Healing Panic Attacks in Pasadena
Anxiety

Panic Attacks Can Take 3-12 Months to Recover, Research Says

“How long will these panic attack episodes last? When will peace return?”

It can be overwhelming to have panic attacks. They’re unexpected, scary, and can impact your social and work life dramatically. Part of the concern is not knowing why the panic attacks happen or what is needed to heal from panic attacks. The good news? Panic attacks can be treated, and many people recover within 3-12 months, when treated.

So what makes the difference for those who are able to resolve panic attacks?

In this article, you’ll learn about the treatment process for panic attacks. By the end, you’ll have a map of what recovery looks like and what exactly will give you the best chances of success. We provide therapy for people with panic attacks in Pasadena and Los Angeles, and we’ve seen first hand how people can experience freedom from panic attacks when they engage in self-exploration and self-care. Let’s dig in and help you get a clear idea of the road to healing for panic attacks.

60-80% of People Achieve Significant Recovery from Panic Disorder with Proper Treatment

Research demonstrates that with targeted therapies such as EMDR, somatic therapy, or psychodynamic approaches, 60-80% of individuals with panic disorder experience substantial symptom reduction or full remission, marked by fewer attacks, restored confidence, and improved quality of life. Without intervention, recovery rates hover at 20-40%, with symptoms often persisting chronically or escalating to include avoidance behaviors. Early engagement and trauma-informed care enhance outcomes, shifting recurrent terror into manageable experiences and fostering lasting resilience.

Panic Attacks Inflict Deep Trauma-Like Pain on Individuals and Their Loved Ones

Panic attacks assault the core of one’s sense of safety, transforming ordinary situations into visceral onslaughts of fear, disconnection, and exhaustion. This acute distress echoes trauma responses, frequently heightened by fears of recurrence, leading to hypervigilance, isolation, or somatic complaints. The aftershocks ripple through relationships, breeding frustration and helplessness, but recognizing this as a trauma-like ordeal unlocks pathways to empathetic, body-centered healing.

Panic Attacks Arise from Genetic, Environmental, and Contextual Factors

Panic attacks, often part of panic disorder, originate from a tangled web of genetic vulnerabilities, environmental stressors, and contextual disruptions, especially amid life’s transitional pressures.

Genetic Factors

Genetically, a substantial heritable link exists, with family history raising susceptibility through inherited neurochemical imbalances, brain circuitry variations, and predispositions to anxiety responses—genetics may contribute 30-50% to panic disorder risk. Individuals might carry sensitivities that, when triggered, amplify fear signals.

Environmental Factors

Environmentally, influences like chronic stress, caffeine or substance use, major life changes, and cultural pressures to suppress emotions heighten risk, often interacting with genetics to precipitate attacks. People frequently link triggers to overwhelming situations.

Contextual Factors

Contextually, interpersonal and situational elements are key: family conflicts or overprotectiveness can instill insecurity; control dynamics, where unpredictability breeds hyperarousal; and disruptions like sudden losses (e.g., bereavement, job loss, or abuse) correlate with onset, as unresolved distress manifests somatically.

Common Signs of Panic Attacks Often Mimic Medical Emergencies

Panic attacks manifest abruptly and intensely, frequently mistaken for heart attacks or other crises, with research noting their hallmark physical and emotional surges that peak within minutes. These symptoms arise from the body’s fight-or-flight overactivation, affecting 2-3% of adults annually, and can include dissociation (feeling detached from reality), surges of anger or irritability post-attack, and withdrawal to avoid triggers. The table below details key signs with descriptions and research backing:

Panic Attack SymptomDescriptionResearch Support
Racing Heart/PalpitationsSudden pounding or fluttering heartbeat, often feeling like a heart attack.Core symptom in 80-90% of attacks; triggers medical fears.
Shortness of BreathFeeling smothered, rapid or shallow breathing, or choking sensation.Reported in up to 70% of episodes; mimics respiratory distress.
Sweating/TremblingProfuse sweating, shaking, or chills despite normal temperature.Physical hallmarks in 60-80%; tied to adrenaline surge.
Dizziness/NauseaLightheadedness, vertigo, stomach upset, or faintness.Occurs in 50%; contributes to fear of fainting or dying.
Fear of Dying/Loss of ControlIntense dread of impending doom, going crazy, or dying.Psychological peak; dissociation may follow as detachment.
Post-Attack Withdrawal/AngerEmotional numbness, avoidance of triggers, or irritability after episodes.Leads to agoraphobia; anger from frustration in 20-30%.

Therapy Halves Panic Attack Recovery Timeline

Full recovery from panic disorder may span 1-5 years without support, but therapies like EMDR, somatic, or psychodynamic can shorten this to 3-12 months, with remission rates up to 70-80%. This guide spotlights validated methods to expedite healing, underscoring the importance of immediate, body-aware intervention; medication considered only if clinically appropriate.

Key Factors Shape Panic Attack Healing Timelines

Recovery timelines for panic attacks vary by factors like attack frequency (infrequent episodes resolve quicker), age of onset (earlier may prolong), comorbidities such as PTSD or depression, support networks, commitment to therapy, and access to specialized somatic care. Rapid response to treatment and unpacking triggers like trauma further customize and accelerate the path to freedom.

Treatment Boosts Recovery Rates and Speeds Healing Compared to No Intervention

Determination supports every route, but structured therapy outperforms untreated paths, boosting recovery from 20-40% to 60-80% and compressing timelines from 1-5+ years to 3-12 months for many. The table below contrasts core aspects:

AspectWith Treatment (e.g., EMDR, Somatic, Psychodynamic)Without Treatment
Recovery Rate60-80% significant remission20-40% spontaneous recovery
Timeline3-12 months for many, up to 2 years for full1-5+ years, often chronic
Relapse RiskLower (20-30%, reduced with maintenance)Higher (up to 50% recurrent)
Mortality/ComplicationsReduced with early interventionElevated, including agoraphobia or suicide risk
Quality of LifeRestored mobility, reduced fear, better functioningPersistent dread, avoidance, exhaustion

This illustrates therapy’s essential role in quicker, more robust recovery.

The Treatment Pathway Accelerates Healing from Panic Attacks

Approaches like EMDR, somatic therapy, or psychodynamic yield 70-80% improvement in weeks to months for acute relief, leading to 3-12 months for enduring remission via personalized, trauma-sensitive support. Therapy addresses manifestations and origins, including genetics, environmental loads, or contextual traumas, through phased development; medication if indicated by a clinician.

Beginning Stages: Building Safety and Stability (First 1-3 Months)

Early therapy stresses acute stabilization and somatic grounding, often starting with EMDR to process initial triggers while mapping attack precursors like genetic sensitivities or stressors. Individuals may dread sessions, but they provide a secure space to recount episodes—e.g., identifying dissociation patterns and introducing breathwork to regulate arousal, forming a base for trauma exploration.

Middle Stages: Unpacking and Rebuilding (3-6 Months)

As equilibrium builds, psychodynamic inquiry delves into underlying dynamics, reframing fear narratives from roots like control losses or environmental pressures via dialogue and body scans. If contextual events like grief sparked attacks, somatic techniques release stored tension, paired with relational work to mend isolation. Achievements include shorter episodes and gradual exposure, with lapses building tolerance for uncertainty.

Later Stages: Integration and Long-Term Growth (6-12+ Months)

Later phases embed resilience and forestall recurrence by weaving insights into existence. People resolve enduring sources, such as genetic traits through awareness practices or environmental shifts like stress buffers. Focus on embodiment, redefining safety beyond absence of attacks, and cultivating networks yields autonomy—e.g., navigating crowds calmly, deeper connections, and joyful pursuits—with follow-ups securing sustained ease. This evolves acute fear into empowered navigation.

Frequently Asked Questions About Panic Attacks

What Are the Common Signs of a Panic Attack?

Sudden intense fear with physical cues like rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, breathlessness, dizziness, chest pain, nausea, or dread of dying; may include numbness or detachment.

How Can Loved Ones Support Someone with Panic Attacks?

Offer calm presence, validate experiences without minimizing, encourage professional help softly, and practice grounding together. Steer clear of overprotecting; prioritize listening and joint coping.

What Are the Most Effective Treatments for Panic Attacks?

EMDR, somatic therapy, and psychodynamic approaches excel, often with lifestyle tweaks; group settings combat isolation. Severe cases may need inpatient support, with peak efficacy from early integration; meds if suitable.

Can Panic Attacks Be Prevented?

Fostering stress resilience, body awareness, supportive environs, and early trauma processing can lessen risks. Mitigating triggers like caffeine or isolation aids, though genetics temper total prevention.

Do Panic Attacks Resolve on Their Own?

Occasionally for mild cases, but typically they recur or intensify without aid, risking chronicity. Therapy profoundly betters prospects, reshaping episodic crises into surmountable hurdles.

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Misattunement
Anxiety, Healthy Relationships

Misattunement: Understanding, Healing, and Restoring Connection

Misattunement occurs when a caregiver, partner, or important figure in someone’s life fails to recognize, respond to, or accurately interpret emotional needs. While occasional misattunement is normal and often repairable, repeated or unresolved misattunement in childhood or adult relationships can create lasting effects on emotional regulation, attachment, and self-worth.

At Here Counseling, we see misattunement as a central theme in therapy because it directly shapes how people experience safety, intimacy, and trust. This article explains what misattunement means, how it affects relationships and mental health, and how therapy can help repair its impact.

What Is Misattunement?

Attunement describes the ability to sense and respond to another person’s emotional state with accuracy and empathy. When attunement is present, people feel understood, validated, and safe. Misattunement happens when those signals are missed, dismissed, or inaccurately interpreted.

Examples of misattunement include:

  • A parent laughing when a child is distressed.
  • A partner minimizing feelings instead of listening.
  • A caregiver being physically present but emotionally unavailable.

Misattunement is not simply neglect or abuse. It can occur in subtle, everyday moments when someone’s emotional needs are not met or are misread. Over time, repeated misattunement—especially in early childhood—can create patterns of insecurity and disconnection.

