world, and doesn’t provide the intended relief. Instead of reclaiming agency, you hand control to the trauma, letting it dictate where you go and what you do, often leading to isolation or missed opportunities.

2. Addiction and Suppression

When trauma’s pain feels unbearable, many turn to substances or behaviors to numb it. Alcohol, drugs, overeating, or compulsive habits like gaming or social media scrolling can become ways to suppress emotions tied to trauma. For instance, a person haunted by memories of a car accident might drink heavily each evening to avoid intrusive thoughts, only to face heightened anxiety when sober. Another might throw themselves into work, filling every hour with tasks to escape the grief of a loss.

These habits offer a temporary escape, but they don’t resolve the trauma—they delay it. Over time, suppression can spiral into addiction, adding new layers of struggle that complicate healing and reinforce the trauma’s hold.

3. Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism where you refuse to acknowledge the trauma or its impact. Someone who endured childhood neglect might say, “My parents were busy—it didn’t affect me,” despite struggling with chronic distrust or low self-worth. A survivor of a natural disaster might insist, “I’m fine; I got through it,” while battling unexplained panic attacks. Denial feels like a way to stay strong, but it’s a fragile shield.

By burying the trauma, you allow it to manifest indirectly—through irritability, difficulty connecting with others, or even physical symptoms like insomnia. This avoidance prevents you from processing the experience, keeping the pain alive beneath a veneer of “everything’s okay.”

4. Intellectualization

Intellectualization involves focusing on the logical or factual aspects of trauma to avoid its emotional weight. A person who survived a violent incident might research crime statistics obsessively, noting, “The odds of it happening again are low,” without ever addressing the fear that lingers. Another might describe their trauma in detached terms, like a case study—“It was an event that disrupted my routine”—to sidestep the grief or anger it evokes.

This mental distance can feel like control, but it’s a form of avoidance. By staying in the realm of analysis, you bypass the emotional processing needed for healing, leaving the trauma’s deeper impact untouched.

5. Approaching Therapy as a Silencer

Even therapy can become a tool for avoidance if approached with the wrong expectations. Some people enter treatment hoping for a quick fix—a technique or medication to erase the pain without engaging with it. For example, a client might focus solely on symptom relief, like stopping nightmares, without exploring the memories behind them. Others might seek therapy to “move on” without confronting the trauma, expecting the therapist to magically remove it.

This mindset treats therapy as a way to silence distress rather than a space to process it. While symptom management is important, true healing requires facing the pain, not bypassing it, which can be a challenging but necessary shift in perspective.

These avoidance tactics are survival strategies, born from a need to feel safe. But they’re short-term fixes that prolong trauma’s power, keeping you stuck in a cycle of fear, numbness, or disconnection.

Research Supports it: Exposure is Essential for Healing

Healing from trauma isn’t about forgetting or suppressing—it’s about integrating the experience so it no longer controls you. Exposure therapy, a cornerstone of trauma treatment, involves gradually and safely confronting the memories, emotions, or situations that trigger distress. It’s not about reliving the trauma recklessly; it’s about processing it in a controlled, therapeutic setting with support. Research underscores why this approach is critical for lasting recovery.

What the Science Says

A 2024 study in JAMA Psychiatry examined virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET) combined with transcranial direct current stimulation (tDCS) for military veterans with PTSD. Participants engaged with simulated trauma-related scenarios, like combat zones, in a safe environment. The study found a significant reduction in symptoms—over 50%—with benefits persisting a month after treatment (JAMA Psychiatry Article). This shows that controlled exposure can desensitize the brain’s fear response, making traumatic memories less overwhelming.

Similarly, a 2024 Heliyon review of trauma treatment models emphasized that exposure is the backbone of effective therapy. The authors argued that avoiding exposure oversimplifies trauma’s emotional complexity, citing examples like a refugee whose panic attacks lessened after guided exposure to memories of displacement (Heliyon Review).

All therapy is exposure therapy

Essentially, all therapy is exposure therapy to some degree. The healing power of any therapeutic approach lies in its ability to create a safe space where you can revisit the experiences that frighten you most. Whether it’s talking through a memory in talk therapy, processing emotions in EMDR, or reflecting on past pain in psychodynamic work, therapy invites you to face what you’ve avoided.

This controlled re-engagement helps you reclaim power over your story, transforming fear into understanding. By approaching pain with support, therapy ensures you’re not overwhelmed, making exposure the universal thread that weaves healing across all modalities.

Exposure is how we learn resilience and maturity

Exposure isn’t just a therapy tool—it’s how we learn resilience. Take a child afraid of the dark: they might start with every light on, terrified of shadows. A parent introduces a nightlight, then dims it over weeks, exposing the child to increasing darkness. Eventually, the child sleeps comfortably without fear. This gradual process mirrors trauma therapy, where small, supported steps build strength to face what once felt impossible.

How Exposure Rewires the Brain

When you avoid trauma triggers, your brain interprets them as ongoing threats, keeping your nervous system in survival mode. Exposure therapy disrupts this cycle. By facing the trauma in manageable doses—through talking, imagining, or controlled scenarios—you teach your brain that the danger is past. This reduces the intensity of fear responses and helps integrate fragmented memories, allowing you to move forward with less emotional weight.

Why Avoidance Keeps Trauma Alive

Avoidance might feel like protection, but it’s a trap. Sidestepping trauma-related thoughts or feelings signals to your brain that they’re still dangerous, reinforcing a cycle of distress. Over time, this can lead to:

Increased Anxiety: Avoiding places tied to trauma, like a crowded mall after an assault, can make even the idea of going there trigger panic.
Emotional Numbness: Suppressing grief might dull joy, leaving you disconnected from loved ones.
Physical Symptoms: Unprocessed trauma can manifest as tension headaches or fatigue, lingering until the pain is faced.

Exposure, by contrast, rewires this response. It’s like teaching a child to swim by starting in shallow water—they learn the water isn’t a threat. In therapy, you learn the trauma isn’t your present, freeing you from its grip.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Why is exposure important in trauma therapy?

Exposure helps process traumatic memories, reducing their emotional hold. Avoiding them strengthens trauma’s grip, while facing it safely with a therapist rewires fear responses, fostering lasting healing.

What are the benefits of exposure in trauma therapy?

Reduces Fear: Lowers anxiety tied to triggers.
Integrates Memories: Makes fragmented experiences feel whole.
Boosts Resilience: Builds confidence in handling distress.
Eases Physical Pain: Relieves trauma’s bodily toll.

How does exposure work in trauma therapy?

It’s a gradual process—talking about the trauma, imagining it, or using guided techniques—at a pace you can handle, always supported by a professional to ensure safety.

The Path to Healing: Facing Pain with Support

Confronting trauma is tough, but it’s the road to freedom. Therapy—whether talk-based or EMDR—offers a safe space to face your pain without being overwhelmed. You don’t have to do it alone. With support, you can transform that raw wound into a source of strength, rewriting your story with hope.

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Key Citations

APA Trauma Information Page

JAMA Psychiatry Article on VR and tDCS for PTSD

Heliyon Review on Advancing Trauma Studies

Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions, Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] How EMDR Therapy Works To Heal Generational Wounds

Written by herecounseling

Trauma has a way of embedding itself not just in our own lives but also in the stories and legacies passed down through generations. The idea of confronting this pain can feel overwhelming—our instinct is to avoid the discomfort, to stay within the safety of what we know. Yet, avoiding trauma doesn’t make it disappear; it allows it to linger, affecting us and those who come after us. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) offers a structured, safe way to face these buried wounds with the support of a therapist, providing a path to personal healing and the chance to break the cycle of generational trauma.

In this article, we’ll explore why confronting trauma is so challenging, how EMDR helps us overcome that challenge, and the profound benefits it offers—not just for ourselves but for our larger family stories.

