You’re at the point where you feel ready to improve your relationship. Part of you wonders if it might be helpful for you and your partner to both seek therapy together; the other part of you wonders if it would be more helpful for the both of you to see individual therapy. On one hand, couples can worry that couples therapy will be too difficult, heated, or logistically clunky. On the other hand, couples can worry that if they just see an individual therapist, that their couples issues won’t change.

How are you supposed to know whether individual therapy or couples therapy is best? By the end of this blog, you’ll have everything you need to decide which one is best for your relationship needs.

Why couples therapy sometimes doesn’t work

1. There’s not enough space to process your experience of the relationship

The nature of couples therapy results in two individuals being a part of the same sessions together and splitting that time/space. While this kind of shared space can be important and helpful, it can also result in some individuals feeling as though they are not getting the time they need in therapy in order to process the issues that bring them in for therapy.

2. Finding it difficult to talk about the issues when the relationship is already in a rocky place

If you and your partner have argued about the same issues over and over with no real resolve, it can feel like dangerous territory to talk about those issues again, even in a safe space such as therapy. Maybe you fear that the end result will be the same, with you and your partner on completely different pages. Or maybe you fear that talking about the issue again will be a breaking point in your relationship. Whatever your fear may be, bottom line is that those fears make it difficult to fully engage with the process of couples therapy.

3. Your partner will not come in for couples therapy.

Again, with the nature of couples therapy involving two individuals, if your partner refuses attend sessions, it is not possible for couples work to be carried out. This can be a painful place to be in – where you may be wanting to have an intentional space and time to work through the ongoing issues, whereas your partner is not interested in doing so.

4. Scheduling is challenging.

Finding a time to attend weekly therapy can be challenging even when it’s just your schedule and your therapist’s schedule to consider; adding your partner into that equation can increase that challenge, especially if your partner’s schedule looks very different from your own.

What is individual relationship therapy?

Individual relationship therapy is a space where you can fully process and work through the things that have felt painful and difficult in your romantic relationship, without having to do that in real time with your partner present. You’ll have one on one time with your therapist and won’t need to be mindful of splitting that time with your partner.

What would be the benefit of seeking individual relationship therapy over couples therapy?

1. You can process your own “stuff” in your own private space with relationship therapy.

While it’s definitely important to eventually communicate important things to your partner, maybe you’re not even sure of what you’re wanting to communicate and how to do so. You need the chance to first understand what it is that is happening internally for you, before then trying to talk through those things with your partner. Individual therapy is a great space for this – the time is completely yours and you can process your thoughts and emotions in an unfiltered way, without the presence of anyone aside from your therapist.

2. You can unpack past experiences that may be impacting the issues you’re coming across in your present-day relationship.

Although this might be semi-possible to also do in couples therapy, the nature of couples therapy can make it challenging to truly dive into your past, make sense of what you’ve been through, and identify the ways those experiences impact you today. Couples therapy is typically structured to make space for both you and your partner to process what’s happening present day in your relationship and to work towards some sort of compromise or resolve together, rather than helping one person to process their past and understand how those things are coming up present day. If your desire is to have a space to work through your past in order to better understand the present, individual relationship therapy would be the better option for you than couples therapy.

3. You can think through your current relationship issues in a different way than you’d be able to in couples therapy.

Couples therapy is extremely valuable, but can also be limiting in terms of how deeply you can process the issues that you might be coming across in your relationship. You’re sharing that space with your partner, which is helpful but can also come with other trade-offs. If you need a space to privately process the issues you’re coming across in your relationship prior to eventually communicating those things to your partner, individual relationship therapy would be a great place to start.

4. Finding a time with your therapist is easier with individual relationship therapy.

One very real logistical challenge that comes with couples therapy is the need to consider 3 individuals’ schedules: yours, your partner’s, and the therapist’s. The reality may be that it may be much more feasible to begin individual relationship therapy yourself, rather than to wait for your partner’s schedule to open up and allow for a time for you both to meet with a therapist. If you’re facing scheduling challenges as a couple, individual relationship therapy may be a better place to start.

If you’re needing more individual time to process things on your own, individual relationship therapy may be a good fit for you.

There is value in both individual relationship therapy and couples therapy. Both have their pros and cons when it comes to addressing relationship issues. If you’re wanting a space to begin processing what you’re experiencing in your relationship but don’t feel ready to do that with your partner or don’t feel that your partner is ready to do that in couples therapy with you, individual relationship therapy is a perfect place to start. You can begin unpacking things on your own.

Whether you choose to address what’s happening in your relationship via couples therapy or individual relationship therapy, it’s possible to experience real change in your relationship. You deserve a relationship that is healthy, reciprocal, and fulfilling. Therapy can be the catalyst to create that change.

I can help you foster healthy, lasting relationship skills. Click below to learn more about how to get started.