Misattunement in Childhood Development

Infants and young children rely on caregivers to regulate emotions and provide a sense of safety. When caregivers respond consistently and accurately, children develop secure attachment. When misattunement happens repeatedly without repair, it can lead to:

  • Anxious attachment: The child becomes hypervigilant, constantly seeking reassurance.
  • Avoidant attachment: The child withdraws, learning not to rely on others.
  • Disorganized attachment: The child experiences confusion, fear, or ambivalence toward caregivers.

Research in developmental psychology shows that early misattunement can affect the brain’s stress response, making it harder to regulate emotions later in life. Adults who experienced frequent misattunement as children may struggle with intimacy, fear rejection, or feel chronically unseen.

Misattunement in Adult Relationships

Misattunement does not end in childhood. It shows up in romantic partnerships, friendships, and professional settings. Common signs include:

  • Feeling dismissed when expressing emotions.
  • Arguments escalating because partners misinterpret intent.
  • A sense of “never being on the same page.”
  • Loneliness despite being in a relationship.

While everyone experiences occasional misattunement, repeated patterns can erode trust. For example, a partner who consistently overlooks emotional cues may unintentionally reinforce feelings of abandonment that originated in childhood.

Repair is possible when both people recognize the pattern, communicate openly, and work toward new ways of responding.

The Psychological Impact of Misattunement

Unresolved misattunement can contribute to a range of difficulties, including:

  • Low self-esteem: Feeling “too much” or “not enough.”
  • Difficulty regulating emotions: Overreacting or shutting down.
  • Interpersonal struggles: Fear of closeness or dependency.
  • Symptoms of trauma: Anxiety, depression, or dissociation.

Clients often describe misattunement as a sense of being invisible or unheard. Over time, this can shape identity, leading individuals to doubt their needs or suppress emotions to maintain connection.

How Therapy Helps Repair Misattunement

Therapy provides a corrective emotional experience where attunement is prioritized. A skilled therapist tracks both verbal and nonverbal cues to respond in ways that foster safety and understanding. This process can gradually repair the impact of past misattunement.

Key therapeutic approaches include:

1. Attachment-Based Therapy

Therapists explore early attachment patterns and how they affect current relationships. Recognizing these patterns helps clients understand why certain triggers or relational dynamics feel so powerful.

2. Trauma-Informed Care

For those who experienced chronic misattunement or emotional neglect, therapy may address trauma responses such as hypervigilance or emotional numbing. Trauma-informed approaches prioritize safety, pacing, and empowerment.

3. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is particularly effective for couples experiencing misattunement. The therapist helps partners recognize negative cycles and practice responding with empathy and presence instead of defensiveness.

4. Mindfulness and Somatic Work

Since misattunement often disrupts the connection between mind and body, practices that integrate awareness of physical sensations, breathing, and emotions can restore regulation and resilience.

Repairing Misattunement in Relationships

Healing misattunement is not only an individual process but also a relational one. Steps toward repair include:

  • Noticing cues: Paying attention to tone, body language, and facial expressions.
  • Clarifying intentions: Asking instead of assuming.
  • Acknowledging misses: Saying, “I think I misunderstood you—can we try again?”
  • Practicing presence: Putting aside distractions to be emotionally available.

Repair does not mean achieving perfect attunement. Instead, it means recognizing moments of misattunement and working to reconnect. Relationships become stronger when repair is possible.

Misattunement, Trauma, and Complex PTSD

For individuals with complex trauma, misattunement is often part of a broader history of neglect, emotional unavailability, or inconsistent caregiving. In these cases, misattunement may feel less like occasional misunderstanding and more like a deep, pervasive wound.

Symptoms may include:

  • Persistent feelings of emptiness.
  • Fear of abandonment or rejection.
  • Difficulty trusting others.
  • Intense shame or self-criticism.

Therapy in these cases focuses on building safety, slowly re-establishing trust, and helping clients reconnect with their authentic emotions.

How Here Counseling Can Help You Heal Misattunement

At Here Counseling, we understand how painful and isolating misattunement can feel. Many of our clients come in saying, “I don’t think my needs matter” or “I’ve never really felt understood.”

Our therapists create a compassionate space where your feelings are welcomed—not dismissed. We use approaches like somatic experiencing, attachment-focused therapy, and trauma-informed care to help you:

  • Reconnect with your emotions safely
  • Recognize and unlearn old patterns of disconnection
  • Build healthier, more secure relationships
  • Experience what it feels like to be deeply attuned to

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with gentle guidance, you can move from feeling unseen to truly known and valued.

FAQs on Misattunement

What is misattunement and how is it different from neglect?
Misattunement is when emotional needs are misunderstood or mismatched, while neglect is when needs are ignored altogether. Both hurt, but misattunement is often subtler and harder to recognize.

Can misattunement in childhood cause problems in adult relationships?
Yes. It can lead to difficulty trusting, fear of rejection, or a tendency to hide emotions in order to “keep the peace.”

What does “repairing misattunement” look like in therapy?
Repair means being accurately seen and understood, sometimes for the first time. A therapist helps rebuild trust in yourself and others through consistent attunement.

Can misattunement be healed without therapy?
Some healing can happen through supportive relationships, self-reflection, and self-compassion practices—but therapy often accelerates the process by offering intentional repair.

Are somatic techniques helpful for misattunement?
Yes. Since misattunement often impacts the nervous system, somatic approaches help release stored tension and increase feelings of safety.

How long does it take to feel safer after misattunement?
Healing timelines vary. Many clients notice subtle shifts within weeks, but deeper repair often takes months to years of consistent support.

What should I expect in my first session about misattunement?
You can expect a safe, nonjudgmental space to share your story. The therapist will listen closely, validate your experience, and help you begin understanding patterns.

Is misattunement the same as emotional neglect?
Not exactly. Misattunement is often unintentional and subtle, while neglect involves a complete absence of care. But both can leave lasting emotional wounds.

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Dissociative Disorders
Anxiety

Dissociative Disorders: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

Dissociative disorders are mental health conditions where a person’s thoughts, memories, identity, and sense of reality become disconnected. While occasional dissociation is common—for example, daydreaming or losing track of time—dissociative disorders are more severe, persistent, and disruptive to daily life. At Here Counseling, we help clients understand these conditions, recognize symptoms, and begin treatment that supports healing and stability.

What Are Dissociative Disorders?

Dissociative disorders fall under a group of psychiatric conditions characterized by disruptions in memory, identity, perception, or awareness. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the primary types include:

  • Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): Presence of two or more distinct identity states or “alters,” often accompanied by memory gaps.
  • Dissociative Amnesia: Inability to recall important autobiographical information, usually linked to trauma or stress.
  • Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder: Persistent feelings of detachment from oneself (depersonalization) or surroundings (derealization).

These conditions are usually linked to overwhelming stress, childhood trauma, or repeated exposure to abuse.

Common Symptoms of Dissociative Disorders

Symptoms vary depending on the specific type of dissociative disorder, but common experiences include:

  • Memory loss (amnesia): Gaps in recollecting events, personal history, or identity.
  • Identity confusion or alteration: Feeling like multiple identities exist within oneself or behaving as different “selves.”
  • Out-of-body experiences: Feeling detached from one’s body, voice, or actions.
  • Emotional detachment: Numbness, blunted affect, or feeling disconnected from emotions.
  • Unreal surroundings: Environments may feel dreamlike, foggy, or distorted.
  • Difficulty functioning: Impairments in relationships, work, or daily life tasks.

Because these symptoms overlap with anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociative disorders are often misdiagnosed or overlooked.

What are the Causes and Risk Factors of Dissociative Disorders?

Research indicates that dissociative disorders are strongly associated with trauma, particularly repeated or severe trauma in childhood. Other contributing factors include:

  • Chronic abuse or neglect: Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse during developmental years.
  • Exposure to war or natural disasters: Severe stressors that overwhelm coping mechanisms
  • Family instability: Growing up in an unsafe, chaotic, or emotionally invalidating environment.
  • Comorbid conditions: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, and major depression frequently co-occur.

Dissociation serves as a psychological defense mechanism, helping individuals distance themselves from overwhelming experiences. While protective in the short term, it becomes maladaptive when it persists into adulthood.

Diagnosis and Assessment

Diagnosis involves a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation. Clinicians use structured interviews, psychological testing, and diagnostic criteria outlined in the DSM-5. Tools often include:

  • SCID-D (Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders)
  • Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
  • Trauma history assessment

Because symptoms can mimic neurological disorders (like seizures or brain injury), medical evaluation may also be necessary to rule out physical causes.

Treatment Options

Treatment focuses on increasing stability, reducing dissociative episodes, and addressing underlying trauma. The most effective approaches include:

1. Psychotherapy

The foundation of treatment is trauma-focused psychotherapy, which helps clients process memories safely and integrate fragmented parts of the self. Approaches may include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Targets maladaptive thought patterns.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Improves emotional regulation and distress tolerance.
  • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Addresses traumatic memories.
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: Helps reconcile and integrate different parts of the self.

2. Medication

While there are no medications specifically for dissociative disorders, antidepressants, anxiolytics, or antipsychotics may help manage associated symptoms like depression, anxiety, or insomnia.

3. Grounding Techniques

Clients often benefit from grounding exercises that reconnect them to the present moment, such as focusing on physical sensations, breathing techniques, or sensory cues.

4. Supportive Care

Building strong therapeutic alliances, supportive relationships, and healthy coping strategies is critical for recovery.

Living with Dissociative Disorders

Recovery is a gradual process. Individuals often need long-term therapy and consistent support. Key strategies that help include:

  • Routine and structure: Predictable daily habits reduce stress and confusion.
  • Psychoeducation: Understanding how dissociation works empowers clients to recognize early signs.
  • Crisis planning: Developing coping strategies for episodes of amnesia or depersonalization.
  • Support networks: Family therapy and peer groups can provide stability and validation.

Dissociative Disorders vs. Other Conditions

It is important to distinguish dissociative disorders from related conditions:

  • Schizophrenia: Unlike DID, schizophrenia involves hallucinations and delusions, not identity shifts.
  • Bipolar disorder: Mood swings differ from dissociative identity changes.
  • PTSD: While PTSD may include dissociation, dissociative disorders involve more persistent and pervasive disruptions.

Accurate diagnosis ensures that treatment addresses the right condition.

When to Seek Help

Persistent memory gaps, episodes of losing time, or a sense of living “outside your body” are signs to seek professional evaluation. Left untreated, dissociative disorders can interfere with work, relationships, and overall well-being. Early intervention improves outcomes significantly.