What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a therapy initially developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s. Shapiro stumbled upon its foundations by accident: while walking and feeling distressed, she noticed her eyes moving left to right and felt a sudden relief. This observation sparked decades of research, transforming EMDR into an evidence-based treatment, particularly effective for PTSD, but also valuable for anxiety, depression, and even sports performance.

Break the Cycle of Generational Trauma

EMDR therapy helps you process inherited pain and create a new path forward. Start healing with a skilled EMDR therapist in Los Angeles or Pasadena today.

The EMDR Process: A Structured Path to Healing Trauma

EMDR is more than just eye movements—it’s a comprehensive therapy built on trust, preparation, and a clear protocol to process trauma safely.

Building Safety and Skills

The journey begins with one to three sessions focused on establishing a relationship with the therapist and equipping the client with coping tools. Dana Carretta-Stein, a licensed therapist and EMDR specialist, emphasizes this preparation: “My job is to make you uncomfortable because if we don’t feel something, we can’t heal it.” These initial steps ensure clients feel secure and ready to face their pain.

Processing with Bilateral Stimulation

The core of EMDR involves bilateral stimulation—such as following a light bar with the eyes, hearing alternating sounds, or feeling vibrations in the hands—while recalling traumatic memories. This dual attention helps the brain reprocess the experience, reducing its emotional charge. Clients might notice a rise in discomfort followed by a release, often marked by a sigh or a shift in posture, signaling healing in action.

“But I don’t want to deal with my trauma”

The Instinct to Avoid Discomfort

Confronting trauma is hard because it hurts. “A comfort zone is a beautiful thing, but nothing ever grows there,” Carretta-Stein notes. Our natural response is to push away pain, fearing it will overwhelm us. Many start therapy with hope but hesitate when subconscious barriers emerge, worried that facing the trauma will make things worse before they get better.

Yet Avoidance has a Hidden Cost

Avoidance offers temporary relief, but it perpetuates the problem. Unresolved trauma can manifest as anxiety, depression, or physical symptoms, and it doesn’t stop with us—it can ripple through generations. EMDR addresses this by providing a structured environment where discomfort is expected and managed, allowing clients to move through it rather than around it.

What is Generational Trauma?

The Legacy of Pain Passed Down

Generational trauma is the idea that trauma’s effects—emotional, behavioral, or even genetic—can be transmitted across family lines. Research suggests that experiences can alter gene expression, meaning the pain of a grandparent might echo in their descendants. Carretta-Stein shares a personal example: during her pregnancy, she experienced a visceral panic, later tracing it to a family history of grief and loss that spanned generations.

EMDR can be a Tool for Healing Generational Trauma

Facing Inherited Pain with Support

EMDR excels at addressing generational trauma by allowing individuals to process not just their own experiences but the emotional baggage handed down to them. With a therapist’s guidance, clients can confront these memories in a safe space, using bilateral stimulation to reprocess and release the pain. “When you work through stuff, you don’t just heal yourself, you heal past generations and future ones,” Carretta-Stein explains.

The Benefits of EMDR Therapy

Personal Relief and Resilience

EMDR brings tangible relief: reduced symptoms, deeper insights, and a sense of letting go. Clients often feel lighter, as if a burden has lifted. “People start to heal the moment they feel heard,” Carretta-Stein says, highlighting the power of being seen and understood in therapy.

Healing Trauma is a Gift to Family and Beyond

The impact extends beyond the individual. By confronting and overcoming trauma, we prevent it from being passed on, fostering healthier relationships and communities. This dual benefit—personal healing and a transformed legacy—makes EMDR a powerful tool for those willing to face the discomfort.

Confronting trauma, especially one woven into your family’s history, takes courage. The discomfort is real, but so is the potential for transformation. EMDR provides a structured, relational approach to make this possible, ensuring you’re not alone on the journey. If you’re ready to explore this path, consider reaching out to a trained therapist. For more insight, Carretta-Stein’s EMDR Therapy Progress Journal, available on Amazon or DanaCorretta.com, offers a helpful starting point.

Trauma isolates us, but healing reconnects us—to ourselves, our past, and our future. With EMDR, you can turn pain into possibility, for you and the generations that follow.

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Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions, Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] Why Trauma Effects Some People and Not Others: How to Give Yourself The Best Chance at Recovery with Trauma Therapy

Written by herecounseling

What is trauma and how is it different from PTSD?

Trauma is a deeply distressing experience that can leave lasting scars on the mind and body. It’s like a storm that upends your world, leaving you to pick up the pieces. For many, the aftermath of trauma is a daily battle, filled with emotional turbulence, physical exhaustion, and a sense of disconnection from the life they once knew. If you’ve ever wondered, what is trauma and how is it different from PTSD?, you’re not alone. Understanding the distinction is key to recognizing when to seek help and how to begin the healing process.

In this article, we’ll explore the nature of trauma, its most common symptoms, and how it impacts daily life. We’ll use an analogy of a dam overflowing with water to explain how trauma occurs and why some people develop PTSD while others do not. We’ll also delve into the research-backed differences between those who engage in trauma therapy and those who do not, highlighting the importance of social support in recovery. For those seeking trauma therapy in Pasadena or elsewhere, this guide will provide valuable insights into the healing journey.

What is trauma?
What are the common symptoms of trauma?
How trauma is like a dam
The impact of trauma therapy
Trauma therapy options

What Does Trauma Feel Like? Common Symptoms and Their Impact

Trauma can manifest in a variety of ways, often leaving survivors feeling like they’re navigating a minefield of emotional and physical triggers. The symptoms can be overwhelming, but understanding them is the first step toward reclaiming control. Here are some of the most common symptoms of trauma and how they impact a person’s life:

1. Flashbacks

These are vivid, involuntary memories of the traumatic event. A flashback can feel like you’re reliving the moment, causing intense fear or panic. For example, a veteran might hear a car backfire and suddenly feel as though they’re back on the battlefield. This can disrupt daily routines, making it hard to focus on work or enjoy time with loved ones.

Trauma Is Personal—So Is Your Healing

Everyone responds to trauma differently. Get the support you need to heal in a way that works for you. Compassionate trauma therapy is available in Los Angeles and Pasadena.

2. Nightmares

Trauma often invades sleep, leading to recurring nightmares that disrupt rest and heighten anxiety. This can result in chronic fatigue and a sense of dread around bedtime, leaving survivors exhausted and less equipped to handle daily challenges.

3. Anxiety and Hypervigilance

Survivors may feel constantly on edge, scanning their environment for potential threats. This state of hyperarousal can make it difficult to relax, concentrate, or engage in everyday activities like socializing or driving, turning ordinary moments into sources of stress.

4. Depression

Trauma can lead to feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or numbness. Survivors might withdraw from social interactions, lose interest in hobbies, or struggle with a pervasive sense of sadness, which can strain relationships and diminish their quality of life.

5. Avoidance

Many trauma survivors avoid places, people, or situations that remind them of the event. While this can provide temporary relief, it often limits their ability to live fully—perhaps avoiding a favorite park or skipping family gatherings—leading to isolation and missed opportunities.

6. Physical Symptoms

Trauma doesn’t just affect the mind—it can also cause headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal issues, and a weakened immune system. These physical manifestations can make it harder to stay healthy or perform at work, adding another layer of struggle. This is because emotions like chronic anxiety are directly tied to our bodily state. When we hold that state (such as high muscle tension associated with anxiety) it changes the long-term structure of our bodies.

Each of these symptoms can make daily life feel like an uphill battle. Simple tasks, like going to work or socializing, may become daunting. Relationships can suffer as survivors struggle to connect with others while managing their internal turmoil. Over time, the weight of these symptoms can feel unbearable. Many people who have experienced any of these symptoms rightly wonder why their bodies respond this way and if it will ever change.

The Overflowing Dam: Defining Trauma

Why do some people experience trauma and not others, even following the same painful experience? To better understand how trauma happens, imagine a dam holding back a reservoir of water. The dam represents your coping mechanisms, social support, and emotional security—everything that helps you manage stress and return to a state of safety. The water symbolizes the stressors in your life, whether they’re everyday challenges or major life events.

