Trauma is a term loosely thrown around social media and coffee conversation to describe a variety of social interactions we encounter in our lives. We hear about experiences with trauma dumping, trauma bonding, and being triggered in everyday conversation. So, what really is trauma, and how do you know if you have it?
Trauma, Like a Spiderweb, is Protective.
Whether illuminated by the night sky or covered in morning dew, spiderwebs fascinate us with their intricate design. If you’ve ever walked through one, you know how strong they can be, despite being woven of finely spun silk. Commonly known as the way spiders capture food, spiderwebs are also a naturally defensive structure. In a spider web, any small tug to the outer silk strands alerts the spider of potential danger. Trauma is an inner defensive structure that behaves like a spiderweb: one delicate pull on our web-like trauma alerts us to self-protect from harm. This becomes expressed through our attitudes, values, and expectations about life.
Trauma is what happens internally based on a negative event.
Derived from the greek word τραύμα, meaning wound, the buzzword trauma covers a broad range of experiences today. From surviving a natural disaster to being bullied, determining whether a negative experience was traumatic depends on a multitude of factors. So, if we all have bad things happen to us at some point in our lives, how do we know if we’ve experienced trauma as a result of them? And, how much does trauma really affect us?
A Negative Event is Not Trauma.
The event is not what causes trauma. In fact, it’s the overwhelming emotional response to the negative event making us feel unsafe. Trauma shapes our reaction to future similar events, as to prevent the same overwhelm of the brain and body from happening again.
Trauma is Unique for Everyone.
Whether or not a person incurs trauma from a distressing event depends on a variety of factors. For instance, a car accident may injure one passenger who recovers fully, while another passenger of the same car experiences an emotional disturbance from the event well after it’s over. This can happen due to the variance across people’s lived experience, health, personality, and a variety of other factors. For instance, that same passenger who recovered completely from the car accident may experience a prolonged emotional disturbance from having their home broken into, or from discovering that a trusted other lied to them.
“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens as a result of what happens to you”.
– Gabor Mate`
Leading trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mate´ explains how “trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens as a result of what happens to you”. Dr. Mate´ also emphasizes how trauma takes on less obvious forms like emotional disturbances from our earliest relationships and experiences. This form of trauma results in lifelong pain until it is dealt with. As a result, it distorts our view of the world in a negative way, and impairs our ability to live fully in the present.
Safety Means Having Resources
The difference between someone who has a traumatic response and one who doesn’t has to do with their internal and external resources. Someone with internal and external resources has the ability to return to safety. Internal resources are those like the ability to self-soothe, and having self-esteem. External resources include having a support system of trusted others who can help you to understand and process what happened. A person with fewer internal resources, such as a young child, remains overwhelmed by a distressing event because they’re not yet able to self-soothe. Additionally, if a child can’t process a negative event with trusted others, they make meaning of the negative event themselves. Examples of the stories we may tell ourselves when we’re unable to return to safety are those like, ‘the world is unsafe’, or that ‘we’re fundamentally a bad person’.
3 Main Types of Trauma
Acute according to Sandstone Care, comes from a single stressful event that overwhelms the body and keeps it in a state of vigilance. Examples include car accidents, physical violence, and natural disasters. Some common symptoms include irritability, flashbacks, avoidance, anxiety, and difficulties focusing.
Chronic occurs when a person exposed to repeated or extended stressful events develops a consistently overwhelmed nervous system. This form makes daily life difficult and distorts a person’s worldview, their perspective of themselves and of others. Examples include long-term illness, neglect, and domestic abuse. Common symptoms include depression, anxiety, difficulty managing your emotions, and feelings of guilt and shame.
Complex is when a child experiences a series of stressful events that overwhelm their system over a period of months or years. With this form, the brain and the body develop sophisticated defensive structures. These protect the young person, by putting them in a fight, flight, or freeze, or fawn mode when encountering unsafety or perceived unsafety. Common symptoms include a foggy memory, hyper-vigilance, low self esteem, headaches, and difficulty in interpersonal relationships.
2 Steps to Resolving Traumatic Experiences
By dealing with trauma, you reclaim your outlook on life and reconnect to yourself and others. If you or a loved experience difficulties, you can find help. Connecting with a trusted mental health professional can help you address your longstanding pain. Once this happens, we experience greater freedom in life, have less guilt and shame, and cultivate more capacity to live in the present moment.
1. Get Curious. Curiosity Moves Us Toward Healing.
The first step is to become curious about whether your emotional pain could be from the spiderweb-like protection system of trauma.
2. Reach Out.
The second step is to connect. I help people recover from traumatic experiences so they can lead lives of greater safety and freedom. Reach out to me today for a consultation.