At Here Counseling, we provide evidence-based care tailored to each client. Our therapists are trained in trauma-informed approaches and work collaboratively to promote safety, trust, and healing.

FAQs About Dissociative Disorders

1. What’s the difference between dissociation and psychosis?
Dissociation involves feeling detached from your identity, memory, or surroundings while usually knowing the experience is internal. Psychosis, by contrast, involves losing reality testing, such as experiencing delusions or persistent hallucinations. If you’re unsure which applies, a mental health clinician can help clarify.

2. Can dissociative disorders be caused by trauma?
Yes. Severe, repeated, or early trauma—especially interpersonal trauma in childhood—is a common cause of dissociation. That said, trauma isn’t the only factor, and not everyone who experiences trauma develops a dissociative disorder.

3. Is dissociation the same as daydreaming?
No. Daydreaming is typically voluntary and harmless, while dissociation tends to be automatic, distressing, or disruptive to daily life. Many people describe it as zoning out in a way that feels beyond their control.

4. Can children experience dissociative disorders?
Yes. Children can show dissociative symptoms, though it’s important to distinguish between normal imaginative play and concerning dissociation. A trauma history and noticeable impairment in functioning are key factors professionals consider.

5. Will medication cure dissociation?
There’s no single medication that cures dissociation. However, medication can help address related conditions like anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Psychotherapy is usually the central treatment approach.

6. What should I ask a therapist if I suspect dissociation?
Good questions include:

  • Do you have experience treating dissociation and trauma?
  • How do you pace therapy and focus on stabilization?
  • Do you collaborate with psychiatrists or other providers if needed?
  • How do you approach building safety and trust in sessions?

How long does treatment take?
Treatment varies widely. Some people notice progress in a few months, while others—especially those with complex trauma or dissociative identity disorder (DID)—may engage in therapy for years. The pace should always align with your sense of safety and readiness.

Where can I find peer support?
Online communities such as Reddit’s r/DID and similar lived-experience forums can provide peer support and validation. These spaces are best used as complements to professional treatment, not as replacements.

Final Thoughts

Dissociative disorders are complex but treatable conditions rooted in trauma. Understanding their symptoms, causes, and treatment options can help individuals and families seek the right support. At Here Counseling, we focus on trauma-informed care that fosters integration, resilience, and lasting recovery.

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executive with Poor sleep hygiene
Anxiety, Managing emotions

Terrible Sleep Habits? How Executives Can Stop Destructive Late Nights and Actually Rest

You’re exhausted, but when bedtime rolls around, they just can’t let go. Instead of drifting off, you linger in the wee hours, scrolling through your phones or binge-watching shows that don’t even hold your interest. It’s not that you don’t know better—you do. You feel the pull to sleep, to recharge for the demanding day ahead.

You’re looking for a sliver of time that’s just yours, free from emails, meetings, or family obligations.

Poor sleep hygiene for executives often stems from that craving for autonomy. It’s like they’re carving out a secret space to breathe, to feel like themselves again—the version that’s not always adapting to everyone else’s needs or expectations.

Yet, the moment they start to enjoy time away from work, guilt creeps in. “I should be sleeping,” they think. “This is a waste of time.” And so begins the internal battle, leaving them stuck in a hazy middle ground where they get neither sleep nor real enjoyment.

High-Achievers Often Sleep Terribly

You push through long days, making decisions that affect teams or entire companies, all while juggling personal responsibilities. By evening, you’re wiped out, but that quiet time after everyone else has gone to bed feels like the only chance to unwind without interruption. Maybe you tell yourself it’s just a quick check of social media or one more episode, but hours slip away.

The problem isn’t the activities themselves; it’s that they’re not truly fulfilling. You’re not laughing with friends, pursuing a hobby that lights you up, or even just daydreaming freely. Instead, it’s this numb scrolling, half-hearted and laced with self-reproach. You end up feeling more drained, frustrated with yourself for “wasting” time, and then the cycle repeats the next night.

Sleep suffers, energy dips, and that sharp edge you need for your professional life starts to dull. Over time, this constant push-pull can leave you feeling fragmented, like parts of yourself are unraveling under the strain of always putting duty first:

Poor Sleep Hygiene is Costing You a Lot

SymptomStatisticReference
Diminished Focus and Decision-MakingAfter five consecutive nights of partial sleep deprivation, participants showed reduced data gathering before making decisions and increased risk propensity.Effects of Total and Partial Sleep Deprivation on Reflection … – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7261660/
Lowered Creativity and InnovationDeclines in sleep are associated with lower individual creativity and productivity, significantly impacting the elaboration process in innovation.Workforce sleep and corporate innovation – ScienceDirect.com – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0048733325000204
Increased Irritability and Mood SwingsPoorer sleep quality is directly associated with increased irritability (β = 0.25, p < .001).Associations between sleep quality and irritability – PubMed Central – https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10978035/
Heightened Risk of BurnoutAt least 79% of UK employees experience burnout, with around 35% reporting extreme or high levels due to factors including lack of breaks.64 workplace burnout statistics you need to know for 2024 – Spill – https://www.spill.chat/mental-health-statistics/workplace-burnout-statistics
Strained RelationshipsPoor sleep leads to increased feelings of anger, which in turn negatively impacts perceptions of romantic partnerships.New psychology study uncovers the romantic consequences of poor … – https://www.psypost.org/new-psychology-study-uncovers-the-romantic-consequences-of-poor-sleep-quality/
Physical Health DeclineInsufficient sleep leads to increased incidences of cardiovascular morbidity and chances of diabetes mellitus, with about 1 in 3 US adults reporting not getting enough rest.What Are Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency?
Reduced Productivity and PerformanceFatigue from poor sleep costs US companies around $136.4 billion annually in productivity losses.The Link Between Sleep and Job Performance – Sleep Foundation – https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/good-sleep-and-job-performance
Elevated Anxiety and DepressionParticipants averaging 6 hours or less of sleep per night are about 2.5 times more likely to have frequent mental distress, including anxiety and depression symptoms.Effect of Inadequate Sleep on Frequent Mental Distress – CDC – https://www.cdc.gov/pcd/issues/2021/20_0573.htm
Hindered Career ProgressionNearly 25% of US adults suffer from insomnia, often experiencing excessive sleepiness that impacts work performance and career opportunities.When Insomnia Threatens Your Career: Finding Balance Between … – https://wesper.co/blogs/wesper-journal/when-insomnia-threatens-your-career-finding-balance-between-sleep-and-work
Compromised Overall Well-BeingLack of sleep is compromising the mental health of 78% of adults, contributing to reduced overall well-being.Lack Of Sleep Is Compromising The Mental Health Of 78% Of Adults – https://neurowellnesstms.com/lack-of-sleep-is-compromising-the-mental-health-of-78-of-adults/

Poor Sleep Hygiene Is the Result of Unmet Needs

What if we flipped the script and saw this late-night resistance not as a flaw, but as a signal from your innermost self? Deep down, you’re craving freedom. You want a moment to simply exist without the constant adjustments to please or perform for others. It’s a chance for your creative, spontaneous side to emerge uninterrupted.

This is called your “creative self” and it’s as essential to your brain as food is to your body. This is the impulse you feel, especially after a demanding week, to indulge yourself, to play, to do something that’s not for anyone else but you. Sometimes it’s wanting to create, explore, connect, or simply enjoy.

The “creative self” passively repairs your mind

Accessing the Creative Self is the way we flush out the content of the day, daydream, and often, we passively find solutions to hard problems. It’s a mode that restores our energy, and is essential for high level creativity and problem solving. It’s what some people call “active rest”, and neglecting it has detrimental consequences for your body and mind.

Connecting with this aspect of yourself is like coming up for air in competitive swimming. That breath might feel like it costs you speed in the moment. But skip it too often, and your form starts to falter. Your strokes weaken. Eventually, you’re gasping and collapsing from lack of oxygen.

Or think of an F1 driver eyeing a pit stop. To a rookie, it seems like a frustrating delay that slows the race. But a seasoned pro knows refusing to change those worn tires will lead to blowouts, spins, or worse. It could derail the whole lap.

Similarly, a marathon runner can’t skip hydration breaks thinking they’ll save time. Dehydration leads to cramps and slowdowns. It could mean dropping out of the race altogether.

In the same way, you might not realize just how much denying yourself that exhale—to play, to reward yourself freely—is costing you. It clouds your focus at work. It strains your relationships. That unmet need to create and enjoy doesn’t vanish. It builds up, and if not listened to, can create larger problems down the road like angry blow ups, burnout, avoidance of important problems, relationship stress and chronic pain.

Honor Needs Openly for Balance

Imagine honoring that need openly, without the sneakiness or shame. Picture building it right into your week—like scheduling an evening walk where your mind can wander, or dedicating time to a creative pursuit that brings a genuine smile.

Treat it as non-negotiable, just like a key meeting or a workout. As Winnecott, a British psychologist, once observed, “It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.”

The Emotional Habit that’s Impacting Your Sleep

This pattern is a step-by-step emotional process where your drive to be always productive collides with a quieter, more authentic urge for down time, leading to an exhausting back-and-forth that gives you neither. This often traces back to early habits of always putting others first, shaping a pattern where your own needs feel secondary.

Here’s what’s unfolding inside:

  1. Constant Demands Build Up: Your day starts with a whirlwind of responsibilities—leading teams, solving problems, supporting family—where you’re always tuning yourself to fit what others need. It’s like wearing a mask of efficiency and reliability, but over time, this nonstop accommodation leaves little room for your own unfiltered thoughts or whims. By nightfall, you’re craving a break from this role, a space where you don’t have to adjust or perform.
  2. Personal Space Rebellion Emerges: As the house quiets down, that suppressed part of you stirs—a need for autonomy, for time that’s purely yours to let your mind drift or explore without agenda. It’s not laziness; it’s your creative self pushing back, seeking a moment of uninterrupted being where you can feel whole and alive, not fragmented by constant demands.
  3. Self-Doubt and Fragmentation Intrude: Just as you start to relax into it, the critical voice kicks in: “You should be productive or sleeping—this is selfish.” This clash creates an inner fracture, where guilt amplifies the tension, turning what could be restorative into something anxious and draining. You feel scattered, like pieces of yourself are pulling in opposite directions, leading to that numb, unproductive limbo.
  4. Grey Zone Stalemate Persists: Stuck in the middle, you default to safe but empty habits like doom-scrolling, which mimic freedom without delivering real joy or rest. The tug-of-war drags on, eroding your energy and leaving you frustrated, as neither side “wins”—you don’t get the sleep you need, nor the genuine recharge your inner self is begging for.
  5. Guilt wins: You finally tell yourself you’ve really messed up, and that you need to be better about getting to bed at a good time. You chastise yourself, and head off to bed dreading how tired you’ll be tomorrow, wishing you hadn’t been so selfish… only to start at #1 again in the morning.