Under normal circumstances, the dam holds strong. The water (stress) flows in, but your coping strategies and support systems contain it, preventing it from overwhelming you. However, when a stressor is too intense or prolonged—such as a traumatic event—the water surges, and the dam can no longer hold it back. The water spills over, flooding the surrounding area. This overflow is what we call trauma.

This concept is called allostatic load, which refers to the cumulative wear and tear on the body and mind when stress exceeds our ability to cope.

Then why do some have a trauma response and others don’t?

When the load becomes too great, our systems are overwhelmed, leading to trauma. Trauma, then, is not just about the event itself but about how it overwhelms our capacity to process and integrate the experience. It’s the point at which our emotional and psychological defenses are breached, leaving us feeling helpless, vulnerable, and unsafe.

In this way, trauma has to do with both the amount of “water” and the capacity of the “dam”. When a person has adequate coping skills, social supports, and emotional security (a large dam), they may recover well even from a highly stressful situation (heavy rainfall). When a person is unsupported, however, even the smallest amount of rain will be overwhelming. How a person experiences a traumatic event has to do with both the strength of internal resources and the strength of the stressor.

Trauma vs. PTSD: Key Differences

While trauma refers to the overwhelming experience and its immediate aftermath, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a specific mental health condition that can develop in some individuals after trauma. Not everyone who experiences trauma will develop PTSD, but for those who do, the symptoms are more persistent and debilitating.

PTSD is characterized by four main clusters of symptoms:

Intrusive memories: Flashbacks, nightmares, or distressing thoughts about the trauma that invade daily life.
Avoidance: Steering clear of reminders of the trauma, such as specific locations or conversations, which can shrink a person’s world.
Negative changes in mood and thinking: Feelings of hopelessness, detachment, or distorted beliefs about oneself or others that darken one’s outlook.
Hyperarousal: Being easily startled, feeling tense, or having difficulty sleeping, keeping the body and mind in a constant state of alert.

Using our dam analogy, if trauma is the moment the dam overflows, PTSD is like the floodwaters that never fully recede. The emotional and psychological impact lingers, and the person remains in a state of heightened distress, unable to return to their pre-trauma baseline. PTSD is a clinical diagnosis, requiring a specific set of symptoms lasting for more than a month, whereas trauma encompasses the broader initial response to an overwhelming event, whether or not it leads to PTSD.

Research consistently shows that social support plays a critical role in whether someone develops PTSD after trauma and how well they recover. Strong social networks can act as a buffer, helping individuals process their experiences and regain a sense of safety. Think of social support as reinforcements for the dam—friends, family, and community members who help shore up your emotional defenses.

Studies have found that:

Individuals with high levels of social support are less likely to develop PTSD and tend to recover more quickly. For example, a study in the Journal of Traumatic Stress showed that survivors of natural disasters with strong community ties had lower PTSD rates.
Conversely, a lack of support can worsen symptoms and prolong recovery, leaving survivors feeling isolated and more vulnerable to the lingering effects of trauma.

This highlights the importance of leaning on trusted loved ones during the healing process. Social support provides emotional validation, practical help, and a sense of belonging—all essential for rebuilding after the dam has been breached.

Trauma Therapy: Research-Backed Benefits

While social support is vital, many trauma survivors benefit from professional intervention, particularly trauma therapy. Evidence-based treatments like Somatic therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have been shown to help survivors process their experiences, reduce symptoms, and regain control over their lives.

Research highlights clear differences between those who participate in trauma therapy and those who do not:

Symptom Reduction: Therapy participants often see a significant decrease in PTSD symptoms, such as flashbacks and anxiety, allowing them to reclaim parts of their lives lost to trauma.
Improved Coping Skills: Therapy provides tools to manage triggers and rebuild emotional resilience, empowering survivors to face challenges with greater confidence.
Enhanced Quality of Life: Those who engage in therapy report better relationships, improved work performance, and a greater sense of well-being compared to those who don’t seek help.

A meta-analysis in Clinical Psychology Review found that trauma-focused therapies like Somatic Therapy and EMDR are highly effective. Many participants no longer meeting PTSD criteria after treatment. For those in Pasadena or nearby, seeking trauma therapy in Pasadena can be a crucial step toward healing.

Option 1: Somatic Therapy for Trauma: Healing Through the Body

What is Somatic Therapy?

Somatic therapy is built on the principle that trauma doesn’t just affect the mind—it also gets stored in the body. This approach recognizes the deep connection between physical sensations and emotional experiences, suggesting that unresolved trauma can manifest as tension, pain, or other bodily symptoms. By focusing on these physical cues, somatic therapy aims to help individuals process and release trapped traumatic energy, fostering a sense of safety and wholeness.

Research-Backed Benefits of Somatic Therapy

Studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of somatic therapy for trauma recovery. For instance, research by Levine (2010) on somatic experiencing therapy found it significantly reduced PTSD symptoms in participants. A meta-analysis by van der Kolk et al. (2014) showed that body-oriented therapies can alleviate trauma-related distress, particularly for those who find traditional talk therapy challenging. These findings highlight somatic therapy’s ability to address both the emotional and physical aftermath of trauma.

What to Expect in Somatic Sessions

In a somatic therapy session, you’ll work with a trained therapist to tune into your body’s signals. You might start with a body scan, where you focus on different areas of your body to notice sensations like tightness or discomfort. The therapist may guide you through gentle movements or breathing exercises to release stored tension. Mindfulness practices are also common, helping you stay present and regulate your nervous system. The pace is gentle and tailored to your comfort, with the goal of rebuilding trust in your body’s natural responses.

Option 2: EMDR Therapy for Trauma: Reprocessing Painful Memories

What is EMDR Therapy?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured psychotherapy designed to help people process traumatic memories that feel “stuck.” Developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation—like guided eye movements or alternating taps—to activate the brain’s ability to reprocess distressing memories. This stimulation mimics the brain’s natural healing during REM sleep, reducing the emotional intensity of the trauma over time.

Research-Backed Benefits of EMDR Therapy

EMDR is widely recognized as an effective trauma treatment, backed by robust research. The American Psychological Association endorses it as a top choice for PTSD, and a meta-analysis by Bisson et al. (2013) found it matches cognitive-behavioral therapy in reducing symptoms—sometimes working faster. Studies suggest EMDR can lessen the grip of flashbacks and anxiety, offering relief in fewer sessions for some, making it a powerful option for trauma survivors.

What to Expect in EMDR Sessions

An EMDR session typically lasts 60-90 minutes and follows a clear structure. You’ll begin by identifying a specific traumatic memory and the negative beliefs tied to it (e.g., “I’m powerless”). Then, while holding that memory in mind, you’ll engage in bilateral stimulation—perhaps following your therapist’s finger with your eyes or listening to alternating tones. This process repeats in short sets until the memory feels less overwhelming. Your therapist will check in regularly, ensuring you feel supported. Over multiple sessions, EMDR aims to transform how you experience that memory, easing its emotional weight.

Rebuilding After the Storm

Trauma is a profound and often life-altering experience, but it doesn’t have to define your future. By understanding the nature of trauma, recognizing its symptoms, and seeking the right support—whether through social networks or professional therapy—you can begin to rebuild your emotional dam and reclaim your life.

Healing is not a linear process, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way. Whether you’re grappling with the immediate aftermath of trauma or the long-term effects of PTSD, recovery is possible. With the right tools and support, you can weather the storm and emerge stronger on the other side.

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Does Couples therapy work? Pasadena marriage counseling communication skills

Healthy Relationships

5 Ways Couples Therapy Will Improve Your Communication Skills

Written by herecounseling

You’ve felt the sting of a conversation with your partner that went nowhere—or worse, turned into a full-blown argument. Maybe you’ve tried to express how you feel, only to be met with silence, defensiveness, or a complete misunderstanding. Perhaps you’ve found yourself lying awake at night, wondering why you and your partner can’t seem to connect the way you used to.

