Avoiding feelings is something we often do under stress. For example, when life feels overwhelming, your instinct is to avoid the problems or “check out” from stressful situations. By avoiding difficult emotions, you think you’re sparing yourself from the pain. This is a common belief, and you’re not alone in thinking this way. Avoidance is a protective mechanism that makes sense when you’re just trying to get through the day without being so weighed down. Life can be overwhelming, and sometimes the easiest thing to do is to distance yourself. However, while avoidance can provide immediate relief, it’s not a long-term solution.

Avoiding Feelings Seems Helpful, but…

It’s helpful to recognize the ways you might be avoiding your own emotions. You might end everyday immersing yourself in movies or TV shows, using these as escapes to temporarily forget your worries. You might find comfort in food, using it as a way to cope with your stress. Social media scrolling is another common avoidance tactic, offering a continuous stream of distractions. Some people might bury themselves in work or overcommit to responsibilities as a way to avoid dealing with personal issues. Even seemingly positive activities like exercising excessively or engaging in constant social activities can be forms of avoidance when they are used to escape rather than address emotional distress.

While these activities might offer a quick distraction, as stated in Emotional Efficacy Therapy, they can lead to additional issues and prevent you from addressing the underlying causes of your stress. Recognizing these patterns is crucial in developing healthier ways to manage your emotions and cope with life’s challenges.

Common Costs of Avoiding Feelings:

• Disconnected, detached, or numb
• Difficulty engaging with or maintaining your relationships
• Loneliness and isolation
• Feeling easily overwhelmed and dysregulated
• Lacking motivation and procrastinating
• Withdrawing from social situations
• Difficult navigating conflict
• Unable to experience intimacy with others
• Physical tension or restlessness

Avoiding Feelings is Actually a Barrier to Your Healing

Avoidance might offer temporary relief, but it ultimately prevents true healing and growth. Here’s why:

1. Avoidance Prevents Long-Term Well-Being

When you avoid dealing with your emotions and challenges, you might feel better momentarily, but you know deep down that this relief is fleeting. The underlying issues remain unresolved and can resurface later, often with greater intensity. Imagine trying to ignore a leaking roof by placing a bucket to catch the drips. The immediate problem is managed, but the root cause is still there, and eventually, the roof will slowly but steadily become weaker and need additional support and possibly some repairs.

2. Avoiding Feelings Misses Opportunities for Growth

Your instinct to run away from your difficult experiences leads to missed opportunity to confront and process your feelings. Every feeling, no matter how painful, is an opportunity to grow and engage in a journey of self-discovery. Of course, this can also feel overwhelming and stressful, but it’s through this process that you can learn more about yourself, your triggers, and your needs as a person. Therefore, this self-awareness is crucial for long-term emotional health.

3. Avoiding Feelings Builds Emotional Resilience

Avoidance can prevent you from building emotional resilience. When you face and work through your difficulties, you develop coping skills that increase your capacity to cope with your present and future challenges. It’s similar to building strength through exercise – the more you engage with and overcome emotional challenges, the more resilient you become and the more confident you feel when confronted with future challenges.

Instead of Avoiding Feelings, Face Your Emotions

A healthier and more fulfilling approach involves acknowledging and facing your emotions. Here’s how you can start:

1. Practice Self-Awareness

Begin by practicing mindfulness and self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Recognize when you’re feeling the urge to avoid or “check out.” As such, this awareness is the first step in changing your response to stress and starting a path toward growth.

2. Seek Support

Sharing your experiences with trusted people in your life and inviting them into your struggle can be a significant step towards learning to lean into your emotional experiences. Oftentimes, as years of establishing patterns in those relationships, this can feel scary or even impossible. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop healthier coping strategies. A therapist can guide you through the process of confronting your challenges and help you uncover the underlying causes of your avoidance.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Understand that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and that seeking relief, no matter what that relief looks like for you right now, is a natural response. We all seek relief from difficulties, but it just might be the case that if you are reading this, you’re ready for a change in how you find relief. Basically, be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and many people share similar struggles.

Open the Door to Healing from Avoidance

By acknowledging and facing your emotions, you open the door to true healing and personal growth. You equip yourself with the tools to navigate life’s challenges more effectively, leading to a more fulfilling and stable life. Embracing this healthier approach might feel uncomfortable at first, but the long-term benefits far outweigh the temporary relief provided by avoidance.

With the right support, you can move towards a more authentic and fulfilling life.