Guilt Blocks Progress, Not Your Need for Down Time

The biggest hurdle to your sleep?

It’s NOT your need for down time.

This is where we need to get it right. Your need to relax and recoup, to access your creative self, is not the problem. The problem is that you’re not respecting your valid need for a break to yourself, and when you do, it’s crowded out by guilt.

That nagging guilt. It whispers that taking time for yourself is indulgent, that real leaders push through without “frivolous” breaks. Maybe it stems from early lessons about hard work equaling worth, or from seeing colleagues who seem to never slow down. Whatever the root, it keeps you locked in the tug-of-war, afraid that embracing your need to just be means dropping the ball elsewhere. But here’s the truth: ignoring that need doesn’t make it go away; it just manifests in ways that harm you more, like poor sleep, burnout, and that sense of inner unraveling.

Guilt is that root problem. If you didn’t have guilt, you might plan a reasonable time to enjoy yourself. Even a half hour doing something you truly enjoy *without guilt* is rewarding. But waffling back and forth all night leaves you both unsatisfied and more exhausted.

Guilty Self-Talk vs. Healthy Alternatives

Guilty PhraseHealthy Alternative
“I should be sleeping instead of this.”“I deserve this moment to unwind and recharge.”
“This time is such a waste— I need to be more disciplined.”“Taking time for myself now will make me sharper tomorrow.”
“Why do I always sabotage myself like this?”“It’s okay to honor my need for autonomy.”
“Real professionals don’t need personal time; they just power through.”“Play and rest are essential for my long-term success.”

Depth Therapy Offers Support

Therapy offers a gentle path forward. In these conversations, you explore the origins of that inner conflict in a safe, supportive space—no judgments, just curiosity. It’s about uncovering why you’ve learned to prioritize accommodation over your own creative flow. It’s also about rediscovering the freedom to exist without constant interruption or self-reproach.

You’ll learn to quiet the critical voice and build a stronger sense of permission, allowing your true self to surface without the anxiety of fragmentation. Many find that as they delve deeper, sleep improves naturally, energy returns, and life feels less like a constant pull and more like a harmonious flow. Reaching out to a therapist could be the kindest step you take for yourself.

FAQ

What causes poor sleep hygiene for busy professionals?

For busy professionals who struggles to sleep at the end of the day, poor hygiene is often a conflict between daily demands and the need for personal autonomy, leading to guilt and unproductive habits that disrupt sleep.

How can professionals incorporate downtime without guilt?

Start by scheduling short, intentional breaks for enjoyable activities earlier in the evening, treating them as essential for overall well-being and performance.

When should someone consider psychotherapy for sleep issues?

Consider psychotherapy if guilt around self-care feels persistent and impacts sleep, work, or relationships, as it helps explore and resolve underlying conflicts.

What are quick ways to improve sleep hygiene?

Establish a consistent bedtime routine, limit screen time before bed, and create a calm sleep environment free from distractions.

How does poor sleep affect professional performance?

It can lead to reduced focus, decision-making errors, and increased stress, ultimately impacting productivity and relationships.

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Anxiety, Managing emotions, Parenting, Somatic Exercises

Your Teen Overwhelmed by Back-to-School Anxiety? 3 Signs, 3 Parenting Pitfalls, and 3 Ways to Help Your Teen Succeed

Picture your teen pacing the kitchen the night before school starts, clutching their stomach and snapping at small questions, their usual spark dimmed by worry. As summer ends and routines resume in Pasadena, anxiety surges, overwhelming many adolescents with restlessness or tears. Back-to-school transitions stir deep fears in teens, from social pressures to academic demands.

In this post, we’ll explore 3 common symptoms teens show from back-to-school anxiety, explaining each with real examples and internal dynamics via interpersonal neurobiology and adolescent development research. Then, we’ll cover common parent missteps that heighten anxiety and effective strategies to support without removing stressors. Understanding these can lead to less tension at home and more resilient kids—let’s begin.

Sign #1: Physical Complaints Signal Back-to-School Anxiety

Parents often notice teens complaining of headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension as school approaches, turning mornings into battles of persuasion. One Reddit parent shared, “My 13-year-old woke up with stomach cramps every day last week, saying ‘I can’t face school’—it’s clearly nerves about new teachers.” Social media posts describe “teens faking sick to skip the bus,” with symptoms like nausea peaking during back-to-school prep, disrupting family flow. These physical signs can linger into afternoons, with teens rubbing temples or curling up, signaling deep unease.

These bodily responses reflect a nervous system on high alert. Anxiety triggers the body’s stress response, releasing cortisol that manifests as pain. This is partially because the brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for regulation, is still maturing. Research from a 2023 CDC study shows 1 in 3 teens experience somatic symptoms from school-related stress, as the developing brain prioritizes survival over comfort. Internally, they’re wrestling with perceived threats—new social hierarchies or academic rigor—needing a safe outlet to process.

Sign #2: Avoidance Behaviors Reflect School Anxiety Struggles

Some teens resist attending school, faking illness or begging to stay home, transforming daily routines into emotional standoffs. A parent on Reddit detailed, “My 15-year-old refuses to get out of bed, claiming ‘I’m too sick’—it’s really panic about cliques and tests every morning.” X examples include “teens melting down at drop-off,” with avoidance escalating to missed days, leaving parents torn between discipline and concern. This can extend to avoiding homework or social events, creating a ripple of tension.

From an interpersonal neurobiology lens, avoidance stems from the amygdala hijacking the brain’s executive functions, perceiving school as a danger zone due to unfamiliarity or past bullying. Adolescent development research from a 2023 McLean Hospital study indicates hormonal shifts heighten this fight-or-flight response in 5-10% of anxious teens, as the still-developing prefrontal cortex struggles to override fear. Internally, they’re stuck in a loop of dread, needing a bridge back to safety without force.

Sign #3: Irritability Means Hidden Back-to-School Anxiety

Anxiety often surfaces as irritability, with teens snapping at siblings or parents over trivial issues, disrupting home harmony. One Reddit parent recounted, “My 14-year-old explodes after school—yelling about homework or a messy room, but it’s really ‘what if I fail?’ fears spilling out.” Social media posts describe “teens slamming doors post-bus,” with daily “mood swings” from unspoken worries, leaving families navigating a minefield of emotions.

Interpersonally, this reflects an immature emotional regulation system, where the limbic system’s reactivity outpaces prefrontal control, per a 2023 APA study noting a 30% rise in teen irritability during school transitions. Developmentally, puberty’s hormonal surge amplifies this, turning anxiety into a pressure cooker that bursts with frustration. Internally, they’re overwhelmed by new demands, needing a release valve for pent-up stress.

Common Parent Missteps That Worsen Teen Anxiety Symptoms

Well-meaning parents can unintentionally heighten teen anxiety through reactive or protective responses, creating unintended harm. These missteps often stem from a desire to alleviate distress but end up reinforcing dependency or fear.

1. Over-Functioning and Babying Teens

Taking over tasks like completing homework or driving them to avoid school amplifies reliance, as a 2023 Mott Children’s study found 25% increased dependence when parents over-function. For example, a parent might say, “I’ll do your project—don’t worry,” leaving the teen feeling incapable, deepening anxiety about facing challenges alone.

2. Becoming Cold and Punitive

Responding with harshness, like “Stop whining and go to school!” triggers more fear, per a 2023 Bryson-led study showing 40% increased dysregulation with punishment. A parent might ground a teen for avoidance, escalating tension—imagine a teen retreating further, feeling rejected instead of supported.

3. Ignoring Emotional Cues

Dismissing complaints with “It’s just nerves, get over it” invalidates their experience, per a 2024 AACAP report linking ignored emotions to 30% higher stress. For instance, brushing off a stomachache might push a teen to bottle up fears, worsening internal chaos.

These pitfalls trap teens in anxiety loops, where overprotection or punishment erodes their ability to self-regulate, leaving parents frustrated and teens more overwhelmed.

Effective Parent Strategies to Support Anxious Teens Without Removing Stressors

Instead of fixing problems, parents can empower teens to navigate anxiety with supportive strategies, fostering resilience and independence while maintaining safety.

1. Offer a Calm Presence for Emotional Regulation

Be a steady anchor, modeling deep breaths during overwhelm to integrate their nervous system—try “Let’s breathe together when it feels big.” A 2024 Compass Health study shows 40% reduced avoidance with this co-regulation, helping teens feel secure to face school.

2. Validate Feelings and Co-Create Solutions

Sit with their emotions, saying “This is tough—how can we tackle it?” to co-create plans, per a 2024 AACAP guide cutting stress by 30% with autonomy. For example, brainstorm a morning checklist together, giving them ownership while easing transition fears.

3. Encourage Structured Outlets for Expression

Guide them to outlets like journaling or sports, offering “Want to write it out or kick a ball?” A 2024 Cedars-Sinai report notes 35% fewer outbursts with structured release, building skills to process anxiety independently.

Parenting StrategyExampleEffect on ChildReference
Offer a Calm Presence“Let’s take deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed about school.”40% reduced avoidance2024 Compass Health study
Validate Feelings and Co-Create“I see you’re worried—let’s plan your morning together.”30% stress reduction2024 AACAP guide
Encourage Structured Outlets“Want to journal or play soccer to unwind after school?”35% fewer outbursts2024 Cedars-Sinai study
Over-Functioning and Babying“I’ll do your project—don’t worry.”25% increased dependence2023 Mott Children’s study
Becoming Cold and Punitive“Stop whining and go to school!”40% increased dysregulation2023 Bryson-led study
Ignoring Emotional Cues“It’s just nerves, get over it.”30% higher stress2024 AACAP report

Guidelines for Seeking Therapy: When Teen Anxiety Warrants Professional Support

Normal anxiety fades; persistent symptoms need attention. Seek therapy if: Symptoms last over 2 weeks, disrupting school or sleep (e.g., refusal, insomnia); physical complaints persist; or self-harm thoughts emerge, per 2023 AACAP guidelines. Early intervention prevents escalation—Pasadena therapists like Here Counseling offer specialized support.