You’re not alone in struggling with communication

Communication struggles are one of the most common challenges couples face, and they can leave you feeling frustrated, unheard, and disconnected from the person you love most.

Deep down, you might wish for something different: a relationship where

you feel truly listened to
disagreements don’t spiral out of control
you can share your needs without fear of rejection or judgment
both partners are safe, supportive, and strong

Yet you’re wondering if couples therapy could be the key to getting there:

“Does couples therapy work?”
“How does couples therapy help communication?”

In this article, we’ll explore 5 research-backed ways couples therapy has been shown to improve communication, making it easier for you and your partner to connect. For each, I’ll break down what the studies say in simple terms, link to the sources so you can dig deeper if you’d like, and share a practical example of how these skills can change your day-to-day life. By the end, you’ll have a clear picture of how therapy works and whether it might be worth a try for your relationship. Let’s dive in.

5 Research-Backed ways Couples Therapy Improves Communication

1. Builds Specific Communication Skills

What the Research Says

Couples therapy often starts by teaching practical skills like active listening (fully focusing on your partner and reflecting what they say) and “I” statements (sharing feelings without blame). A study on Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy (TBCT) found that couples saw a 30% increase in active listening and a 25% decrease in misunderstandings after therapy, compared to before treatment. These changes were measured through observed interactions, showing real improvement in how couples communicate. Check the study here: Observed Communication in Couples 2 years after Integrative and Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy.

How Communication Skills Help Day-to-Day

Imagine you’ve had a rough day and just want to vent. Before marriage counseling, your partner might have been distracted—half-listening while scrolling their phone. You’d feel dismissed, maybe even invisible, and that could spark frustration or a quiet resentment. But now, with active listening skills, they set the phone down, look you in the eye, and ask, “What happened today?” As you talk, they nod and say, “That sounds exhausting.”

Inside, you feel a wave of relief—your stress doesn’t feel so heavy when it’s shared. You’re not just heard; you feel understood, and that validation calms your nerves. For your partner, focusing on you brings a quiet pride—they see your tension ease and feel closer to you, like they’re part of your world again. It’s a small moment, but it builds a sense of safety, making you both more willing to open up next time, and reducing the chance you’ll experience a familiar conflict with each other.

Talk Better. Listen Deeper. Connect More.

Couples therapy helps you build stronger communication and a more connected relationship. Start working with a therapist in Los Angeles or Pasadena today.

2. Facilitates Emotional Expression

What the Research Says

Therapy helps you dig past surface frustrations to express what’s really going on—like a need for closeness or fear of rejection. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) excels at this, and a meta-analysis showed it leads to a large improvement in relationship satisfaction, with a Hedge’s g coefficient of 2.09—a significant leap compared to couples who didn’t get marriage counseling. This means deeper emotional sharing makes a measurable difference. See more here: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: A Systematic Review.

How Emotional Expression Helps Day-to-Day

Picture a night where you feel miles apart from your partner, even sitting on the same couch. Before couples therapy, you might have stewed in silence, feeling lonely but unsure how to say it. That distance could fester into bitterness. Now, with EFT skills, you take a breath and say, “I feel lonely when we don’t really talk.” Your partner pauses, then replies, “I’ve been caught up in my head. I miss us too.”

For you, putting that vulnerability out there feels risky, but when they respond with care, a knot in your chest loosens—you feel seen, and the loneliness ebbs. Your partner feels a pang of recognition, then warmth as they realize they can bridge that gap. It’s not just about fixing the moment; it’s a quiet intimacy that grows, pulling you closer and making the relationship feel alive again.

3. Reduces Negative Communication Patterns

What the Research Says

Therapy targets toxic habits like criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling that poison conversations. A study on TBCT and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) found a 40% reduction in critical remarks and a 35% decrease in defensive responses post-therapy, compared to pre-therapy levels. These shifts were significant and lasted over time, showing therapy can break those cycles. Details here: Observed Communication in Couples 2 years after Integrative and Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy.

How Reducing Negative Communication Patterns Helps Day-to-Day

Say money’s tight, and you’re upset your partner splurged on something. Pre-therapy, you might snap, “You’re so reckless!”—and they’d bristle, “I work hard too!”—leaving you both raw and distant. Now, you try, “I’m worried about our budget—can we talk about this?” They take a beat, then say, “I didn’t mean to stress you out. Let’s figure it out.”

You feel a surge of hope—your concern isn’t a weapon, and that eases your anxiety. Your partner feels relief too; without the attack, they can drop their guard and engage. The air clears faster, and instead of a fight, you’re allies again. That shift makes you both feel respected, like you’re on the same side, turning a potential blowout into a moment of teamwork.

4. Promotes Empathy and Understanding

What the Research Says

Empathy—truly getting your partner’s perspective—can change everything. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) helps couples build this, and a study showed a 50% increase in empathetic responses and a 45% improvement in understanding each other’s viewpoints after therapy, compared to before. Couples themselves said this was a game-changer. Read more: Client Perceptions of the Most and Least Helpful Aspects of Couple Therapy.

How Empathy Helps Day-to-Day

Imagine clashing over how to handle a moody teenager. Before therapy, you’d argue—your strictness versus their leniency—feeling judged and alone. Now, you say, “I get why you want to give them space,” and they reply, “I see why you’re worried about this.”

For you, hearing their side softens your frustration—you feel less like you’re fighting a solo battle. Your partner feels a spark of gratitude; your effort to understand lifts their defensiveness. Together, you feel a quiet solidarity, like you’re partners navigating this mess, not rivals. That mutual support makes the load lighter and the relationship steadier, even when you don’t fully agree.

5. Improves Conflict Resolution Skills

What the Research Says

Therapy turns conflicts into solvable problems, not relationship threats. A study on TBCT and IBCT found couples improved problem-solving skills by 60% and reported a 55% increase in satisfaction with conflict resolution after therapy, compared to pre-therapy struggles. These gains held up over time, proving lasting change. See the research: Improving relationships: mechanisms of change in couple therapy.

How Conflict Resolution Helps Day-to-Day

Think about planning a weekend. You want a quiet getaway; they crave a social outing. Before therapy, it’d spiral—both digging in, feeling ignored. Now, you say, “I need some calm—how about you?” They answer, “I want to see friends. Maybe we split the days?”

You feel a rush of optimism—your needs aren’t lost, and compromise feels possible. They feel energized, knowing their voice matters too. Working it out together builds a quiet confidence: you’re a team, not opponents. That harmony lingers, making you both feel valued and secure, like no disagreement can shake what you’ve got.

So, Does Couples Therapy Really Work?

If you’re asking: “Does couples therapy improve communication skills?” Here are the 5 main, research-supported outcomes you can expect in couples therapy:

30% increase in specific communication skills
Significant increase in satisfaction with emotional expression
30% reduction in negative communication
50% increase in empathy
60% increase in conflict resolution

So yes—it can, and the numbers back it up. Studies show 30-60% improvements in key communication areas like listening, empathy, and conflict resolution, with significant changes pre- and post-therapy. But it’s not magic—you both have to commit. If you do, the reward is a relationship where you feel heard, understood, and closer than ever.

If you’re tired of the same old fights or silences, therapy might be your next step. It’s not just for “broken” couples—it’s for anyone wanting better. Could these changes matter to you? Reflect on it, talk to your partner, or explore the studies linked above. Your relationship might thank you.

Your Next Step

Take a second to reflect. Are there moments in your relationship where communication hits a wall? Could you use a little help turning those moments into opportunities to connect? If so, consider talking to one of our therapists.

