Find Relief from Shame With These 3 Somatic Exercises
When Self-Blame Keeps You In Burnout
It’s the end of the day, and you feel exhausted. The laundry list of things you started with in the morning is still half undone. You’re irritable with friends who want to hang out, even though part of you wants to see them. But mostly, you’re frustrated with yourself, thinking: “How did I get to the end of the day AGAIN with so much left undone? I should have been able to do more…”
The problem here isn’t just stress — it’s the “shoulds.” The repeated “should-ing” is often a sign that shame has taken the wheel. Shame isn’t just a thought in your head. It’s a full-body experience that pulls you into self-criticism, withdrawal, and hypervigilance. But here’s the good news: your body isn’t the enemy. In fact, it holds the doorway to healing.
What Is Shame?
Shame is the emotion that whispers, “I am bad” instead of “I did something bad.” When you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list or worry you’re letting friends down, shame can convince you that it’s not just your choices that are the problem — it’s you.
How Shame is Connected to Burnout
This self-judgment doesn’t just live in your mind — it drains your energy and keeps your body tense, linking shame directly to burnout. Burnout isn’t just about having too much on your plate — it’s also fueled by shame. When you constantly judge yourself for not doing enough, your body and mind stay in a state of tension. That “I should have…” voice doesn’t just create mental stress; it triggers the same physiological collapse that shame causes, keeping you trapped in exhaustion, self-criticism, and disconnection. In other words, burnout and shame are often two sides of the same coin: one drains your energy, the other convinces you that it’s your fault.
Why Shame Shows Up
From an evolutionary perspective, shame originally served to keep us safe and connected. Historically, if we risked being excluded from the group, shame acted as an internal alarm: “Don’t do that — you might get cast out.” Because humans depend on belonging, shame evolved as a way to keep us tethered to relationships.
That’s why shame is so often relational. It’s less about personal failure and more about disconnection. At its core, shame is a bid for reconnection.
How Shame Lives in the Body
When shame gets activated, many of us experience a kind of collapse. Even if shame tells you to “do more,” the underlying experience is one of defeat. Your body might slump forward, your gaze lowers, your voice gets quieter, and you feel smaller. Physiologically, your nervous system is moving into a withdrawal state — a survival response that once protected you, but now keeps you stuck.
Where Does Shame Come From?
Shame can take root in many ways. Sometimes it comes from early relational experiences:
- A parent who disciplined harshly or sent the message that you were bad, not just your behavior.
- A teacher who shamed you in front of the class.
- Peer bullying that left you feeling unworthy or unlikable.
Cultural messages reinforce this wiring. We all absorb ideas about what emotions are “acceptable,” what bodies are “beautiful,” and what level of productivity equals “success.” When we inevitably fall short of these narrow ideals, shame floods in, telling us we’re not enough.
Over time, repeated relational injuries — especially in environments where shame was used as control or where love felt conditional — shape the nervous system. Shame becomes an automatic response to certain triggers, like making a mistake, being vulnerable, or even resting.
3 Common Patterns of Shame
Shame doesn’t just live in our thoughts — it shapes how we show up in daily life. Over time, shame creates patterns that can leave us stuck in cycles of exhaustion, self-doubt, and disconnection. Here are three of the most common ways shame shows up in our bodies, minds, and relationships:
1. Self-Criticism & Overthinking
Replaying mistakes, a harsh inner voice, the feeling that no matter what you do, it’s never enough.
You replay mistakes over and over, trying to figure out what you should have done differently. The inner voice gets harsh and relentless: “Why can’t you just get it right?” Even when you’ve done something well, shame convinces you it wasn’t enough.
2. Avoidance & Disconnection
Pulling away from people or opportunities to avoid judgment, rejection, or failure.
To avoid being judged or rejected, you start pulling back. Maybe you cancel plans, stop sharing openly, or avoid taking risks. On the surface it looks like “just needing space,” but underneath it’s about protecting yourself from potential shame.
3. People-Pleasing & Compliance
Saying yes when you want to say no, suppressing your needs to keep connection (but leaving yourself depleted).
Instead of risking disapproval, you give in. You say yes when you want to say no. You hide your real feelings or silence your needs to maintain connection. While this might prevent immediate conflict, it often leaves you feeling unseen, exhausted, and resentful.
These patterns are painful, but they’re not signs that you’re broken. They’re survival strategies your body learned long ago to protect you from the threat of disconnection. And because they live in the body, the body is also where healing begins.
Three Steps to Healing Through Somatic Awareness
The work of healing shame isn’t about erasing it. Shame is part of being human. Instead, it’s about changing how we respond when shame arises. Since shame shows up not only in our thoughts but also in our posture, breath, and nervous system, the body is one of the most powerful places to begin.
1. Notice the Body’s Signals of Shame.
When shame surfaces, the body often shifts into a collapse state: your shoulders round forward, your gaze drops, your voice gets quieter, or your chest feels tight. Begin by simply noticing these signals without judgment. The act of noticing creates space between you and the shame response.
2. Soften and Create Space in the Body.
This could be as simple as taking a slower, deeper breath, uncrossing your arms, or placing your feet firmly on the ground. Small movements signal safety to the nervous system and interrupt the spiral of collapse.
3. Nurture with Compassionate Touch or Movement.
Offer your body the same care you might give a hurting child or friend. Place a hand over your heart and take a deep breath, stretch in a way that feels kind, or maybe go on a short walk. These small gestures remind your body that it is safe, worthy, and deserving of compassion.
Each time you notice shame and respond with gentleness instead of self-blame, you’re rewiring your nervous system. Over time, your body learns that it no longer needs to collapse into shame — it can move toward connection, safety, and compassion instead.
Move From Shame Toward Compassion
Shame can feel overwhelming. It can keep you stuck in burnout. But it doesn’t have to define you. When you start to recognize shame’s signals and respond with curiosity and kindness, you loosen its grip. Each breath, each shift in posture, each small act of compassion toward your body becomes a way of saying: I am not the enemy. I am worth care.
Healing shame isn’t about getting rid of it altogether. It’s about building a new relationship with yourself — one where your body is not a battleground, but a guide back to connection and peace.
If you find yourself caught in cycles of self-blame and overwhelm, know that you don’t have to walk through it alone. At Here Counseling, we help people untangle these patterns and reconnect with themselves in more compassionate, embodied ways. Reaching out for support can be the first step in learning to live with more ease, gentleness, and freedom.
I’d love to walk with you. You can gain insight into your self-blame. You can build new patterns. And you can find freedom from the overwhelm. Reach out today.
Schedule a Free Consultation for Trauma Therapy in Pasadena
Julia Wilson, MA
I’m a trained integrative trauma therapist practicing in Pasadena, CA. When you’re stuck in cycles of burnout, shame, or overwhelm, I can help you grow through deeper awareness and acceptance. I help individuals and adolescents tune into their bodies, notice shame’s signals, and build self-compassion while reclaiming their inner strength.