Supporting Teen Transitions: Therapy Eases Back-to-School Anxiety

These challenges are growth opportunities—understanding fosters empathy. At Here Counseling in Pasadena, we help families through somatic therapy for calm integration.

Ready to support your teen? Contact Here Counseling today—brighter days await.

FAQ: Teen Back-to-School Anxiety Symptoms

What are common anxiety symptoms in teens returning to school?

Common symptoms include physical complaints, avoidance behaviors, and irritability; they arise from anxiety overwhelming the nervous system during transitions.

How does anxiety cause physical symptoms in teens?

Anxiety triggers bodily distress like headaches as the nervous system overreacts; research shows this peaks during school stress, needing calm support to ease.

Why do anxious teens avoid school?

Avoidance stems from anxiety viewing school as a threat; developmental studies link this to fear responses, eased by gradual exposure with empathy.

What causes teen irritability from school anxiety?

Irritability is anxiety’s overflow from stress; adolescent brain changes amplify this, requiring patience and outlets to restore balance.

When to seek therapy for teen back-to-school anxiety?

Seek therapy if symptoms persist 2+ weeks, disrupt daily life, or include self-harm; early help like counseling prevents escalation per AACAP guidelines.


Certified Somatic Therapy in Pasadena
Addy Sonneland, Somatic Therapy

Hi, I’m Addy. I work with teens and families to break cycles of anxiety. Helping teens heal from anxiety means working on more than just thoughts—it’s also about teaching their bodies to feel safe and regulated. Using somatic therapy techniques, I guide teens in noticing and shifting what’s happening inside, so they can break free from old patterns and discover their innate strengths. We work together with their families to create new ways of relating and supporting each other, building patterns that serve them for a lifetime of confidence, resilience, and connection.

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Anxiety, Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

Why Conflict Feels Like Danger: How to Avoid the 4 Survival Modes in Your Relationships

Conflict with someone you care about leaves you overwhelmed. You shut down and can’t find any words. Or you raise your voice louder than you wanted to. Whatever the reaction, you feel out of control—and afterward, you’re left wondering: what just happened? 

It can feel inevitable—like you always hit a point in your relationships where something takes over and you disconnect. This is what happens when your body goes into survival mode.

But you don’t have to stay stuck there.

You can begin to understand what’s happening in your body—and take steps toward a new response. Let’s explore what survival mode looks like, how it impacts your relationships, and how you can begin to change these patterns with compassion and care.

What is Survival Mode?

Imagine this:

Your partner raises their voice, and you immediately shut down. Or a car cuts you off in traffic, and suddenly you’re yelling at your partner in the passenger seat. These are examples of your nervous system activating your survival response.

When we perceive danger—whether physical or emotional—our bodies automatically respond. This is called the acute stress response, or more commonly, survival mode. It’s a built-in, physiological reaction to help us survive a threat. Our sympathetic nervous system floods the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and epinephrine, leading to responses like a racing heart, hypervigilance, or shutting down completely. (Simply Psychology). 

Research has shown that there are four common acute stress or ‘survival mode’ responses when our bodies perceive a threat: flight, fight, freeze, or fawn. These responses are the nervous system’s way of protecting you—designed to help you avoid danger and return to a sense of safety and calm. 

Ready to Break the Cycle of Conflict?

Explore how therapy can help you move past survival mode and into connection. Work with a compassionate Los Angeles therapist who understands trauma and relationships.

4 Most Common Survival Mode Responses: 

Let’s take a closer look at what each response can look like—both physically and emotionally.

Fight

This response pushes against the perceived threat. It can feel like:

  • Clenched jaw or tight muscles
  • Urge to yell, throw, or hit something
  • Sudden, intense anger
  • Feeling knots in your stomach
  • Mentally attacking the other person (or yourself)

In relationships, it might show up as criticism, yelling, or defensiveness.

Flight

This response tries to escape the danger, physically or emotionally. It can look like:

  • Restlessness or panic
  • Leaving the room (or relationship) mid-conflict
  • Avoiding conversations that feel tense
  • Feeling trapped, and needing space—now

Freeze

This is the body’s “shut down” mode. It can feel like:

  • Going blank or dissociating
  • Inability to speak or respond
  • Physically freezing in place
  • Numbness or disconnection from the moment

You might walk away from a conversation and not even remember what was said.

Fawn

This response tries to please the perceived threat in order to avoid danger. It can show up as:

  • People-pleasing or over-apologizing
  • Dismissing your own needs to keep the peace
  • Going along with something you don’t agree with
  • Feeling anxious to prevent conflict before it starts

Often, this pattern develops when relational conflict historically felt unsafe.

Why Do Conflict Patterns Repeat?

A ‘stressful’ situation for ourselves means that the environmental demands exceed our perceived ability to manage the demands. Our bodies are not great timekeepers. If something today feels like a past threat—even unconsciously—your body may respond as though it’s still in danger. This is part of what makes trauma and early relational wounds so impactful: our nervous system learns what feels dangerous and adapts accordingly.

For instance, if you were bullied on the playground in fourth grade, your body might associate certain tones of voice or group settings with danger. Fast forward to adulthood: your coworker raises their voice, and your body instantly activates the same response—maybe rage, shutdown, or people-pleasing—even though the present situation isn’t truly dangerous.

Our survival response is designed to protect us, automatically activating in the face of perceived danger. However, past experiences can cause this threat response to be triggered in situations that aren’t actually unsafe. When this happens, our bodies react as if we’re under threat—even when we’re not and create misunderstanding and disconnection.

Four ways survival mode impacts conflict in your relationships.

Here are four ways these patterns might play out in your relationships:

Fight: You feel like you can’t control your anger.

Conflict can trigger an intense urge to lash out—verbally or emotionally. Anger, in itself, isn’t bad. It’s often trying to protect a boundary. But when it feels disproportionate or automatic, it might be a survival response from your nervous system.

Flight: You leave.

You might physically leave the room—or emotionally check out. You may even leave relationships quickly at the first sign of tension. It’s not that you don’t care. Your body is trying to protect you from danger.

Freeze: You get stuck.

You can’t find the words. Your mind goes blank. Your body feels numb or disconnected. Later, you might wonder, Why didn’t I say anything? This is your nervous system hitting the pause button to keep you safe.

Fawn: You don’t express your own needs.

To keep the peace, you give in. You prioritize the other person’s comfort, even if it costs you your voice. Your body has learned that being agreeable is safer than being authentic.

When the stress response is activated too often, we experience negative physiological consequences. And as shown above, they can negatively impact our relationships. Because these responses are automatic, it’s easy to feel helpless. You might experience a sense that you just can’t control this! This feeling makes sense. And I want to offer hope – our bodies can relearn. 

Three tips for what to do when you go into survival mode.

When our bodies are in long-term states of stress, anything not needed for immediate survival is placed on the back burner. Things like digestion, immune system, and tissue repair are temporarily paused. The goal is to develop awareness of response activation and then bring yourself back to baseline. 

These responses are not your fault—and you are not stuck. Your body can relearn new ways of responding. Here are three starting points:

Understand your triggers.

Begin by getting curious. One way to start to understand your triggers is to recognize when your body is in a heightened state. This requires awareness of the physiological state of your body. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • When do I feel out of control of my reactions?
  • What patterns do I notice in my body during the day?
  • When did this feeling start? What happened just before?

This is just a list to begin noticing how your body feels throughout the ebbs and flows of each day. After you start noticing activation in your body, start to wonder – when did this start? What might have caused this? By becoming aware of your body’s cues, you can begin to gently trace them back to possible triggers—and offer yourself more understanding and choice.

Come up with a plan. 

Now that you’ve started to notice when your body feels heightened and the trigger it might be connected to, we can start to come up with a plan. 

It’s okay if your body reacts. What we can grow in is our ability to self-regulate. The goal isn’t to never get activated. It’s to build tools to regulate once you are. Try:

  • A few deep breaths or grounding exercises
  • A short walk outside
  • Calling someone who helps you feel safe
  • Gentle movement like yoga or stretching
  • Journaling or naming your emotions out loud

Find support.

Relearning your stress responses takes time. It is best done in connection, not isolation. Whether it’s a trusted friend, therapist, or your relationship with a Divine other, healing grows in safe relationships.

Ask yourself:

  • Who helps me feel grounded?
  • What would it be like to share what I’m learning?
  • Where could I get support in this process?

What works may change over time. That’s okay. The most important part is that as your awareness grows, so does your ability to offer your body more possibilities. More safety, more options, more home.

These stress responses tell a story—a story your body is still holding. And while they’ve served a purpose, they don’t have to define your future.

You want to better understanding how survival mode is impacting your relationships.

I’d love to walk with you. You can relearn safety. You can build new patterns. And you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out today. 

Trauma therapy in Pasadena with Julia Wilson, MA

Julia Wilson, MA

Trauma Therapy in Pasadena

Sources:

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Anxiety, Healthy Relationships, Managing emotions

People Pleasing? How to Make Your Own Decisions When It Causes Conflict

Sometimes, you can’t seem to make a decision for yourself. It’s easy, instead, to wonder about the rippling effects your choice will have on others. You lie awake at night with racing thoughts, you do a bunch of research, you might even ask ChatGPT, but you wish you could make decisions painlessly. This can leave us wondering what to do when others express an opinion about our lives. You feel out of control, and like whatever you decide is a lose-lose. This feeling is normal, and it’s telling us something. 

The real problem is not that you can’t decide; it’s that obstacles are getting in the way. Making a decision is about listening to yourself and trusting your communication with others. When done well, it doesn’t involve exorbitant effort. Decision-making can look painless. Let us explore obstacles to decision-making and then ideas for making your own decisions so that you can find peace today. 

Break Free from People-Pleasing

Learn to set healthy boundaries and make confident decisions—therapy tailored to your unique journey.