See our Couples Therapists

See our Therapists in Pasadena

How long does it take to recover from infidelity? how Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling can help

Healthy Relationships

Infidelity Can Take 2-5 years to Recover, Research says

Written by herecounseling

When you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted deeply, everything you thought you knew about your relationship, and even yourself, can feel shattered. The pain isn’t something you just “get over.” It lingers in your body, in your thoughts, in your sleep. You may be asking: How long will it hurt like this?

What Percentage of Couples Recover from Infidelity?

If you’re wondering ‘how long to recover from infidelity’ or ‘what percentage of couples recover from infidelity,’ research shows timelines of 2-5 years, with couples therapy improving success rates to 57%.

Most people don’t realize it, but healing from infidelity typically takes anywhere from two to three years. And even then, the process isn’t linear. Some days feel manageable, others knock the wind out of you. The timeline depends on several factors: the type of betrayal, whether the partner takes responsibility, and whether there’s therapeutic support. We see couples who face infidelity often in our Pasadena Office, and we have experienced firsthand the couples who are able to recover and those who struggle with having the conversation. And we want to share with you our thoughts from our over 10 years of experience in Pasadena, as well as the outcomes of the research on this topic.

In this article, we’ll walk through what really happens after the discovery of an affair, why it hurts so much, what influences your healing pace, and how therapy can offer a path forward, whether you stay in the relationship or not.

Why Infidelity Hurts So Much (And Why It Feels Like Trauma)

When someone you trust betrays you, it doesn’t just “hurt.” It shatters something inside. Many people describe infidelity as a kind of emotional earthquake; the ground you stood on suddenly breaks apart, and you’re left wondering what was ever real.

It’s not just the cheating that hurts. It’s the lies. The rewriting of history. The erosion of safety. Infidelity, whether emotional, physical, or both, strikes at the foundation of your sense of self, your attachment, and your ability to trust again.

That’s why the pain lingers. That’s why your mind keeps replaying conversations or checking phone records. And that’s why, even if your partner says “I’m sorry,” your body might still feel frozen, triggered, or anxious.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re responding to trauma.

Infidelity Recovery Timeline: How Long Does It Take?

Healing from infidelity is a deeply personal journey, but research provides some timelines to guide you. With couples therapy, recovery typically takes 2-3 years, offering a 57% success rate for staying together. Without therapy, it often stretches to 3-5 years or more, with only a 20% success rate. Below, we explore these paths to help you find clarity and hope.

Factors That Shape Your Healing Timeline

Healing after infidelity isn’t just about getting over what happened. It’s about processing it, emotionally, cognitively, somatically, and making meaning out of the chaos. Several things can shape how long that takes:

Was this a one-time betrayal or a repeated pattern?

A single disclosure is painful. But when the betrayal was hidden for years or happened again and again, the healing may need to go deeper.

Has the unfaithful partner taken real accountability?

Recovery begins when there’s truth-telling, not defensiveness. If your partner minimizes, blames you, or avoids questions, healing can stall.

Are you both getting support?

Individual or couples therapy can dramatically affect the pace and depth of healing. Doing this alone is not only exhausting — it can keep you stuck in cycles of blame and confusion.

Are you working through prior wounds too?

If you or your partner has unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, or trust issues from the past, the affair may reopen older pains and require a layered healing approach.
There’s no “normal” response to betrayal. But the more resourced, supported, and emotionally honest the healing space is, the more room there is for actual repair.

Discovering infidelity is an emotional tsunami.

The pain is raw, the betrayal cuts deep, and you’re left reeling in a storm of emotions. You might feel anger burning through you, sadness weighing you down, or confusion clouding every choice. Questions swirl endlessly:

Why did this happen?
Can I ever trust again?
Is our relationship even worth saving?
How long will it take to heal from infidelity?

Countless couples have faced this heartbreak, and I’ve seen it firsthand. It’s hard. In my practice in Pasadena, CA, I’ve seen couples struggle with even coming in to couples therapy to address it in my office. One partner feels raw and exposed, and the other is terrified to hear just how angry the other is. It takes a lot of courage and care to come in and begin to talk about it.

Right now, you might wonder if your entire relationship was a lie. Maybe you blame yourself or search for signs you missed. The ache hits hard—every glance at your partner stings. Infidelity doesn’t just break trust; it shatters your security, your self-worth, and the story you built together. Sleep slips away, conversations turn explosive, and the future feels uncertain.

You ask, “How could they do this to me?” while your partner might grapple with guilt or shame, wondering, “Can I fix this? Will they let me try?”

What you need most is clarity, support, and hope that this pain won’t last forever. Healing is possible, but it’s personal—there’s no universal timeline. Some couples turn to couples therapy (also known as marriage counseling or couples counseling) as a lifeline through the chaos. Others rely on their own strength, choosing to go it alone.

Both paths can work, but they differ in pace, process, and outcomes. In this article, we’ll explore these two journeys—couples therapy and no therapy—offering a glimpse into the emotional landscape of rebuilding after betrayal, backed by research to guide you.

The Stages of Healing from Infidelity

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It comes in waves, and it tends to follow a few emotional phases, especially if therapy is involved. These stages aren’t steps you tick off — they’re experiences that overlap, return, and reshape you.

1. Discovery & Shock (First few days to 3 months)

This is the moment everything changes. Whether it was a confession or a discovery, this stage is marked by emotional chaos — disbelief, numbness, panic, rage. Your nervous system may be in survival mode. It’s normal to feel disoriented, struggle to sleep, and question everything.

2. Grief & Search for Meaning (1 to 6 months)

You start asking: Why did this happen? Was it me? What does this mean about us? You may demand details, obsess over timelines, or compare yourself to the other person. It’s all part of trying to regain control. This stage can be intense and recurring, especially if there’s gaslighting, half-truths, or unclear communication.

3. Establishing Safety (3 to 9 months)

This is where boundaries are drawn. Maybe passwords are shared. Or contact with the affair partner ends. Maybe space is needed. Regardless, safety is emotional, not just logistical — it’s about rebuilding a sense of “I’m okay here.” For many, this phase marks a turning point toward stabilization, though it can take time.

4. Rebuilding or Releasing (6 months to 2+ years)

Some couples choose to stay and begin the work of rebuilding. Others realize that staying means betraying themselves. Both paths require courage. Both deserve support. This phase often includes deeper therapy, structured rebuilding, or navigating separation in a conscious, supported way.

5. Integration & Redefinition (1.5 to 5 years)

If you stay together, this is where a new relationship slowly forms. Not a return to the past — but something more honest, more awake. If you part, this is where healing becomes personal — reclaiming trust in yourself, your instincts, and love again. You might not feel fully “over it,” but you’ll notice that it no longer runs your life.

Couples Therapy After Infidelity vs. No Therapy

When infidelity strikes, you face a choice: seek couples therapy or navigate recovery solo. Both demand courage and time, but their success rates and experiences vary widely. Couples therapy often boosts recovery odds, with studies showing lower divorce rates and faster healing—thanks to professional guidance and structure. Going without therapy can work, but it’s tougher, longer, and less certain, with higher risks of divorce due to miscommunication and lack of support. Let’s dive into each path, imagining you and your partner trying to mend what’s broken.

The Couples Therapy Pathway: A Quicker way to Heal from Infidelity

Success Rate: 57%
Timeline: 2-3 Years

Couples therapy provides a guided path—a space where a professional helps you rebuild step by step. Research shows it typically takes 2-3 years, often leading to stronger bonds and better outcomes.

1. Deciding to Seek Couples Therapy

The affair’s out, and you’re lost in shock. You book that first couples therapy session, nervous but hopeful. Walking in feels raw, but there’s a chance for clarity.

2. Early Sessions: A Safe Space for Raw Emotion

You sit apart, barely meeting eyes. The therapist draws out your pain—your hurt, your rage. Your partner shares their regret. It’s messy, but contained. You feel heard, even if trust is far off.

3. Unpacking the Affair: Facing the Why

Months pass, and you dig into the roots. Was it a gap between you—intimacy, attention—or their own struggles? It hurts to uncover this, but it’s a step toward prevention. You argue, you cry, but you move forward.

