If you’ve had a traumatic experience, the silence before sleep can feel scary
You know the feeling all too well. The dread starts to creep in as the sun sets. You know at some point you are going to have to turn off the lights, put your phone down, and try to fall asleep.
The silence carries a weight you cannot describe, it’s threatening. The moment you find yourself in a moment of quiet, the memories start coming up again; flashbacks from the experience you’ve been trying to forget.
You are so tired and want to sleep, but there is so much fear
So you scroll on your phone
You watch tv
You do anything to fill the silence
But then you’re up half the night and wake up feeling exhausted
And then the cycle starts again.
You are not broken, your brain is trying to protect you from further trauma
Falling asleep after a traumatic experience is hard for many reasons
- You are in a state of hyperarousal, scanning for threats, making it hard to settle
- Sleep requires vulnerability and your brain has told you that is not safe right now
- Flashbacks often come in moments of silence
- You may fear the nightmares that come with sleep
- It may be months or years after your traumatic experience that you start to have sleep issues
Sleep is necessary for healing from trauma
Sleep is tied to everything; when sleep falls apart, so does everything else
This struggle to settle at bedtime creates a vicious cycle where the lack of sleep makes the weight of the trauma feel even heavier
You feel helpless and fear that sleep after trauma is always going to be this hard.
It does not have to be this way forever: 4 ways you can break the cycle of sleeplessness tonight
1. Create a calming bedtime routine
When you have a consistent set of events before bed, you are signaling to your brain that it is time for rest. This consistency is key, especially after a traumatic event
Example of a restful routine you can start 30 min-1 hour before sleep
- Set your alarm and put your phone away
- Take a warm bath
- Listen to calming music or a lighthearted podcast
- Make a cup of tea
- Take your time doing your skincare or brushing your teeth
- Read a book
2. Journal a few hours before bed
Having a physical place to leave your thoughts before you go to bed can allow you to let go of the memories
Your journal can hold your thoughts for the night and you can come back to them tomorrow
3. Practice grounding techniques in the silence
- Leaves on a stream
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Gratitude
- List 5 things you are grateful for that day
- It can be as small as the food you ate or the breath in your lungs
- this is grounding in that it reminds you that each day holds something to be grateful for, even in the struggle after trauma
- List 5 things you are grateful for that day
- 5-4-3-2-1 exercise
- List 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
4. Find Connection
Safe relationships can be a protective factor in your healing from trauma. Emotional safety cannot be separated from relational safety. We rely on close secure connections to allow our bodies to rest and repair. Leaning on those around you to help you settle for sleep can be incredibly helpful.
Call a loved one to chat about your day
Ask your partner for a cuddle, a massage, or a back scratch as you fall asleep
If silence before sleep feels absolutely impossible after trauma…
You can listen to a calming story-based podcast that is designed for you to fall asleep to
Some examples:
It’s ok if you cannot take the silence right now, the primary goal is safety and rest.
You do not have to handle this alone
Sleep after trauma is not a burden you must bear in isolation
We are here for you to be able to process through these events that are keeping you up at night.
Therapy is available in Pasadena and through online therapy across California. We can find you a therapist that can walk alongside you in your trauma this week. Use the AI Therapist Matcher or schedule a call with our Care Coordinator to begin therapy in Pasadena or online across California.