Three obstacles to making your own decisions

We all make hundreds of decisions every day. But sometimes we find ourselves stuck with a certain decision. Something is interfering with your intuition. Here are 3 categories for the obstacles that are blocking you from making the decision: 

1. You fear disappointment from people you are close to.

It’s a terrible feeling to disappoint someone you care about. Behind this feeling is a fear that people will leave. You feel that you cannot make this decision without losing people you care about. When we are scared, people will abandon us, decisions become paralyzing. 

2. You fear disappointing yourself.

What if you make a decision and it turns out horribly? You’ve probably thought of this, of course. Your mind might run on all the terrible ways this thing could turn out. It feels as if you make the ‘wrong’ decision, you will not only have failed at this specific thing, but you will prove to yourself that you are a failure. This feeling is shame. When we feel the pressure of shame rise, it interferes with our ability to make a decision. 

3. You’re checked out.

You’re worried you’ll make a decision, and things won’t work out again. You’ll put yourself out there, and you’ll be disappointed, so you don’t decide. Instead, you tell yourself you don’t care. You’re left feeling disconnected from yourself and what you really want. When we are unable to name and claim our desires, making a decision is difficult. 

Three ideas for how to make your own decisions

You want to be more confident in your decision-making process because the process you’re using right now just isn’t working. Here are a few ideas to help you think through your own process for making difficult decisions when they cause you conflict:

1. Connect to yourself

We make decisions from the people that we are. This means that our decisions are deeply connected to our values and desires. Sometimes we are consciously aware of our values and desires, but other times they operate unconsciously. This means that we need to ground ourselves in order to be more connected to those values and desires. It might feel silly, but I believe some of these practices, practices that help you connect with yourself, can play a helpful role in making a decision. 

What are the ways that you connect with yourself? Here is a list of a few ideas for you to try:

  • Mindfulness
  • Journaling
  • Making art
  • Listening to or playing music 
  • Gathering around a meal with loved ones
  • Walking or other forms of exercise
  • Planting a garden

As you engage with practices that connect you to yourself, notice how you are feeling and what you want. If you experience barriers to connecting with yourself, what are they? How might you acknowledge them without judgment and remove them? 

2. Accept the ambivalence and work through it

Often, decisions come with a flood of emotions:

  • Panic
  • Fear
  • Self-doubt
  • Anxiety 
  • Excitement
  • Dread

These emotions might impact our sleep. You might feel like you have a shorter fuse. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common. In fact, they are very normal. What’s important is that you learn to practice an acceptance of these feelings

Often, when this flood of emotions comes, we feel a push and pull of excitement and dread. Ambivalence is like you are at a crossroads, and both paths have wildflowers and weeds. Ambivalence is often heightened when a decision you are making causes conflict. 

If you are conflict-avoidant, the mere possibility of conflict may sway you towards a certain side of the decision. If the type of conflict the outcome of this decision might cause seems particularly stressful, the anticipation of these feelings is likely impacting your experience of making the decision. 

What you can do:

In all of our decision-making processes, whether or not we acknowledge them, we experience certain feelings throughout. One way to ensure that we both honor our feelings and help them guide us healthily is through the acknowledgement and acceptance of these feelings. As you reflect honestly on what ambivalent emotions you may be feeling, pretend that each feeling is a signal. What might it be signaling you towards? For example, if one of the feelings that comes up is fear, specifically fear of a loved one’s response, the signal might be to create a plan for how to communicate either the fear or the decision outcome to that person.

3. Plan how you will share your decision within difficult relationships

You might dread telling people your decision, and creating conflict feels like the last thing you want to do. But here’s why it’s important and how you can do it. 

Plan out how you are going to boundary your conversation. These boundaries involve time – how much time are you willing to have a conversation for? These boundaries also involve what you are going to communicate. How much information are you going to share? Do you want to let them into your decision-making process or simply tell them the outcome? You get to choose the medium of communication. In a professional relationship, does this require an email or a phone call? What about a more personal relationship? Do you want to communicate this in person or over FaceTime? 

Reclaim Your Voice & Choices

Struggling with conflict from saying “no”? Our therapists help you prioritize your needs without guilt.

Quick Conversation Tips to Consider:

  • Before the conversation, check in with your emotional readiness—are you regulated enough to hold your ground without engaging in old patterns? 
  • Remind yourself how you arrived at this decision and the hard work you put into it. Tell yourself that you worked hard and can trust yourself. 
  • Think about what you might need after the conversation. Do you need time to decompress? A walk? Support from someone else? Planning for post-conversation care can help you recover and reset.

It’s okay to feel anxious and overwhelmed by the decision-making process. If you’re feeling scared to share your decision with people you care about, you’re not alone. I help people just like you. We can help you learn how to navigate the intense emotions that come with decisions that cause conflict. Click below and schedule a free consultation today. 

Julia Wilson, Trauma Therapy in Pasadena

Sources: Psychology Today Staff. (2025). Decision-making. Decision-Making. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/decision-making

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Anxiety, Neurology, Podcast, Somatic Exercises

[VIDEO] Understanding Your Body’s Signals: A Neurologic Physical Therapist’s Insights on Pain, Healing, and Hope

Living with unexplained dizziness, tremors, or weakness can feel like a daily battle. You might wake up dreading the moment you turn your head, fearing that spinning sensation will return. Or perhaps your hands shake when you reach for a cup, and you wonder if it’s all in your head—or if something’s seriously wrong. These symptoms can make you feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for answers.

At Casa Colina Hospital in Pomona, neurologic physical therapist Dan Humphrey works with people just like you, helping them navigate neurologic and somatic symptoms to reclaim their lives. In a recent podcast, Dan shared profound insights about how our bodies process pain, the power of neuroplasticity, and the surprising connection between mind and body. Here are the key lessons to help you understand your symptoms and find a path forward.

Your Body Is Speaking—Are You Listening?

Discover how neurologic physical therapy can decode your pain, promote healing, and restore hope to your journey.

Lesson 1: Your Brain Can Rewire Itself to Heal

If you’re struggling with symptoms like dizziness or weakness after a stroke, brain injury, or even stress, it’s easy to feel like your body is broken. But Dan emphasizes the incredible power of neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to adapt and rewire itself. “We’re really relying on the neuroplasticity of the brain, the ability of the brain to change,” Dan explains. This means that even if part of your brain is damaged, nearby areas can step in to help, like borrowing strength from a neighboring bridge strut when one is weakened.

What This Means for You: Your symptoms don’t have to define you forever. Through targeted exercises and strategies, a neurologic physical therapist can guide your brain to form new pathways. For example, if you’ve lost strength in one hand after a stroke, practicing tasks like writing with that hand—even when it feels exhausting—can retrain your brain. Ask yourself: What small, meaningful task (like holding a pen or walking to the mailbox) could you practice to start this rewiring process?

Lesson 2: Pain and Symptoms Often Have Emotional Roots

You might feel your symptoms physically—shaking, dizziness, or numbness—but Dan’s work reveals that these can stem from emotional or psychological stress, especially in conditions like functional neurologic disorder (FND). He describes a patient who felt unsteady months after an ear infection cleared, driven by fear that moving her head would trigger vertigo again. “This was fear avoidant behavior,” Dan notes, treated through gradual exposure to movement, like picking up objects from the floor. This isn’t “all in your head” in a dismissive way—your brain’s fear response is amplifying real physical sensations.

What This Means for You: If you avoid activities like bending over or going outside because you’re scared of triggering symptoms, your brain might be stuck in a protective mode. This doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real; it means your nervous system is on high alert. Working with a therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or habituation techniques can help you safely face these triggers. Try this: Next time you feel a symptom flare, pause and ask, “Am I feeling anxious or unsafe?” Naming the emotion can be a first step to calming your body’s response.

Lesson 3: Meaningful Goals Make Healing Possible

Rehabilitation can feel grueling, especially when symptoms make everyday tasks daunting. Dan stresses that healing happens when you have a reason to push through. He worked with a patient with a spinal cord injury who loved fishing, so therapy focused on getting him back on a boat—not fixing his injury entirely, but enabling what mattered most. “How can we still get you doing the things that you care about?” Dan asks. This salience, or personal importance, drives your brain to adapt.

What This Means for You: Think about what you miss most—writing a note to a loved one, playing with your kids, or even gardening. These goals give your brain a “why” to rewire itself. Share these with your therapist so they can tailor exercises to what lights you up. For instance, if you want to write birthday cards again, practicing hand movements with that goal in mind can feel less like a chore and more like a step toward joy. What’s one activity you’d love to reclaim, and how could you start practicing it today?

Lesson 4: Your Mind and Body Are Inseparable

You might feel frustrated when doctors can’t find a clear cause for your symptoms on a scan, or worse, suggest it’s “psychological.” Dan challenges this outdated separation of mind and body, rooted in historical ideas from philosophers like Plato. Modern science shows “very real interactions between the mind and body that require treatment in both senses,” he says. For example, a woman with tremors had no physical cause on tests, but her symptoms eased when Dan helped her face feared movements in a safe space, reducing her brain’s stress response.

What This Means for You: Your symptoms might feel purely physical, but stress, trauma, or anxiety can amplify them. This isn’t your fault—it’s how your brain prioritizes threats. A holistic approach, combining physical therapy with mental health support, can address both sides. If you’re told “it’s all in your head,” seek providers who validate your experience and offer tools like graded exposure or mindfulness. Reflect: Could talking to a counselor about stress or past trauma complement your physical therapy?

Lesson 5: You Have the Power to Take Charge

It’s easy to feel helpless when symptoms persist, especially if you’ve tried treatments that didn’t work. Dan believes in self-efficacy—empowering you to drive your own recovery. He tells patients, “I didn’t do anything. I just bossed you around!” to emphasize their role in their success. For one patient, suggesting she find her own path outside his care sparked a shift toward ownership. “The work’s been done… This for the rest is up to you,” Dan says.

What This Means for You: You’re not just a passenger in your healing journey. Small choices—like doing prescribed exercises, asking questions about your treatment, or exploring new therapies—build confidence. If a provider’s approach isn’t clicking, it’s okay to seek someone who resonates with you. A strong therapeutic alliance, where you feel heard and supported, can make all the difference. Try this: Write down one question to ask your doctor or therapist at your next visit to feel more in control.