4. Rebuilding Trust: Small Steps, Big Effort

Trust builds slowly. Your partner shares openly—phone access, honest answers. You learn to voice your needs. Some days feel hopeful; others, doubt lingers. Progress shows.

5. Emotional Healing: Letting Go and Coming Closer

A year or two into couples therapy, the pain softens. You reconnect—tentative laughs, fragile intimacy. Setbacks hit, but therapy guides you through. Forgiveness or acceptance emerges.

6. Long-Term Growth: A New Chapter

After 2-3 years, you’re a team again. Your bond is deeper, communication stronger. It was hard, but worth it.

What the Research Says on Recovery with Couples Therapy:

43% Divorce Rate for Revealed Infidelity: Couples in couples therapy have a 57% chance of staying together (Marin et al., 2014).
33% Recovery Rate by Therapy’s End: One-third feel fully healed post-therapy (Atkins et al., 2005).
75% Success Rate with Gottman Method: This approach excels in early trials (Gottman & Silver, 2013).

Schedule a Couples Consult call with McKenzie Laird, AMFT

Struggling with the uncertainty, the anger, and loss after infidelity? I help couples recover from ruptures like infidelity.

We’ll start by creating a clear understanding of the rupture in your relationship, and create a plan to address the situation and move toward healing.

It’s time for your relationship to heal. Reach out and schedule a consultation with me this week:

Schedule a Call

The No-Therapy Pathway: Extending the timeline of healing infidelity

Success Rate: 20%
Timeline: 3-5 Years or More

Choosing to heal without couples therapy relies on your resilience and resources. It can take 3-5 years or longer, with greater challenges and lower success rates due to the lack of expert support.

1. Deciding to Go It Alone

Couples therapy isn’t an option—cost or comfort—and you commit to fixing it yourselves. It’s just you two, facing the wreckage, hoping love holds.

2. Emotional Turmoil: No Filter, No Guide

Early on, it’s chaos. Anger flares, tears fall. Your partner explains, but it’s shouting or silence. Without a mediator, you’re stuck in loops.

3. Communication Struggles: Finding Words in the Dark

Talking is tough—questions feel like attacks. They defend, you withdraw. You want progress, but the path’s unclear.

4. Trial and Error: Piecing It Together

You try books or forums, set rules—no secrets, more check-ins. Sometimes it clicks; often, it fails. It’s draining, but you persist.

5. Slow Progress: Two Steps Forward, One Back

Years in, wounds scar. Trust grows through effort—small wins. Talking gets easier, but setbacks test you. It’s slow going.

6. Potential Outcomes: Healing or Breaking

After 3-5 years, you might stand stronger—or apart. Some heal; others falter. Resentment can linger without help.

What the Research Says about Recovery without Couples Therapy:

80% Divorce Rate for Secret Infidelity: Hidden affairs spike divorce odds (Marin et al., 2014).
Recovery Often Exceeds 2-3 Years: Solo healing stretches longer (Affair Recovery).

Comparison of Recovery Paths

Recovery Aspect	With Therapy	Without Therapy
Success Rate	57-75%	20%
Timeline	2-3 years	3-5+ years
Divorce Rate	43%	80% (secret affairs)

Quick facts on Healing From Infidelity

Couples Therapy Might Suit You If: You need structure or expert help to rebuild trust faster.
No Therapy Might Work If: You’re tough, talk well, and have support—but expect a longer road.

Couples therapy offers a 2-3-year shot at a stronger bond, with over half surviving. Solo healing might take 3-5 years, with more uncertainty but real potential. It’s messy, but doable. Grab what you need—a therapist, a friend, this article—and trust brighter days await.

What If the Affair Was Emotional, Not Physical?

Many people think infidelity has to involve sex to count. It doesn’t. Emotional affairs can be just as painful, sometimes even more.

Why? Because emotional betrayal often involves a deeper level of intimacy. Secrets. Vulnerability. Longing that should’ve been reserved for the partner.

If your partner was confiding in someone else, fantasizing about a life with them, or developing a connection that excluded you, it’s natural to feel betrayed, even if nothing “physical” happened. The pain is real. And it deserves space to be processed.

See our Couples Therapists

How Couples Therapy Works: Exploring Restoration Couples Therapy and the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern

If you’re considering couples therapy (or marriage counseling/couples counseling), understanding how it works can help you decide if it’s right for you. Below, we explore Restoration Couples Therapy, a specialized approach for infidelity recovery, and the pursue-withdraw pattern, a dynamic that therapy can address.

Restoration Couples Therapy: Rebuilding Through Empathy and Accountability

Restoration Couples Therapy is a tailored form of couples counseling designed to heal infidelity by focusing on identifying the couple’s pain cycle and creating a peace cycle. Here’s how it unfolds:

Creating a Safe Space: The therapist fosters a neutral environment where both partners can share openly—your pain, their guilt—without judgment.
Processing the Betrayal: Guided discussions help you explore the affair’s emotional impact. The betrayed partner voices hurt; the unfaithful partner learns its depth.
Accountability and Transparency: The unfaithful partner commits to honesty—answering questions, showing consistency—to rebuild trust.
Rebuilding Intimacy: Over time, the therapist introduces ways to restore connection, helping you rediscover closeness.
Long-Term Healing: Tools like better communication prevent future betrayals, strengthening your bond.

This approach excels in infidelity recovery by addressing trust and emotional safety directly.

Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

Whether you choose couples therapy, marriage counseling, or couples counseling, approaches like Restoration Couples Therapy offer a structured way to heal from infidelity in 2-3 years. Going it alone is possible but often takes 3-5 years with more risks. The decision is yours—healing is a journey, and whether with a therapist or on your own, brighter days are within reach.

See our Couples Therapists

See our Pasadena Therapists

Frequently Asked Questions about Recovering from Infidelity

How Long Does It Take to Heal from Infidelity with Couples Therapy?

Healing from infidelity with couples therapy typically takes 2-3 years, focusing on processing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and improving communication. Research like Marin et al. (2014) shows therapy accelerates recovery, with many couples emerging stronger.

What Is the Infidelity Recovery Timeline?

The infidelity recovery timeline spans 2-5 years: 2-3 years with therapy (stages like shock, grief, and rebuilding) versus 3-5+ years without. Factors include therapy involvement and partner commitment.

What Percentage of Couples Recover from Infidelity?

About 57% of couples recover from infidelity and stay together, per Marin et al. (2014), rising to 75% with methods like Gottman Therapy. Therapy boosts success, while secret affairs lead to 80% divorce rates.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy After Infidelity

In couples therapy after infidelity, expect sessions building safety, processing grief, and restoring trust over 6-12 months initially. Using EFT or Gottman methods, you’ll gain tools for empathy and preventing relapses.

Does Couples Therapy Work After Cheating?

Yes, couples therapy works after cheating, with 57-75% success rates in rebuilding relationships (Marin et al., 2014; Gottman). It addresses trauma and communication, far outperforming unassisted recovery (20% success).

How Long to Recover from Infidelity?

Recovery from infidelity takes 2-5 years: shorter (2-3 years) with therapy focusing on trust rebuilding, longer without. Success reaches 57%, influenced by disclosure and emotional work.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity?

Getting over infidelity takes 2-5 years, with initial grief easing in 1-6 months and full healing in 1-3 years via therapy. Patience and commitment are key, per studies showing 57% recovery rates.

Citations

Marin, R. A., et al. (2014). Couple and Family Psychology, 3(1), 1-12. DOI:10.1037/cfp0000012

Atkins, D. C., et al. (2005). Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(1), 144-150. DOI:10.1037/0022-006X.73.1.144

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2013). What Makes Love Last? ISBN:9781451608489

Neurology, Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] Pelvic Floor Issues? The Truth About How to Heal Trauma

Written by herecounseling

Pelvic floor therapy targets the muscles, ligaments, and connective tissues that support your pelvic organs—think bladder, bowels, and reproductive system. These structures play a starring role in everyday functions like urination, digestion, and even sexual health. Problems here can affect anyone, regardless of gender, and can throw a wrench into your quality of life. In a recent interview, Dr. Rachel Daof, a pelvic floor physical therapist at Pelvic Model Physical Therapy, sat down with Dr. Connor McClenahan to unpack this essential yet often overlooked topic.

