Couples therapy is a lot like growing a garden. Isn’t it funny when you plant a garden with daisy seeds and along with daisies, a few daffodils pop up? This kind of surprise happens all the time in couples counseling. You come in with a specific relational issue, and then along the way, other issues arise that impact the big picture. Like producing a flourishing garden, it takes thoughtful steps to ensure productive growth in couples counseling. You may find unexpected blooms in the process!
Step 1: Building honesty in couples therapy
A relationship is like a garden, and it needs to have the right conditions in place so that both partners can thrive. Just as you would measure out a garden bed that maximizes exposure to sunlight and water, in couples counseling you must set the stage for safety and honest communication. It’s important to talk about the conditions that foster productive communication and the conditions that trigger conflict. In this stage, we work on setting the parameters for healthy discussion and we build a functional system where couples work is fruitful.
Step 2: Use what’s working in your relationship
When you grow a garden, you choose to plant seeds that will flourish in the setting you have created. Similarly, when you work in couples counseling you draw on what is working in the relationship to help you through the tougher moments. The strengths of each partner are highlighted and utilized to ground the relationship in respect and compassion.
Step 3: Couples therapy is a success when you build your understanding and empathy, not “bashing”
In couples counseling, we talk about our partners to understand ourselves. It is not the place where we just complain about each other. In couples therapy, we talk about how we struggle with aspects of ourselves that bump up against qualities of our partner. We shine light on our own pain points while we nourish our partner’s hurt as well. In the garden of partnership, we become the sun and rain that help the seeds of discomfort grow into beautiful buds.
Consider the seasons in couples therapy
As the garden changes when spring turns to summer, so does the partnership as each partner grows over a lifetime. Couples therapy is always there for partners to return to the landscape of their relationship. You can re-enrich the soil of your love or weed out the things that no longer serve or support growth. It’s never to late to implement new nurturing techniques to bring vitality and joy to togetherness.
If you would like to find out more about working in couples therapy with me, please reach out.