Healing Starts With Understanding

Learn how personalized care from a neurologic physical therapist can help you reconnect with your body and regain your life.

A Path Forward for Your Healing

Your symptoms—whether dizziness, tremors, or unexplained pain—are real, and they’re your body’s way of signaling that it needs help. As Dan Humphrey’s work shows, healing isn’t just about fixing a broken part; it’s about teaching your brain new ways to move, calming its fear responses, and reconnecting with what makes life meaningful. Your brain is adaptable, your emotions are valid, and you have the strength to take charge.

If you’re ready to explore these ideas, consider reaching out to a neurologic physical therapist or a mental health professional who understands the mind-body connection. At Casa Colina, experts like Dan are dedicated to helping you rebuild independence, one meaningful step at a time. What’s the first step you’ll take today to listen to your body and start healing?

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Trauma therapy in Pasadena
Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions

How Does Trauma Change my Brain? Discover How Your Brain is Built to Heal

Trauma can leave a lasting mark on your life—maybe you’re on edge all the time, or it’s hard to feel like yourself. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Trauma changes how your brain works, but here’s the good news: your brain can heal. This blog is for anyone thinking about starting trauma therapy. We’ll answer common questions you might have about what trauma does to your brain, why it feels so overwhelming, and how therapy can help you take back control.

Questions about how trauma impacts your brain:

  1. Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?
  2. Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?
  3. Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?
  4. How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?
  5. Can my brain really heal from trauma?
  6. How can therapy help my brain process trauma?
  7. How does trauma affect my focus, relationships, or health?

Trauma Reshapes the Brain—But So Can Healing

Explore how your brain is wired for recovery and how therapy can help you reclaim peace and balance.

Q1: Why do I have trouble with emotions and memories after trauma?

Our brains are shaped by our experiences, especially emotional and social ones. The prefrontal cortex, a key part of your brain, helps you feel safe and navigate relationships. It prioritizes learning how relationships work and what can go wrong. When you’ve experienced significant emotional or relational trauma, your brain shows some general changes. You might notice reduced activity in the prefrontal areas, which help with reasoning and emotional control, and hyper-arousal in limbic areas, like the amygdala, which signal danger.

This hyper-arousal means your brain is constantly anticipating a catastrophe, much like someone with a past back injury who stays tense to protect themselves. You might feel hyper-vigilant, always watching for the next “attack.” This makes it hard to regulate emotions, which involves both sides of your frontal lobe—areas responsible for narration, language, reason, morality, comfort, and inhibition. These areas need a lot of energy, and when you’re in a fight-or-flight state, it’s tough to access them without help from caring people.

Memory is affected too. Forming memories often requires your frontal lobe to focus attention, but trauma can make this difficult. Your hippocampus, which helps store memories, shows reduced activity, and old fear patterns take over. Here’s what this might look like:

What You Might FeelWhat’s Happening in Your BrainBrain Area Involved
Constantly on edge or jumpyYour brain’s alarm system is overly activeAmygdala
Struggling to control emotionsThe “calm down” part is overwhelmedPrefrontal Cortex
Memory gaps or feeling disconnectedStress disrupts your memory storageHippocampus

These changes vary depending on the trauma and your support system, both then and now.

What this looks like day-to-day

If you feel panicked in crowded places, it might be your amygdala overreacting, like a car alarm going off at a leaf falling.

What the research says

Shin et al. (2005) found increased amygdala activity and decreased prefrontal cortex activation in PTSD, explaining hyper-vigilance and emotional struggles. A functional magnetic resonance imaging study of amygdala and medial prefrontal cortex responses to overtly presented fearful faces in posttraumatic stress disorder

Quick tips on trauma, emotions, and memory:

  • Trauma reduces activity in your prefrontal cortex, making emotional control harder.
  • Hyper-active limbic areas keep you on edge, anticipating danger.
  • Memory formation suffers due to stress on the hippocampus.
  • Support from others can help your brain recover.

Q2: Why does my trauma feel different from others’ experiences?

There’s a big difference between one-time trauma and ongoing trauma in how your brain learns to develop, manage information, and respond. A single event, like a car accident or a betrayal, creates specific issues that don’t usually spread to every part of your life. For example, if you had a secure childhood with supportive mentors but experienced a car crash, you might get anxious about driving but not feel generally unsafe.

Chronic trauma, like ongoing childhood maltreatment, tends to generalize, affecting how your brain organizes and responds to all information. Daniel Stern, a developmental psychologist, called these “Representations of Interactions that have been Generalized” (RIGs). The earlier and more pervasive the trauma, the more it shapes your mental activity. For instance, if you faced abandonment before age two, it’s more likely to develop into a personality disorder. Later one-time events might lead to something like depression or specific fears instead.

What experts say about early trauma

“The infant’s experience is organized by repeated interactions with caregivers, forming generalized representations that shape future expectations.” – Daniel Stern, The Interpersonal World of the Infant (1985) [https://www.basicbooks.com/titles/daniel-n-stern/the-interpersonal-world-of-the-infant/9780465095897/]

Chronic trauma in early life can make you expect danger everywhere, but even specific traumas can feel heavy—both can be worked through in therapy.

De Bellis (2002) showed that early maltreatment has lasting effects on brain development, supporting the idea of generalized impacts. Developmental traumatology: The psychobiological development of maltreated children and its implications for research, treatment, and policy

Quick tips on chronic trauma vs episodic trauma

  • One-time trauma creates specific triggers, like fear of driving after an accident.
  • Chronic trauma affects how your brain handles all information.
  • Early trauma, especially before age two, can lead to deeper issues like personality disorders.
  • Your unique experience shapes how trauma affects you.

Q3: Do my genetics affect how trauma impacts me?

Genetics are complex, and we’re just starting to understand them. Years ago, we thought genes directly controlled how our brains and bodies respond, but it’s more nuanced. Your lived experiences can influence how your genes are expressed and even affect what you pass on to your kids through epigenetics. Roughly, about 50% of how you respond to trauma is genetic, and 50% is your life experiences. But we might be overestimating the role of genetics—your environment, like the support you have, matters a lot.

For example, if you have a supportive friend or family member, it can make trauma feel less overwhelming. Without that, your brain might struggle more to process the stress.

True et al. (1993) estimated 30-40% heritability for PTSD, showing genetics play a role but not the whole story. A twin study of genetic and environmental contributions to liability for posttraumatic stress symptoms

For example, if you grew up with a loving caregiver, your brain might lean on that strength to cope with a later trauma, like a job loss, compared to someone without that support.

Quick tips on genetics and trauma

  • Genetics influence about half of how trauma affects you, but experiences are just as important.
  • Supportive relationships can lessen trauma’s impact.
  • Your unique background shapes your brain’s response.

Q4: How does trauma impact my brain chemistry?

Your brain’s chemical systems, like the HPA axis and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine), play a big role in how trauma affects you. Serotonin, which we can think of as your “social belonging” system, helps you feel safe and resilient. When it’s low, you might feel disconnected or lonely. Dopamine is about agency and motivation—when it’s off, you might struggle to focus on goals or feel hopeful. Norepinephrine fuels your energy to respond to situations, but chronic stress can exhaust this system, leading to what’s sometimes called adrenal fatigue, where you feel drained and overwhelmed.

For example, in a fight-or-flight state, your HPA axis might be overworked, leaving you feeling wired but tired. Therapy can help by restoring safety, which lets these systems recover.

Yehuda (2002) noted HPA axis changes in PTSD, linking chronic stress to exhaustion. Post-traumatic stress disorder

Feeling tired or disconnected isn’t just “in your head”—it’s your brain’s chemistry reacting to stress, and therapy can help balance it.

Quick tips on trauma and brain chemistry

  • Low serotonin can make you feel disconnected from others.
  • Low dopamine reduces motivation and focus.
  • Overworked norepinephrine and HPA axis lead to adrenal fatigue.
  • Safety through therapy helps these systems recover.

Q5: Can my brain really heal from trauma?

Yes, your brain can heal through neuroplasticity, its ability to adapt and reorganize. When you’re younger, your brain is more flexible, quickly adapting to your environment. But even as an adult, this capacity fluctuates. When you feel fearful and alone, your brain becomes less open to new information—it’s like it’s locked in survival mode. But when you feel safe and secure, your brain can afford the energy to reorganize and heal. Social relationships, like those with a therapist or loved ones, are key to making this happen.

Davidson & McEwen (2012) found that social support promotes neuroplasticity, aiding recovery. Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being

For example, imagine your brain like a garden path—trauma might have worn it down, but therapy is like planting new seeds with someone guiding you.

Quick tips on healing from trauma and neuroplasticity

  • Neuroplasticity lets your brain adapt and heal.
  • Feeling safe with others makes your brain more flexible.
  • Therapy creates the conditions for healing.

Q6: How can therapy help my brain process trauma?

Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) help your brain heal. EMDR promotes safety through its structured approach, oscillating between facing painful memories and returning to a calm state. This helps your brain process trauma through bilateral stimulation, though some studies suggest the real benefit comes from the therapist’s ability to co-regulate with you—helping you feel safe enough to process overwhelming emotions. The therapist’s presence is like borrowing their calm to handle what feels too big alone.

Stickgold (2002) suggested EMDR’s bilateral stimulation mimics REM sleep, aiding memory processing. EMDR: A putative neurobiological mechanism of action

Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about helping your brain feel safe to engage in a natural healing mode.

Your Brain Can Heal—Let’s Begin That Journey

Understand the science of trauma and discover how compassionate therapy supports lasting transformation.

Quick tips on trauma therapy

  • EMDR helps by alternating between pain and safety, with the therapist’s support.
  • The therapeutic relationship is key to processing overwhelming emotions.
  • Safety helps you heal

Q7: How does trauma impact my brain’s structure?

Beyond the well-known brain areas, trauma affects other regions like the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is shaped by secure mentorship and parenting. The ACC helps you lean into challenges, knowing you can bounce back. When trauma leaves you feeling alone, this area can become deficient, making you feel like all pain must be avoided or that there’s no way out. This can show up as trouble focusing (like in ADHD), difficulty trusting others, or even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue from stress.

For example, you might avoid social events because they feel overwhelming, or you might get sick more often because stress weakens your body. Therapy can help by rebuilding these brain areas, improving your focus, connections, and health.