What Pelvic Floor Therapy Can Do for You

Pelvic floor therapy tackles a surprising variety of issues that might be disrupting your daily routine. Dr. Daof sums it up with a memorable phrase: “We help with pee, poo, and pleasure.” Here’s a closer look at the common challenges it addresses:

Urinary Incontinence: Ever leak a little when you cough, sneeze, or hit the gym? That’s more common than you might think.
Bowel Dysfunction: Struggles like constipation or fecal incontinence can be tough to talk about, but they’re treatable.
Pelvic Pain: Discomfort in the genital, anal, or lower abdominal areas can stem from muscle tension or injury.
Sexual Health Challenges: Pain during intimacy, erectile dysfunction, or premature ejaculation can all tie back to pelvic floor issues.

These problems don’t discriminate—they can affect people of all ages and genders, often triggered by things like childbirth, trauma, or even prolonged stress. The good news? They’re not something you have to just live with.

Pelvic Floor Therapy is About Safety

At Pelvic Model Physical Therapy, the treatment process is all about creating safety. It starts with a conversation—a detailed chat about your symptoms and history. Dr. Daof stresses that consent is non-negotiable: “We make sure patients are comfortable with every step.” Depending on what you’re dealing with, the next phase might involve an internal exam to check how those pelvic muscles are functioning. Don’t worry—these are done with care and always with your boundaries in mind.

From there, the team crafts a plan tailored just for you, targeting any weaknesses or tightness in the pelvic floor. “We want them to feel safe in our environment, with our presence, and with the manual therapy,” Dr. Daof explains. That sense of safety isn’t just a bonus—it’s what’s actually required for the muscles and nervous system to elongate and heal.

Pelvic Guarding and Kegel Exercises

Dr. Daof uses a simple yet powerful analogy to illustrate why pelvic floor issues often go beyond a lack of strength: imagine trying to clench your fist tightly for hours on end. Eventually, the muscles tire out, becoming so fatigued that they can no longer contract effectively, even if you want them to. This is similar to what happens with an overly tight or hypertonic pelvic floor. When these muscles are chronically tense—whether from stress, poor posture, or overcompensation—they lose their ability to relax and then contract properly. It’s not a matter of weakness but rather a state of exhaustion or dysfunction.

This is why Kegel exercises, which focus on strengthening through repeated contractions, often fall short or even worsen the problem. For many, the pelvic floor doesn’t need more tension; it needs release, retraining, and balance to restore its natural function. This points to the need to relax, elongate and understand the chronic tension we carry.

Emotional History Impacts Pelvic Floor Muscles

Here’s where it gets interesting: your pelvic health isn’t just about muscles—it’s tied to your emotions, too. Dr. Daof points out that experiences like childhood shame or trauma can show up years later as physical issues. Imagine a kid taught to “hold it in” because of strict rules or embarrassment. Over time, that habit can turn into chronic muscle tension down below.

That’s why pelvic floor therapy often takes a holistic approach, sometimes teaming up with psychotherapists to tackle both the physical and emotional sides of healing. It’s not just about fixing a symptom—it’s about understanding the whole picture to get lasting results.

Create Safety and Healing

If any of this sounds familiar—whether it’s a little leak or a nagging pain—know that you’ve got options. Pelvic floor physical therapy can make a real difference, and there’s no reason to let embarrassment keep you from getting help. Dr. Daof and her team are here to guide you with expertise and compassion.

We believe emotional and physical healing are 2 sides of the same coin. The pain you experience creates an emotional stamp that’s felt by both your internal world of relationships and self, as well as your body’s muscular and nervous system. Whichever side of the tunnel you approach it – whether with a psychotherapist or with a pelvic floor therapist – we know the healing is worth reaching out.

ADHD, Neurology, Podcast

[VIDEO] Shatter ADHD Myths: How to Use Brain Mapping to Unlock the Science of Attention

Written by herecounseling

Brain Mapping and Neurofeedback at Vital Brain Health

What’s Happening Under the Hood

The brain is more than just the seat of our thoughts—it’s a dynamic organ where hardware (neural structures) and software (thought patterns) interact. At Vital Brain Health, advanced tools like EEG-based brain mapping and neurofeedback allow clinicians to peek into this hardware, revealing how brain waves and regions influence behavior. Brain mapping involves placing a cap with sensors on the scalp to record electrical activity over 20 minutes—10 with eyes open, 10 with eyes closed—creating a “movie” of the brain at rest. This isn’t about static images like an MRI; it’s about function, showing how areas fire and connect in real time. Neurofeedback builds on this by training the brain to adjust those patterns, using visual feedback (like a Netflix show that distorts when waves go off-track) to encourage healthier rhythms.

Why It Matters

Understanding the brain’s wiring offers a new lens on struggles like focus, anxiety, or emotional regulation. Rather than seeing these as personal failings, they can be viewed as biological responses—sometimes to stress, sometimes to inherited tendencies. This approach doesn’t just label issues; it provides a roadmap for change, empowering individuals to work with their brain’s natural plasticity.

The Neurology Behind ADHD-Like Focus Issues

Beyond the Label: What’s Really Going On

ADHD is often diagnosed through behavioral checklists—16 questions about focus or impulsivity—but this surface-level approach misses the deeper story. Neurologically, attention relies on the prefrontal cortex, which handles planning, impulse control, and sequential thinking (e.g., “Do A, then B”). Under stress or trauma, blood flow shifts away from this region to the amygdala and limbic system, prioritizing survival over organization. This can manifest as fast brain waves in the prefrontal cortex slowing down, or the amygdala over-firing, keeping someone in a reactive, high-arousal state. For a child, this might look like outbursts or distraction; for an adult, it’s losing track of tasks. The catch? These symptoms mimic ADHD but may stem from entirely different causes—like a tough life transition or chronic anxiety.

State vs. Trait: How Focus Issues Evolve

A “state” is a temporary reaction—like struggling to focus during a stressful week—while a “trait” is a wired-in tendency, shaped by prolonged experience. When stress persists (think post-COVID isolation or a family crisis), neurons fire together repeatedly, strengthening pathways that favor reactivity over focus. Over time, the prefrontal cortex might become “sluggish,” less efficient at sending inhibitory signals to calm the limbic system, while the amygdala stays on high alert. This isn’t a permanent flaw—it’s an adaptation that can be reframed and retrained.

Reframing the Struggle

Instead of “I can’t focus because I’m broken,” try: “My brain’s in a high-arousal state, reacting to something real.” This shifts blame from character to context. For example, a child labeled ADHD might have a prefrontal cortex overwhelmed by a traumatic move, not a disorder. Recognizing this opens doors to targeted solutions beyond medication—like addressing the root stress or using neurofeedback to boost prefrontal efficiency.

Practical Takeaway

If focus feels off, check your arousal level. Too drowsy or too wired (shaky, restless)? Both tank attention. Try a quick reset: a brisk walk if you’re sluggish, or a minute of slow breathing if you’re amped up. It’s not about forcing focus—it’s about tuning your brain’s engine.

Shared Trauma and Its Impact on the Brain

The Collective Experience

Trauma isn’t always personal—it can ripple through families or communities. Take a city hit by wildfires: homes lost, schools gone, cafes erased. This collective shock disrupts everyone’s sense of safety, sending limbic systems into overdrive. The amygdala ramps up, scanning for threats, while the prefrontal cortex dials back, reducing patience and impulse control. A parent might snap more easily, a child’s tantrums might spike—not because they’re “bad,” but because their brains are syncing to a shared stress signal. Post-COVID lockdowns showed this too: isolation and fear spiked arousal levels, leading to a surge in ADHD-like symptoms and medication shortages.