Thomaes et al. (2013) found altered ACC function in complex PTSD, affecting emotion regulation and focus. Increased anterior cingulate cortex and hippocampus activation in Complex PTSD during encoding of negative words

For example, if you struggle to finish tasks because your mind feels scattered, it might be your ACC reacting to past trauma—but therapy can help you regain clarity.

Quick tips on trauma and brain structures

  • Trauma affects the ACC, making it hard to focus or face challenges.
  • This can lead to struggles with relationships or physical health.
  • Therapy helps rebuild these brain areas for better functioning.

Take the First Step with Trauma Therapy

Trauma may have changed your brain, but it doesn’t define you. With therapy, you can feel calmer, more connected, and in control again. If you’re thinking about starting trauma therapy, you’re already taking a brave step. Reach out to us (#) to learn how we can support your healing journey. You don’t have to do this alone—your brain is ready to heal, and we’re here to help.

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Trauma therapy in Pasadena exposure is essential
Anxiety, EMDR, Managing emotions, Somatic Exercises

Trauma Thrives in the Dark: Why You Need Exposure Therapy

Trauma hurts. You know the ache of wanting to escape the pain, to silence the memories, or to build walls around the parts of your life that feel too overwhelming to face. It’s only natural to wish for a way to heal without having to relive the hurt—to somehow remove the trauma without ever looking at it again. But here’s the hard truth: healing from trauma requires confronting the pain. It’s not about avoiding or suppressing it; it’s about facing it head-on in a safe, supported way. This process, known as exposure, is the key to reclaiming your life from trauma’s grip.

In this article, we’ll explore why exposure is essential in trauma therapy, backed by the latest research and real-world examples. We’ll also look at why avoidance—though understandable—keeps trauma alive and how therapy can guide you through the process of healing.

“But why should I have to feel worse to feel better?”

When trauma strikes, the instinct to protect yourself is powerful. You might find yourself doing everything possible to avoid the pain—setting rigid boundaries around “toxic” triggers, numbing with substances or distractions, or even approaching therapy with the hope of silencing the hurt without ever truly facing it. These are common defenses, and they make sense. After all, who wouldn’t want to bypass the agony of reliving a traumatic experience? We wish we could “lobotomize” the trauma, excise it like a tumor, or create an impenetrable fortress around it so it never touches us again.

But avoidance, while offering temporary relief, keeps the trauma alive, festering beneath the surface. Let’s dive into some of the most common ways people try to sidestep their pain—and why these strategies, though well-intentioned, often backfire.

Face Trauma with Support—Not Fear

Exposure therapy helps you gently confront what you’ve been avoiding, in a safe and supportive space. Begin healing with an experienced therapist in Los Angeles or Pasadena.

Common Ways People Avoid Confronting Trauma

1. Boundaries as Avoidance

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, but when used to avoid trauma, they can become rigid barriers that limit your life more than they protect it. For example, someone who experienced abuse in a childhood home might refuse to visit their hometown, even if it means missing family gatherings or reconnecting with loved ones.

This avoidance extends beyond physical spaces—someone who survived a workplace assault might quit their job or avoid professional networking events, labeling them “unsafe.” While setting boundaries can feel empowering, overusing them to dodge trauma-related triggers shrinks your world, and doesn’t provide the intended relief. Instead of reclaiming agency, you hand control to the trauma, letting it dictate where you go and what you do, often leading to isolation or missed opportunities.

2. Addiction and Suppression

When trauma’s pain feels unbearable, many turn to substances or behaviors to numb it. Alcohol, drugs, overeating, or compulsive habits like gaming or social media scrolling can become ways to suppress emotions tied to trauma. For instance, a person haunted by memories of a car accident might drink heavily each evening to avoid intrusive thoughts, only to face heightened anxiety when sober. Another might throw themselves into work, filling every hour with tasks to escape the grief of a loss.

These habits offer a temporary escape, but they don’t resolve the trauma—they delay it. Over time, suppression can spiral into addiction, adding new layers of struggle that complicate healing and reinforce the trauma’s hold.

3. Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism where you refuse to acknowledge the trauma or its impact. Someone who endured childhood neglect might say, “My parents were busy—it didn’t affect me,” despite struggling with chronic distrust or low self-worth. A survivor of a natural disaster might insist, “I’m fine; I got through it,” while battling unexplained panic attacks. Denial feels like a way to stay strong, but it’s a fragile shield.

By burying the trauma, you allow it to manifest indirectly—through irritability, difficulty connecting with others, or even physical symptoms like insomnia. This avoidance prevents you from processing the experience, keeping the pain alive beneath a veneer of “everything’s okay.”

4. Intellectualization

Intellectualization involves focusing on the logical or factual aspects of trauma to avoid its emotional weight. A person who survived a violent incident might research crime statistics obsessively, noting, “The odds of it happening again are low,” without ever addressing the fear that lingers. Another might describe their trauma in detached terms, like a case study—“It was an event that disrupted my routine”—to sidestep the grief or anger it evokes.

This mental distance can feel like control, but it’s a form of avoidance. By staying in the realm of analysis, you bypass the emotional processing needed for healing, leaving the trauma’s deeper impact untouched.

5. Approaching Therapy as a Silencer

Even therapy can become a tool for avoidance if approached with the wrong expectations. Some people enter treatment hoping for a quick fix—a technique or medication to erase the pain without engaging with it. For example, a client might focus solely on symptom relief, like stopping nightmares, without exploring the memories behind them. Others might seek therapy to “move on” without confronting the trauma, expecting the therapist to magically remove it.

This mindset treats therapy as a way to silence distress rather than a space to process it. While symptom management is important, true healing requires facing the pain, not bypassing it, which can be a challenging but necessary shift in perspective.

These avoidance tactics are survival strategies, born from a need to feel safe. But they’re short-term fixes that prolong trauma’s power, keeping you stuck in a cycle of fear, numbness, or disconnection.

Research Supports it: Exposure is Essential for Healing

Healing from trauma isn’t about forgetting or suppressing—it’s about integrating the experience so it no longer controls you. Exposure therapy, a cornerstone of trauma treatment, involves gradually and safely confronting the memories, emotions, or situations that trigger distress. It’s not about reliving the trauma recklessly; it’s about processing it in a controlled, therapeutic setting with support. Research underscores why this approach is critical for lasting recovery.

What the Science Says

A 2024 study in JAMA Psychiatry examined virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET) combined with transcranial direct current stimulation (tDCS) for military veterans with PTSD. Participants engaged with simulated trauma-related scenarios, like combat zones, in a safe environment. The study found a significant reduction in symptoms—over 50%—with benefits persisting a month after treatment (JAMA Psychiatry Article). This shows that controlled exposure can desensitize the brain’s fear response, making traumatic memories less overwhelming.

Similarly, a 2024 Heliyon review of trauma treatment models emphasized that exposure is the backbone of effective therapy. The authors argued that avoiding exposure oversimplifies trauma’s emotional complexity, citing examples like a refugee whose panic attacks lessened after guided exposure to memories of displacement (Heliyon Review).

All therapy is exposure therapy

Essentially, all therapy is exposure therapy to some degree. The healing power of any therapeutic approach lies in its ability to create a safe space where you can revisit the experiences that frighten you most. Whether it’s talking through a memory in talk therapy, processing emotions in EMDR, or reflecting on past pain in psychodynamic work, therapy invites you to face what you’ve avoided.

This controlled re-engagement helps you reclaim power over your story, transforming fear into understanding. By approaching pain with support, therapy ensures you’re not overwhelmed, making exposure the universal thread that weaves healing across all modalities.

Exposure is how we learn resilience and maturity

Exposure isn’t just a therapy tool—it’s how we learn resilience. Take a child afraid of the dark: they might start with every light on, terrified of shadows. A parent introduces a nightlight, then dims it over weeks, exposing the child to increasing darkness. Eventually, the child sleeps comfortably without fear. This gradual process mirrors trauma therapy, where small, supported steps build strength to face what once felt impossible.

How Exposure Rewires the Brain

When you avoid trauma triggers, your brain interprets them as ongoing threats, keeping your nervous system in survival mode. Exposure therapy disrupts this cycle. By facing the trauma in manageable doses—through talking, imagining, or controlled scenarios—you teach your brain that the danger is past. This reduces the intensity of fear responses and helps integrate fragmented memories, allowing you to move forward with less emotional weight.

Why Avoidance Keeps Trauma Alive

Avoidance might feel like protection, but it’s a trap. Sidestepping trauma-related thoughts or feelings signals to your brain that they’re still dangerous, reinforcing a cycle of distress. Over time, this can lead to:

  • Increased Anxiety: Avoiding places tied to trauma, like a crowded mall after an assault, can make even the idea of going there trigger panic.
  • Emotional Numbness: Suppressing grief might dull joy, leaving you disconnected from loved ones.
  • Physical Symptoms: Unprocessed trauma can manifest as tension headaches or fatigue, lingering until the pain is faced.

Exposure, by contrast, rewires this response. It’s like teaching a child to swim by starting in shallow water—they learn the water isn’t a threat. In therapy, you learn the trauma isn’t your present, freeing you from its grip.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Why is exposure important in trauma therapy?

Exposure helps process traumatic memories, reducing their emotional hold. Avoiding them strengthens trauma’s grip, while facing it safely with a therapist rewires fear responses, fostering lasting healing.

What are the benefits of exposure in trauma therapy?

  • Reduces Fear: Lowers anxiety tied to triggers.
  • Integrates Memories: Makes fragmented experiences feel whole.
  • Boosts Resilience: Builds confidence in handling distress.
  • Eases Physical Pain: Relieves trauma’s bodily toll.

How does exposure work in trauma therapy?

It’s a gradual process—talking about the trauma, imagining it, or using guided techniques—at a pace you can handle, always supported by a professional to ensure safety.

The Path to Healing: Facing Pain with Support

Confronting trauma is tough, but it’s the road to freedom. Therapy—whether talk-based or EMDR—offers a safe space to face your pain without being overwhelmed. You don’t have to do it alone. With support, you can transform that raw wound into a source of strength, rewriting your story with hope.


Key Citations

APA Trauma Information Page

JAMA Psychiatry Article on VR and tDCS for PTSD

Heliyon Review on Advancing Trauma Studies

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