The Neurological Ripple Effect

In these scenarios, the brain’s wiring reflects the group dynamic. Hypervigilance—seen in fast “lambda waves” at the back of the head—might drive constant scanning, even in safe settings. This isn’t voluntary; it’s the visual cortex over-connecting to the amygdala, creating a feedback loop of alertness. For a family, this might mean everyone’s on edge, amplifying each other’s reactivity. It’s a collective “buzz” that can persist, turning a temporary state into a trait if unchecked.

Reframing the Impact

Rather than “Why are we all falling apart?” consider: “Our brains are carrying a shared load.” This perspective reduces guilt—parents aren’t failing, kids aren’t defiant; they’re adapting to a shaken world. It’s a call to see behavior as a signal, not a sentence.

Practical Takeaway

Break the buzz with a collective pause. A family walk, a silly game, or even a group deep-breath session can lower arousal across the board. It’s not about erasing trauma—it’s about giving everyone’s brain a moment to recalibrate together.

How Relationships Wire Our Brain

Our brains are built for connection. The prefrontal cortex doesn’t just manage tasks—it relies on relationships to regulate emotions and behavior. A child’s meltdown often eases with a calm adult nearby because their brain “borrows” that stability, a process tied to mirror neurons—cells that mimic others’ states. But if those systems are offline (e.g., less right-brain activity), bonding can feel elusive, even with effort. A parent might nurture tirelessly, yet the child struggles to connect—not due to lack of love, but a difference in wiring.

From Parent to Child, Spouse to Spouse

This wiring starts early and never stops. A preoccupied parent—say, distracted by a phone—might leave a child’s prefrontal cortex without that external “shushing” signal, letting limbic reactivity run wild. In adults, a stressed partner’s withdrawal can trigger the same loop in their spouse. Over time, these interactions shape traits: a child’s self-regulation might falter without consistent co-regulation, or an adult’s anxiety might spike without a steady anchor. It’s not blame—it’s biology.

Rewiring Through Neurofeedback

Here’s the hope: neurofeedback can shift these patterns. By placing sensors over key regions (like an overactive amygdala), clinicians guide the brain to slow its waves—think 900-1000 reps in a 20-minute session, all while watching a show. Over weeks, this builds a new trait: less reactivity, more calm. It’s like teaching a jittery cat to trust safety, compressing years of change into months.

Reframing Connection

Swap “They’re distant because they don’t care” with “Their brain might need help feeling safe.” This fosters patience and curiosity—maybe it’s not rejection, but a wiring hiccup you can address together.

Practical Takeaway

Boost your brain’s social wiring with daily check-ins—a quick chat with a friend or loved one. If connection feels strained, try co-regulation: sit quietly together, syncing breaths. Small moments can rewire big patterns.

Strategies for Change

Understanding Your Baseline
The Yerkes-Dodson law—a bell curve of arousal vs. performance—shows optimal focus lies in the middle. Too low (drowsy), and you’re foggy; too high (manic), and you’re scattered. Brain mapping reveals your baseline—say, a fast-firing thalamus inherited from a parent, pushing you toward high arousal. Knowing this helps you target the real issue.
Breaking the Loop
For rumination—linked to the anterior cingulate, the brain’s “Chihuahua” that won’t stop chewing—distraction works wonders. When stuck on “Did I mess up?” write it down, then shift to a tactile task (e.g., folding laundry). It’s not avoidance—it’s giving your brain a new toy.
Leveraging Neurofeedback
Available in-office or via at-home sensors, neurofeedback targets specific waves (e.g., slowing fast alpha for anxiety). After 40 sessions over four months, many see 30-50% improvement—focus sharpens, reactivity fades. It’s a game-changer for stubborn traits.
Embracing Collective Support
Share your journey—tell a friend, “I’m working on my focus.” Their encouragement can co-regulate you, amplifying progress. You’re not alone; your brain thrives with others.

Your Brain, Your Potential

Focus issues, shared trauma, and relational wiring aren’t defects—they’re your brain doing its job, shaped by experience. Whether it’s a prefrontal cortex on pause, a community reeling, or a connection needing a boost, you’re not stuck. Tools like brain mapping and neurofeedback, paired with simple reframes, reveal a truth: your brain’s adaptable, and you’ve got the keys. Start small—tune your arousal, lean on others, explore your wiring. You’re not fixing a flaw; you’re unlocking potential. What could change if you saw your brain as a partner, not a problem

Author Archives: herecounseling

How Does Trauma Change my Brain? Discover How Your Brain is Built to Heal

Questions about how trauma impacts your brain:

Trauma Reshapes the Brain—But So Can Healing

Q1: Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?

What this looks like day-to-day

What the research says

Quick tips on trauma, emotions, and memory:

Q2: Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?

What experts say about early trauma

Quick tips on chronic trauma vs episodic trauma

Q3: Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?

Quick tips on genetics and trauma

Q4: How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?

Quick tips on trauma and brain chemistry

Q5: Can my brain really heal from trauma?

Quick tips on healing from trauma and neuroplasticity

Q6: How can therapy help my brain process trauma?

Your Brain Can Heal—Let’s Begin That Journey

Quick tips on trauma therapy

Q7: How does trauma impact my brain’s structure?

Quick tips on trauma and brain structures

Take the First Step with Trauma Therapy

Top 5 Reasons Couples Go to Therapy in Pasadena

Signs that point couples toward starting couples therapy

Strengthen Your Relationship with Expert Couples Therapy

We did the research: Here’s what Pasadena Couples are Saying

#1: Heated Arguments

Pasadena Couples on Heated Arguments:

How do heated arguments impact couples?

What skill helps with heated arguments?

#2: Infidelity

Pasadena Couples on Infidelity:

How does infidelity impact couples?

What skill helps couples repair from infidelity?

#3: Intimacy and Sex issues

Pasadena Couples on Intimacy and Sex:

How do problems with intimacy and sex impact couples?

What skill helps couples with intimacy and sex issues?

#4: Life Transitions

Pasadena Couples on Life Transitions:

How do life transitions impact couples in Pasadena?

What skill helps couples through life transitions?

#5: Addiction

Pasadena Couples on Addiction:

How Addiction impacts Couples in Pasadena

What skill helps couples overcome addiction wounds?

Quick Guide to Pasadena Couples Therapy Issues

The Eaton Fire Has Stressed Relationships in Pasadena

How to Start Couples Therapy in Pasadena

[VIDEO] How to Heal Anger with Somatic Therapy

The Fear of Feeling: Why Emotions Feel Dangerous

Release Anger from the Inside Out

Common Misconceptions About Emotions in Somatic Therapy

Emotions Must Be Controlled or Erased:

Feeling Emotions Means Getting Stuck in Pain:

Emotional Health Means Being Calm All the Time:

A Somatic Framework: Riding the Wave of Emotion

1. Observe, Don’t Oppose

2. Trust the Body’s Wisdom

3. Move Through, Not Away

4. Grow the Container

Confronting the Fear: What to Expect in Somatic Therapy

Somatic Therapy’s Promise: Rewilding the Self

FAQ About Anger and Somatic Therapy

Q: Will somatic therapy make my anger worse?

Q: How long does it take to feel better?

Q: Do I need to be physically active for somatic therapy?

Quick-Guide Summary: Facing Emotions with Somatic Therapy

Trauma Thrives in the Dark: Why You Need Exposure Therapy

“But why should I have to feel worse to feel better?”

Face Trauma with Support—Not Fear

Common Ways People Avoid Confronting Trauma

1. Boundaries as Avoidance

2. Addiction and Suppression

3. Denial

4. Intellectualization

5. Approaching Therapy as a Silencer

Research Supports it: Exposure is Essential for Healing

What the Science Says